Review - COMMUNITY 5.01 & 5.02: 'Repilot' & 'Introduction to Teaching'

COMMUNITY is back after a 2-year layoff! And so is Dan Harmon, baby! But was the return of the great God of this world a triumphant one? Or can nothing pull this show out of its massive nose-dive brought on by the let-us-forget-it-ever-happened season 4? Keep reading to find out in this two-parter review (or whatever).

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Review - COMMUNITY 4.05: 'Cooperative Escapism in Familial Relations'

I am writing this review the day after and that means I know that it pulled in a solid Nielsen rating, up against the results show for AMERICAN IDOL and a new episode of THE BIG BANG THEORY.

If something changes in the later updated ratings, I will maybe note it here.

Now, let's get to the episode.

Since I am a bit pressed for time, let me just quickly note what worked and what didn't work.

What Did Not Work
About 90% of Shirley's party felt like tired writing.

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION bit bombed.

Abed had only rare occasions of feeling like the character we've come to know in previous seasons. His character has taken the biggest hit since the ousting of Dan Harmon, likely because Harmon took such special care and put so much soul into the character. Not the current show runners nor their writers seem to have figured out how to make it work.

What Did Work
Jeff and Britta were excellent in this one. Had they just made it about them, I'd have given it a very high score. The writing felt alive and fresh.

Jeff's meeting with his dad, their interaction, and even his half-brother all worked and didn't feel forced (well, maybe one scene where Jeff expresses his emotions felt a bit forced but I don't want to nitpick too much since I loved the rest of it).

While most of Shirley's party didn't work and the "Shawshank" bit failed, the payoff at the end did make me laugh.

Takeway
Jeff has romantic chemistry with all the ladies. Troy doesn't. This episode just accentuated the lack of chemistry between Troy and Britta.

If I had to rate this one, and Britta's Britta says I do, then I'd give it:

77 out of 100

After subtracting 50 Dan-Harmon-is-god points, it is a 27 out of 100.

Had the other half of the episode not bombed, it could have been a 90+.
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Review - COMMUNITY 4.04: 'Alternative History of the German Invasion'

The fourth episode of this fourth season, which I believe was actually shot as the second episode, is perhaps the most classic feeling one of this Dan-Harmon-less season. Does that make it good? Read on.

There have been some complaints by our dear readers that my grades and comments related to this season have been unfair. These people feel I've given Dan Harmon too much credit and that he was at the helm for bad episodes in the past. Episodes that these people claim are worse than any of the first few of this season.

Let me address those comments in this review.

NUTS!

Dan Harmon is the GOD of the COMMUNITY universe. He created it and put himself into every episode (and by that I mean he didn't just let writers have their way with a single episode). With his departure, the new show runners, no matter their qualifications or talent, are at best demigods of that universe. And up to this point, they've helped deliver what amounts to mediocre/bad fan-fiction.

If you think any season 4 episode has been as good or even better than ANY season 1, 2, or 3 episode of the series, then that's your problem. We have totally different perspectives on quality. I'm not suggesting mine is more accurate than yours. My perspective is the one that comes from this mind, this soul, and expressed via these fingers right here (I'm holding them up for you). You don't have to like it. In the same way I didn't like the first three episodes of this season.

That brings us to the fourth episode which I previously mentioned was shot second (as far as I know).  And that's what is very strange about it. Because I'd have thought it was shot much later in the process, after the writers and actors had worked out all the kinks.

This time most things feel very familiar. Comfortable.  That's not to say the episode stands out as one of the best, but at least it can sit alongside those Harmon-era episodes that felt unusually below average.  We get the return of the Germans, Chang (and his Changnesia),  and geek-centric dialogue that doesn't feel (too) forced.

When the Germans figure out a way to take the study-room away from the group, our heroes suffer the consequences until they figure out a way to take it back (if god was still running this show, I'd detail that for you, but I don't make that much of an effort for demigods).  Unfortunately for the gang, the Germans make themselves the victim and rally people to a protest the study group.  And hilarity ensues. Followed by a message delivered by Hitler-Jeff.

This isn't an epic episode but it does have fun dialogue that works with our characters. It succeeds on a most basic level, never achieving greatness but works because of familiarity. This is one of those cases where if Harmon was still running the show, it would earn a much worse score. But because these try-hards are behind it, I'm actually inclined to praise them for it.

QUOTABLES

Reinholt: Don't worry. If there's one thing Germans don't do it's hold a grudge.
Abed: Unless we're talking about DIE HARD 3.
Jeff: Or the 20th century.

When the Dean reacts to the return of Chang, off in a different part of the school...
Abed: I just felt a strange disturbance.
Britta: Did you have dairy this morning?
Abed: Could be that. Or it could be that great evil's nearby. I'll take a provisional lactate.

Troy: I don't understand any of these puns. I think I need to learn history. 

