31 March, 2012

Review - FRINGE 4.16: 'Nothing As It Seems'

Lincoln: I really have to drink that?
Walter: Only if you wanna live.

Now that Pacey Poof has his Olivia back, the show is now ready to tackle the grander story arcs we all love (except those of you who don't love them).

Olivia Dunham, having now become the Olivia Dunham from season 3, is no longer someone the FBI trusts, exactly. So she is essentially put on the bench while they or she figure things out. It seems that Peter has decided to not tell anyone that he is in the right place and that the problem is rooted in what he did in the other timeline.

Why hasn't he told anyone? I guess he likes secrets.

At least we get to revisit something from a previous season, namely the porcupine man who died on that plane way back when. Except this time, he makes it off the plane before morphing into the monster and taking out some TSA agents. So the gang has to figure out what's going on and why things are different.

It's an okay storyline. If you are into this kind of thing. I'm not. And the monster's flying. Somewhere out there, a FRINGE fan is fapping away at this. Whatever is happening with this plot line relates to the grander story arc of this season, but the episode only hints at bigger things to come.

Tossed into the mix is Walter's gradual warming up to Peter, Lincoln's pining for Olivia while transforming into an eating machine after being infected by the monster virus or something, and the FBI's eventual acceptance of Olivia as a capable agent.

What's good about it? Well, the relationships we actually loved last season (and by "we" I mean me, because that's all that matters) are getting closer to existing again. Walter and Peter seem to be acting like father and son again (who is the genius in the writers room who thought stripping the most enjoyable portion of the show away was a good idea anyway?). Peter and Olivia are back together and being a super boring couple again. That's a good thing simply because we've stopped with the ridiculous "oh nos is Peter in da right place and is she the realzies Olivia?!?!?!". Lincoln is still a bitch. His alternate universe half is so much cooler.

If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:

75 out of 100

I am sure there are those of you who love this kind of episode because this is why you watch FRINGE. I need more. Sure, the Walter and Peter getting closer stuff I love. BUT I NEED MORE! There are just a few episodes left. They'd better get their shit together and make torture worth it or I will punch a puppy!

Man, this review sucks.


30 March, 2012

The Big Bang Theory 5.20 -- The Transporter Malfunction

I laughed a few times, I rolled my eyes a few times and I got annoyed a few times. Yup, another new episode of The Big Bang Theory!

Confession: even though I write for Geek Furious, I'm not a normal geek. I don't enjoy movies like Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, The Hunger Games or Avatar and I've never seen any of the Star Trek's and barely remember anything about any of the Star Wars films. So even though I know nothing whatsoever about Spock, I still got a kick out of Sheldon's dream sequences.

But that's essentially all I liked from "The Transporter Malfunction." I know I keep complaining about this show and harping on the fact that it's getting tired and lazy, but 10 minutes of gay jokes? Can we be more creative, please?

Heck, even if the jokes were funny, I don't want to spend half of the episode on Raj. He's better in small doses as a supplementary character. I can't remember the last good storyline involving his character. Can you?

I swear, 19 of the 22 minutes of the show was dedicated to Raj is gay jokes and Sheldon lying over and over again to Leonard and Penny. There's only so much a person can take.


SHELDON: "Hot darn!"

LEONARD: "Once you open the box, it loses its value."
PENNY: "Yeah, Yeah -- my mom gave me the same lecture about  my virginity. Gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it."


--If someone is ever stupid enough to marry me, I demand there be a make-your-own sundae station at my wedding.

--Nosey O'Donnell. I got to start using that.

--Did Raj's father complain about being interrupted during the cricket semifinals? Those matches take like 10 days to finish. I think he can spare a few minutes.

THE SCORE: 57 out of 100

You can't have my e-mail address, so you can save your hate mail for the comments section. Thanks!


Review - COMMUNITY 3.13: 'Digital Exploration of Interior Design'

COMMUNITY season 3... is this the best season of a half-hour comedy ever or what?

The showed pulled a CHUCK and did a Subway heavy episode that should have been a paid advertisement. And if Subway did pay them for it, then they are either the coolest company in history, or the biggest bunch of idiots who can't tell when they're being punked.

I'm going with the coolest company in history because no one could be that dense.

Plus, I love their food. I will now accept my free $100 Subway gift card, thank you very much third-party consulting firm that runs their Twitter account.

In this two-part episode, we have several story lines. Let's break them down in a way that makes this article easiest to write.

1. Subway has set up shop in the cafeteria of the school, where Pierce and Shirley were going to run their own sandwich shop. The two oldies volunteer Britta to their cause to bring down the evil corporate bullies.

2. Due to a Greendale bylaw issue, a human being changes his name and status to 'Subway' and attends the school as a student. This is a stroke of genius in writing as it both tackles the legal recognition of corporations as people and the age old question: which came first? My corporate overlords or my feelings?

No? That's not an age old question? Well, it is now.

3. Britta, in her attempts to spy on Subway, falls in love with him when she discovers that the pre-corporate-puppet version of him is her dream man. The two eventually end up on a secret and twisted sexual rendezvous inside Abed's pillow fort. This leads to Subway corporate stepping in and whisking Britta's dearest love away from her.

4. Speaking of which, Abed and Troy wage war when Troy's competing fort of blankets gets closer to a world record, requiring Abed to decide whether to allow his pillow fort to be taken down, or to strike back hard. Vice Dean Laybourne steps in on both ends to try to drive a wedge between the two friends, so he can finally convince Troy to join him in his evil air-conditioning master plan.

5. A lesser story line involves Jeff's attempt to apologize for wronging someone he thinks is dead and Annie's underhanded attempt to make him appreciate her more. When things don't work out the way she wants, she angrily storms off.

6. In the end, Britta is sad; Subway isn't that good looking; Jeff is confused; Pierce is high on ink; Annie still has huge jubblies; and Troy and Abed prepare for an all-out war of the forts as Vice Dean Laybourne plots.

Now, let's get to... QUOTABLES!

Shirley, reading from the Greendale bylaws.
Shirley: 'Any business operating for profit on Greendale's campus, must be at least 51 percent owned by a registered student!'
Britta: That's too bad, dean. I don't recall seeing Subway in my Pre-Menopausal-Post-Feministic-Experiential-Marketing class.
Subway: (appearing) Actually, I'm on the wait-list for the Pre-Men-Post-Fem-Exp-Mark.
Britta: Who are you?
Dean: Gang, meet Greendale's newest student, Subway.
Troy: Your name is Subway?
Subway: Yep. Using a groundbreaking, but surprisingly legal process known as 'Corpo-Humanization,' real people, such as myself, are now allowed to represent the collective humanity of business owners. I have contractually waved my birth identity and am now a man, and student, named... (produces his identification) Subway.

When Shirley and Pierce allude to Britta's sexual looseness as an asset in their attempt to take down Subway, she reacts.
Britta: Okay! This conversation is over! I am not a whore! And, not that I've done the math, but if I were, I'd by the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel!

When Subway stands next to Britta in line for the school cafeteria lunch, she battles his corporate puppetry.
Subway: What do you recommend?
Britta: What's it to you, meat pusher?
Subway: Sounds like you might be a vegetarian. You should try Subway's Veggie Delight.
Britta: You should try reading Orwell's '1984.'
Subway: I have. It's a great book. It really awakened me in high school. I think kids should be forced to read it.
Britta: Me too. Anyway, you're living it. You're a human puppet with big-sandwich's hand up your ass. Is this what you dreamt of being?
Subway: Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to discuss my former life. Or engage in any non-platonic relations, practice religion in public, or eat any non-fresh unhealthy food like that found anywhere outside Subway.
Britta: (referencing the food he just picked out) Why you getting all that?
Subway: I wanted to stand next to you for a moment. It was worth it. Like a good book by Orwell. Or a Veggie Delight.

The Dean tells Troy that his blanket fort is nearing a world record and that only Abed's pillow fort stands in his way.
Dean: Abed will destroy his pillow fort and Troy will expand his blanket fort into the space. Everyone wins! Except Abed. But you know, not everyone can win.
Abed: Is that what you want, Troy? For me to destroy my pillow fort so that you can set your record?
Troy: It is.
Abed: Magnitude! (Magnitude arrives at attention like a dutiful soldier) Evacuate Fort Abed and prepare for self-destruct.
Magnitude: Sir?!
Abed: Do it. We're done here.
Magnitude: Pop-pop, captain.

