30 April, 2012

Geek Furious the Podcast Episode 19 - Game of Thrones 2.05 and the Demon Monkey

Jess and Magnus discuss the episode and the future of GOT on HBO, plus birthday wishes and more. Also, if you listen a tad after the end of the podcast, there is an outtake of an argument we had that didn't make it due to it being spoilery. However, I edited out the spoilers and just left the arguing.

Click below to play:


CLICK THIS LINK to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. This is a brand new link so if you subscribed to the old podcast, this is split off from that.


28 April, 2012

REVIEW: The Big Bang Theory 5.22 -- The Stag Convergence

Coming up with smart things to say in a review of a half-hour comedy is harder than it looks -- especially considering I'm not very smart to begin with.

I figured I should begin this review by criticizing myself, because the vast majority of the comments I receive on my Big Bang Theory write-ups do that already. You BBT fans certainly don't take too well to my critcisms, do you?

Well you can rest easy, folks, because I thought "The Stag Convergence" was a solid episode. I can't complain about Raj this time -- because he didn't overwhelm too much of the screen time and when he was on, he was quite funny. I can't complain that there was no nerd humor, because there was. Other than those common complaints, I've also noted that the show hasn't been very funny lately. Which, you know, is kind of a problem in a comedy.

But this one was pretty humorous -- Sheldon's toast was classic Sheldon, Barry's speech impediment is always entertaining, Raj's diatribe was funny and also brought back some fun memories from series past. There were some good quotes throughout and despite my occasional annoyances of any Penny/Leonard storylines, this episode had some good moments between the two.

Having said all that, this doesn't mean I think the show is back on track and as good as it used to be. However, this episode does get me excited for the final two episodes of Season 5, and it's been quite some time since I've been genuinely looking forward to the next installment of The Big Bang Theory.


HOWARD: "I'd be Kanga-Jew, the first of my people to dunk a basketball."

HOWARD: "She was my second cousin."
SHELDON: "And the first person you disappointed sexually -- bada-bazinga!"

BERNADETTE: "Zip it, pervert!"

PENNY: "I mean the warnings signs were there, this is definitely on you."

BERNADETTE: "I heard -- your voice, not unlike your mother's, travels through walls."


--Nice to visit with characters like Wil Wheaton, Barry Kripke and Stuart. A little bit of those characters, as with Bernadette and Amy, really add to the show.

--Enjoyed the opening conversation of the episode. It's always nice when they have nerdy conversations that I don't fully understand. No, really.

--Howard's speech to Penny, directed at Bernadette, was actually quite beautiful. But that doesn't mean I don't miss the old, creepy Howard. He was a character that was fun to hang out with. This one? Not so much.

THE SCORE: 80 out of 100


Review - FRINGE 4.20: 'Worlds Apart'

Both teams fight for the same cause; shocking developments related to the Cortexiphan children arise.

Following last week's awesome episode, this one was bound to not feel as epic or good. And it didn't disappoint.

And by that I mean, it did disappoint because it couldn't possibly live up to the sudden rise in expectation. It is funny how these things work out. Three weeks ago, I would have been thrilled with an episode like 'Worlds Apart' but then 'Letters of Transit' had to come along and spoil the whole bunch.

Kind of like how 'The Empire Strikes Back' ruined Star Wars by being so good --all the other movies seem lame when compared to it.

That's not to say this latest episode was bad. In fact, I liked a majority of it. It wasn't too obvious, or too heavy handed (that's not to say it wasn't obvious or heavy handed). I wasn't screaming at the TV for most of it, cursing the writers for treating its audience like half-witted monkeys. Instead, I simply felt a twinge of interest about where things were going, and suddenly thankful that FOX just renewed the show for a 5th and final season.

Oh yeah, that happened this week. Thank Warner Brothers kids, because apparently they gave away the licensing rights for 13 more episodes for so cheap, that FOX couldn't say no. Though no announcement has been made about the schedule, I wouldn't be surprised to see them burn the show off from September to January, much like what NBC did with the 13 episode fifth and final season of CHUCK. Though, if we are fortunate, the FRINGE writers won't tell their best story arc in seven episodes and then limp home in the final six.

But I digress.

So what happened? To put it simply, in the pursuit of Jones and his dastardly plan to destroy a universe or two, the gang discovers that the evil doctor has been using those super powered kiddies from Walter's old X-Men school of Cortexiphan to cause earthquakes to create ripple effects in the fabric of time and blahblahblahblah. The team ends up capturing one of these agents of evil, who then tells Olivia that Jones has convinced the Cortexiphan kids to fight to save this universe because the other side is gearing up for a war. Olivia seemingly convinces him that Jones has been lying but stupidly allows him to trick the team and escape. Come on...

In the end, the decision is made to shut off The Machine to cut the ties between the two worlds and save everyone.

Lincoln, the pussy left standing, decides to go with the alternate universe people since he now feels closer kinship to them (good riddance). And despite Walter's fears, Peter doesn't go all Pacey Poof on him again.

Could I have written more about the plot? Sure. But why bother when this was clearly just a setup for the final two episodes. Now we will see how much of an effect shutting off The Machine will have on Jones' plans. And how their most recent actions somehow leads to the world we saw in last week's episode. Unless, of course, we never see that (which I doubt).

Broyles: So I'll ask what we're all thinking. If this is indeed how Jones intends to collapse our universes, how many more quakes will it take to make that happen?
Walter: Frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't already.
Pacey Poof: *gulp*

If I had to rate this episode, and I don't, I'd give it:

78 out of 100

It wasn't terrible. I actually liked some of it. But following what was clearly a far superior episode, and for being nothing more than an interesting setup, this one earns its lower score. And I think it is one of those episodes where it seems more interesting while watching than it does once you are done with it. Though, and I didn't mention this in the main part of this review, John Noble always impresses me with his ability to create such totally distinct characters in the same scene, that I never think of them as the same actor while in-scene.

I doubt this is the last we will see of the alternate universe. But if it is, then this show officially sucks!


27 April, 2012

Review - COMMUNITY 3.17: 'Basic Lupine Urology'

When the study group's (yam) science experiment is destroyed, the gang tries to find the criminal.

COMMUNITY has parodied a wide range of shows and ideas but never has it done an entire homage to another show with such precision. Right down to the tiniest beats, musical cues, camera moves, plot devices, and actor/character behavior, this show carries out a faithful and impressive version of its own episode of LAW & ORDER.

In the grand scheme of things, 'Basic Lupine Urology' doesn't deal with too much of a grander story arc, except for the one character death but I'll touch on that in a second. What it does is deliver a purely fun experience of watching characters we love faithfully play in a familiar sandbox. It works because the show has already established that it exists in a world of weirdness where our characters could conceivable carry out these actions without it simply being a straight-up gimmick heavy parody that you see other shows do.

We get Jeff and Annie playing the lawyers parts; Troy and Abed as the detectives who switch off being good-cop and bad-cop; Shirley in the police captain role, because she is an avid fan of these type of shows; Professor Kane acting as judge over the case, seeing as he is the ruling party in what grades are handed out; Britta as the proverbial computer geek who always seems to have evidence that can be manipulated digitally; and even a kickass appearance of Dr. Rodgers from the actual LAW & ORDER show, as the coroner; and Michael Ironside in the role of the defense attorney.

As with any episode of L&O, the second and third individuals the "detectives" interview, who first appear to not be involved, end up being the major players in the end of the story. After war veteran Todd admits to killing the yam, Fat Neil admits his role in the grander conspiracy because of love, and just as everything seems to have worked itself out, a call to the office reveals tragedy.

Starburns is dead. Killed when his mobile meth lab explodes in a car accident.

Though, I wouldn't put it past this show to unkill him later.

Narrator: Greendale Community College is represented by two separate yet equally important types of people. The goofballs that run around stirring up trouble and the eggheads that make a big deal out of it. These are their stories.