After Jeff gives a long speech...
Abed: You had me at 'ruse'.
Jeff: That was the last thing I said.
Abed: Good thing you said it.

And some other stuff. I'm super lazy tonight.


If I had to rate this episode, and I don't mind doing so, I'd give it:

81 out of 100

Though, after I subtract 50 Dan-Harmon-is-god points, the score is a 31 out of 100. So a failure. Sorry, I didn't make up that rule.

(so I made up that rule)
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Review - COMMUNITY 4.03: 'Conventions of Space and Time'

In this episode, the gang went to an Inspector Spacetime convention, something everyone has been wanting to see for a while now.

NOT!

What we ended up with was the least interesting and most hollow episode of the series, where every character felt off and the writing was right out of one of those horrible CBS comedies.

This is not COMMUNITY. This is THE BIG 2.5 BROKE GIRLS. Except not as good. Where Annie fantasizes about being Jeff's wife (if someone would kill Dan Harmon, he could roll in his grave), Britta is some kind of ninja, Abed is some weirdly transformed version of the character he was for three seasons, and Tricia Helfer is not awesome.

Granted, the most interesting element of this episode, for a second week running, involved Shirley. Maybe we get lucky and the rest of the season focuses on her.

If I had to rate this episode, and it pains me to do it, I'd give it:

45 out of 100

Which, after subtracting 50 "Dan Harmon is God" points, makes this:

-5 out of 100

At least Alison Brie gets to be on MAD MEN. So this shouldn't ruin her career the way it would have otherwise. Her acting, and that of most of the cast, was less than paint-by-numbers. It was awkward.

If you liked this episode, then you are my enemy for life.
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Review - COMMUNITY 4.02: 'Paranormal Parentage'

Written by the beautiful and talented Megan Ganz, this episode takes us into Pierce's universe, and his mansion of horror, like something right out of Scooby-Doo.

Some time ago, THE BIG BANG THEORY did an episode where one character discovers the college paper of his girlfriend and realizes it is a C- paper, so he fixes it into an A+ paper (more or less). And that's what I am beginning to see with this season of COMMUNITY. Without Dan Harmon, these writers have been delivering a lot of C- episodes, but Dan was the brilliant boyfriend who made them into A+ material.

Sure, this was an improvement over last week's but only in the characters feeling like themselves (unlike last week). Unfortunately, it's just not that funny.

Granted, the scenes with Troy and Shirley were laugh-out-loud hilarious. The funniest being when Shirley realized she was more knowledgeable about sexual deviant behavior than innocent babe-in-the-woods Troy.

There were also a few classic Jeff and Britta moments but only in setting. Execution wise there was something missing. The new EP's attempt to inject more relationship related material into the show just isn't working that well. I don't care about Jeff's dad, though Joel McHale did a fine job trying to sell Jeff's emotions. I also don't care about Pierce's daddy issues (feels old now). It all seems like things Dan Harmon would have spent less time on and more time on making the show funnier. Edgier. Cooler.

The attempts to go geek, like the map of the mansion with each member of the group identified by board player pieces felt like the fan-fiction version of something Harmon would have done better. Even Abed finding a secret observation room didn't work all that well as a classic meta-moment. It was amusing at times but, again, felt mostly like fan-fiction with Abed saying lines someone thought he would say, if that someone wasn't the person who gave that character life.

The appearance of Pierce's half-brother, Gilbert, was welcomed but then felt flat at the end like any plot point in a show like HAPPY ENDINGS (from where these show runners came). I am starting to see a lot of similarities between this season and HAPPY ENDINGS in general actually. I like that show. I sometimes love that show. But I never care about the plot. I usually have to be reminded of whatever happened in each episode after watching them. There is a reason why HAPPY ENDINGS doesn't have a convention. Or crazed fans following their show runner around the country.

It's funny. It's just not epic funny. Or epic. At all.

If I had to rate this episode, and since Dan Harmon is a god, I'd give it:

72 - (50 Harmon boyfriend points) 
= 22 out of 100

If even Megan Ganz can't make this show work like it did a year ago, then we may be in trouble. And yes, this week's score is lower than last week's even though I said I liked it more. That's because last week I should have given the episode a 66 (-50) = 16. I do appreciate that the actors are still trying to give us the characters we know and love. If only the writers were as well. If only the show runners weren't making expensive fan-fiction.
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Review - COMMUNITY 4.01: 'History 101'

Sony fired COMMUNITY show creator/heart-and-soul Dan Harmon following the end of season 3 because he was apparently difficult to deal with and because they were convinced the vast majority of viewers wouldn't notice the change since network executives think their audiences are morons.

If you think this is the show many of us fell in love with, then the executives were right.

I have been saying for months that at best the show without Dan Harmon should be called CINACO (Community in name and characters only). I also promised to take 50 points away from any episode rating because the show minus its main voice doesn't deserve those points.