If I had to rate this episode, and the Greendale bylaws say I do, then I'd give it:

95 out of 100

The surprisingly subversive nature of the Subway story line really elevated the quality of this episode for me. Plus, the secondary plot-elements (or was the fort building the main and the Subway the secondary) made for a deep and interesting reflection of the strength of friendship versus the need for individuals to declare themselves. I cannot wait for next week's episode.

So, what did you think? Comment below.... or die trying.


29 March, 2012

Review - SOUTH PARK 16.03: 'Faith Hilling'

This week, SOUTH PARK tackles a very serious subject that may change the planet as we know it.

I wonder if Matt Stone and Trey Parker are prepared to accept the blood that is on their hands now that they have created several deadly memes. Spoiler. The episode is about memes.


In what mandkind will some day call the definitive episode of television about the early 2000s, our little band of poorly animated kiddies tackle: Faith Hilling; the incredibly deadly Tebowing; Taylor Swifting; Oh Long Johnsoning; Bradying; cats taking over the world; and the republican debates.

TV Anchor: First there was planking: People taking pictures of themselves in a plank position and putting the photos on the Internet. Planking was soon replaced by owling. And after the Super Bowl, by Bradying. But the newest meme involves pulling the shirt out to look like boobs. It’s called ‘Faith Hilling’ and all around the world people are doing it. Kids, adults, even some notable celebrities are getting into the act. But as Faith Hilling becomes more and more popular, the question on everyone's mind: who will be the first to die doing it?

Host: These youths paid with their lives for Tebowing. When they posed for pictures, they should have remembered there are only three approved memes: peace sign; bunny ears; fake wiener.

Kid #2: Oh God. Faith Hilling is so February 2012.
Stan: Saying something is so 2000 and anything is so 2009, you stupid asswipe!

Professor: If cats are putting slices of bread on their heads and taking pictures, they’re proving to be almost as intelligent as we are.

If I had to rate this episode, and I do, I'd give it:

96 out of 100

Totally brilliant. Why are you reading this anyway? Go watch the episode!


27 March, 2012

Castle 4.19 -- 47 Seconds

Unlike the previous three seasons, the Beckett-Castle "relationship" has largely been ignored for the majority of Season 4. Not nearly as much flirting, no real serious talks between the two, no outside relationships to make each other jealous (except in the two-parter) and no acknowledgement of what happened in last year's finale.

But in Monday night's "47 Seconds", the Beckett-Castle relationship was in the forefront -- even if Beckett couldn't fully realize to what extent -- in a much-needed excellent and emotional episode of 'Castle'.

And not just emotional in the moments between our two main characters, but also the emotion of the actual case. Most often in TV procedurals, you don't care about the fake victims or the culprit -- but given the specific crime and emotion throughout this whole episode, it's a nice added bonus to be invested in the case as well.

But realistically, if you're reading this you care much more about Beckett and Castle than you do about an expected twist in the case, the wrong suspect halfway through and the fairly obvious fact (just two minutes into the episode I just knew) that the reporter was involved with the bomb.

Admittedly, I enjoy the episodes more when they incorporate the Beckett-Castle relationship in some way. I don't care all that much whether or not they actually get together, but it annoys me when they just ignore the situation for weeks at a time. The "I Love you" in last year's finale has been lingering for entirely too long and it was nice to see it addressed in a clever and surprising way.

I loved the way Castle found out that Beckett knew all along what he said to her after she was shot, and it was compelling to see how he handled the situation. He said to his mother that he could work side by side with her and ignore it, but we knew better. He was hurt and angry and he continually let his emotions get the best of him whenever around Beckett.

It will be interesting to see how he handles things around her next week. I think it would be fun and a good change-of-pace to see him cold, distant and angry with her for a while. Hey, something needed to change at the end of this season. You didn't actually think they would put them together, did you?

My one complaint of the episode? OF COURSE Detective Ryan interrupted Castle trying to tell Beckett once again how he felt about her at the last exact moment. It's annoying that he didn't get to have that nice emotional moment with Beckett, but what really grinds my gears is that it's the most cliched thing in TV history. At some point, there needs to be a show above that crap.


--CASTLE: "It's like trying to find Waldo in a see of Waldo's." OK, it's a lame quote -- but it brought me back to the good-old-days.

--BECKETT: "To hell you don't remember. Do you wanna know trauma? I was shot in the chest and I remember every second of it."
--CASTLE: "All this time. You remembered."

--MARTHA: "Richard, love is not a switch, you can't just turn it off. You can't work side-by-side with her and not feel anything."
--CASTLE: "Watch me."

--ROBERT: "Amensesia sounded like the better plan."
--CASTLE: "Yeah."

--CASTLE: "Well that's what your friend Jesse would call 'sinning by silence.' It's not smart, it's not brave -- it's just cowardly."


--A mug with his own name on it? I love Richard Castle.

--Really loved the music/score in this episode.

THE SCORE: 87 out of 100


The Hunger Games Movie Review

The Hunger Games movie has made a bazillion dollars opening weekend, and everyone I know has seen it already. I won't write up a synopsis of the film, because if you don't know what it's about by now, here is the wikipedia entry I was really looking forward to this movie coming out, though not as much as say, a Harry Potter or the upcoming The Hobbit, mostly because The Hunger Games isn't as well written as either of those books. I had read a few reviews before heading to the theater, so I had some idea of what people thought the pluses and minuses of the film were, but I think for the most part I was open to the film and had no definable expectations. That being said...

...the movie was fantastic. I really loved it. It almost surprised me how much I loved it. The tone and the look of the film were spot on, and Jennifer Lawrence was just amazing as the main character, Katniss Everdeen. Even though I knew the story, and knew what would happen, I was still on the edge of my seat through most of the film.

The movie is a faithful adaptation of the novel, and I think might be a better adaptation than a YA fiction book would or should normally get. And the book is definitely YA, the writing and the story just feel like it was written for teen girls, but the film feels like it is meant for everyone (over the age 13 of course). I think the story, and Katniss herself, are relatable for a very broad audience. Her strength, courage, honesty, vulnerability, make her accessible to everyone watching her, both us, the real world audience, and the audience of Capitol citizens, who are glued to their screens, cheering and crying for Katniss throughout the Games.

And that is the main reason I think the film is better at this than the book: Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss. I like her Katniss so much better than the book's incarnation. Interestingly, Jennifer Lawrence looks almost nothing like the Katniss that author Suzanne Collins describes as slight, with straight black hair and olive skin. But her presence on screen and her honesty captured me completely. Would I rather have someone else, who looks like Katniss or would I rather have Jennifer Lawrence? I'd rather have Jennifer Lawrence, hands down. She had to do everything in this film, she carried the whole thing on her very capable shoulders. I must say I was surprised by this a little bit, I know she is an Oscar nominated actress, but I haven't seen Winter's Bone. I did see her in X-Men: First Class but she didn't really stand out to me, but I'm definitely a fan now.

The casting overall in the film was really well done. I was particularly impressed at how much I liked Elizabeth Banks' character Effie, considering how strange she looks, which can be very hard to act around.

Since I enjoyed the movie so much it's hard to find anything major to take issue with, but I do have a few things I'd like to nitpick about. None of them are “Why did they cut this?” like in my Battle Royale movie review, thankfully.

I'd like to have seen more reactions from and scenes with Capitol citizens as they were watching the games. We got a few moments of Haymitch schmoozing, a few moments of District citizens watching, and scenes of the game controllers, but not enough of the Captiol citizens generally. I think more of that would have helped sell the emotional trickery of the love story between Peeta and Katniss. I know some people were confused by their relationship, and didn't buy the love story, but that was the point. I think a few more moments showing how the Capitol was being manipulated by this “star-crossed” lovers yarn would have worked to the film's benefit. Especially since it is a nice way to show the tributes, who are completely and overtly manipulated by the government on a daily basis AND during the games, playing the game right back. In my head, right before Katniss kisses Peeta full on the mouth, there is a quick cutaway to a camera in the cave quietly zooming in in anticipation, ready for the “romantic” kiss that the Capitol and sponsors are eagerly anticipating.

I also think the film should have had a bit more blood and gore. There was barely any. I understand why the filmmakers kept it so tame, they want the lucrative teen audience to come out and see the film, but I did think it was heavy handed in the editing out of blood splatters. The average 12 year old has seen plenty of TV/video game/movie violence already, whether their parents know it or not.

But anyway, see this movie on the big screen. See it and enjoy it and then give in to the immediate urge to learn archery and basic forest survival. I haven't wanted to live in a tree so badly since I was a kid and read My Side of the Mountain.