Prof. Kane: Miss Edison, when you called me down here at midnight, I expected more than a yam. Specifically since you said there's been a murder.
Annie: Our yam was murdered.
Jeff: If it's any consolation, she got me here on a very misleading text message.
Annie: Jeff, technically you are about to be screwed in the biology room because our final project has been destroyed.
Prof. Kane: Alright look, I'm sorry for your loss. I know you guys put the work in so you'll get a passing grade.
Annie: A passing grade?! Like a C?! Why don't I just get pregnant at a bus station? That was gonna be an A+ yam.

Abed: We named the yam Pam. It rhymed.

Troy: Clean-up on aisle busted.

Trying to escape a pursuing Troy and Abed.
Starburns: (to girl) Kiss me!
Girl: What?!
Starburns: I'll explain later!
Girl: No!
Starburns: I'll explain later!
Girl: The explanation isn't the issue!

Troy and Abed go to arrest their suspect who isn't cooperating.
Abed: He wants it the hard way. Tell him what Shirley said.
Troy: Todd Jacobson, you have the right to do whatever you want. Nothing you say or do can be used against you by anyone but we'd really like it if you came with us. Please and thank you.

Prof. Kane: A man's gotta have a code.

Troy: Sorry about my partner. He's been on edge ever since we switched.

Annie: We have proof our yam was murdered and now you find your softness? It's eat or be eaten when that's convenient, but when the going gets tough Winger gets nervous, huh?
Jeff: We have no case, Annie!
Annie: It's too late to get one, Jeff. We only have time to get justice.

Lt. Colonel Archwood: A man who, for all we know, is a Holocaust denying, 9/11 pedophile.
Jeff: Objection!
Lt. Colonel Archwood: Withdrawn.

Annie: Is that why you hit your wife? Withdrawn! Is that why you drink and pop pills? Withdrawn! Are you a virgin? Withdrawn.

After winning the case, Annie gloats as the defense attorney, aka the colonel, leaves.
Annie: That's right! Always have an exit strategy!

Fat Neil: I boiled the yams. Vicki's yam never sprouted and I didn't want her to fail so I threw off the grading curve so she wouldn't have to go to summer school and we could finally have sex in my parents' cabin. God forgive me, I did it for love!

Prof. Kane: Holy crap! We are definitely dissecting pine cones next year!

If I had to rate this one, and that classic music cue says I do, then I'd give it:

96 out of 100

It was nothing but a joy to watch... four times before I even sat down to write this.


26 April, 2012

FRINGE Renewed for 5th and Final Season!

It's good when your star is related to the guy who owns the company! 13 more episodes and done!


So where will Peter go next season? Gone for good? How about Walter? Discuss below how you feel about it all!


THE DICTATOR - Opening Scenes

The new Sacha Baron Cohen flick will be out on May 16th, but you can catch the first minute plus below. Will you be paying to see the whole thing?


25 April, 2012

Review - SOUTH PARK 16.07: 'Cartman Finds Love'

In this show's mid-season finale, Cartman has decided to let a special someone know exactly how he feels.

When a new girl, Nicole, arrives at the school and joins the cheerleading squad, the boys are all very excited. And being that she is black, Cartman is especially excited since this means he can torment Token with suggestions of a love tryst since, in his racist mind, their shared race is an automatic match.

During one early sequence, as Cartman annoys Token, we hear Mr. Garrison giving the kids a history lesson that is mostly a discussion of the complexities of GAME OF THRONES. This made me chuckle at first but then I became really worried he was going to spoil something this season, or in later books. Thankfully, that didn't happen but it reminds us that this nutjob is a horrible teacher who is allowed to shape the minds of impressionable children.

Cartman decides to instigate the relationship himself by telling some of the girls that Token has a crush on Nicole. But when Nicole admits she has a crush on Kyle, Cartman is (geek?) furious. So he does the most logical thing and tells Nicole that Kyle and him are lovers. He then orchestrates a plan that puts Nicole and Token together just as Kyle reveals his interest in her.

We then get a musical montage about love as performed by Cartman and his imaginary love angel, Cupid Cartman. It is kind of strange to see the little fat dude so interested in a romantic pairing. You'd almost think he, dare I say, cares about them. But only the uninitiated could possibly believe in such nonsense. Cartman is at best pure evil.

When Kyle confronts Cartman about his lies and his racist ways, we also discover that Cartman has done this before. This sicko is pairing people together by race like some tiny whale Hitler! And at dinner, Nicole's father worries about her dating the one black kid in the school and suggests should expand her options, an interesting bit of bigotry in its own right... err, wrong.

When Nicole discovers a disturbing message on the collar of a stuffed animal Token has seemingly given her ("To My Boo, 'Cuz Blacks Belong Together"), she ends things with him. When Cartman finds out, he's an emotional wreck, and beats Cupid Cartman with a baseball bat. But he soon revives his other half when he's inspired to reignite the fire in his racist-formed relationship. By that point, Kyle has already asked Nicole out and the two go to a NBA game, one that Token is also attending.

Cartman interrupts the game on the big megatron to give a message of love and hope and is so hellbent on putting Nicole and Token back together that he asks a horrified and angry Kyle to go back out with him. As the arena crowd cheers them on, Kyle tells Nicole the truth. She and Token then discuss their racist ways and decide to stay together even though everyone will think they are together because they are black.

Cartman is in racist heaven having masterminded this pairing, until Cupid Cartman reveals who he thinks is Cartman's perfect match: the fattest most gross looking girl in the history of mankind.

Mr. Garrison: Token, is there a problem?
Cartman: Ahh, he's just a little sick, Mr. Garrison. He's got boneritis.

Cartman: The thing is, me and Kyle are kind of, you know, together.
Nicole: Ohhh.
Cartman: Yeah, he's my man.

Cartman: Just stay away from my man, bitch.

Cartman: Love is like taking a dump, Butters. Sometimes it works itself out. But sometimes (pause) you gotta give it a nice hard slimy push.

Kyle: Just because two people are the same race doesn't mean they belong together, you fat racist piece of shit!

Kyle: You are going to tell everyone that you lied and that we aren't a couple!
Cartman: Why, Kyle? So you can try to ruin things for Token and Nicole? Look at how happy they are! (pause for a shot of the happy couple together) Is it that you want to ruin that, or are you just homophobic?
Kyle: God dammit!

Nicole's Mother: Here, have some more turkey.
Nicole's Father: Yeah, just try the white meat. I know it's a little dry, but there's a lot more of it.

Cartman: (beating Cupid Cartman) Take your sunshine and fuckin' die!

Kyle: That fat turd up there is the one who set up you and Token 'cuz he thinks blacks belong together!

If I had to rate this episode, and Cartman's future lovechild says I do, then I'd give it:

84 out of 100

Philosophical about the notion of racism, bigotry, perception, and whether a deed brought on by evil can still have beneficial results. I don't know if Trey Parker and Matt Stone intended for this to be a commentary on eugenics experiments, but one could definitely read such things into this episode. Or am I injecting more genius into this one than intended? That's always possible. It could just be an episode about Cartman putting the two right people together.... via racism.

That's a mindfuck!

I enjoyed the episode but didn't feel like it went above and beyond the expectations of the small minded fuckbag types who likely hated last week's counterculture episode. So, I am sure the average viewer will love the shit out of this one, hence why I must lower its overall grade. Fuckin' poseurs.

Sadly, there were no references to Stan jacking it in San Diego, so this review will not receive as many hits as the last two.


Review - NEW GIRL 1.22: 'Tomatoes'

Jess worries that she and Russel don't share the same passion as he did with his ex-wife.

Nick's early onset of midlife crisis rears its ugly head when he sees that the rest of his friends are seemingly growing up and living the kind of life he once thought he would have. As a coping mechanism, and in an attempt to break out of the habits that have resulted in his stunted development, he starts a tomato farm on the roof of his building. When Winston tries to talk to him about this sudden change, and after a brief spat, Nick admits that he misses his best friend of shared misery. Winston tells his friend that failing doesn't mean you give up. Nick needs to check back into his life, dump the loser, and have more faith in his ability to win again.