This isn't the show Dan Harmon created. This is some fan-fiction version of it.

Thing is, you can't replace the madness that was Dan Harmon's tireless drive to make something unique and edgy, though new show runners Moses Port and David Guarascio have sure tried to deliver something they think Harmon might have done. Thing is, Dan wouldn't have done this because he would have thought it wouldn't play.

And it is a shame because these actors and characters deserve better material. A better show runner.

Dan Harmon.

Dan Harmon!

Dan Effin' Harmon!

Sure, as an episode it wasn't completely terrible if one pretends the show hasn't done much better --in fact, every episode that preceded this one was superior. Yet some things worked a bit, like Abed's show-before-a-live-audience version of reality with Fred Willard as Pierce. Or the line about Taco Bell and the war on terror:

Abed: All of our wishes come true. Last year Troy wished we got Bin Laden and the Dorito taco.
Troy: Yeah but Obama got credit for both.

The meta jokes about things changing were also appropriate and did feel like something Harmon would have enjoyed using had he not watched the essence of his creation raped by marauding studio fools. And while I am not a fan of Britta and Troy's relationship, their fight and Troy's "Why does this feel good" worked.

Unfortunately, the rest didn't work as well. The whole Hunger Deans bit was a tired wannabe version of the paintball episodes with none of the effort. Annie's backtracking on her emotional growth away from Jeff made no sense. Annie and Shirley's dean punking? Weak. Plus Pierce's attempt to find a ball joke, which could have worked if used once, just withered away in the less than capable editing hands of these new pair of clown-shoes.

If I had to rate this episode, and Dan's essence says I don't, I'd give it:

   78 - (50 Harmon points)

= 28 out of 100

So far, not so good. And based on what critics who have seen followup episodes have said, this was one of the better early ones.
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Review - COMMUNITY 3.22: 'Introduction to Finality'

Evil Abed gets a little rape-happy with a saw.

Shirley and Pierce's disagreement leads to a legal battle in Greendale Summer Fun Court.

Plot
Season 3's three-episode finale night ended with the lesser of the bunch but still a solid episode that delivered closure and some character growth.

The gang, minus Troy, is in summer school and preparing for finals when the dean tells Shirley and Pierce that Subway is leaving the campus and that their sandwich place will replace it. But when the two can't agree who should sign the single line contract, the two face off in an in-school lawsuit that pits not only the two business partners against each other, but Jeff against the lawyer who ruined his career. In the end, Pierce and Shirley decide to cooperate.

A secondary story has Troy in the AC repair school, missing his friends, and solving the apparent murder of Vice Dean Laybourne (I will believe he is dead when I never see him again).

Troy gets to shine a bit here as he not only solves Laybourne's murder, but also demonstrates his natural air conditioning repair skills that make him the messiah of the school. The new Neo of the school then changes the rules so that he can live off-campus and continue his AC studies while still remaining in the study group.

The tertiary plot is Evil Abed's attempt to carry out his evil timeline mission, complete with a Terminator like first-person perspective; a total emotional dress-down of Britta; his general bad attitude; and a funny bit where he tries to use a bone-saw to remove Jeff's arm but is foiled by a lack of an extension-cord and then Jeff's speech about goodness.

After Abed takes back his body from Evil Abed, he shuts down his Dreamatorium so that Troy can move back in, but secretly keeps a smaller cardboard version in his own space.

Oh, and Starburns faked his own death. Called it!

Well, I kind of called it.

Quotables

Abed notices Evil Abed standing in the doorway of the Dreamatorium.
Abed: This can't be good.

Evil Abed: When the world gets bad enough, Abed, the good go crazy. But the smart (pause), they go bad.

Britta tries to give therapy to Evil Abed but realizes things aren't going the way she wants.
Britta: You know what? Maybe I should talk to Good Abed instead.
Evil Abed: Where I come from, his name is Lame Abed.
Britta: And you come from?
Evil Abed: The darkest timeline. You might call it the Britta of timelines, where everything is the worst. Jeff has one arm there. Annie shot Pierce. Troy can't speak.

Evil Abed: Do you know what kind of person becomes a psychologist, Britta? A person that wishes deep down that everyone more special than them was sick because 'healthy' sounds so much more exciting than 'boring.' You're average, Britta Perry. You're every kid on the playground that didn't get picked on. You're a business casual potted plant. A human white sale. You're VH1, ROBOCOP 2, and BACK TO THE FUTURE 3. You're the center slice of a square cheese pizza. Actually, that sounds delicious. I'm the center slice of a square cheese pizza. You're Jim Belushi.

After Troy gets Murray to admit to murdering Vice Dean Laybourne, the AC school nutjobs decide to exact their own form of justice.
Troy: No! No! Take him to the police. He murdered someone. Take him to jail. You guys are weird.

After Jeff wins the case, he receives praise.
Annie: Jeff, that was great!
Shirley: You were like a white Blair Underwood.