And by the way, I know most of you will be rushing here to comment on whether you are Team Pitabread or Team Thorbrother, but let's all be honest...what we really want is Haymitch and Effie hooking up on the downlow on that fancy train. Just me?


Battle Royale + The Hunger Games part 2

Which is a better? "Battle Royale" or "The Hunger Games"?

I'd rather read BR and I'd rather watch HG.

Now the internet can stop talking about it forever please.

Read the first article by clicking HERE!


26 March, 2012

Geek Furious the Podcast Episode 13 - Community of Chuck Walking Dead with Fringe Hunger

This is a totally UNEDITED podcast! You have been WARNED!

We discuss Walking Dead (spoilers), exclusive CHUCK movie news (probably not), COMMUNITY, FRINGE, ARCHER, and THE HUNGER GAMES. Plus, I play music from BSG season 4, by the great Bear McCreary, throughout.



OR, right click here and SAVE to play it whenever and however you like.


24 March, 2012

Review - FRINGE 4.15: 'A Short Story About Love'

And so now we know for sure in what world Peter is in and it wasn't all that difficult to figure out, but if you were still not sure, FOX ran the hashtag #WhereYouBelong in the lower right hand corner of the screen the entire episode.

The case of the week? Something about a dude killing people who are deeply in love. Not important except to set up that Olivia decides to allow the memories of the "other" Olivia to take her over.

The only other truly important things that happen in this episode are:

1. Walter finds something hidden inside Peter's eye that leads him to an apartment that has Observer gear.

2. Peter uses the gear to find a beacon.

3. The beacon activates back at Peter's place and our favorite Observer, September, reveals himself.

4. September explains that he's been locked away by the other Observers but that Peter has helped him get back. Peter then asks for September to help him get back home and is told he is already home (duh, been saying this for the whole season). September explains that he believes this is due to the fact that those who love Peter, and those Peter loves, could not let go of each other, and so the universe couldn't simply erase him from existence.

So now Peter knows that this Olivia is his one and only. And Olivia has made the decision to allow herself to be taken over by someone she thinks isn't her simply because she wants to be in love with Peter.

The final scene has Peter and Olivia in a loving embrace, finally as a couple again.


And it only took 15 episodes to get to the most obvious answer possible.

If I had to rate this episode, I'd give it:

80 out of 100

I am simply giving it a passing score for finally getting us to the answer that has been there all along. And maybe now, in the final seven episodes, we can stop dicking around and get to a kick ass show.

Sure, I will admit that I found that final moment to be very sweet, but it wasn't as intense as it could have been. And it wasn't as good as the moment they had in the car, in the gas station, just a couple of episodes ago. So, in the end, it was a pointless stalling tactic.


23 March, 2012

MediaSavant Reviews - 'The Hunger Games'

Let’s get a couple of things out of the way about me. First, I haven’t read the Hunger Games books. I never even heard of them until the movie started casting and the media made a big deal about it. Second, I am not a teenage girl. Third, I did see the first Twilight movie out of curiosity and haven’t watched any since. It was clearly not for me.

Hunger Games is not Twilight

I did not get the feeling throughout this movie that it was targeted specifically to a teenage girl mentality. Because it’s set in a fictional dystopian future, it lacks the usual “teenage angst” crap where high school is supposed to be the center of the universe. The angst the characters here feel is real. It’s about having food to eat and just surviving to the next day.

It’s directed like an adult movie. I do think the director relied heavily on close-ups maybe a tad too much. He also is clearly not an “action film” director. But, there’s plenty of suspense.

I liked Jennifer Lawrence in her Academy-Award nominated Winter’s Bone performance. I like her here. She’s convincing as someone who grew up in an impoverished place, just as she was in that other movie. She also defies most stereotype of a “kick-ass” heroine. Readers of the book may have different visions of who they thought the role should go to. It’s a really good character and I understand why she's gained such a following. Her skills and wits don’t come off as outlandish in the way so many “bad ass” movie chicks do. She's very identifiable.

Josh Hutcherson was okay as her partner in the Games and love interest. The other guy in her life--played by Liam Hemsworth--wasn’t in that much of the movie. I found him to be dull and not convincing at all. He looked like he stepped out of a Hollywood gym or Ambercrombie & Fitch ad and threw on some grungy clothes.

I saw the movie at an advanced screening and not the midnight showing. The crowd was probably not demographically the same as at a paid showing. I heard one of the chicks on the way out saying they expected more romance. I say “hooray”. To me, the romance was underplayed compared to my expectations of material that is popular with teen girls. It’s key to the plot, but it doesn’t overwhelm the other elements that make the film interesting. It also doesn't pander to the young teen girl demo.

As a person who loves the media, I really had fun with the Games themselves being portrayed as kind of a futuristic “Survivor”.

I’ll give this a 90 out of 100.

To finish off, I should say who may NOT like it. Well, if you like Michael Bay movies, you won’t like this. It’s not noisy or dizzying. If you like your violence super-graphic or even fetishistic, you’ll find the violence here too underplayed for your taste. There is violence, but it isn’t as extreme as it could be for the material.

The fight scenes are also not super-articulated. They basically happen in a blur and you can't see much of what's going on. If you like fight movies, you might not find the fights here satisfying.

For me, I’ll probably see the next one.


Review - COMMUNITY 3.12: 'Contemporary Impressionists'

Since I am crazy sick this week, my usual killer COMMUNITY review will be short and sweet so I can pass out in bed... but not before getting out a few puppy whimpers.

In this episode:
  • Abed's addiction to acting out his favorite movie scenes with celebrity impersonators he can't afford affects the whole group. 
  • Jeff's on anti-anxiety medication and it makes him a much bigger narcissist.
  • Chang begins his master plan (I think) to overthrow the dean.

Troy decides to help Abed pay off his debt by enlisting the group in a Bar Mitzvah celebrity look-alike job. The result is Jeff going Hulk on a kid when his ego explodes, and actually kissing a shocked Shirley. However, things actually work out and blahblahblah.

Finally, Troy and Abed seemingly come to a greater understand about their relationship, but that results in Abed entering his dreamatorium alone, only to find Evil Abed waiting for him. Shit just got dark.

If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:

92 out of 100

Even sick as a filthy dog I laughed outloud several times. In fact, it was just about the only thing that made me feel good last night. Jeff's ego issues; Britta's attempt to save him; Annie and the Dean's attraction to Jeff; Troy and Britta playing the two versions of Michael Jackson; Jeff being a better looking Ryan Seacrest; Abed looking JUST like Jamie Lee Curtis; and even Pierce's desperate attempt to be Burt Reynolds just worked on every level.

Sorry about the lack of quotables this week. But that... would... just... take more focus than I can afford right now.

So, what did you think?


21 March, 2012

Geek Furious the Podcast Episode 12 - Exclusive CHUCK Movie News

In this episode, we discuss Metallica, Dave Mustaine, Ron McGovney, CHUCK, Skype, THE HUNGER GAMES, and other stuff. CLICK BELOW!

If you want to listen directly from the site, click on the player below:

Or RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE to download the MP3 file and play it however and wherever you like.

Apparently, you can also subscribe to this podcast via this iTunes link thingy.


The Battlestar Galactica Blood and Chrome Trailer

The trailer for the 2 hour SyFy pilot premiered over the weekend at WonderCon.

EDIT: I just found that the originator of this trailer is HERE so click that if the video doesn't play.

Looks intriguing. But I think it's gonna have a hard time living up to the standard that was established with the series. BTW, it was three years ago yesterday, March 20, 2009 that BSG ended it's run.


20 March, 2012

Castle 4.18 -- A Dance With Death

It's been three weeks since the last new episode of 'Castle' aired, so I was looking forward to watching and reviewing "A Dance with Death".

Luckily for me, I really don't have to review it.

Because I think I could copy and paste my review from the previous episode (4.17 -- Once Upon a Crime), and nobody would have even realized the difference.

Don't believe me? Just check out the first section from that review and tell me they don't almost 100 percent apply to this week's show:

The following is a list of things that happened during Monday's episode of 'Castle':

1. There was a crime
2. Beckett and Castle flirted
3. Castle's mother annoyed him
4. There was a twist in the case
5. Beckett and Castle got the wrong killer
6. Castle accidentally stumbled upon a clue to determine the real killer
7. Captain Gates was nowhere to be found

By now, perhaps you realize that I could use this intro as my review on almost every single Castle episode ever made.

This isn't a complaint on "Once Upon a Crime". It was a typical Castle episode, which means it was enjoyable-enough. The crime was interesting and provided some twists, Beckett and Castle were fun together as always and at the end of the episode I'm glad I watched it.

