Red Tails: Blood in My Stool

Write: Head Geek Furious

Lucasfilm has release the trailer for their big World War 2 movie, RED TAILS, about the first African American fighter squadron. The true story behind the men who were involved is great and very inspirational and George Lucas and his company seek to rape their memory with this venture by making it into Star Wars over Germany circa 1944.



Since it wasn't bad enough that Michael Bay made the worst prison sex movie ever, called PEARL HARBOR, George Lucas has decided to take his childhood raping skills to the only war it is still cool to talk about, and about a group of men who were inspirational and paved the way for changes within the military and eventually the whole nation.

But why do that and make it realistic? I mean, how could it possibly be fun to watch a movie where the air war over Nazi Germany is depicted in the way it happened? Obviously, P-51 Mustangs knife fighting it out with FW-190s and BF-109s at 400 knots is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boring that it has to be made cartoony and stupid! And thankfully, that is what George Lucas has delivered with his little movie that he has been working on for 200 years.

And I know that most of you will have no clue why I am saying the movie is unrealistic, but my greatest passion is flight and my biggest sub-passion within that one is World War 2 combat fighters. And no ME-262 would do a split-S in the middle of a B and Z run on B-17s while being pursued by slower P-51s!!!! Only an idiot would toss out the advantage they had in an air battle (in the case of the 262, tons of speed) to even the playing field for the P-51 for any amount of time. Sure, a split-S would logically increase energy for the 262 but the process of turning into the maneuver would make the aircraft an easy target for a pursuing P-51. And those 262s were not good about taking damage. One little bullet in the engine and they sparked up like a rocket.

Crap... I sound like a nerd now.

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Wilfred - Conscience

Writer: Head Geek Furious

The greatest show of all time is on the little cable network FX (in the states). It is based on an Australian show of the same name, about a guy who sees a dog named Wilfred as a man in a dog suit. The Australian version is a bit different from the American version but the premise is very much the same and the dog is played by the same actor (writer and show creator Jason Gann). The lead in the American version is hotly played by Elijah Wood.

WILFRED is a show I have wanted to write about since it started a few weeks ago but wasn't inspired until episode 1.06. I don't like to write episode reviews so instead I am going to note my favorite lines of dialogue from the episode. If that doesn't get you to watch, nothing will. All quotes come from the character Wilfred:

"Oh I get it. Because I'm a dog, right? I can only imagine what you'd say if I was black."

"Your death... will be... my holiday."

"Back to back to back to back to back orgasms, that's what's wrong."

"Put your legs up. Put your legs up, please. Oh come on bear, work with me here. BAH. What's the use. You see what Drew does to me, Ryan? I'm so emasculated I can't even raise a fence post with stupid ol' bear."

"But Drew sex punching Jenna for hours on end? You're ok with that?"

"Alright, here's what I'm thinking. We wait until Drew is asleep and then we put his hand in warm water. Then, just when he starts to pee himself, we take a rock and crush his skull."

"So chemistry, baking, and ping-pong. I guess my only question is: How were you not blowjob'd to death by the entire cheerleading squad?"

"I thought you said you were good. I've seen more aggressive ball playing in an airport men's room. Get your head in the game."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go tear a new asshole in the back of bear's neck."

"After everything I did to you... I will never understand humans. This is the reason why we will ultimately defeat you."

"Hell, maybe you're onto something with all this conscience stuff. Maybe started to think I should stop doing that god awful stuff to your mouth-guard."

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.03 - Palestinian Chicken

So...you would think I'd be totally bummed out watching an episode of Curb where there wasn't at least one scene with Leon walking around sportin' a doo-rag and swearing like a mother-f'in trucker. However, this episode was so rich in every single way imaginable that I didn't even realize that I had gone a full episode without hearing "you know what I'm sayin'?"

This week Curb was a doozy. Not only did it give us a quick picture of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict but it also delved deep into the Jewish identity - what does it really mean to be Jewish? Can you still consider yourself Jewish if your last orgasm can be traced back to a Palestinian shiksha? Don't ask me, cos I'm French Catholic, but according to Larry, or should I say, Leib son of Nat, the answer is yes.

Ok, with all of that out of the way, what really went down this week on The Jewish Shore ("Palestinian Chicken") ?

1. Larry and his friends have a golf tournament. The Funk hasn't been showing up to practice due to the fact that he went through a midife crisis and decided to rededicate his life to judaism, leading Larry to ask him "are you for real...when are you gonna come back down to earth?" Larry throughout the episode responds to Funk's rededication with a sort of scoff - his derision is not scornful but you can't help but notice he finds the whole transformation absurd. The moment when the Funk decides to say prayer before they eat is priceless, especially when he starts to bless the wine - LD decides to drink it before the prayer is spoken. It's one thing to make someone wait to eat his dinner, but it's another thing to make him wait before he starts hitting the liquor. In Larry's mind, not praying doesn't make you less Jewish, but praying does make your potatoes go cold.