Rating
If I had to rate this one, and Dan Harmon's expired contract with Sony says I do, then I'd give it:

87 out of 100

It was a mostly standard episode of the show but worked as a nice ending to the season. And though this episode wasn't as great as the previous few, the season as a whole delivered on more levels than I ever imagined. And so I feel comfortable proclaiming season 3...

THE GREATEST THIRD SEASON OF ALL TIME!

If this is Dan Harmon's last season as showrunner (and I promise to turn hatefully against the show next season if it is), then he has gone out a champion. Sure, the Emmy voters may never figure this thing out, but they didn't get THE WIRE until it was gone either.

UPDATE: It is official... Dan Harmon will NOT be back as show runner.

COMMUNITY is THE WIRE of half-hour comedy!

If I had to rate this season, and damn hell skippy I do! I'd give it:

98 out of 100

Yeah, if you add up the episode grades they don't actually equal to that but I don't care. It's my site. My grades. My rules. Deal with it.

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Review - COMMUNITY 3.21: 'The First Chang Dynasty'

Me like Britta. Me not ashamed.

The study group develops a plan to infiltrate Greendale's Chang-controlled campus; Troy turns to the Air Conditioning Repair Annex for help.

Plot
Another episode in a line of great episodes this season. I am totally in love with Dan Harmon and crew! I'd do unnatural things to all of them but they'd be slumming it.

Anyway, so this episode tackles the Chang plot to not only overthrow Dean Pelton but to get the study group expelled. His Stalin like success has resulted in lower attendance, even as he makes commercials proclaiming the opposite.

Through Troy's association with the air conditioning school, the group discovers the location of the dean's prison chamber and set into action utilizing the blue-print strategy from OCEANS 11.

It is all executed beautifully, hilariously, and other words that end in ly. And to add even more weight to the episode's greatness, we get an honest and emotional moment as Troy, having made a deal to save the group, leaves the gang to join Vice Dean Laybourne's school, which apparently requires you to leave home like some Harry Potter school for wizards.

The episode also features the study group in various costumes, fake mustaches, and roles that confuse the evil Chang empire. This includes Britta in arguably her hottest outfit/makeup yet as Jeff's gothy magician's assistant. Meowsers! Also, we get a rave dubstep action sequence. Not to mention Chang adorned in his most glorious evil. The whole episode is the icing on the delicious cake that was the previous episode.

Quotables

Officer Cackowski: I'm working on a cop opera.
Entire gang minus Pierce: Cop Rock!
Pierce: (late) Police'icle!

Chang: Where's my deanlechanger?

Britta: First Chang kidnaps the dean and now he throws himself a birthday party? It's just like Stalin back in Russia times.

Murray: Suppose you actually managed to make it past the guards at the front. There's 50 more inside, armed to the teeth with stun batons and misplaced sexual aggression. But let's say you happen to get past them. Then you get to meet Chang's number one, Joshua. A four foot ten, one hundred and five pound bucket of piss and zit cream. I cannot express to you how much I hate this kid!

Murray: Not a lot of people get a second chance. Just you and probably Obama.

Jeff: The answer's simple. We just have to plan an elaborate heist!
Britta: (under her breath) Yes!
Pierce: Great. I'll get my turban.
Jeff: Everyone except Pierce has to plan an elaborate heist!

Shirley: You had time to build a tiny working water fountain and I'm a pine-cone?

Little girl singing: Chang eats the sun and drinks the skies, and they both go with him when he dies.

Jeff: How's it coming with the guard?
Britta: Boys are pathetic. Two days of Facebooking with this Joshua kid and he's eating out of my hands. 'Got a new flavored lip-balm. Meet me at Chilli's in ten minutes.' Sheep.
Jeff: Umm, I just wanna reiterate that this should be the only time you seduce a child over the Internet.
Britta: I know!

Annie: You're gonna burn down the school and kill everyone!
Chang: Fire can't go through doors, stupid. It's not a ghost!

Abed: Chang started his solo. Knowing him, that gives us only 9-minutes to get to the records room.

Abed: Which wire do I cut?
Troy: There's only one.
Abed: God, I hope I'm right.

As Troy says goodbye to the gang, they deliver their parting words.
Pierce: Never wear a rubber.
Jeff: (shaking hands with Troy) Never listen to Pierce.

Britta: (kisses Troy on the cheek) This is a lock of my hair.
Troy: (genuinely touched) Creepy.

Rating
If I had to rate this one, and my imprisoned doppelganger says I do, then I'd give it:

94 out of 100

A great homage to OCEANS 11 with a bunch of laughs, that leads us into the finale with the right amount of anticipation about Troy's future (thankfully, it followed immediately so it wasn't a long wait). Even though this episode could have worked as a finale and the next could have easily introduced us to season 4.