So basically, all that needs to be done is change "Once Upon a Crime" to "A Dance with Death". Castle and Beckett didn't really flirt at all, but whatever. This was essentially the same damn thing.

I won't lie and say that my laziness isn't a factor in this, but what else is there other than that to really review about this episode?

One original thing I can say is that I loved all the scenes between Ryan and Esposito. They don't get to do too much, but they are fun when they do.


RYAN:"Damn, you see that? She acted like I didn't exist."
ESPOSITO: "You don't, not since you put that ring on your finger. Get used to feeling invisible to single women." 

"ESPOSITO: "Cause now you're all blissfully happy with your wife and whatnot. You have the stink of honeymoon phase all over you. No woman wants to be around that."

ESPOSITO: "What's wrong with you, man? Why do you gotta throw salt in my game like that?"
RYAN: "You can't pick up on hunnies while wearing the eternal symbol of my love and commitment to Jenny. ... Did I just say that out loud? ... No wonder why women won't flirt with me, I'm a lost cause -- a man in love with his wife."

ALEXIS: "All in all, I think there's ample evidence that Mr. Morton was murdered."
CASTLE: "Ample. Murdered. I am just so proud."
ALEXIS: "Dad, work. Boundaries."


--Is it just me, or are there a lot of murders backstage on this show? There was an episode with a murder at the set of a soap opera last season (3.18 -- One Life to Lose), and a backstage dog show murder earlier this season (4.13 -- An Embarrassment of Bitches). Creativity, people!

--"Well unless our killer used a silencer, someone must have heard a shot." I swear, that quote is used IN EVERY EPISODE OF EVERY CRIME SHOW.

--Ah, the obligatory first suspect with obvious motive and proof of them threatening to do EXACTLY what happened. That person is never guilty, people.

--Mrs. Winterbottom!!! How fitting, considering John Casey will be on Castle later this season. If you don't know what that sentence means, you should be ashamed of yourself.

--I love how gripped Beckett gets when Castle is telling her one of his crazy theories.

--So many contrivances. A man clever enough to get away with one murder gets busted for another because he put the gun in the dumpster behind his office? C'mon. Alexis discovering the natural cause of death was bogus, but a professional not seeing the obvious signs of a pillow being used. Eh.

THE SCORE: 74 out of 100

Whatever. Who cares what my score is, anyway?


How I Met Your Mother 7.19 -- The Broath

While 'How I Met Your Mother' is a beloved and popular show, it's also a show that even its biggest fans get furious about.

The obvious being that the creators of the show are sadists who want to torture us by never telling us who the mother is. Whatever. I'm starting to get over this. I swear.

But we overlook that because there are so many other things about this show we love, like...

--The Bro Code
--The Intervention banner (cue Marshall clearing his throat and me saying "Quintervention")
--Barney's fake history flashbacks
--The classic HIMYM storytelling structure
--Slaps and high-fives (it wasn't part of the slap bet, but still awesome)
--The occasional, but powerful emotional moments (in this case, Barney getting emotional and then getting slapped before the fake break-up and when Robin told Ted she missed his friendship)
--The tease of a future story, which is sometimes a good thing (Ted telling his future kids that him and Robin wouldn't see each other for a long time. Looking forward to seeing how/why that plays out.)
--Jokes repeating throughout the episode (adding Quinn as a prefix and the Marshall/Lily storyline. The latter I thought got annoying.)

...And what do you know? "The Broath" featured all of those in my favorite 22 minutes of the season.


MARSHALL: "Lily, you snooped through her stuff?"
LILY: "No, it's like the first thing you see when you jimmy-open her desk drawer with the letter opener her grandfather left her according to her diary."

LILY: "Don't say that whore's name in front of our baby."

BARNEY: "Are you aware that breaking a broath can have deadly, even fatal repercussions. Have you studied history, Ted?"
TED: "Extensively. But I'm a little shaky on fake history, so..."

BARNEY: "And then he banged like 100 chicks and invented a salad. True story."

BARNEY: "And now to seal this sacred vow, the two ladies will kiss."

RANDOM COLLEGE DUDES: "I think you're stories are way too long. I feel bad for his future kids."


--I wonder how much money Ted's two kids make to just sit on the couch and look annoyed. What a gig.

--I'm disappointed that Barney didn't say "Brobe Up!" when he asked Ted to put the "brobe" on.

--Where did he get three extra brobes on such short notice?

--There have been suggestions here and there for a long time that Lily wanted to kiss Robin. We now have evidence that this was precisely the case.

--If the bride isn't Quinn at Barney's wedding at the end of the season, I'm going to be insanely furious. I don't know what I'm going to do, but the repercussions will be deadly, even fatal.

THE SCORE: 92 out of 100

One thing people tend to hate about this show is all the deception and misdirection. For example, the episode earlier this season when Robin was talking to her future kids that we find out at the end didn't really exist.

But this episode was so good, that the misdirection in it (the break-up that turned out to be fake) was actually a positive that made the episode even better.


19 March, 2012

Geek Furious the Podcast Episode #11 - The Fantasy Called Religion

In this episode we discuss politics, religion, gay marriage, television, Tenacious D, and other stuff. You will likely be offended if you are a massive pussy. CLICK BELOW!

If you want to listen directly from the site, click on the player below:

Or RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE to download the MP3 file and play it however and wherever you like.

Apparently, you can also subscribe to this podcast via this iTunes link thingy.


Walking Dead 2.13 - Beside The Dying Fire

A strong finish makes the second season of The Walking Dead feel less uneven, plus a few great details set up an amazing journey for Season 3. Oh, and we are finally leaving the farm! More thoughts below:

A great finale can make or break an otherwise average season and turn it into the stuff of legend or simply hour number 13. This finale did the former; it made a bumpy season feel like it had a purpose the entire time and provided some promising leads to follow up on that will keep viewers hungry for the next chapter over the long break.

Picking up right where things left off last week we see a massive heard of zombies heading towards the farm to threaten our band of scattered survivors. The resulting escape and the torching of the barn might go down as one of the most memorable moments of the this season, and it reminded us why this show is great both dramatically and visually. I particularly loved the way the show blew apart the group safety model by splitting everyone up in the most dire of circumstances without any means of communication. The show has slowly been destroying the comforting idea of the group's safety and forcing the survivors to come to terms with the reality that they are living in a dangerous world that threatens their very existence. The burning of the barn along with the gruesome deaths of two known (if not necessarily significant) characters put the final nail in the coffin of security; on top of the all too recent incident of Dale's death. I feel like this is the show I have been waiting to see since day one.

When the remaining survivors finally meet up on the road it's a relief, but their conversation is also colored by the realization that things have changed dramatically. On that note I also enjoyed the visual cues of often having the zombies sneaking up on, or behind the survivors; as though they constantly need to be looking over their shoulder. The group is now facing the realities of being on the move, like leaving behind fellow members (Andrea) and supply issues (running out of gas idiots!). Speaking of Andrea, I was thrilled by her character in this episode. She finally seems to have turned into the confident, all around badass, I've been waiting for all season. Her exhausted run through the zombie filled forest also set up the entrance of a new character ( I won't spoil the name for anyone, but it is easily found on the interwebs). This scene was my second favorite of the episode after the barn burning and to say I'm excited to meet this character next season would be an incredible understatement.

Rick's revelation that everyone is infected with the virus was a big move forward on the zombie mythology front, and his survivor buddies were clearly upset that he had kept it from them for the past couple months. I was a little upset with their reaction considering it was clear that Rick was right on this point when he remarked: "what would it have changed?". I was also disappointed with Lori's reaction to Rick's confession about Shane. She was clearly playing both sides of that argument through both Rick and Shane, and for her to be pissed after she basically goaded them both into a conflict was ridiculous.

The final scenes which displayed Rick's new state of mind on things only added to the episode’s overall sense of leaving this season behind. After his constant wavering this season and the endless debates Rick’s proclamations felt like a breath of fresh air, even if they were a bit depressing. The final shot of the prison looming in the distance above the ridge from the small band of survivors huddled around the fire was a fitting and suitably ominous ending to an amazing episode that makes me wish Season 3 was starting tomorrow instead of 6 months from now.

If I had to rate this episode it would be a 99 out of 100

Lots of tense drama and zombie killing action; great plot and character developments; and a wealth of snippets to build the anticipation for next season. This one was truly the complete package. See you all in Season 3!