2. Larry, son of Nat, has discovered his true vocation - as Jeff puts it, he's a "social assassin". If we've learned anything about LD over the last 8 seasons is that the man has moxy. If the man has something to say - he'll say it. So, his friend asks him to tell his wife to stop saying LOL (God Janice, even on another TV show you are capabe of annoying the crap out of people), and Sammy asks him to tell her mom to stop making that "starts off with a kiss that leads into a gasp" sound when she drinks. LD, "social assasin" handles these requests and as expected, the shit hits the fan. Sure, no one likes to be told they have an annoying habit, but what's funny is that the women both think that their husbands are behind the complaints. It's like THEY KNOW that someone is out to get them - and that someone usually shares a bed with them.

3. Finally, the best storyline in my opinion - El Abbas chicken. Larry and Jeff go try out this palestinian place that serves the best chicken ever, apparently. This chicken place becomes problematic when it decides to open another wing ('wing' - get it? Oh my, I am so funny!) right next door to Goldblatt's delicatessen. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is coming head to head - or more like parking lot to adjacent parking lot. Larry is unphased by the rooted rivalry for two reasons: one, the chicken is OUT OF THIS WORLD and two, there's a hot palestinian chick. Chicken and women - lethal combo. What will he choose? Move over Sophie, Larry has his choice to make.

Babydoll's "by the way"...
-Is it me or do all men after they've reached a certain age/career status gravitate towards khakis, polos, and freshly cut grass? What is it about golf, seriously? There's no women around (hardly), you can't drink while you play, and you have to walk A LOT. What's the fun in that?
-Maggie Wheeler, the woman we refer to as Janice ("Oh...my....god!") actually has a normal voice. I'm kind of disappointed. I used to imagine her as being legit nasal like Fran Drescher. I feel kind of cheated.
-Larry Miller is back after 10 Things I Hate About You (the movie AND the TV show, talk about pulling a "Cluless" am I right?). I strongly suggest that LD call up Wallace Shawn next.
-People NEED TO STOP SAYING "LOL". ROFLcopter is still acceptable.

Curb your political correctness
-"This would be a fantastic place for jews that are cheating on their spouses to come to"
-"Not only does this somebody not want you... doesn't even acknowledge your right to exist... wants your destruction... that's a turn on"
"I'm living under a mitzvahs... you have none of that"
-"I'm already committed to the rally on the other side of Goldblatt's at the german place"
-"What's not to like?" "Ehh..you're a jew" "EH!"
-"I look like I've got a kitty and we're making evil plans!"
- THE BOUQUET FINAL: "Fu** me you fu**ing jew... you zionist pig... you occupying fu**... I'm going to fu** the jew out of you... you want to fu** me like Israel fu**ed my country? Fu** me you jew bastard! You circumsized fu**!"
-"The penis doesn't care about race, creed, color...the penis wants to get to its' homeland...it wants to go home!"

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I’m a Comic-con Masochist

Writer: MediaSavant

I’m not a journalist. I don’t get a press pass for Comic-con that allows me immediate access to any panel I want to go to. I’m just one of the 125,000 or so saps who get a regular badge and fight it out for seats to the panels we are interested in.

This was my 11th Comic-con. Relative to what it is today, my first one (2000) was a quaint affair, but at that time, it was still larger than any geek-ish convention I’d ever attended. I went because some of the Farscape cast and creators were there. The SciFi Channel--along with Nick and Cartoon--were really the only networks there as I recall.

There were moments at this year’s con that were so dreadful where I wondered what the hell I was doing to myself. The worst would be around the fourth hour of being in line to get into Ballroom 20—the 4,250 capacity room where they held most of the TV panels. Prior to that, we had been in a 3-hour line to buy 2012 badges. The brilliant leaders of the convention turned what used to be a 5-minute process into yet another crazy queue.

But, then, a little while later I’m in a panel and it seems to refresh me enough to go at it again.

Here’s my recollection of this year’s con:

TV takes over the convention

Comic-con started to gain its current reputation when the movie studios started coming down with the big stores. But, as has been reported, the movie line-up this year was not as strong as the last few years. But, with the exception of Sunday, the convention still put up this weaker line-up in the largest space at the convention—the cavernous Hall H.