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Review - COMMUNITY 3.20: 'Digital Estate Planning'

I want to play this game... now!

The study group must pitch in to help save Pierce's inheritance.

In the three episode finale, this episode is officially numbered as 3.22, but I am going to number it based on the order it aired.

Deal with it!

Plot
When Pierce's half-brother, Gilbert (played by the great Giancarlo Esposito) fights for the family inheritance in an 8-bit world called Journey to the Center of Hawkthorne, the gang teams up to fight fire with fire. Literally.

If I were to break this episode down completely, in a way that would do my love for it justice, I would be writing all night and I have two more reviews to complete. So, instead I will just jot down my favorite moments and take it for granted you have watched the episode and agree it is brilliant, without needing to justify it.

1. The opening credits are done in 8-bit video game style, graphically and musically, as the gang gets their avatar scanned in.

2. Pierce is supposed to bring 7 friends but only has 6, so the player icon says "Insufficient Friends" instead.

3. The hippie zombies attack is apparently humping the life out of your character.

4. Pierce digs himself into the ground, followed by his brother suffocating him inside the hole after he wipes out the gang. Later, when Pierce feels like he can't compete with his brother, he digs a hole again and tries to suffocate himself. Britta saves him only to accidentally kill him when she tries to give him a hug. It's adorably sad and funny.

5. Abed's love for Hilda, the video game character with options that touch him in a special place. She turns out to be the daughter of the blacksmith...

6. Annie and Shirley's thieving, murder, and arson spree at the blacksmith's shop that starts off innocently enough when Annie just wants a free weapon. One of the funniest moments of the season.

7. Britta's attempt to make a buff potion that turns out to be a deadly poison that kills Gilbert.

8. Jive turkeys!

9. After Gilbert has defeated the gang near the finishing point, they respawn and Jeff gives them a rallying speech about how prepared they are now. They then run into the next room and get gang raped by the hippie zombies.

10. Abed's baby factory makes him a filthy rich kingpin and he's able to supply the gang with crazy weapon platforms that they then use to beat end-game boss Cornelius.

11. The boss fight and all the fun ways the gang attacks the giant Cornelius monster, ending with an homage to Dr. Strangelove as Pierce rides a nuke in on target.

12. Pierce letting his brother win (awwww).

13. Abed extracting his dearest love from the game server onto a USB stick.

Quotables

Britta: (upon entering the game) Which one is me? I assume nothing because I'm not racist.

Cornelius Hawthorne: Nevertheless, I designed this game to be played, upon my death, by you and whatever cabal of fruits, junkies, and sluts you call your friends.
Pierce: Her name is Britta.

Cornelius Hawthorne: (laughing) Worst son ever!

Abed: You can leave notes. This game is incredible.

Britta: (after killing Pierce) I guess there's no hug button.

Abed: (discovering Hilda's vast source of topics) Holy crap. Where have you been all my life?

After Annie accidentally sets the blacksmith on fire and then begins hacking him to death, Shirley is shocked.
Shirley: Now what are you doing?!
Annie: (finishing killing him) He was suffering!
Shirley: Yeah! From axe wounds!

Britta: Here's the thing about women, Jeff. We don't hack and slash our way through life because we're one with life.

Annie tries to hide the blacksmith's body.
Annie: (dragging the body) Help me hide the body.
Shirley: Oh my lord! Oh my lord!
Annie: Shirley, these things happen in video games.
Shirley: They do?
Annie: Yes. We can't get hung up on real world morality. We need survive and win.

When the blacksmith's wife appears and begins screaming for help, Shirley kills her.
Annie: Shirley!
Shirley: No witnesses! Grab everything you can carry. (equipping the axe) I'll check upstairs for any more family. Don't give me that look! These are your loose ends! I'm just tidying up!

Jeff: (to Britta) This place is 20 cat turds and a Pixies poster from being your apartment.

Troy: He's shooting lightning and I'm naked!

Jeff: Dammit! I thought we could count on Britta to not screw up drinking!

Troy: Unbelievable! Jeff bet all our lives on Britta and won! And I lost my pants to a pair of nines.

Pierce: Uhoh. He's playing the Rainman card. Let's bounce.

Britta: (upon seeing Abed's castle) I hope this isn't blood gold.

Troy and Abed: Troy and Abed shooting lava!

Abed: Hello my love. I said I'd come back for you.

Rating
If I had to rate this episode, and an 8-bit mechanized warrior says I do, then I'd give it:

97 out of 100

Creatively epic. Hysterical at times. And with the perfect amount of heart. An episode I will happily watch several hundred more times before I die (unless I die today).

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Review - COMMUNITY 3.15: 'Origins of Vampire Mythology'

Following a number of excellent episodes, the show tries to hold onto the magic. Does it work? Does it finally jump the shark? Find out below!

PLOT
The carnival is in town and Britta's ex, Blade, is inbound. She is weak for him.