Notables and quotables:

-Daryl playing the redneck knight in shining armor- rescuing Carol on his motorcycle steed and carrying her off to safety.
-Bear McCreary outdid himself with the music in this episode. The score for the barn/farm scenes was beyond amazing!
-Armless walker man slaves and a Samurai sword are a hell of way to make an entrance.
-I watched this episode with a friend and we kept commenting on the survivors lack of taste in car choices. Except for Maggie and Glenn with the apparently fuel efficient Hyundai, everyone else seems to have chosen the crappiest trucks from 1987 ever. At least we said goodbye to the RV.
-Hershel: "This is my farm. I'll die here."
Daryl: "Alright, it's as good a night as any"
-Glenn: "I love you. Maggie, I love you. Listen, I should have said it a long time ago and its been true for a long time. We're gonna be alright, ok, we'll be alright." -even in the zombie apocalypse I'm a sucker for romance and I love these two crazy kids.
-Rick: "Lets get one thing straight: if you're staying; this isn't a democracy anymore!"- I normally hate Rick speechifying but in this case I almost posted his whole monologue as a quotable.


Battle Royale Movie Review

Battle Royale released in 2000 in Japan, based on the novel of the same title which I have already sort of reviewed earlier. The film only officially released in the US in December 2011, not because it had been banned (which was a rumor) but because no one had bought the distribution rights. The film has gotten really good reviews and even won some awards in Japan, dispite a number of protestations and criticisms of the film's subject material when it released.

As a film on its own, Battle Royale is kick ass. It's an awesome, bloody, crazy film that tells the story of a bunch of Japanese teenage classmates who are forced to fight a battle to the death on an island. Its fun and shocking, and I can easily see why people who saw the movie before reading the book, would prefer the film. It cuts right to the chase, it skips most of the backstory (obviously due to only having 2 hours to tell the story) and uses the gore and violence and youth of the contestants to full impact. The problem I have with Battle Royale the film, is when I start looking at it as an adaptation of the 1999 novel. (It is not an adaptation of the manga, the novel came first.) Like I said, to those who see the film first, I can see how the novel is probably way to long etc. but since I read the novel before I saw the film, to me, as an adaptation, the film doesn't quite hold up. At least, not as well as I'd hoped.

Again, I understand the need to cut out a lot of backstory because of time restraints. But there were a number of things cut for the film version that I just don't understand. I'll give the two biggest examples: Kazuo's character, the main antagonist, changes from paper to screen, and one of the most film-y sequences from the book, a car chase/shootout is not in the film at all.

Regarding Kazuo, in the film he is evil. He is mean and emotional and enjoys killing his fellow classmates. He even volunteers to join the class just to participate in this battle to the death. He is for all intents and purposes, a pure psychopath, which serves as the reason he goes on a killing rampage. The book Kazuo is much more chilling; he feels nothing. He doesn't feel much pain, he feels no guilt, anger, joy, no emotion of any kind. He suffered brain damage as a fetus, when his mother was in a car accident. This damaged the part of his brain that controls human emotion. Kazuo decides to play the game, to kill his classmates, because he flips a coin, and that's the side it lands on. He doesn't enjoy killing anyone, but he doesn't feel bad about it either. Imagine being hunted by someone who has no feelings, pure creepy. I think it would have made the film much more interesting to keep Kazuo the way he was originally written.

The car chase being cut makes far less sense to me. Kazuo in a car chasing, Shuya, Shogo, and Niroko in a van while they are shooting at each other and almost dying every second, why would anyone cut that? And it takes place right around the climax of the film. I guess I'd have to ask the filmmakers to get an answer to this. It's really disappointing to read something like that and see absolutely nothing of it on screen.

The film doesn't come close to developing the kind of depth the novel has, but I'd say definitely see the film Battle Royale, it is awesome on its own. But if you've read the book already, prepare yourself for some serious changes. Not just in some scenes, but in some of the character psychology as well.


18 March, 2012

Wondercon 2012 Video: FRINGE Team's Favorite Walterisms

This hilariously awesome video shown at Wondercon should make any FRINGE fan happy. CLICK BELOW!


New Prometheus Trailer

The new trailer was released last night. Click below to behold.

"Big things have small beginnings..." Not an Alien prequel? Yeah, right.


15 March, 2012

Geek Furious the Poopcast, Episode 10: Calling Out Lisa Nova

In this episode, we discuss COMMUNITY, SOUTH PARK, CHUCK, DIABLO III, wannabe geeks, Lisa Nova, and why zombies suck plus much, much more.

Click below to play it directly on the site:

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Review - COMMUNITY 3.11: 'Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts'

And they're back! So let's recap.

With space available in the school's commons area, the gang encourages Shirley to start her own business, with Pierce willing to assist now that he is top dog in the family (since Jeff killed his father). But before they can make big plans, Andre dances his way into Shirley's heart and re-proposes. She happily accepts. Pierce's racist camera does not approve.

In the library, the gang, minus Shirley, discuss marriage, with Britta not to happy about the whole thing.

Britta: Weddings are like little girl's tea parties. Except the women are the stuffed animals, the men are making them talk, and they're not drinking tea, they're drinking antiquated gender roles.
Jeff: Somebody tell Britta what an analogy is.
Britta: I know what it is! It's like a thought, with another thought's hat on.

Jeff, though, is also on board with the anti-marriage point of view and the two former lovers high-five right before happy Shirley walks into the room. They predictably pretend to be happy for her and the group offers their help with the wedding. Shirley is apprehensive and suggests they just show up and act like normal people.

Troy: We'll try not to embarrass you at your community college library wedding.

When Pierce reveals that he has started to invest time and effort in their mutual business venture, Shirley dismisses it stating that she is much too busy to think about such things now that she is getting married. Pierce is clearly upset by this but demonstrates his fallback option, the trouser bench.

Two button clicks later and he's in trouble.

Pierce: Will somebody please call all the ambulances?

Later, Abed and Troy discuss their need to behave normally at the wedding. Abed has an idea.

Abed: What if we purged all the weirdness from our systems?
Troy: You mean...
Abed: A full 24-hour weird-down in the Dreamatorium. Just you, me, and our imaginations. No restraints. By the wedding, our temptation to act weird will be gone.
Troy: I'm feeling more normal already.

Meanwhile, Britta decides it is a really good idea to discuss things with Shirley.

Britta: Shirley, my 9th grade English teacher used to say 'There will always be a reason not to follow your dreams.' At the time he meant I was under the age of consent. But his words still apply. Are you sure your wedding is the reason you're bailing on this business with Pierce?

Shirley assures Britta that it is the wedding and nothing else standing in her way. So Britta offers to plan the wedding for her. After several minutes of laughing, followed by silence, Annie is offered up as help. And thus Shirley and Pierce join in a business venture marriage.

As Shirley and Pierce brainstorm ideas, it becomes clear that Pierce has no clue what he is doing. Shirley tries to walk but is stopped by the truth: Pierce has been fired by his company and is only rolling in lots of money.

Back in the library, Annie and Britta meet with some flower expert dude thingy, and Britta reveals her natural talents for making flower arrangements. Annie and the dude are both impressed. Britta? Still angry.

Britta: Yeah, well great! Flowers look good in a pot. There are people dying in Uganda!

KONY 2012!

At the apartment, Troy and Abed emerge from their dreamatorium.

Troy and Abed: (shaking hands) Troy and Abed being normal.

Jeff struggles with his toast speech; Shirley and Pierce pitch their business to the dean; Britta freaks out about being a woman or something; Troy and Abed are frighteningly normal; and Andre is freaking out a bit about the rehearsal.

When Shirley finally arrives at the wedding rehearsal, Andre is confrontational and not at all happy about her entrepreneurial efforts. They two argue about their future. Jeff gets really drunk, then confesses his deep dark emotional pain.

Jeff: My daddy said he would stay with my mommy forever and he left! Marriage is a lie! Nobody commits to this! Nobody stays with anybody forever, so why do we keep lying?!
Britta: (drunk) I'm gonna stay with somebody forever! It's in my stupid DNA.

The two drunkards argue about their dysfunctions. Normal Troy and Abed are intrigued. Annie reaches out to Andre and Shirley to stop the impending train-wreck as Britta and Jeff decide to get married. Then the show goes all message on us and Shirley and Andre get married.

When Troy sees the monkey known as Annie's Boobs, he realizes that normal isn't cool and turns Abed back toward the light of weirdness. The dean then tells Shirley that the space she wanted was sold to Subway (are they invading all my favorite NBC shows with low ratings?!).

Finally, Pierce mocks his father's grave.

If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:

88 out of 100

Hey, the show is back!