I never even attempted to attend anything there, but I hear there were empty seats in many of the panels. The spill-off seemed to go to the TV panels. It makes sense. I believe television is something fans create a relationship with, while movies are more like one night stands. Plus, the con doesn’t turn over the rooms when panels end. So, people tend to stay in the room for quite a while after they get in. With TV, its much easier to have a string of TV panels in a row for shows you’ve at least seen once and are familiar with.

Once upon a time, it wasn’t hard to get into a TV panel. I remember attending Chuck’s first panel in ’07 in a smaller room than Ballroom 20, but not waiting that long to get in. This year, the lines for Ballroom 20 were THE WORST I’VE EVER SEEN. Friday was particularly awful. They had some of the most popular shows in the same room from True Blood to Big Bang Theory and watchable panels for Syfy shows in the middle. Audience turnover between panels was low and that accumulated the lines outside.

Below is a picture I took when I got in line. The convention center is off in the distance:



Offsite panels: Brilliant idea

Chuck’s Zachary Levi rented out some space a few blocks from the convention center, called it “Nerd HQ” and held a few small panels with a capacity of about 150 people. I attended about two of these and they were two of my most pleasant experiences of the con. Hanging out at the bar downstairs was also a great respite when the convention center was getting to me. I don’t know where this is going. If it gets any more popular than it was, getting a ticket to the small panels could turn into an exercise in frustration for the fan. The Firefly panel and Zac’s panel sold out quickly.

But, I love this alternative of having a seat in a panel that you can show up to 5 minutes before it starts.

I am now a fan of Felicia Day

My SDCC Comic-con [friend] has been a Felicia Day fan for years, but I wasn’t on the bandwagon. I got introduced to her by the Nerd HQ adding her to the panel list. I accompanied my friend to see what it was all about and found I like her a lot. (see photo from panel with host Zac Levi below) This is “old school” Comic-con to me. So many things people attend are for things they already are fans of. But, back in the days when there were fewer movie and TV panels, we would attend things just because we had a blank slot open and the description sounded vaguely interesting.



As for Felicia, before I headed back home, I purchased The Guild, her webseries, from iTunes.

Is being a marketing target validation?

If you’ve ever been into something that gets the label “cult” and none of your non-geek friends have ever heard of the things you are into, there’s something incredibly satisfying about an industry being desperate to market to you.

There’s also something oddly cool about being surrounded by Hollywood-like parties even if you can’t get into them. I was hanging out in the bar of my hotel when some incredibly attractive women came in and drew the eyes of the males at the bar. I knew a FX Network/Maxim party was happening at the hotel. I asked the bartender who had served these ladies if they might be there for Maxim. He thought “no” because there was some sort of Playboy party across the street.

There were many cool marketing ploys, but I loved the Museum of Conan Art, dedicated to Conan O'Brien:



The plane home was interesting as everyone on it seemed to have some extra swag to stuff into the overheads. I throw some of mine away, but the “Ringer” stool for sitting while you are in line could be useful in the future even if Ringer is canceled next season.

The extras that bring me back

• I’m proud to say I’ve attended all five panels that Chuck has ever had. I was part of their first standing ovation and I was part of their last. Yeah, I know you can watch that panel on line, but it’s not the same as being there.
• Some of the panels have gotten very good at entertaining. I hear the Nathan Fillion panel—which I missed—was outstanding.
• San Diego is a great town to get away to when your home town is sweltering in 100 degrees+ heat
• Every year is a little different.
• Sharing interests with other fans while in line and seeing friends I see at the con every year because we don't live in the same part of the coutnry

If I could change one thing about Comic-con, it would be…

I bet you think I’ll say something about the queues. Nope. My number one Comic-con peeve is actually…drumroll…strollers.

For the life of me, I don’t know why people bring “stroller-aged” kids to a con this size. The kids end up seeing nothing but people’s crotches anyway. The strollers end up knocking people in the shins and ankles while they happen not to be looking down. They take up space.

If they can institute a “no stroller” policy, I’d be extremely happy.

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Boba Fett: Overrated Loser?

Writer: Greek Geek

Boba Fett, the most “notorious” bounty hunter in the Star Wars universe and fan favorite is an overrated fraud. Sorry BFFs (Boba Fett fanboys) but before any of you get your braided wookie scalps all tangled up in a fuzzball, take a deep breath and really think about it.

No hate, just cold hard objectivity. Boba looks the part, but he certainly doesn’t act it. Sure, he looks all mysterious and badass with the armor, weapons and gadgets, but when it comes time for him to back it up… HE DOESN”T ACTUALLY DO MUCH OF ANYTHING.

A quick breakdown of Boba’s onscreen* “accomplishments” should provide more than enough proof:

Episode II

All Baby Boba does is: scowl; pack his things; fire Slave 1’s cannons at Obi Wan…and miss (0 for 1); and watch daddy bite it.