Jeff loves his locker. Annie loves his bod.

Britta asks Annie to put her on lock-down to keep her from banging Blade.

Dean Pelton and Vice-Dean Laybourne discuss enrolling Troy in the air-conditioning repair program. Pelton doesn't know if he can make that happen. Laybourne impresses upon him that he must.

Britta is at Troy, Abed, and Annie's apartment on lock-down, behaving like a junky, trying to trick Annie into revealing the location of the phone using the potential of her mother dying as the logic. When Troy accidentally tells her where it is, the gang is forced to lock her junkie ass up. When things couldn't get much worse, Dean Pelton shows up with root beer and chips.

Jeff and Shirley go the carnival together to spy on Blade. Shirley is concerned Jeff is jealous and in love with Britta. Jeff admits jealousy but denies love. Also, Pierce and Chang develop a great friendship that lasts a few minutes.

Junkie Britta cons her phone back from Annie but Annie has switched Blade's number for her own and receives Junkie Britta's horny psycho texts. But when Annie makes the fatal mistake of responding with "Leave me alone" she elevates the insanity and has to fake being Blade.

No one can figure out why Dean Pelton is there. Eventually, Troy takes over as fake-Blade and texts something nice, immediately curing her of the addiction because she isn't attracted to losers.

Blade reveals his secret to Jeff. Brain damage. He lacks the ability to feel shame. Jeff then gives a speech to Britta and everything is back to normal, except for Pierce who is now addicted to Chang.

QUOTABLES

The group wants to know about Britta's carnival boyfriend.
Britta: Fine. I'm not ashamed of my past. And if it entertains you guys, that's great, because we're friends. (pause) His name is Blade and... (the group bursts out in laughter)
Jeff: She invoked friendship to undercut the laugh and we're still laughing, that's how funny it is!
Abed: His name is Blade. Is that legal? Shouldn't New Line Cinema be suing him?
Britta: He was called that before that stupid movie.
Troy: (correcting her) He was called that before the fantastic movie.
Abed: And it was a Marvel comic in 1973.
Britta: Well, nerd alert!
Pierce: Well, ex-boyfriend named Blade alert.
Pierce and Shirley high-five.
Shirley: Her love life makes Pierce seem with it.
Pierce: Her pain unifies us. She has the King Arthur of bad taste in men.

Jeff: So what, Britta? You're in love with a guy who's named after a kickboxing vampire movie?
Troy: (correcting him) A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie!
Britta: No, I don't believe in love because of this guy (getting emotional) named after a kickboxing vampire movie.
Annie: Ohh, Britta!
Shirley: Oh, sweetie.
Troy: (leaning over to Abed) You wanna watch BLADE tonight?
Abed: Yes.

Britta hurries over to Annie with some news.
Britta: I need your help. It is Blade's carnival that's coming. He's working the BB gun duck shooting gallery, I guess he finally got that promotion, and he will call me. And left unattended, I will end up doing him like a crossword and I will regret it! So I need you to take my phone, and don't give it back until Monday!
Annie: Of course! Okay!
Jeff: For real?
Britta: (shutting Jeff up with her hand in his face) And I need to stay with you this weekend. Not just stay with you, I need to be on lock-down. You are a pill-head, so think of Blade as adderall and handcuff me to the radiator like a mother flippin' carny banging werewolf!

When Annie has to fake being Blade, Britta's texts get more and more desperate.
Annie: (typing a text) I told you, not to call me at work! (reading Britta's text) 'I'm sorry. I forgot. Don't be mad at me'?! She's whipped by an imaginary douche!

RATING
If I had to rate this one, and Buddy Jesus says I do, then I'd give it:

87 out of 100

Britta centric, funny and full of quick stabs of memorable dialogue. Nowhere near the genius of some others but it works.

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Review - COMMUNITY 3.13: 'Digital Exploration of Interior Design'

COMMUNITY season 3... is this the best season of a half-hour comedy ever or what?

The showed pulled a CHUCK and did a Subway heavy episode that should have been a paid advertisement. And if Subway did pay them for it, then they are either the coolest company in history, or the biggest bunch of idiots who can't tell when they're being punked.

I'm going with the coolest company in history because no one could be that dense.

Plus, I love their food. I will now accept my free $100 Subway gift card, thank you very much third-party consulting firm that runs their Twitter account.

In this two-part episode, we have several story lines. Let's break them down in a way that makes this article easiest to write.

1. Subway has set up shop in the cafeteria of the school, where Pierce and Shirley were going to run their own sandwich shop. The two oldies volunteer Britta to their cause to bring down the evil corporate bullies.

2. Due to a Greendale bylaw issue, a human being changes his name and status to 'Subway' and attends the school as a student. This is a stroke of genius in writing as it both tackles the legal recognition of corporations as people and the age old question: which came first? My corporate overlords or my feelings?

No? That's not an age old question? Well, it is now.