Review - SOUTH PARK 16.01: 'Reverse Cowgirl'

"Now little Clyde's mother is dead. And the blood is on his penis."

One of the things that has kept me returning to this show for sixteen seasons, after abandoning other shows long before getting close to that number (I don't get what you people still find interesting about the SIMPSONS) is that it takes real world issues and pounces on them like a ferocious honey badger from hell. And over the years, it has only gotten more controversial, not less. I'd also say the show has become more relevant.

Part of that relevancy can be attributed to the fact that SOUTH PARK is written, animated, voice acted, edited, and released in the span of a week. Whereas other animated shows take MONTHS to complete one episode. That gives this show the ability to tackle current topics within days of them becoming news items.

This season premiere doesn't tackle a current news item exactly, but it does use the well known complaint by women about men leaving the toilet seat up to blast government overreaction to sudden deadly events and specifically the TSA.

When Clyde's mom is killed after falling into the toilet because he couldn't remember to put the toilet seat down, the TSA (toilet safety administration) swoops in with new government regulations and violates everyone's autonomy with their seat-belt and ass inspection laws.

Cartman, in his usually ignorant extremist mindset, comes up with a solution: remove the ability to raise and lower the toilet seat. The women resist because men pee on the seat but suggest men could agree to sit down to pee, solving the problem. But the men resist this suggestion because it prevents them from cutting their poo with their urine.

Eventually, the entire town sues the inventor of the toilet, Sir John Harrington, who has been dead for hundreds of years, by way of a swindling lawyer's sue-ance. But when the spirit of Clyde's mom pops in the courtroom to reveal the truth, Harrington's spirit arrives and tells everyone they've been using his toiler incorrectly. Apparently you are supposed to straddle it the opposite way, so you can use the little shelf for your books and chocolate milk.

Also, that hole in the bathroom stall is for your laundry, not your man parts. Sorry porn.

If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:

82 out of 100

It was funny and nutty like the show likes to be but it has definitely done better episodes.


14 March, 2012

Geek Furious the Poopcast, Episode 9: CHUCK LUCK

In this episode we discuss CHUCK, LUCK, COMMUNITY, BREAKING IN, NEW GIRL, racism, the N-word, creepy dudes and Natalie Portman, and more. Plus I listen to my one fan and sing... or something.

Click below to play it directly on the site:

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Review NEW GIRL 1.16: 'Control'

In this episode, Schmidt and Cece's relationship continues its ninja ways. Jess finds furniture. Nick owes Winston money. Winston drinks. Schmidt strikes. More after the next sentence.

After another sexual rendezvous, Cece drops Schmidt off a solar system or two away from his apartment so as to not be seen with him. Schmidt isn't too happy about this.

Schmidt: Okay look, I'm fine with you not telling anybody about us. But you cannot just call me at any time and just summon me for intercourse. I have no control here and I'm stressed out all day long. It's like you're ripping the side-block out of my mental Jenga. I'm totally falling apart.

Back at the apartment, Jess has found a hutch thingy on the street and proudly shows it off to Schmidt, who is not happy about this either.

Schmidt: Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Apparently Schmidt has been given authority over the apartment by the other guys because he does all the cleaning. Jess wants to have more control over what she brings into the place and makes some executive decisions by bringing in more off-the-street gear that drives Schmidt insane. When she further challenges his authority, Schmidt smashes her hutch with a shove.

In an attempt to deprogram Schmidt's mental disorders, Jess tries to change his scenery and introduce him to the world at large. Though he resists at first, eventually he is won over by dancing hippie girls.

Out in the wilderness, Winston confronts Nick about the poker game money he owes him. This eventually turns a bit ugly as the two begin to itemize what the other may owe throughout the entirety of their friendship.

When Jess and Schmidt return from their adventures, and to the horror of Nick and Winston, the Schmidtster has learned to stop himself from cleaning up everyone's mess. The dudes warn Jess that she has messed with the ecosystem and will regret it but she's idiotically happy about her success.

No surprise, having a more enlightened bongo playing Schmidt makes living conditions in the apartment third-world messy. With no one to clean up the place, things have gone to hell. They further go to hell when Nick and Winston get into a slap fight at the super market over their money issues.

In the end, the group talks Schmidt into abandoning his enlightened state because they need the old him.

Nick: Look, Schmidt, if you come back to us, I'll let you clean my room.
Schmidt: (shocked) The white whale?
Nick: Think about how many dust bunnies are in my bed. How many stray socks.

A paid of Calvin Klein's eventually turn him back to the dark side. And as the episode ends, Cece shows up for some sex.

If I had to rate this episode, I'd give it:

70 out of 100

Meh. All the good stuff was right up front and the last scene. Clearly this show just needs to become the Schmidt and Cece half-hour.


13 March, 2012

Geek Furious the Poopcast, Episode 8: Nothing But CHUCK

In this episode, we discuss CHUCK and lots of other things. It's not like you are going to listen anyway. Oh and I kind of play guitar and sing. So, that should really up the amount of clicks.

Click below to play it directly on the site:

Or right-click and SAVE to play it wherever and however you like.


12 March, 2012

Geek Furious the Poopcast, Episode 7: Russian Badger Is Gonna Git Ya!

In this episode, we discuss many, many things including COMMUNITY, CHUCK, JOHN CARTER, Nielsen ratings, webisodes, Beavis and that dude Butthead, badgers that are Russian, and much, much more. Offensive language. Hardcore music. Your ears my bleed and you may cry, so listen often.

Click below to play it directly on the site:

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CHUCK 91 - 1.01: Chuck Versus the Intersect

The point of this effort is to provide people with an easy to find resource for an accurate and thorough breakdown of episodes and quotes. There are other sites that contain specific quotes from episodes but almost all of them simply paraphrase the dialogue. We will make painstaking efforts to get the quote right, down to the umms, ahhs, and even stutters!

Mind you, WE WILL NOT QUOTE THE ENTIRE EPISODE. That wouldn't even be legal. Also, these are not reviews, but each individual writer will be allowed to give their opinion at the end of the article.

In the article, a "SCENE" number is determined by the writer of the article but should be when a location is changed, or a part of a location is changed, or when the main characters change at a location. Descriptions of the scene will be in italics. Actions by the character within the dialogue will be noted in parentheses. Comments by the article writer will be in brackets (such as when dialogue can't be understood).

Finally, before getting to it, if you feel a quote was missed and should be included, painstakingly type it out in the comments section, sign your post, and we will consider adding it to the article with credit going to you for the effort. WARNING, there is no guarantee your efforts will be rewarded.

And now, may I present to you episode 1 of 91:


Chuck and Morgan are seen preparing for what seems like a dangerous spy mission.
Chuck: Morgan, this is a bad idea.
Morgan: Well, we can't stay here, Chuck!
Chuck: I'm uncomfortable with the plan.
Morgan: The plan? What plan?! This is survival! (There's a knock on the door) That's her, we've been compromised! I'm a ghost!
Chuck: Morgan, you can't leave me like this. You can't do this to me, man.
Ellie walks into the room, turns on the light to reveal Morgan hanging out of the window and Chuck sitting down on the floor.
Ellie: Chuck? What're you doing?!
Chuck: Uhhh, escaping?
Ellie: From your own birthday party.
Morgan: (Seemingly hanging out of the window at some height) Hey, Ellie! Wow, you look fan... (loses grip) ...tastic!
Chuck: Uhhh, you know, sis, the th... the thing is Morgan and I don't really feel like we're fitting in. At my birthday party. 'Cause we don't know anybody. 'Cus they're all your friends. And they all happen to be doctors.
Morgan: Doctors who don't really get our jokes.
Chuck: Well, your jokes.
Morgan: Okay, my jokes.

Ellie drags Chuck to the party.
Ellie: Birthday boy. Come with me. We're gonna be social. You are funny. You are smart. You are handsome!
Chuck: Thank you. Oh, there's Captain Awesome.
Ellie: Please don't call him that.
Captain Awesome: Okay, I've identified some candidates for Chuck and they are awesome. (Brings him to the ladies) Let me introduce you to Chuck, Ellie's brother.
Girl #1: Hi, Chuck! I've heard so much about you.
Girl #2: Are you wearing a costume?
Chuck: No, I, I, I work for the Nerd Herd.
Girl #1: Nerd Herd?! That is so cute! Whaddya really wanna do?
Chuck: Working on my five-year plan, just need to choose a font.
Girl #3: What happened here? Did you hurt your hand?
Chuck: (Revealing his taped up fingers) No, no. It's from Call of Duty. The controller chafes after several hours.