Cece, who is still hiding her true feelings for her lover, makes a knee-jerk decision to pull the plug on their relationship due to the pregnancy scare. Schmidt tries to play it cool and quickly accepts a date with her Russian model roommate, Nadia. Despite Jess' encouragement to admit her feelings, Cece maintains the illusion of disconnect for Schmidt even as a storm of love and lust rages within. But when she finds out that Schmidt's date ended suddenly and in a hospital stay, she rushes to his side and, in easily the most romantic moment so far on the show, confesses to the iced-penis bed-ridden Schmidt that she likes him. Unfortunately, this stirs his injured member to life and causes him such severe pain that Cece has to rush out to save him from further agony.

When a dinner with Russel and his ex-wife reveals a passion between the two that intimidates Jess, she attempts to push his buttons to create the same kind of spark. Unfortunately for her, Russel is a man who has experienced the things she still dreams about and has accepted that wild passion isn't something he needs in his life. Jess is still idealistic about love and sober truth isn't something she's looking to hear, and ends their relationship.

When a newly single Jess arrives at home, she finds a barely dressed Caroline in Nick's room. Nick and Jess then argue about their life choices and the passion between them is so potent that nothing happens because this is TV, ladies and gentlemen, and the writers just want to implant the thought in your heads that these two should be together but they won't be because then you'd stop watching.

When Schmidt goes over to Cece's apartment, Nadia answers the door.
Nadia: Cece! Da Jewish is here to make sex!

Nadia: I hear you make sex through Cece wall. You sound like dog being stepped on.

Nadia: I like his face. I want to punch, punch, punch!

When Cece ends the relationship with Schmidt, Nadia jumps right in and offers up a sex date.
Nadia: I make him put on black shawl. Pretend he's grandma.

At dinner, Nadia tosses out many things she likes about America. Including...
Nadia: Ice skating for fun, not to save life.

Nadia: Why don't you get in your spaceship like McMouse?

Schmidt: Are you saying Mickey Mouse?!
Nadia: Yes.
Schmidt: In America, honey, okay, Mickey Mouse is earthbound.
Nadia: Lets do sex party. I sex you in face.
Schmidt: You're gonna sex me in my face?

When Cece comes home, Nadia tells her that Schmidt is in the hospital.
Cece: The hospital? Is he okay?!
Nadia: I don't know. I leave him there. I go make bowling.
Cece: Nadia! Like honestly, what did you do to him?!
Nadia: He cry and cry. (chuckling) It was so funny.

When Cece and Schmidt make up in the hospital, he becomes aroused and writhes around in pain.
Schmidt: Oh my god, my penis is having a heart-attack.

Schmidt: Don't bend over! For crying out-loud, what are you, nuts?!

Schmidt: Call a nurse. Call a male nurse. Probably a heavyset male nurse would be nice. De... describe it to them as like a, as a battered highway cone.

If I had to rate this episode, and Jess' squat-thoughts make me feel like I do, then I'd give it:

88 out of 100

It was a fairly good episode with some memorable moments and bits of dialogue. Though I didn't talk about her much in the review, but quoted her like crazy, Nadia made me laugh every time she said anything. Her accent and her lunatic mentality, or was that a lack of a thought filter, were very entertaining.


23 April, 2012

Geek Furious the Podcast Episode 18 - Game of Thrones 2.04 and the Smoke Monster

Jess and Magnus discuss GAME OF THRONES episode 2.04, man-rape, the Smoke Monster, Chubby Cheeks, Joffrey's evil ways, and much more.

Click to play:


CLICK THIS LINK to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. This is a brand new link so if you subscribed to the old podcast, this is split off from that.


20 April, 2012

Review - FRINGE 4.19: 'Letters of Transit'

The Observers and the team engage in a battle in the year 2036.

First, let me just geek out a little bit.

Henry Ian Cusick is in this episode! Desmond Hume from LOST is in this episode! Wow.

Cusick plays a guy named Simon Foster who seems to be a team lead in Fringe Division that is now comprised of agents who essentially police "natives" since the Observers, who we are told took over in 2015, are too busy banging whores and getting drunk on water.

Etta, an agent who has the ability to hide her thoughts from the Observers, is in possession of an amber encased Walter Bishop. An informant apparently found him and two other amber encased individuals, but is killed before he can tell her their location.

We meet old man Broyles who is still running things but taking threatening suggestions from the Observers about the natives.

Simon and Etta figure out a way to get Walter out of the amber, and after some candy munching, discuss with him the Observer problem and how to get rid of them. 20-years earlier Walter created a way to vanquish those pesky bastards before ending up in the amber. The agents are in possession of the plans for this device. Unfortunately for the agents, they quickly realize that Walter is suffering from brain damage.

Etta brings Walter to a wheelchair bound Nina Sharp trying to figure out a solution to their problem. Nina tells them they need to get a piece of Walter's brain from the old Massive Dynamic building, which is within a city full of Observers. MISSION!

At the old Massive Dynamic lab, the gang finds Walter's brain tissue. Walter then goes to sleep so Simon can tell Etta a story about the horrors of 2015 and the birth of the resistance. I don't mind this bit of exposition because Cusick is an amazing actor and he could say virtually anything and make it riveting. This little bit is as good as anything our main characters have delivered this season.

Walter eventually wakes up, having already been injected with his dissolved brain tissue. Now fully himself, he is quickly brought up to speed just as security forces and an Observer descend on the lab.

Inside the lab, as Walter checks out the plans to make his Observer busting device, he tells the agents that September once told him that the planet was ruined in 2609 and that the Observers traveled back in time to take this planet --or this planet in this time- for themselves. As the enemy approaches, the gang makes its escape leaving an improvised explosive device of mass destruction behind to take out their pursuers, and the entire building.

Having made their escape, Walter leads the agents to the location of the rest of his amber encased team. They release Astrid from her 20-year old prison cell, but their extraction device is damaged in the process. When Simon realizes that his tracking device has led authorities right to them, he physically forces Peter out by taking his place. This is done with some trickery as the audience is meant to think Simon saves William Bell, but we later discover the truth, and that Walter has cut off Bell's hand (likely because Leonard Nimoy wasn't available) for use in some future purpose.

At the end we, along with Peter, realize that Etta is Henrietta... his daughter.


When a guard stops the agents and Walter and asks for their paperwork, Walter channels Star Wars.
Walter: These are not the droids you're looking for.

After the guard lets them go.
Walter: Move along.

If I had to rate this episode, and Walter's amber coffin says I do, then I'd give it:

95 out of 100

A shockingly well acted, written, produced, shot, and paced episode where the majority of it is focused on characters we have never met before. While I suspected that Etta could somehow be related to one of our main characters, the moment when she reveals herself to be Peter and Olivia's daughter was effective and emotional. I'd say the same for the whole episode. If there were any missteps, I ignored them because I was intrigued about the direction it was headed. Though, for a few minutes after it ended, I wondered if this wasn't a much better direction to take most of this season, instead of a couple, or handful of episodes.

Anyway, for maybe the first time this season, I am literally DYING to see the next episode. Can this show finish strong after delivering a less than stellar season? Can it pull a LOST season 3?!

Tune in next week.... and yeah, I know I could have quoted more of this episode but my head hurts. Sue me.


Review - COMMUNITY 3.16: 'Virtual Systems Analysis'

When a final exam is postponed, Annie talks Abed into letting her spend some time in the dreamatorium, where an innocent simulation turns into...

Abed and Annie go into the dreamatorium where Annie pushes Abed too far and fractures his fragile little mind. From that point, until the final few minutes, we deal with Abed's ability to emote his friends, and Annie's willingness to get to know her friend better, even as she struggles to get through his emotional defenses.

Let me just warn you all that I am going to write something of a traditional "critic's review" here and not my typical recap with some critique. Why? Because I think this episode needs that.

Alright, so I love this show a ton and think it is one of the most unique shows in the history of television. But there were moments in this episode where I couldn't wait for it to end. I was bothered by the overuse of the in-and-out-of-character back and forth effect. I would rather have seen it less and more of the episode from Annie's perspective of watching Abed perform his imagination.