Episode IV (Special Edition)

So Lucas decides to insert him in the Special Edition and what super badass cool thing does Boba do? He stands around Docking Bay 94 doing…nothing.

Episode V

Arguably the only two “major” accomplishments Boba has are in this film. He plays follow the Falcon to Cloud City and delivers a gift wrapped frozen Han to Jabba. In fact, we never actually see Fett deliver Han do we? Hmmmm…

Other than that he: stands next to Vader a lot; gets warned to not disintegrate anyone; watches Han get tortured, frozen and loaded into the cargo hold of Slave 1; oh, he also fires at Luke… and misses (0 for 2).

Episode VI

Boba picks up where he left off in Empire, this time he: draws but doesn’t fire; nods; flirts; blasts off; tries to shoot…but has his rifle cut in half (0 for 3); unsuccessfully tries to tie up Luke; falls down; gets up; flies; screams; and ends up as a 1000 year lunch.

Remember that 1979 prototype Fett figure with the firing rocket pack that wasn't mass produced because of safety concerns? That freaking piece of plastic was more dangerous to small children than Boba was to any of his targets in the films.

Screw that, I'm gonna REALLY go there - Jar Jar Binks, the most reviled character in the Star Wars universe, the polar opposite of Boba is a deadlier warrior than Fett. In fact, his actions are more significant to the entire Star Wars universe.

Blasphemy?! Nope. Truth.

Episode I

Jar Jar leads the Gungan army against the Trade Federation battle droids and...wins! In the process he ends up destroying a whole mess of them with those deadly blue Gungan volleyballs.

Episode II

Jar Jar gives a Senate speech that turns the tide in favor of granting Chancellor Palpatine emergency powers. Freaking Jar Jar opens the door to Palpy becoming Emperor! His actions essentially bring about the rise of the Empire! Mesa tinkin datsa pretty significant.

So for all you BFFs who are getting ready to flame me below, just accept the fact that your hero Boba Fett is actually Boba Kitty.

*The films are canon. So no expanded universe, video game, or comic book crap.

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The Hobbit - Full of DWARVES

Property of New Line and MGM, and Warner Bros Pictures - Photo by James Fisher

This amazing header image from future blockbuster THE HOBBIT, was released a few days ago and reveals all of the main dwarves from the Lord of the Rings prequel (or, if you go based on the books, the LOTR trilogy was the sequel to The Hobbit). Click on the image for the full impact of its awesomeness, then save it and enjoy it for eternity, or 2012 when the first movie will be released.

If we survive the apocalypse.

The band of dwarves who accompany Bilbo on his adventure are, from left to right:

Nori, Fili, Dori, Bofur, Gloin, Dwalin, Thorin (center), Balin, Oin, Bombur, Bifur, Ori and Kili.

THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY - December 14, 2012
THE HOBBIT: THERE AND BACK AGAIN - December 13, 2013

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TERRA NOVA SDCC Reaction

Writer: MediaSavant

The first half of what I heard is a 2-hour pilot was screened at Comic-con. This completes my pilot reactions even if it wasn’t the entire thing. I’ve read others say they saw changes compared to an earlier version. Pilots can be always be modified before their real debut. This is why these are “reactions” and shouldn’t be construed as full reviews.

Terra Nova
Chance of watching 2nd half of the episode—100%

It’s a mixed bag. If you don’t know anything about it, it’s about humans being transported back to the dinosaur days to start a new civilization because the environment in the future is collapsing.

The production values and visual design is outstanding. There are some action sequences that are quite good. But, some of the dialogue made me cringe and there is some clunky exposition stuck in to explain the science of it all that they could have done without.

The teenage son will remind many of the unpopular Tyler of V.

Why will I watch? For the same reason I kept with V and Fastforward and The Event—loyalty to the genre and a patience to see if they can work out the kinks. Plus, Jason O’Mara looks pretty good with his shirt off. They could do more of that.
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Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Comic Con Gameplay

Don't expect this footage to be up for long. Every video up to this point has been taken down within a few hours. So watch while you can.


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Knights of Badassdom - SDCC Trailer

Greatest movie of all time? Or just the greatestest movie of all time?
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Best and Worst Harry Potter Movie Spells

Writer: Multipass

TOP TEN FAVORITE HP MOVIE SPELLS

10. “Riddikulus” (HP3) Fun to say and can do some cool shizz if you've got the imagination for it. The downside is you almost never need to use it.

9. “Lumos/Nox” (HP3) Essential spell. Especially when sneaking around to do awesome and/or illegal activities.

8. “Alohamora” (HP1) Another essential spell. Outside of Adventures with Voldy it's probably very useful, again, especially when making mischief. It also makes me nostalgic for the first movie when those kids were so frakking adorable.