Bryce Larkin breaks into the Intersect room and steals the device.
Bryce: It's hard to say goodbye.

Chuck continues to talk to the girls, now reminiscing about his old college roommate, Bryce, and his ex Jill.
Ellie: How's he doing?
Captain Awesome: Not Awesome.

With security forces trying to enter the room, Bryce blows it up, fights his way out like a trained ninja monkey, and escapes. But just as he thinks he is safe, he is shot by NSA agent Major John Casey.
Casey: (Having already shot Bryce) Don't move.
Bryce: (With his dying breath) Too late Casey (he presses send on his handheld device which quickly self-destructs).

Chuck and Ellie discuss Jill and Stanford by the fountain and eventually Morgan reveals his obsession with Ellie and her uncomfortableness with him.

As Morgan plays video games in Chuck's room, an email from Bryce is received on Chuck's computer.
Morgan: Wow. Blast from the past wow. Bryce remembered your birthday, dude.
Chuck: What?
Morgan: Bryce. The guy who got you kicked out of school. The guy who stole your girl. Remember that guy?
Chuck: (Walking over to his computer) Yeah, Morgan. I think I remember Bryce.
As they read the email it becomes evident that it is an old Zork text-based video game riddle. Chuck sends Morgan home and then figures out the code which launches the Intersect download into his brain. He watches the stream and eventually passes out cold.

Morgan wakes Chuck up the following morning.
Chuck: Did you spike the punch?
Morgan: Something goes wrong you blame me. After all these years. Where's the trust? (Pause) Yes, I did.

Chuck takes a shower and listens to the morning radio. He experiences his first flash.

Morgan and Chuck leave for work and Chuck complains of a headache. He asks Morgan to drive but instinctively warns him of traffic.
Chuck: Do me a favor and stay off the 5, okay? 'Cause the cops are in a phased (pause) deployment.
Morgan: (After a long pause) Okay. Thanks for the tip, Ponch.

Chuck debriefs the Nerd Herd crew about the Irene Demova virus, named after a Serbian porn star.
Chuck: Lonely dude call volume will be high. This is a nasty one, kids. It's a computer killer. Last night, the display version of our Prism Express laptop was fried when someone (looks over at Morgan) decided to enter Miss Demova's website. Anna, close the eyes. This is what happens.
Chuck hits enter on the keyboard and the virus seemingly attacks the laptop. Chuck and the gang turn around to look at Morgan.
Morgan: Sorry, Chuck! She drives me crazy! But that's love.
Morgan turns the TV on and Chuck experiences his second flash upon seeing a news report about an arriving general.

At the Directorate of National Intelligence, in Washington D.C., Casey is given his mission to go find out who Bryce sent the Intersect to and to retrieve it.

CIA Agent Sarah Walker arrives at the Buy More and walks toward Chuck and Morgan at the Nerd Herd front desk. Chuck is busy on the phone but Morgan sees Sarah approaching.
Morgan: Stop the presses. Who is that? Vicky Vale!
Chuck: (Still on the phone, oblivious) Vicky Vale. Vic-Va Vicky Vale. Voogeddyvoogeddy Vicky Vale. Vic-Va Vicky Vale. (Suddenly notices Sarah and drops everything)
Sarah: I hope I'm not interrupting.
Chuck: No. Not at all. Uhhh, that's from, it's from Batman.
Sarah: 'Cause that makes it better.
Chuck: Hah!
Morgan: Ahh, hi! Hey, I'm, I'm Morgan. And this is uhh, this is Chuck.
Sarah: Wow, I didn't think people still named their kids Chuck. Or Morgan for that matter.
Chuck: My parents are sadists. And carnival freaks found him in a dumpster.
Morgan: But they raised me as one of their own.
Chuck fixes Sarah's phone, then is approached by a father and his daughter about a digital camera that didn't record her recital.

Chuck saves the day by recording the little ballerina dancing in the Buy More media room. As he tries to return to a smiling Sarah he is intercepted by Harry Tang.
Tang: Chuck!
Chuck: Hi, Harry. Ahh, look we'll be back up and running in five minutes.
Tang: Five minutes? Do you know what five minutes means in Buy More dollars?
Chuck: I didn't realize we had our own currency. Look, I'm sorry about all the commotion...
Tang: We're not stock boys anymore, Chuck! We are leaders! Buy More leaders. And you wonder why Big Mike wants me for assistant manager.
Chuck: Wha, there's an open position? Big Mike didn't tell me about that.
Tang: And why should he? He knows you won't leave the comfort of the herrrrd.
Harry Tang leaves and Chuck returns his gaze back to the Nerd Herd desk but Sarah has left.
Morgan: Chuck, dude. She left you her card.

Back at the apartment complex, Chuck and Morgan discuss why Chuck won't call Sarah.

Chuck and Morgan enter the apartment and confront a ninja who appears to be stealing Chuck's computer. The ninja easily defeats them both but the computer is destroyed in the process. The ninja leaves and is revealed to be Sarah.

At the Buy More, Jeff and Lester check out Chuck's computer and declare it dead.
Jeff: What if you were the unwitting target of a ninja vendetta and he returns tonight to strangle you with his nunchucks?
Chuck: That's super, Jeff. Thanks for thinking outside the box on that one. And here I thought I couldn't get any more freaked out.

Chuck goes to the Large Mart to buy new locks and flashes on an enemy agent. He doesn't understand what is happening and freaks out, thinking the person is stalking him in the store.

Sarah sits in her car in the Buy More parking lot and talks to her boss at the CIA, Langston Graham.
Sarah: I have eyes on him, right now. And like I said, the computer was destroyed. Beyond repair.
Graham: Okay. It's done. I want you in the air in an hour.
Sarah: But what if he has an external drive? A backup...
Graham: It's over, Sarah. The NSA is stepping in. Bryce was CIA, he was our guy. And he burned us. Casey's on his way out. You're being recalled.
Sarah: 'Cause of Casey. He's a burnout.
Graham: He's a killer, Sarah. Cold school. I want you to listen to me. Whatever happened with Bryce, you couldn't have known. You couldn't have stopped.
Sarah: But I can fix it. If there's a backup, I'll find it. Just give me 12-hours.

Chuck is at the Nerd Herd desk, head on the table, buried in his arms.
Chuck: I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind.
Sarah presses the bell on the desk.
Chuck: Morgan, not now.
Chuck, still with his head down, reaches for the hand that just pressed the bell and realizes it is not Morgan, sees Sarah and springs up.
Chuck: Hi! Hi! Uhh, phone trouble? Again?
Sarah: Ahhh, yeah. I'm not sure I'm able to receive calls. 'Cause I never got one from you.
Sarah asks Chuck out on a date and Chuck accepts.

Casey observes Sarah leaving the Buy More.

Chuck arrives at home and finds Ellie and Awesome relaxing on the couch watching TV.
Ellie: Hey, Chuck.
Chuck: Ellie. Captain. Don't freak out. Remain calm. I have some news.
Morgan comes running in and launches himself at Chuck, grabbing a hold of him and wrapping his legs around him.
Morgan: Chuck's got a date!
Ellie: What?! Who?
Awesome: Way to go, Chuck. That's awesome.

A montage sequence of Chuck and Sarah getting ready for their date.

Chuck and Morgan are outside in the courtyard when Ellie hurries out with flowers.
Ellie: Chuck. Hey. So these are left over from the party.
Chuck: Oh.
Ellie: Take this.
Chuck: Oh, okay.
Ellie: And, uhh, don't forget about the old-girlfriend rule.
Chuck: Right. Got it. No mention of Jill.
Ellie: Aces, Charles. You're aces.
Chuck: A dad quote. I'm impressed. Love you, sis.
Ellie: I love you. Have fun.
Chuck: I will. I'll try.
Chuck leaves and Morgan is left behind, staring stupidly at Ellie.
Morgan: Just, they grow up so fast, you know, and...
Ellie: (Annoyed) Go home, Morgan. Just go home. Go home.

Sarah is on the phone with Graham at her apartment.
Sarah: He's picking me up for a date.
Graham: You're on your own on this one, Sarah. I can't help you if something goes wrong.
Sarah: I don't know about this guy, Graham.
Graham: Nice guys aren't sent government secrets.
There's a knock at her door. She loads her gun and walks toward the door, still talking on the phone.
Sarah: What should I do if he runs?
She opens the door to reveal Chuck, with flowers.
Graham: Kill him.