Though, perhaps the show runners didn't want to go down that route since the reality perspective had already been used in 'Advanced Dungeons & Dragons'. COMMUNITY has been known to repeat itself, such as with the paintball episodes, but they always do something different with it and so I accept that the effect in this one is partially there to set it apart.

Much like the episode 'Critical Film Studies' I wasn't fully able to enjoy it until it was over. And much like that episode, this one centered around Abed adopting a personality, or in this case a series of personalities. Both took a bit of reflection to truly appreciate the tone and exploration of Abed's psyche and his fear of eventually losing his friends as they move on without him.

Also focused on in this episode, Annie's control issues as well as her empathy; Britta and Troy's potential love affair; the Dean's half-man-half-woman wannabe Angelina Jolie "duality of man" character; the study group's cramming (they are given one more day to study for an exam but punt it in favor of putting off their cramming for one more day); and douchie people who don't love DIE HARD. And I'm sure there was more in this episode but I'm already exhausted!

Annie: You're mad at me for playing matchmaker for Troy and Britta. You think you're gonna lose Troy.
Abed: I'm not petty, Annie. I'm mad at you because you tampered with the fabric of the group. How do you know Troy and Britta pairing up wouldn't destroy everything? I run the scenarios. I examine this stuff from every conceivable angle.
Annie: Oh and you can do that but I can't? You don't have a patent on being a control freak.

Abed: I'm able to simulate any of the study group and even a half-accurate Chang in over seven thousand unique situations.
Annie: Abed, it's cardboard tubes and a funnel.
Abed: You see it that way because it's calibrated to a specific level of brain function.
Annie: Right. I'm stupid.
Abed: Not stupid. Just less able to see what I see.

When Annie gives dreamatorium Doctor Troy a shot of truth serum to find Abed, he confesses too much.
Doctor Troy: I saw Abed's name in the hospital school files. I love butt stuff. I hate spiders. I stole a pen from the bank. I cried during 'About A Boy' (beat) the soundtrack. I don't wash my hands before a surgery. I can see why women find Clive Owen attractive to the point where I might just as well be attracted to him. I use comparisons to Hitler to win arguments on the Internet at the drop of a hat. I know nothing about wine! I'm more turned on by women in pajamas than lingerie. I just want to know they feel comfortable. (breaking down) I didn't get 'Inception'! (crying) I didn't get 'Inception'!

Abed: I've run the simulations, Annie. I don't get married. I don't invent a billion dollar website that helps people have sex. I don't make it into Sundance, Slamdance, or dance pants. Troy invents dance pants in 2019. Don't tell him. He needs to stumble onto it.

If I had to rate this episode, and I almost don't want to, I'd give it:

90 out of 100

I am happy to love a show that is willing to do really strange episodes like this even when I'm not particularly entertained by them. I may have felt strong dislike for what I was watching at first, but made the wise decision to watch it again after I had absorbed the message of the episode and that enhanced the overall experience.


19 April, 2012

Review - SOUTH PARK 16.06: 'I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining'

The boys' ziplining adventure becomes a terrifying experience.

Presented like one of those dramatic biographical shows with interviews of those involved and video or reenactments, the episode follows the day-in-the-life of our favorite little 8-year olds (are they still 8 after 16 seasons?).

The boys decide to go ziplining when playing video games and swimming in the city pool with herpes gets boring. When they end up with a tour group of zipliners, the boys have to fake being nice, watch a safety video, and then get on a 45 minute shuttle ride that ends up taking 2-hours. The horror. And likely terrible taste in using the Challenger explosion video from 1986 in a montage of lame shuttle rides. Come on, guys. Too soon! Too fuckin' soon!

After hours of waiting, shuttling, tree lessons, and more babbling, the boys finally get to zipline. And it sucks ass. They aren't remotely impressed and find themselves having to wait for the rest of the group, which for little boys is excruciating. When everyone has finished ziplining and the boys think they are finally going home, they are told the tour goes for another 16 zipline runs. What follows is nothing but a massive mess of misery that includes songs, pictures, more stories, boring ziplining, and the boys screaming in horror.

But what the boys don't know is that inside Cartman's stomach, hell is brewing! When his diarrhea goes out of control from over-consumption of evil foods and beverages, the boys try to escape via horseback but end up with yet another tour group, thereby extending their trip from hell at 4mph.

When the boys find a boat and try to make their escape at 5mph, a live-action reenactment takes place as adult actors portray the animated version of the boys. This includes thunderous projectile diarrhea, vomiting, and beaver attacks. Not to mention Kenny's horrific herpes problem and its ability to jump to the lips of the other three boys... for life! And then the unthinkable happens. Kenny dies... of boredom.

You bastards!

Cartman and Kyle fight about who is responsible for Kenny's death until Stan finally fesses up. It was his idea to go ziplining because if he signed up three friends, he could get a free iPod Nano.

Just as things are looking bleak, Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo comes to save them. Though, his cuteness is really lost in the live-action translation, I must say.

In the end, Kyle spends time in the hospital recovering from fecal matter in his nose. Stan goes back to jacking it in San Diego. And Cartman goes back to drinking Diet Double Dew.

Kyle: We could go to the city pool. They have a water-slide.
Cartman: No, no, no, I'm not getting in the pool with Kenny, he has herpes.
Kenny: (muffled) What?!
Cartman: Look at his lip. You got herpes, dude.
Kenny: (muffled) It's not herpes, it's a cold-sore.
Cartman: No, cold-sore is what girls call it, Kenny. It's actually herpes.

Cartman: Heh, did you hear that guys? Kenny says it's just a fever-blister. Heh heh. You sound like a chick, Kenny! That's herpes, dude. You got that shit 'til you die!

Narrator: Inside Kyle's mouth, the muscles contract to force a smile, even though in his brain, Kyle is thinking 'Dude, fuck you!'

Narrator: But what the boys don't realize is that a massive storm is brewing. Last night, Eric Cartman had Kung Pao Spaghetti from California Pizza Kitchen. Inside Eric's stomach, the Kung Pao has just met with the Del Taco he ate for breakfast. It has already started to tear down the layers of BBQ BK Toppers that have been building up for months. And now, to compensate for all the annoying tourists, Eric is ingesting massive amounts of Mountain Dew. The caffeine and sugar turns the sooty fast-food liquid in his stomach into a toxic gas. When the gas is released, it carries with it tiny particles of Eric's fecal matter. Fecal matter which floats up and into Kyle's nasal passage.

Kyle: (yelling across the ravine) Well, how was it, Cartman?!
Cartman: (yelling back) It's totally fuckin' stupid, dude!
Stan: (disappointed) Oh, really?
Cartman: (yelling) Yeah, dude. It's fuckin' boring as shit.

Narrator: But what the boys don't realize is that Eric's body is already shutting down from stage 4 diarrhea. Inside his stomach, bile has just dislodged in Arby's Ultimate Angus. In the average human, this would only cause mild diarrhea. But Eric Cartman is now drinking Double Dew, a Mountain Dew product with twice the sugar and caffeine of regular Mountain Dew. His rancid feces is now rapidly converting to a thick paste. The diarrhea shoots out of Eric's anus and into his underwear. Eric Cartman is a ticking time-bomb.
Kyle: Dude! Did you just shit your pants?!
Cartman: Mmmmmm... no?

Narrator: An attempt to make a bad day better becomes a descent into madness on 'I Should Have Never Thought Horseback Riding Would Be Any Better Than Ziplining.'

Kyle Reenactor: Because we keep getting screwed over by your diarrhea!
Cartman Reenactor: Well, it's not my diarrhea's fault that you took us all ziplining, you fuckin' Jew!
Kyle Reenactor: Ziplining was your idea, fatass!

Narrator: Kenny McCormick has died of boredom.
Kyle Reenactor: Oh my god. They killed Kenny. You bastards!
Cartman Reenactor: No, not they, you! Look what your ziplining idea has done. You killed Kenny. You're the bastard!
Kyle Reenactor: It wasn't my idea, it was yours! You killed Kenny! You bastard!