7. “Expecto Patronum” (HP3) Originally invented as the wizard alternative to a petting zoo, later discovered to be the defense against dementors, because they are evil and obviously hate children and pets.

6. "Piertotum locomotor” (HP7II) A badass spell for a very specific purpose, bringing to life Hogwarts' knight statues...spoiler? It makes the list because McGonagall thinks its coolio and shame on you if you don't agree with her.

5. “Accio” (HP 4 onwards) An important spell for lazy people, forgetful people, and hoarders.

4. “Episkey” (HP 6) Sounds like whiskey, and who doesn't like drinking?

3. “Confundus” (HP6) I would use this all the time just to entertain myself...I'd use it on people in the middle of sentences. This is probably why I didn't get those magic genes and am just a muggle.

2. “Imperio” (HP 4) One of the three 'Unforgivable Curses', which aren't that unforgivable since by the end of the series they've been used by people on both sides of the Battle of Hogwarts. It's beats the other two because it forms a rainbow cloud of happy fuzziness around the head of your victim, which is much more creative than a flash of green. (I'm looking at you Avada Kedavra). It's also the most sneaky of the three, obviously.

1. “ARRESTO MOMENTUM” (HP 3) My favorite spell! It's basically an excuse to do all kinds of death-defying crap without hurting yourself. You only need to use it when you are falling so fast you will die (fun). Whenever it's used the wizard/witch is shouting it really loud. It's really fun to say.

TOP THREE WORST MOVIE SPELLS

3. “Wingardium LeviOOOOOsar” not LevioSAR (HP1) Apparently a kiddie spell, except that the right pronunciation and wand movement are required to make it work...which makes it harder to cast than stupefy, which makes it dumb.

2. “Expelliarmus” (HP I forget) Harry's favorite fighting spell, and one that has worked well for him for wand ownership technicalities (see: Elder Wand) but it's mostly idiotic. It seems to be only really effective when sneaking up on someone, like a magical sucker-punch (see: Hermione in HP7II vs. Draco). Highly overrated spell.

1. “Bombarda” (HP3) A dumb spell that apparently Hermione invented since no one else uses it. It's not dumb in what it does, it's dumb because you have to shout BOMBARDA to use it, and it does the same thing as a bunch of other spells...destroys stuff. The invention of Bombarda represents everything that is wrong with the third movie as a book adaptation. Namely, all the new stuff they added to that movie or changed from the book was ASSHATTERY!

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CHUCK Season 5: Make it Geek Pr0n

Writer: Head Geek Furious

WARNING: This article is most certainly not safe for unsophisticated kids.

Let's not beat around the bush any longer. CHUCK (the lovely show on NBC and the #4 show on the Geek Furious best of all time list) is not a family show. Despite what some fans suggest and what people who work on the show may restate over and over, Nielsen data totally contradicts this idea. In truth, not even 10% of the total viewers of the show are not old enough to have experienced the ton of fun that is puberty.

Wait, not even 5% are old enough to have experienced the joy of shaving! What does that tell us? That a vast majority of the CHUCK viewers are adults who do not watch the show with their kids (yes, I know YOU do but that means you represent the 4% or whatever it is). So let's dispense with the "this is a family show" crap and go right for the jugular.

I am pleading with the CHUCK show runners to make this show what it should have always been. Total, unadulterated GEEK porn!  Well, as much as one can do on network TV.

Now that I have your attention, this is what I mean:

• Morgan has to break up with Alex, or she has to break up with him.  This way Morgan can get super hot sex action in every episode.  You could even make it so she sticks around to judge him for his slutty ways.
• Sarah (#1 top 10 hot in geek) has to feel unclean in every episode and have to take a shower or bath or just relax in a hot tub or something.  What is the point of having a hot chick on a show if she never showers?  Seems like a no-brainer.
• Casey must get a girlfriend and she should be the smokingest hottest sluttiest slut ever.  She should be all over him all the time trying to get her freak on because she finds him irresistibly hawt.  Casey should be horrified by this but be unable to stop her because he is a male and we are powerless against super hot chicks who are sluts.  Oh and without a doubt this chick needs to have some very safe and boring job like ninja librarian, kung fu secretary, or an 89D (explosive ordnance disposal specialist).
• Ellie should be in heat the entire season and need to claw at and violate her husband's autonomy whenever he is around.  
• Captain Awesome should be perpetually shirtless (I'm looking out for the lady geeks).
• Sarah should demand the Buy More staff more ladies.  Due to the fact that the main crew is on a mission, Jeff and Lester are put in charge and hire strippers.  Yes, this has kind of been done (with super models) but this time the strippers stick around for the whole season.  They try really hard to do their jobs but find that keeping their clothes off is a very difficult thing to do.  Sarah is not happy about this but the stripper girl squad ends up being so successful at selling, and the team is so in need of money after losing about a billion of it in a lawsuit, that she begrudgingly keeps them on.
• Cole must return and walk around in a towel for an episode.  Also, he should sex up at least 5 of the Buy More stripper chicas (hablo español?).
• Alex, in a jealous rage after finding out that Morgan is banging hard bodied skanks, should hook up with her father's agent and military buddies.  Then go find a homeless guy and kill him to get the darkness out of her system.  Let's face it, sex with multiple partners only goes so far in suppressing the demons.
• Chuck and Sarah have to end up at one of those sex parties Sarah talked about in season 4.  This time she isn't kidding and they are both hopped up on some kind of super slut drug that drives people into wild orgies.
• Anna Wu must return.  She was a freak so I don't need to paint a picture of the potential.
• Hannah should return to join the nerd herd crew again.  She and Anna could fight for Morgan's attention.  Eventually they would end up in a hot lesbo scene.
• The show needs to have more wet t-shirt contests in the BM.  What is that?  They have never had wet t-shirt contests on the show?  BINGO.  No wonder the ratings are low.
• Two words: suicide girls.  It's not a new teenage fad.  It's inky and pasty.  OK, so that is kind of a new teenage fad but minus the vampires, and men between the ages of 18-34 really seem to dig it.
• Have Chuck get wet more often (I am looking out for the geek ladies again) and assaulted by smokin' short-skirt wearing, big jubs owning girlies who want his geek hotness.

If anyone else has any geek porn ideas for the final season, toss them in here.  You know the writers will read it.

The 13 episodes of season 5, beginning October 21st as first reported here a month before NBC confirmed it, will be the last for the show.

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.02 - Always a Victim

Writer: Babydoll

This week on "Curb Your Enthusiasm", we learn that black people all look alike to white people until one moves into your home and starts eating your food and spending your money. We also learn that breast reduction is no laughing matter and that it possibly might be worse than the Tet Offensive. Finally, we learn that battered women are surprisingly sensitive and have developed some sort of "victimized" persona - who woulda thunk it, eh?

So in a nutshell, on this week's episode entitled "The Safe House", a couple of things go down:

1. Larry realizes that the women that he's pestered are battered women living in a safe house next to his. Being the generous guy that he is, he lets them use his washing machine even though some of them clearly didn't deserve it. One of these ladies is a bit "hefty" and Larry wonders how in god's name is it possible to bring her down? Seriously, chica looks like Rosie O'Donnell. No one messes with Rosie and gets away with it : ask Elizabeth Hasselbeck or Donald Trump.

2. Larry is asked to keep an eye on this guy's macbook while he goes outside for a minute. Larry, tired of waiting, asks a black guy to keep an eye on it. Madness ensues: the computer is taken by the black guy, Larry sees a black dude on a Macbook and assumes it's the same guy until he gets a closer look ("Computers all look the same!" he says to the guy... great save, Larry "the burlesque dermatologist"). Finally, the computer is returned to Larry so that it can go to it's rightful owner. Too bad for black guy number one who gets mistaken for Leon who is wrongfully accused of domestically abusing Larry by punching him in the face.

3. Richard's "aussie yet living in America too long that the accent's softened" burlesque dancer girlfriend decides to get her boobs reduced after having them checked out by a doctor because Larry said that he spotted a mole on one of them. Not a fantastic storyline but it's always nice to be reminded how much men really do love breasts.

Babydoll's "by the way":
-I can't put the name on the actor who's computer was stolen but I never realized just HOW MUCH dude looks like a chubby Michael Sheen.
-That battered lady who's dog shits on Larry's lawn is always on Funny or Die. She's a sketch-comedy actress I want to say? Speaking of that woman, she's a good actress cos I literally wanted to punch her lights out.
-That breast-cancer free burlesque dancer wouldn't have been as charming if she had been American. Oh, and Larry David should put on his calling-card "Breast Whisperer".
-On breast reduction: unless the pain is excrutiating and you're one bad bra away from looking like the hunchback of Notredame, think twice before downsizing from a super-sized meal to a happy meal, because people will get hurt, and your chances of getting laid will plummet faster than the greek economy.
-Pink Slipper Burlesque is a really shnazzy looking joint - the woman behind Larry and the boys looked like she had just come from Whole Foods after dropping her kids off at ballet and tap.
-My swearing capacity triples after every episode of Curb thanks to Leon.
-Leon comes in at the end of the episode with Chinese...which is exactly what he walked in with, a couple of seasons ago, as a sign that he was staying when the Black's moved out. BITCH KNOWS HER CURB... and is extremely attentive to detail.