Chuck and Sarah are at a restaurant getting to know each other.
Chuck: So, yeah. I live with my sister and her boyfriend, Captain Awesome.
Sarah: No! (laughs)
Chuck: It's true, though.
Sarah: So, so wait. You call him Captain Awesome.
Chuck: Yeah. Wait 'til you meet him. Everything he does is awesome. Climbing mountains. Jumping out of planes. Flossing.
Sarah: (laughing) That's funny.
Chuck: Well, I'm, I'm a funny guy.
Sarah: Clearly. Which is good, 'cause I am not funny.
Chuck: Is that your big secret, by the way? 'Cause I've been sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong with you.
Sarah: Oh, plenty. Believe me.
Chuck: And I was thinking, either she's a cannibal or she's really not that funny. And I was pulling for cannibal 'cause I've never met one before.
Sarah: Ahh, not a cannibal. But I did just come out of a long relationship. So, I may come with baggage.
Chuck: Ahh, I can be your very own baggage handler.
Weird, uncomfortable silence.
Chuck: Ahh, so the guy, the ex! The guy. The ex is the reason you moved here from...
Sarah: Ahh, DC.
Chuck: Right.
Sarah: Yep. After I realized that all of my friends were his friends and that everything about Washington reminded me of Bruce, I needed change. A big one.
Chuck: Bruce. Yeah. You give me crap for being Chuck and went out with a Bruce? That's nice! That's real good.
Sarah: So, so what about you? What skeletons do you have in your closet? Any secrets? Any women?
Chuck: Ahh, yeah. Yeah, uhh umm, actually well back in college there was someone. But actually that's all over with now and her restraining orders are very specific. So...
Sarah: I like you, Chuck.

Chuck and Sarah leave the restaurant and discuss music. As they walk along a highway overpass Chuck sees something and has another flash.

As Chuck and Sarah walk toward a club, Casey and other agents observe them from a vehicle.
Casey: Chuck Bartowski's your mark. NSA director wants him with a pulse. 'Til we find out who he's working with, what he knows, he lives. The CIA skirt, you can kill.

Inside the club, Sarah notices the agents and pulls Chuck out on the dance floor. As the two dance and with Chuck oblivious to what is going on around him, Sarah dispatches Casey's team with expert precision. She then rushes out of the club with Chuck in hand.

Outside of the club, Sarah rushes Chuck off into the Nerd Herd mobile. She picks the lock and then tells him to get in as the NSA agents fly around the corner in pursuit. What follows his a high speed chase with Casey's NSA team following Sarah's backward driving in the Nerd Herd mobile and a very confused Chuck in the passenger seat. Eventually the escape long enough for Sarah to detail some things.
Sarah: Listen to me, Chuck. Those men will hurt you. They're from the NSA and they're after you.
Chuck: Me? Why? Wait wait wait why me? I'm nobody. I'm, I'm the supervisor of a Nerd Herd in a Buy More. Maybe one day I'll be assistant store manager and I don't even know if I want that job. You know, that's not even your problem.
Chuck notices the SVU full of NSA agents coming right toward them at a high rate of speed.
Chuck: But that is.
The NSA agents crash into the Nerd Herd mobile. Chuck and Sarah try escape on foot but Chuck falls. The NSA agents maintain pursuit in their vehicle but Sarah disables it using her spy smarts and an emergency blockade.

Sarah requests an emergency extraction and takes Chuck up to the roof of a nearby building.
Sarah: How well do you know Bryce Larkin?
Chuck: Whu? How do you, how do you know Bryce?
Sarah: We worked together at the CIA.
Chuck: The what?! The CIA? Bryce is a spy? Bryce Larkin from Connecticut is a spy?
Sarah: A rogue spy. Did he try to contact you?
Chuck: I haven't heard from Bryce in the... wait, no, he... he, he sent me, he sent me an email.
Sarah: Did you open it?
Chuck: Yeah. It, it was a, it was a line from Zork.
Sarah: What?!
Chuck: Ahh Zork. It's a, it's a video game that we used to play. It was like a riddle and I solved it and then there was ahh ahh pictures. Lots and lots of pictures.
Sarah: You saw them? (pause) Ahh, your computer, did you back it up? Is there an external drive?
Chuck: It crashed a week ago. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. Was I not supposed to look at those pictures?
Sarah: Okay, I may have to aim my gun at you so just don't freak out.
Chuck: Why?
Casey arrives on the roof.
Casey: It's late. I'm tired. Let's cut the crap and give it to me, now. It belongs to the NSA.
Sarah pulls out her gun and points it at Chuck. Chuck freaks out a little bit.
Sarah: CIA gets him first.
Casey points his weapon at Sarah.
Sarah: You come any closer and I shoot.
Chuck: Sarah. I'm freaking out.
Casey: You shoot him, I shoot you, I leave both your bodies here, go out for a late snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.

Chuck tries to run away but flashes. He then tells Casey and Sarah that there is going to be an assassination attempt on General Stanfield. He also reveals that he has been remembering things he shouldn't remember and then details secret information only the NSA and CIA could know.
Casey: He was working with Bryce.
Sarah: No, he opened Bryce's email. Chuck, those pictures that you saw were encoded with secrets. Government secrets. If you saw them, then you know them.
Chuck: There were thousands of them.
Casey: Wait a minute. You're telling me all of our secrets are in his head.
Sarah: Chuck is the computer.

Sarah then asks about Chuck's flash and where the bomb will be set off to kill the general. Chuck first resists and tells them to call Bryce.
Sarah: Bryce is dead. He died sending those secrets to you.
Chuck: Bryce is dead?
Casey, annoyed with another digression, fires his gun in the air.
Casey: Yeah, and he's gonna have a lot of company unless you start talking. So, pretty please, can we defuse the bomb now?

The general is giving a speech and Chuck, Sarah, and Casey race through a hotel to find him. Eventually they find the bomb and clear the room of its occupants. Sarah tries to get him to remember more details about the bomb but he's interrupted by Morgan calling.
Chuck: Hi, Morgan.
Morgan: Hey, how's it going?
Chuck: Little busy right now, buddy.
Morgan: Uhh, in a good way? Details!
Chuck: Why are you calling?
Morgan: I don't know, just laying on your bed. Ellie's with the Captain. My computer's got a case of the Demovas. So, I figured I'd check in.

Suddenly Chuck gets an idea and through some super techie brilliance downloads the Demova virus onto the computer attached to the bomb, defusing the device with less than a second to go.
Sarah: You did it.
Chuck: (Shocked) I did it. I did it. I, I defused a real bomb. [unintelligible hysterics] Wha, what if I was wrong?
Casey: Don't puke on the C4.

Casey and Sarah argue over who will get him. Casey wants to box him and extract the information out of him. Sarah wants to take a kinder gentler approach. Chuck points out that they need him and that he's going home.

Chuck is contemplating things on a beach and Sarah shows up. They talk about what's going to happen next.
Chuck: Yesterday I was making eleven bucks an hour fixing computers, now I have one in my brain. And I can't figure out why Bryce did this. Why he chose me. What are you going to do with me? What happens now?
Sarah: For now, you go back to your own life. We'll protect you and you'll work with us.

Essentially a montage of the conversation on the beach and Chuck returning home to an excited Ellie and Morgan as they want to know about his date. Also includes Sarah looking through romantic 2005 Cabo pictures on her phone of her and Bryce together.
Sarah: I need you to do one more thing for me.
Chuck: Yeah.
Sarah: Trust me, Chuck.

Chuck fills out the assistant manager application form at the Buy More. Harry Tang tries to intimidate him. Chuck drops the form off with Big Mike.
Big Mike: Didn't think you'd apply.
Chuck: Well, ahh, I think I'm ready for this, Big Mike. And what it means. Responsibility, decisive leadership...
Big Mike: Save it for the interview. Now go train the new guy.
Chuck: Okiedokie.
The new guy is revealed to be John Casey. Sarah is also in the store and Chuck flashes on her, revealing her to be a dangerous killer.
Chuck: (To himself) Don't freak out.


This is one of the best pilot episodes ever made. It sets up the entire show, squeezing in tons of exposition without being dull or exhausting. It also defines the relationships between the characters well and essentially hangs onto those for most of the season, and into the next one. Not to mention that it shows off just how much chemistry matters to the success of certain shows. The cast seems like they've been together for years and the Chuck and Sarah dynamic works immediately. There isn't much to criticize. It should be noted that the editing is fantastic, especially when you consider that the pilot was shot with an entire other main character and story line (another romantic interest for Chuck), then cut out when producers realized it just didn't work.

What say you? Comment below. If you think something should be added, fixed, or whatever else you can come up with, note it and it may get edited into the article.

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