Kyle: How many iPod Nano's is friendship worth? I guess one.
Stan: (crying) The hardest part about it is knowing you can't take it back. I mean, it was a fifth generation Nano so I can't trade it in anywhere.

Narrator: After nearly four hours in the Colorado wilderness, the boys are finally going home. From the boat, the boys were airlifted aboard Mr. Hankey's Magical Helicrapter. In the four hours since they had left home, the boys had traveled so far that Mr. Hankey then had to fly them on his Seven-Turdy-Seven. From there, it was only an hour ride back home, on the Poo Choo Express.

Cartman: It's diet, dude. Diet soda doesn't give you diarrhea.

If I had to rate this episode, and Cartman's time traveling Wii thinks I should, I'd give it:

96 out of 100

An episode about the most boring day in the life of a bunch of kids somehow became one of the craziest episodes this show has ever done... and I loved every second of it.


18 April, 2012

Review - NEW GIRL 1.21: 'Kids'

Jess baby-sits Russell's daughter and meets his ex-wife; Schmidt and Cece have a pregnancy scare; Nick's girlfriend may be too young for... and that's all my DVR info thingy would tell me so I imagine the next words were "riding the ferris wheel."

Cece thinks she may be preggers with Schmidt's douche-spawn, but has to wait to take the pregnancy test. Schmidt worries that Cece is becoming a girl and wants to be his one and only (the horror), or at least I think that's what is going on but there were like 12 seconds where I got distracted. Yet he asks her out on a real date but she turns him down telling him he should ask someone else. Clearly these two are enjoying that whole duality of man thing.

Jess has to baby-sit Russell's daughter, Sarah, and meet his ex-wife in the process, but you already knew that. What you didn't know is that Sarah gets all crushy on Nick. Then freaks out and locks herself up in his room. No worries, she comes out to reveal her baby bump, so it is all good.

Winston? Something about his boss. And Nick has a girlfriend who is all kinds of intellectual and cool.

When Schmidt finds out that Cece may be pregnant, he is strangely excited about the whole thing, while she is horrified by his reaction. But he says all the right things and brings out her happy-face.

Who is not enjoying the happy-face you ask? Sarah, when the gang has a meal together, stares down Nick's girlfriend. But the two soon realize they know each other from back in the school bus days. And that is when Nick finds out his super mature girlfriend is only 18. Now, on this show he has to pretend that's a bad thing but any dude in the real world would be happy about that because it would mean she wouldn't start getting old and losing her looks for another 3 years!

I may have gone a little too guy-honest with that last sentence.

In the end, Sarah gets over Nick; Cece gets her period; and Schmidt nearly has a "Marry Me" skywriting scare. Winston? No one cares.

Jess: Like, you're using birth control, right?
Cece: Yeah, of course. It's just that Schmidt gets so athletic that birth control becomes like one of those plastic barbecue covers in a hurricane.
Jess: I didn't wanna know that.

Schmidt: They say that I needed a Magnum sized diaper.

Sarah: Why do you have so many bras? You're a teacher.
Jess: Teachers need bras too.

Jess tells Sarah she can ask her anything.
Sarah: Do you and my dad ever 'dry lump?'
Jess: Gyaaaahhh...
Sarah: Is sexting cool?
Jess: What? No. It's not cool.
Sarah: Have you done a '99?'
Jess: I think that's a tax form.
Sarah: Have you ever given anyone 'plow chops?'
Jess: I don't know.
Sarah: How do you make love to a person 'animal style?'
Jess: Do you wanna learn how to play bridge?

Sarah: Oh my god! Oh my god! I love Nick so, so, so much! He's so hot!
Jess: That Nick?
Sarah: I wanna rub my face on his face!

When Nick's girlfriend goes to get dessert, Nick gloats.
Nick: See? Thoughtful and mature. In your face! Yes!
Jess: Congratulations. You're dating a girl with basic table manners. You win, why don't you get on her healthcare plan?

Nick: I'm 30-years old and I've peed in every pool I've been into. Every single one.


If I had to rate this episode, and Schmidt's phantom zygote thinks I should, I'd give it:

80 out of 100

It was a little bit wild and fun at times but didn't really thrill me like some others have this season. Still, enjoyable enough to be watched. Though, suddenly, the whole Schmidt and Cece relationship is starting to show the usual network TV wear, when the writers start trying to amp up the romance drama. Sigh... I was enjoying their tons-of-sex life with a tiny mix of future romance potential.


17 April, 2012

REVIEW: Castle 4.21 -- Headhunters

It took all of two seconds of screen time before we got a Casey grunt/snarl!

Not only did Monday's new episode of Castle make me think of 'Chuck', but it also made me think of how fun this show can be when everything is "clicking" for a lack of better term.

We had Castle being goofy (playing with "action figures"), we had Castle even further out of his element with a new partner, getting into fights, holding a gun and getting messed with by Slaughter, Ryan and Esposito. We got to see Beckett more in therapy and Castle coming into the precinct with a suspect, set to music and a tissue up his nose.

And for you 'shippers out there (yes, I'm talking about you, Maryploppins), we got to see Castle and Beckett working separately, working together and talking about each other with somebody else. This episode re-establishes their working connection moving forward after a brief falling out and moves the storyline forward as something is expected to happen between them in the Season 4 finale. Who knows what it'll be, but should be interesting. What are your predictions on that front?

Per the usual, and for the better, the actual case takes a back seat this week. It wasn't about who killed the kid, it was about further separating Castle and Beckett and then bringing them back together. It was about making Beckett jealous and getting her to worry that she waited too long and messed things up with Castle. It was about Castle realizing, no matter the hardships, that Beckett is worth it to him and that he'll keep fighting for her. Wow, that sentence was lame. Did I really just write that?

But "Headhunters" was also simply about having fun. And it's hard not to have fun when you have Nathan Fillion and Adam Baldwin together, isn't it? And any time you can slip in a few nods to John Casey and "Chuck", well, that's pretty awesome too, isn't it?

People tend to either like "Castle" for the Castle/Beckett relationship or for just how fun this show can be. I admittedly like both aspects of the show and thought this was a good mix of the two overall.


CASEY/SLAUGHTER: "Rule No. 1, do not use the word awesome -- you're a grown man."

SLAUGHTER: "Man needs a friend, he gets a dog. A woman like that you storm the beaches or die trying, come on!"

SLAUGHTER: "Do you have a skirt that says writer on it too?"

RYAN: "I feel like he's cheating on us."

CASTLE: "They rejected you and you feel betrayed."
ALEXIS: "How am I supposed to get over that?"


--I'm sure at some point there was an episode with a better first segment before the commercial break, but I cant remember it. I mean, severed heads, Casey, Castle with a gun, Castle in a fight and Castle playing with dolls! Great stuff.

--Loved Slaughter trying to convince Castle to help him get out of excessive force complaints, while stashing someone in the truck and doing doughnuts.

THE SCORE: 88 out of 100


REVIEW: How I Met Your Mother 7.21 -- Now We're Even

"Now We're Even" was a good-enough episode of 'How I Met Your Mother', but it was more about killing time before the Barney wedding season finale and getting Ted and Robin to a place where they can start talking again and all be a part of the group.

Mission accomplished on those fronts.

In terms of the episode itself, it was OK. The Lily sex dreams storyline didn't work for me. It felt like a typical Marshall-Lily plotline, but it didn't provide many laughs (now that I think about it ... it seems like the writers have run out of good ideas involving those two characters) and took up too much screen time from the best part of the episode: Ted and Barney's night's of shenanigans.

Any time the show puts those two guys together it's usually pretty memorable. Perhaps it wasn't legen-wait for it-DARY! this time around, but it was entertaining watching those two make fools out of themselves and try to top each other.

But it was clear early on that despite all his bragging about dating a stripper, that it really bothered him. And this goes back to my opening paragraph: this episode was about moving the storyline along -- and clearly this sets up Quinn to stop stripping so she can be the one marrying Barney at season's end.