3. Britta, in her attempts to spy on Subway, falls in love with him when she discovers that the pre-corporate-puppet version of him is her dream man. The two eventually end up on a secret and twisted sexual rendezvous inside Abed's pillow fort. This leads to Subway corporate stepping in and whisking Britta's dearest love away from her.

4. Speaking of which, Abed and Troy wage war when Troy's competing fort of blankets gets closer to a world record, requiring Abed to decide whether to allow his pillow fort to be taken down, or to strike back hard. Vice Dean Laybourne steps in on both ends to try to drive a wedge between the two friends, so he can finally convince Troy to join him in his evil air-conditioning master plan.

5. A lesser story line involves Jeff's attempt to apologize for wronging someone he thinks is dead and Annie's underhanded attempt to make him appreciate her more. When things don't work out the way she wants, she angrily storms off.

6. In the end, Britta is sad; Subway isn't that good looking; Jeff is confused; Pierce is high on ink; Annie still has huge jubblies; and Troy and Abed prepare for an all-out war of the forts as Vice Dean Laybourne plots.

Now, let's get to... QUOTABLES!

Shirley, reading from the Greendale bylaws.
Shirley: 'Any business operating for profit on Greendale's campus, must be at least 51 percent owned by a registered student!'
Britta: That's too bad, dean. I don't recall seeing Subway in my Pre-Menopausal-Post-Feministic-Experiential-Marketing class.
Subway: (appearing) Actually, I'm on the wait-list for the Pre-Men-Post-Fem-Exp-Mark.
Britta: Who are you?
Dean: Gang, meet Greendale's newest student, Subway.
Troy: Your name is Subway?
Subway: Yep. Using a groundbreaking, but surprisingly legal process known as 'Corpo-Humanization,' real people, such as myself, are now allowed to represent the collective humanity of business owners. I have contractually waved my birth identity and am now a man, and student, named... (produces his identification) Subway.

When Shirley and Pierce allude to Britta's sexual looseness as an asset in their attempt to take down Subway, she reacts.
Britta: Okay! This conversation is over! I am not a whore! And, not that I've done the math, but if I were, I'd by the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel!

When Subway stands next to Britta in line for the school cafeteria lunch, she battles his corporate puppetry.
Subway: What do you recommend?
Britta: What's it to you, meat pusher?
Subway: Sounds like you might be a vegetarian. You should try Subway's Veggie Delight.
Britta: You should try reading Orwell's '1984.'
Subway: I have. It's a great book. It really awakened me in high school. I think kids should be forced to read it.
Britta: Me too. Anyway, you're living it. You're a human puppet with big-sandwich's hand up your ass. Is this what you dreamt of being?
Subway: Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to discuss my former life. Or engage in any non-platonic relations, practice religion in public, or eat any non-fresh unhealthy food like that found anywhere outside Subway.
Britta: (referencing the food he just picked out) Why you getting all that?
Subway: I wanted to stand next to you for a moment. It was worth it. Like a good book by Orwell. Or a Veggie Delight.

The Dean tells Troy that his blanket fort is nearing a world record and that only Abed's pillow fort stands in his way.
Dean: Abed will destroy his pillow fort and Troy will expand his blanket fort into the space. Everyone wins! Except Abed. But you know, not everyone can win.
Abed: Is that what you want, Troy? For me to destroy my pillow fort so that you can set your record?
Troy: It is.
Abed: Magnitude! (Magnitude arrives at attention like a dutiful soldier) Evacuate Fort Abed and prepare for self-destruct.
Magnitude: Sir?!
Abed: Do it. We're done here.
Magnitude: Pop-pop, captain.

If I had to rate this episode, and the Greendale bylaws say I do, then I'd give it:

95 out of 100

The surprisingly subversive nature of the Subway story line really elevated the quality of this episode for me. Plus, the secondary plot-elements (or was the fort building the main and the Subway the secondary) made for a deep and interesting reflection of the strength of friendship versus the need for individuals to declare themselves. I cannot wait for next week's episode.

So, what did you think? Comment below.... or die trying.

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Review - COMMUNITY 3.12: 'Contemporary Impressionists'

Since I am crazy sick this week, my usual killer COMMUNITY review will be short and sweet so I can pass out in bed... but not before getting out a few puppy whimpers.

In this episode:

• Abed's addiction to acting out his favorite movie scenes with celebrity impersonators he can't afford affects the whole group. 
• Jeff's on anti-anxiety medication and it makes him a much bigger narcissist.
• Chang begins his master plan (I think) to overthrow the dean.

Troy decides to help Abed pay off his debt by enlisting the group in a Bar Mitzvah celebrity look-alike job. The result is Jeff going Hulk on a kid when his ego explodes, and actually kissing a shocked Shirley. However, things actually work out and blahblahblah.