Curb Your Political Correctness:
-"YOU GAVE IT TO A BLACK GUY? Why wouldn't you give it to a black person?"
-Leon: "I feel f***ing bad now, you trust that black mother f***er. I could have stolen from ya mother f***er now but I didn't...All that shit I f***in' know...your mom's maiden name, RATNER!"
-"Who turns f***ing blue? Black's don't f***ing blush!"

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Watch or Skip? Next Season in Geek Pilots

Writer: MediaSavant

It took me a while, but I’ve seen most of the geek-oriented pilots for the next broadcast season. When it comes to watching shows in the sci-fi or fantasy genres, I usually try to give them all a chance. Unless it really turns me off, I also try to watch more than one episode because sometimes these kinds of shows don’t their real legs until halfway through the first season.

But, those are best intentions. Limited time and competition from returning series favorites often leads me to having to prioritize and not get around to watching everything.

I’m not a reviewer and I can only give my general reactions to the pilots I’ve seen. I decided to estimate the probability I’ll actually watch the 2nd episode of any of these shows.

Awake (NBC mid-season)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—100%

Very different. It’s about a guy who survived a car accident and is living in two realities. In one, his wife died, but his son survived. In the other, his son died, but his wife survived. This is very psychological, but I found myself very intrigued by the dilemma he’s in.

Alcatraz (Fox mid-season)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—100%

Cast includes Lost’s Jorge Garcia and comes from the JJ Abrams company. It isn’t perfect, but I’m interested in the mystery they’ve set up regarding why a group of prisoners disappeared from Alcatraz and why they are coming back.

The River (ABC mid-season)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—95%

This one comes from the same team that did Paranormal Activity. It uses a documentary filming technique and is scary at times. It concerns a group of filmmakers and a family looking for a missing explorer somewhere in South America. I wonder if is sustainable as a series. But, I’ll probably watch the next few episodes.

Grimm (NBC)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—50%

At this point, my interest in the new series drops. The premise of this series is that all the Grimm Fairy Tales were real and a modern cop discovers his legacy is to battle various baddies. The pilot was merely okay. It struck me as something the Syfy Channel might do. It will be up against Fringe. The casting of the lead isn’t that great.

Person of Interest (CBS)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—40%

This is the other JJ Abrams' show with a former Lost actor (Michael Emerson). The reason this one lost my interest is that it also stars Jim Caviezel, who I find very low on charisma. The fancy set-up about a machine that spies on everyone and spits out social security numbers of people who may be in trouble only leads us to what will be really another CBS procedural.

Ringer (CW)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—37%

The only reason I’ve listed this here is that it stars Sarah Michele Gellar and is generating some interest for their panel at San Diego Comic-con. It’s not really science fiction or fantasy. SMG plays twins. One twin takes over the other twin’s life after that twin's death so that she can run away from the mob (or something). SMG is miscast in both roles. I found the techniques used to get them in the same scenes together distracting. I only MAY watch the 2nd episode just to see if it gets any better.

Once Upon a Time (ABC)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—35%

What’s with the fascination with Fairy Tales this year? It’s similar to Grimm in that the main character is also in law enforcement (loosely) and discovers they are someone they didn’t know they were. I just didn’t get into it much.

The Secret Circle (CW)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—0%

Teenage witches based on books by the same author as Vampire Diaries. If you watch Vampire Diaries, you may like this. I don’t watch Vampire Diaries.

A Gifted Man
Chance of watching 2nd episode—0%

A gifted man played by an actor who specializes in playing good-looking bland people (Patrick Wilson). I got very distracted watching it. It’s on at 8PM ET Friday. Watch Chuck instead.

Terra Nova (Fox)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—TBD

The only genre pilot I didn’t receive. They are showing it at Comic-con. I’ll try to see it there.

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Dark Knight Rises - Teaser Trailer

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Falling Skies - Free-fallin' with Episodes 3, 4, 5, and 6

Ever since I watched the premiere night (consisting of two episodes) this show has been collecting dust on my DVR. I had intended on watching the episodes sooner but just didn't feel all that motivated. I finally decided to dive into it again and here are some impressions:

• Episode 3 is mostly full of dumb 
• From how the rebel fighters are initially discovered on the roof (blondie carelessly knocks over a brick)
• To the pathetic writing and acting that has a guy freak out and risk everyone's life to get his son (nothing believable about that moment)
• To virtually every conversation in the episode 
• It isn't even worth talking about beyond pointing out how it feels like it was written, directed, and acted by amateurs