We're only a few episodes away from that now, and at this point, if it's not Quinn he's supposedly getitng married to in that episode I'm going to blow a gasket. Because if it turns out to be Robin, pretty much out of nowhere, it really wouldn't make much sense.

My prediction? It is Quinn that Barney is about to marry, but something happens to stop it. Either one of them gets cold feet, or maybe Robin doesn't hold her peace. I very well might be wrong on this, especially because the show has already done this exact thing with Ted and Stella. I don't want to see that again.

(If you know what happens somehow, refrain from spoiling it in the comments section.But I would love to know what everyone thinks will happen in the Season 7 finale.)

After almost seven full seasons of being an unimportant television reporter/anchor, Robin finally gets her big break and is a minor celebrity. It's nice to see her get the success she's so desperately wanted, it will be interesting to see how this plays out and what the show does now with her personal life.


QUINN: "After the second trimester, he made her stop stripping!"


--I swear, every show at some point has done an episode about someone finally being able to run around the apartment/house naked. Do people actually do this?

--Sitting around, drinking beer, eating chicken, watching tv/playing video games ... reminds me of the 2011 Boston Red Sox!

--Not gonna lie, "The Scherbatsky" looks pretty damn good. I'm going to go make a sandwich now.

THE SCORE: 68 out of 100


16 April, 2012

Geek Furious the Podcast Episode 17 - Game of Thrones 2.03 and the Observant Whore

In this episode, Jess and Magnus discuss GAME OF THRONES episode 2.03 and how to be cool like Tyrion. Also, how SNL owes us money and how Magnus can't seem to remember any character's name.... and much, much more.

Click below to play:

Or, stop autplay and RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE TO DOWNLOAD the MP3 version. I actually recommend that one.

CLICK THIS LINK to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. This is a brand new link so if you subscribed to the old podcast, this is split off from that.


15 April, 2012

REVIEW: Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope

There are 130,000 stories at Comic-con and here are a few of them.

That’s not a quote from Morgan Spurlock’s just-released documentary based on the 2010 convention in San Diego. But, that’s what went through my head watching it.

The Comic-cons of the last decade have been so massive and so diverse that to tackle the topic in a documentary is probably an impossible task. No matter what approach one takes, you are bound to miss the experiences of some portion of the mass of humanity that attends.

Spurlock makes a good go of it, though. He chose to follow a few attendees who each had a goal to achieve by attending the convention. So, we get a couple of artists who are trying to get a job. We get a collector who is out to snag a limited edition collectible toy. We get a woman who designs an elaborate set of costumes based on the video game “Mass Effect” and wants to do well in the Masquerade competition.

There’s also some focus on a comic book dealer who may have to sell a very rare comic to make ends meet.

All of these are “types” are representative of what I would consider Comic-con minorities. They exist at the convention, of course. The closest we see of people who are just there to attend is a couple of dating fans who met at the previous convention and the male fan intends to propose at the Kevin Smith panel.

Interspersed with these stories, Spurlock does cover a little bit of what the convention is to other people. He effectively uses interviews with Smith, Joss Whedon, and Walking Dead’s Robert Kirkman and other well-known Geek Gods to talk about how and why the convention has grown important in the pop culture. Smith and Whedon—each who are big draws at the convention for their entertaining panels—provide the most entertaining sound bites.

Since I attended the 2010 convention, as well as many others since 2000, I couldn’t help but feel I was getting a glimpse of what other people were doing there. I tend to go to the TV panels and there wasn’t much about those panels in the documentary. They spent a little screen time about the movie stars who show up at Hall H, where most of the movie panels are. Too bad they didn’t get their cameras into the Chuck panel.

The movie does touch on the dilemma of traditional comics types who feel eclipsed by the TV and movie people. That is most communicated in the tale of the comics dealer. But, it doesn’t go so far to denigrate the trend because the film relies so much on the contributions of people like Kevin Smith and Robert Kirkman, who aren’t just “comics” people.

The film is mostly reverential of geekdom and nerdom. A New York Times review of the movie said “ the film leaves a subject that cries out for a sarcastic takedown virtually unscathed.” That makes me suspect that non-geeks would probably have preferred a movie that made fun of the participants. This is not Spurlock’s movie.
To be honest, I liked this documentary, but I didn’t love it. I’m going to the 2012 con, but getting a membership and a hotel room was so difficult, I’m questioning why I did it. But, something in the film did touch on why I go. It’s about being a geek and feeling like you are not alone. Spurlock does communicate that very well.

I don’t really know how to grade this. Your mileage may vary depending on whether you are a con veteran, a geek who has never gone, or a non-geek who would have preferred a freak show.


14 April, 2012

Review - FRINGE 4.18: 'The Consultant'

Walter goes to the alternate universe to help investigate an event that ties to both worlds.

Flee is buried as his mother spouts off the most cliched line in the history of moving pictures.

People are literally popping up dead, as if they've been involved in a plane crash, even though they weren't on a plane. Turns out a plane crashed in the alternate universe and caused a ripple effect. Walter goes to the other side to check it out.

Through some testing, Walter posits that the plane crash was caused by some device. A scene with David Robert Jones validates this theory as he acknowledges it was a test.

Jones then shows up at Froyles' home and we discover that the colonel's traitorous ways are motivated by his love for his son and a need to see him healthy. Apparently DRJ has the ability to make that happen.

Astrid gives a happily surprised Fastrid some coffee, as the two sides investigate yet another death, and the doppelgangers act as go-between. The investigation turns up a device the teams attribute to David Robert Jones.

Froyles bonds with Walter's terrible decision making related to saving his son. This seems to motivate him to continue his traitorous ways as he meets with DRJ to take possession of a device that needs planting.

A drunk Fauxlivia discusses the mole problem at her department, that led to the death of Flee, with Walter. She appears emotionally spent. Walter comforts her with food. They spitball some ideas about who the mole could be and decide it would have to be someone high up. Walter offers up the colonel. Fauxlivia shoots him down. He counters that no one should be above suspicion. This seems to have an affect on her of some kind and leads her to go talk to the recently captured Fina. She tells her they have already arrested Froyles as the mole. Fina buys the ruse and gives him up.

At Liberty Island, Froyles seems to be carrying out his nefarious mission for Jones, with Lincoln and Fauxlivia in hot pursuit, but instead has turned himself and the device in to Broyles.

As Walter returns home, Lincoln stays behind to help Fauxlivia.

Back at Walter's lab, he tells Pacey Poof and Olivia that had Froyles successfully planted his device, Jones could collapse both universes.

Walter: It's a miracle we made it in one piece! You drive like a daredevil!
Astrid: For the eleventh time, Walter, I drive the speed limit.
Walter: Most automobile fatalities occur driving between work and home.
Astrid: Yes, so does most driving.

Fauxlivia: Do you think that someone could have caused this?
Walter: On purpose? Anything is possible, even Santa Claus.

Lincoln: You couldn't bring over a casserole but a severed hand is okay?

Fauxlivia: Can't you sleep? Was the bed too hard?
Walter: No, I was sleeping like a baby. Sadly, my bladder was not.

If I had to rate this episode, and the stench from Flee's rotting corpse demands I do, I'd give it:

84 out of 100

The episode had some good scenes between characters but the Walter and Fauxlivia sequence, in her apartment, could have used more time. I still find Lincoln to be a massive bore. And the answer to the case seemed way too obvious early on, so Walter's final words didn't have the intended impact.


12 April, 2012

Review - COMMUNITY 3.15: 'Origins of Vampire Mythology'

Following a number of excellent episodes, the show tries to hold onto the magic. Does it work? Does it finally jump the shark? Find out below!

The carnival is in town and Britta's ex, Blade, is inbound. She is weak for him.

Jeff loves his locker. Annie loves his bod.

Britta asks Annie to put her on lock-down to keep her from banging Blade.

Dean Pelton and Vice-Dean Laybourne discuss enrolling Troy in the air-conditioning repair program. Pelton doesn't know if he can make that happen. Laybourne impresses upon him that he must.