Finally, Troy and Abed seemingly come to a greater understand about their relationship, but that results in Abed entering his dreamatorium alone, only to find Evil Abed waiting for him. Shit just got dark.

If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:

92 out of 100

Even sick as a filthy dog I laughed outloud several times. In fact, it was just about the only thing that made me feel good last night. Jeff's ego issues; Britta's attempt to save him; Annie and the Dean's attraction to Jeff; Troy and Britta playing the two versions of Michael Jackson; Jeff being a better looking Ryan Seacrest; Abed looking JUST like Jamie Lee Curtis; and even Pierce's desperate attempt to be Burt Reynolds just worked on every level.

Sorry about the lack of quotables this week. But that... would... just... take more focus than I can afford right now.

So, what did you think?

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Review - COMMUNITY 3.11: 'Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts'

And they're back! So let's recap.

With space available in the school's commons area, the gang encourages Shirley to start her own business, with Pierce willing to assist now that he is top dog in the family (since Jeff killed his father). But before they can make big plans, Andre dances his way into Shirley's heart and re-proposes. She happily accepts. Pierce's racist camera does not approve.

In the library, the gang, minus Shirley, discuss marriage, with Britta not to happy about the whole thing.

Britta: Weddings are like little girl's tea parties. Except the women are the stuffed animals, the men are making them talk, and they're not drinking tea, they're drinking antiquated gender roles.
Jeff: Somebody tell Britta what an analogy is.
Britta: I know what it is! It's like a thought, with another thought's hat on.

Jeff, though, is also on board with the anti-marriage point of view and the two former lovers high-five right before happy Shirley walks into the room. They predictably pretend to be happy for her and the group offers their help with the wedding. Shirley is apprehensive and suggests they just show up and act like normal people.

Troy: We'll try not to embarrass you at your community college library wedding.

When Pierce reveals that he has started to invest time and effort in their mutual business venture, Shirley dismisses it stating that she is much too busy to think about such things now that she is getting married. Pierce is clearly upset by this but demonstrates his fallback option, the trouser bench.

Two button clicks later and he's in trouble.

Pierce: Will somebody please call all the ambulances?

Later, Abed and Troy discuss their need to behave normally at the wedding. Abed has an idea.

Abed: What if we purged all the weirdness from our systems?
Troy: You mean...
Abed: A full 24-hour weird-down in the Dreamatorium. Just you, me, and our imaginations. No restraints. By the wedding, our temptation to act weird will be gone.
Troy: I'm feeling more normal already.

Meanwhile, Britta decides it is a really good idea to discuss things with Shirley.

Britta: Shirley, my 9th grade English teacher used to say 'There will always be a reason not to follow your dreams.' At the time he meant I was under the age of consent. But his words still apply. Are you sure your wedding is the reason you're bailing on this business with Pierce?

Shirley assures Britta that it is the wedding and nothing else standing in her way. So Britta offers to plan the wedding for her. After several minutes of laughing, followed by silence, Annie is offered up as help. And thus Shirley and Pierce join in a business venture marriage.

As Shirley and Pierce brainstorm ideas, it becomes clear that Pierce has no clue what he is doing. Shirley tries to walk but is stopped by the truth: Pierce has been fired by his company and is only rolling in lots of money.

Back in the library, Annie and Britta meet with some flower expert dude thingy, and Britta reveals her natural talents for making flower arrangements. Annie and the dude are both impressed. Britta? Still angry.

Britta: Yeah, well great! Flowers look good in a pot. There are people dying in Uganda!

KONY 2012!

At the apartment, Troy and Abed emerge from their dreamatorium.

Troy and Abed: (shaking hands) Troy and Abed being normal.

Jeff struggles with his toast speech; Shirley and Pierce pitch their business to the dean; Britta freaks out about being a woman or something; Troy and Abed are frighteningly normal; and Andre is freaking out a bit about the rehearsal.

When Shirley finally arrives at the wedding rehearsal, Andre is confrontational and not at all happy about her entrepreneurial efforts. They two argue about their future. Jeff gets really drunk, then confesses his deep dark emotional pain.

Jeff: My daddy said he would stay with my mommy forever and he left! Marriage is a lie! Nobody commits to this! Nobody stays with anybody forever, so why do we keep lying?!
Britta: (drunk) I'm gonna stay with somebody forever! It's in my stupid DNA.

The two drunkards argue about their dysfunctions. Normal Troy and Abed are intrigued. Annie reaches out to Andre and Shirley to stop the impending train-wreck as Britta and Jeff decide to get married. Then the show goes all message on us and Shirley and Andre get married.

When Troy sees the monkey known as Annie's Boobs, he realizes that normal isn't cool and turns Abed back toward the light of weirdness. The dean then tells Shirley that the space she wanted was sold to Subway (are they invading all my favorite NBC shows with low ratings?!).

Finally, Pierce mocks his father's grave.

If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:

88 out of 100

Hey, the show is back!

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