Britta is at Troy, Abed, and Annie's apartment on lock-down, behaving like a junky, trying to trick Annie into revealing the location of the phone using the potential of her mother dying as the logic. When Troy accidentally tells her where it is, the gang is forced to lock her junkie ass up. When things couldn't get much worse, Dean Pelton shows up with root beer and chips.

Jeff and Shirley go the carnival together to spy on Blade. Shirley is concerned Jeff is jealous and in love with Britta. Jeff admits jealousy but denies love. Also, Pierce and Chang develop a great friendship that lasts a few minutes.

Junkie Britta cons her phone back from Annie but Annie has switched Blade's number for her own and receives Junkie Britta's horny psycho texts. But when Annie makes the fatal mistake of responding with "Leave me alone" she elevates the insanity and has to fake being Blade.

No one can figure out why Dean Pelton is there. Eventually, Troy takes over as fake-Blade and texts something nice, immediately curing her of the addiction because she isn't attracted to losers.

Blade reveals his secret to Jeff. Brain damage. He lacks the ability to feel shame. Jeff then gives a speech to Britta and everything is back to normal, except for Pierce who is now addicted to Chang.

The group wants to know about Britta's carnival boyfriend.
Britta: Fine. I'm not ashamed of my past. And if it entertains you guys, that's great, because we're friends. (pause) His name is Blade and... (the group bursts out in laughter)
Jeff: She invoked friendship to undercut the laugh and we're still laughing, that's how funny it is!
Abed: His name is Blade. Is that legal? Shouldn't New Line Cinema be suing him?
Britta: He was called that before that stupid movie.
Troy: (correcting her) He was called that before the fantastic movie.
Abed: And it was a Marvel comic in 1973.
Britta: Well, nerd alert!
Pierce: Well, ex-boyfriend named Blade alert.
Pierce and Shirley high-five.
Shirley: Her love life makes Pierce seem with it.
Pierce: Her pain unifies us. She has the King Arthur of bad taste in men.

Jeff: So what, Britta? You're in love with a guy who's named after a kickboxing vampire movie?
Troy: (correcting him) A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie!
Britta: No, I don't believe in love because of this guy (getting emotional) named after a kickboxing vampire movie.
Annie: Ohh, Britta!
Shirley: Oh, sweetie.
Troy: (leaning over to Abed) You wanna watch BLADE tonight?
Abed: Yes.

Britta hurries over to Annie with some news.
Britta: I need your help. It is Blade's carnival that's coming. He's working the BB gun duck shooting gallery, I guess he finally got that promotion, and he will call me. And left unattended, I will end up doing him like a crossword and I will regret it! So I need you to take my phone, and don't give it back until Monday!
Annie: Of course! Okay!
Jeff: For real?
Britta: (shutting Jeff up with her hand in his face) And I need to stay with you this weekend. Not just stay with you, I need to be on lock-down. You are a pill-head, so think of Blade as adderall and handcuff me to the radiator like a mother flippin' carny banging werewolf!

When Annie has to fake being Blade, Britta's texts get more and more desperate.
Annie: (typing a text) I told you, not to call me at work! (reading Britta's text) 'I'm sorry. I forgot. Don't be mad at me'?! She's whipped by an imaginary douche!

If I had to rate this one, and Buddy Jesus says I do, then I'd give it:

87 out of 100

Britta centric, funny and full of quick stabs of memorable dialogue. Nowhere near the genius of some others but it works.


Quicky Review - SOUTH PARK 16.05: 'Butterballs'

I skipped reviewing the show last week because it didn't motivate me much. This week I am reviewing it because I want to try out something different.

Butters is getting bullied... by his grandmother.

The school has an assembly, set up by Bucky Bailey's Bully Buckers, to increase awareness... and create a platform for Bucky to bully little kids.

Stan creates an anti-bullying video complete with song and dance and a catchphrase of "Make bullying kill itself" with Butters as the reluctant poster-child.

Kyle worries that Stan is going Kony on the video thingy. When Stan's video gets popular and bought by a movie company, Bucky claims ownership and bullies Stan. Bucky then gets bullied by the movie company.

Butters and Stan go on Dr. Oz. Butters turns psycho and attacks. The movie studio dude goes crazyballs on Stan, but is later met by Jesus in the bathroom, who bullies him.

Butters eventually stands up to his gramma and Stan gets bullied at school for making a bullcrap bullying video. So Stan goes to San Diego and jacks it.

Gramma: You narc again and you're fuckin' dead! Fuckin' dead, you got it?!

Kyle: Don't! Don't act for me, Stan. Really! Because every minute I'm watching this video become less about awareness and more about you.
Stan: Kyle, I'm trying to make a difference.
Kyle: Okay. Just be careful you don't end up naked and jacking it in San Diego.
Stan: What the hell does that mean?

Gramma: Oh look, it's Captain Pussy.

Dr. Oz: We all know that bullying has become an epidemic. Like AIDS, bullying is escalating and is spread mostly by penises.

Butters: (to gramma in bed) Some day you're gonna die. Some day pretty soon. And when you're laying in that hospital bed, with tubes up your nose, and that little pan under your butt to pee, I'll come visit you. I'll come just to show you that, that I'm still alive and I'm still happy. And you'll die. Be nothing but you. (happily) Goodnight, gramma!
If I had to rate this, and the Lords of Kobol say I do, then I'd give it:

80 out of 100

It was a bit too on-the-nose as a message episode. Though, the final musical number about jacking-it in San Diego made the episode better. Without it, I would have given it a 68.

FYI, "jacking it in San Diego" is a reference to Kony 2012 director Jason Russel's naked meltdown in San Diego.


11 April, 2012

Review - NEW GIRL 1.20: 'Normal'

Oh wow, I am actually reviewing an episode of this show again! Aren't you excited?

Yes, I have skipped a few weeks but not because I don't enjoy the show anymore, I just wasn't in the mood to write about it. There are some shows I love that I simply don't enjoy writing about and NEW GIRL is sometimes one of those shows. But today I am feeling frisky so I will tackle it a tad. Though, this isn't going to be some epic COMMUNITY review where I proclaim it the greatest show of all time and meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow (Badger!).

Since last I wrote about this show, Jess is dating an old guy. Schmidt and Cece are openly banging. Winston is still whipped. Nick has been four-timing 20-year old girls (my man!).

As the episode begins, Jess has been away with her grampaboyfriend, who is loaded with cash in the pockets, and yes I changed the font on the site since I know you are dying to ask. That's not in the episode but it just crossed my mind as I was writing that previous sentence.

So, Jess comes home to the boys all fresh and sexed, or so I imagine.

Jess: I have so much to tell you! I spent the whole week with rich people! I finally tried port.
Nick: Were you gone last week? Is that why it was so quiet?
Jess: I feel like I haven't seen you guys in so long. You all look so handsome. So grown up.
Winston: Thank you.
Jess: Hey, Nick. Finally notice the 1/8th Cherokee. Winston, that's almost a mustache.
Winston: Yeah. It's creepy and thin, just like I like it.
Schmidt: How was your sexcation with Russel?
Jess: I did have a lot of sex, thank you.

Jess decides to invite Russel to spend the weekend at her apartment but worries about how the boys will behave. Then we get some goofy scenarios acted out. The guys say they can behave around her geriatric-man-whore.

Meanwhile, Winston goes for a job interview and is assaulted by some abrasive douchebags but he takes the offer when he sees Kareem Abdul-Jabbar works there. However, his hero passes him a note that says:

Get out now! Run! You will die here!

When Russel comes over for his stay, the boys are definitely acting weird. Nick's crazy man-crush on Russel has him looking love-sick around him, while Schmidt barks angrily at Jess' humpdoll about sushi. Winston shows up whining about his shitty boss. And then the garbage disposal thingy, or something, goes kookoo for the Coco Puffs and suddenly the show is channeling the Keystone Cops.

The gang then decides to play a drinking game called True American with a series of rules that Russel is bound to not remember. Hell, I thought about writing them down but fuck that. Let's just say that the end result is alcoholism. The winner is somehow determined when Schmidt leaves to go bang Cece.

Drunk Russel then gives sage advice to Winston about how to deal with his boss.

Russel: Here's what you do. Your boss is power-playing you. So, you need to power-play him back. Dip your boys in his shake!
Jess: (with Nick laughing next to her) What?!
Russel: Yeah, that's what you gotta do. Your testicles, dip 'em in, ring 'em out, dip it again and give him the shake.

When Jess realizes that Russel is more interested in hanging with the boys than with her (yeah, that's because dudes rule!) she sulks away to her bedroom. In the morning, she seeks advice from Cece since this is the first time Russel has made her angry. They talk about fighting being healthy or some shit.

Later, Nick talks to Schmidt about an invention that looks like a Swiss Army phone, called Real Apps, but they disagree on design.

Schmidt: Look at this. There's no brushed steel. No nickel. I mean, it's got none of the ball and metals. I mean, come on, man. I'm not gonna get Winklevoss'd because of your sloppiness.
Nick: What you mean 'I'? Real Apps is my idea! You just came up with the name.
Schmidt: Yeah, and the name is the game, friendo!

Schmidt: Would you line up around the corner if they called the iPhone a Slippery Germ Brick?
Nick: Yeah, actually I might.
Schmidt: That's why they call it basketball and not peach-basket-catch-it-up!
Nick: (impressed) You just came up with that?!

At Winston's job, his boss, who is some kind of radio DJ, mocks Winston on-air. Winston's mind begins plotting. At the apartment, Jess and Russel's first-fight is interrupted by Nick and Schmidt's business proposal. Russel, though very hung-over, points out that Real Apps sounds like "relapse." Nick then stabs Russel in the hand with the extremely dangerous prototype. Russel pussies out and runs home because he is a massive cry-baby.

Winston gets punk'd by a little kid and then tells his douche boss that he dropped his baby-maker-pouch in tasty drinks. Bossman thinks it is funny and suggest they do it to Kareem. Finally, Jess and Russel conclude their argument with Spice Girls and potential sex.

If I had to rate this episode, and the lawyers say I do, I'd give it:

78 out of 100

It was okay. Nothing spectacular. I probably should have written about last week's episode since I liked that one more. Oh well. Live and then die alone. Or snuggled up with the one you love. Why are you judging me?!


09 April, 2012

Geek Furious the Podcast Episode 16 - Game of Thrones 2.02 and Fuckniture

In this episode, Jess and Magnus discuss GAME OF THRONES episode 2.02 and the role of sex, nudity, fuckniture, and killing in this realm, plus more.

Click the player below to play:

Or, RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE TO DOWNLOAD the MP3 version. I actually recommend that one.

CLICK THIS LINK to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. This is a brand new link so if you subscribed to the old podcast, this is split off from that.


06 April, 2012

Review FRINGE 4.17: 'Everything in Its Right Place'

So we finally know the most burning question in the show's history!


Lincoln's middle name is Tyrone.

This episode focused heavily on Lincoln and his clone from another universe, the man I call Flee. Flee, mind you, is ten times cooler than Lincoln. So, whenever the show goes to the other universe, I am actually excited (unlike some of you who seem to think only the stupidity of the other universe matters).

First, let me quote my favorite moment in the episode, as Flee and Fauxlivia describe a series of killings in their world.

Flee: She reports that during the attack someone saved her.
Fauxlivia: You think this may have something to do with the vigilante cases PD's been working?
Flee: My thoughts exactly. Local police received a dozen similar reports in the last few months. Criminals going missing. Junkies mysteriously vanishing. Victims calling in claiming that their assailants were attacked mid-crime.
Lincoln: Maybe Batman's moved to The Bronx.
Fauxlivia: What's a Batman?
Lincoln: The Caped Crusader. The Dark Knight. (Seeing that they are still confused) Billionaire playboy puts on a cape to clean up the streets of Gotham.
Flee: Oh, you mean Mantis!
Lincoln: Seriously? Your hero is an insect?
Fauxlivia: Oh, 'cause nothing says 'badass' like a flying rat?

So Lincoln, trying to avoid the mental stress of seeing Olivia happy with Peter while having totally forgotten him, decides to stick around in the alternate universe and help solve Flee and Fauxlivia's case. As they work, Flee questions Lincoln's reason for volunteering to stay. Lincoln takes this opportunity to note the differences between the two.

Lincoln: Yeah, I noticed that about you. Your unwavering confidence.
Flee: Thanks.
Lincoln: Bordering on self-aggrandising narcissism.

The two discuss their differences and begin to compare life experiences as a way to define the point of divergence, where one became different from the other, but find nothing.

Anyway, so on Lincoln's hunch the investigation leads them to believe that the bad guy is a shape-shifter. That's really convenient since Lincoln is hell-bent on finding them since one killed his partner. And the colonel, who we know is a corrupted douchebag working for the bad guys, punts his theories and knees him in the groin for good measure.

Stuff happens and the shape-shifter is found. But when he has the opportunity to kill the massive pussy Lincoln, he doesn't. He is then captured and the evil Colonel Broyles calls on the evil Nina, aka Fina.

It is really impressive how expensive this show can look.. a show that's getting lower ratings in season 4 than CHUCK was... but looks like it is made for ten times as much. What the fuck kind of shitty deal did NBC make with WB? Or is it really just about Torv being the niece of the dude who owns FOX? If so, then bring on season 5 and an increased budget!

So, Lincoln convinces Fauxlivia to let him interrogate the captured shape-shifter as the evil dudes send their assassin to take him out. Through his questioning, Lincoln learns virtually nothing. Yay.

As the prisoner is transported out of the jail, the sniper assassin fires and misses his target but hits Flee. Oh no! Not the cool one, dicks!

Pussy Lincoln goes all badass on the shape-shifter dude and gives him an inspirational speech about defining his place in the world or some crap that is meant as a juxtaposition of their respective lives. Meh. What happened to these writers? These can't be the same cats who wrote the second half of season 2, or season 3. Did they really get this lazy?

Anyway, still in the alternate universe, Fina is betrayed by her assassin, who is actually just the shape-shifter who Lincoln speechified, and captured by Fauxlivia.

Sadly, Flee dies from his wound, even though he once survived being burned to a crisp. What's the point of living anymore in a world where he doesn't exist but pussy-boy does?

Lincoln brings the shape-shifter over to the other side to be studied by Walter.

Then, as Fauxlivia cries over Flee, Lincoln returns to give her moral support. And by moral support I mean that he's totally going to bang her.

If I had to rate this episode, and there's really no reason why I should, I'd give it:

65 out of 100

Maybe the death of Flee will have greater meaning down the road, and maybe the shape-shifter thingy will play itself out over the next few episodes, but this was mostly a dud outside of the couple of moments of dialogue I quoted.


The Big bang Theory 5.21 -- The Hawking Excitation

Channeling my inner Alan Sepinwall, this review will start as soon as I learn how to speak in binary code ...

I've been ripped on this Web site numerous times for being critical of certain shows -- Big Bang Theory being chief among them. So with that said, I will begin by saying all the positive things I can think of regarding this episode ...


OK, I'm done.

But hey, on the bright side, they didn't spend half of the episode talking about whether or not Raj is gay when there are over 100 previous episodes firmly establishing that he is not.

So there's that.

It was a fair episode, I guess, but kind of strange in that almost the entire episode consisted of just Sheldon and Howard. There was about 30 seconds of Penny, and only a few scenes that really involved Leonard and Raj. Heck, Howard's mom's disembodied voice got more screen time than Penny. 

I liked the concept of Sheldon being Howard's slave and they got a few good laughs out of it, but that's all that happened in the episode. There was no "B" story to speak of, just 20 minutes of Sheldon sucking up to Howard.


--BERNADETTE: "Sheldon doesn't know when he's being mean, because the part of his brain that should know is getting a wedgie from the rest of his brain."


--Any excuse to see Howard do his Hawking expression works for me.

--Didn't think I'd ever feel sorry for Sheldon. But hot damn! I did a little bit in that episode.

THE SCORE: 68 out of 100