• Episode 4, continuing where we left off, has the captured Han Sawyer, who was made into the rebellion cook in the previous episode, now join our lame heroes on some mission to do something
• At least Han Sawyer gets a half decent line when he is told he won't be allowed to go on the mission armed, "Unarmed? What am I Canadian?"
• Two-bag blond has some conversation with annoying captain about not being trusted. On BSG this could have been a powerful moment. On this show, it is 12 levels below BSG but 47 levels above the writing and acting on V so...
•  There is a strange audio anomaly when Dr. Carter says "If I wanted any parenting advice from an ex con..." that makes him sound like one of the aliens from the original V miniseries
• I am mostly bored and consider deleting the show from my DVR but stick with it since Han Sawyer has to have something funny to say that will make all of this lameness worth it
• A Harry Potter joke from Han Sawyer that is actually kind of funny "So what were you? Blood? Crips? Slytherin?"
• Dr. Carter's kid has a hair style that gets under my skin for some reason
• I just figured out why. . . I had that style 20 years ago
• This captured alien subplot makes me want to punch a baby
• "Guess what? I just made you the communications officer." I really like this actor and character (cool voice guy)
• The sleeping alien orgy scene has to be one of the funniest things I have seen all week, and I watched a lot of comedies this week
• Cute praying chick is a babe and should take over for now disappeared blond chick
• "It's Dai, right? What do they call you for short?" Oh Han Sawyer you rascal
• The interrogation scene between daddy dumb-dumb and the alien has some actual tension for like 10 seconds and then goes SVU creepy and goofy when he puts a gun in the aliens mouth
• It's super smart to leave the kid, the mind controlling device, and the alien in the same room
• The Children of the Corn are terrible shots, so they must be future stormtroopers
• A whole discussion about Harry Potter? What demographic are they aiming at here?
  
• Episode 5 starts with the acquisition of the drugs mentioned at some point in the previous episode and the continued babbling on and on about getting Dr. Carter's son, Obi-Wan, back
• It is kind of cool that the "best man" for figuring out an early warning system for the aliens is a little kid and that I almost believe it to be possible
• 80s hair seems to have gotten over the cute blond quickly and already getting shooting advice from two-bag blond . . . what a guy
• Any idiot could have seen that the alien was going to grab a hold of that dude from WINGS and yet a genius lets himself get brain raped?
• Thankfully cute praying chick is in a scene so I don't delete the show from my DVR just yet
• 80s hair comes up with the Shuttle Tydirium infiltration plan
• Good looking for an old woman doctor murders an alien . . . and then acting talent
• 80s hair has to act all stiff like as he fakes his way into a hospital; this must be the actor's Emmy submission episode
• Mama ET can't help but stroke his 80s hair as she sleeps, revealing that these aliens are both stupid and have no taste
• Once they save all the kids and do some stuff, one kid dies and I don't care but at least the cute praying chick is there so it almost makes it worth watching
• The writers try for emotional character moments at the end to make us care more and ignore the fact that the episode plot was terrible and it works on some level, especially if you are a major sucker for drawn out (cheesy) drama
  
• Episode 6 and I am still watching because I recorded it and I like to finish what I start
• So they saved Obi-Wan and some other kids from the mind controlling alien stuff
• Cute praying chick is briefly in the opening of the episode which is good
• Run away family dad drops his weapon on the ground and no one picks it up? Who in this reality would leave a perfectly good weapon behind?
• Some new military leader type shows up after losing his unit and has a new battle order regarding an imminent attack from the aliens
• The scene between Obi-Wan and the little radio expert is sweet and introduces an interesting detail about how the aliens were like family to their brainwashed human children
• Two-bag blond and good looking old chick shooting is a scene in this episode
• Did I mention already that this show is better than V?
• I didn't think much of V
• I do like this scene where the kid and the dude in the bus get attacked by the mech and the subsequent fight inside the school
• If only the show did more things like showing how kids, who should be playing video games or skateboarding, have to become warriors, I would probably become more invested
• The actor who plays Obi-Wan has a weird American accent . . . he sounds like he is from Ontario and it is ruining my suspension of disbelief
• The end of the episode has a buildup that makes one want to tune in to see what happens next but will I?

My ratings:

Episode 3 - D+

Episode 4 - C-

Episode 5 - C+

Episode 6 - B

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Harry Potter Breaks Records in Final Showing

No need to read through tons of words, below are the records HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2 broke:

• Most pre-sales: $32 million
• Midnight showing: $43.5 million
• Opening-day: $92.1 million (shattering the previous record by nearly $20 million)
• Three-day weekend: $168.55 million

Sources: Hollywire and 2cool.

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.01 - Divorce Is Cool

Writer: Babydoll

LD is back and politically incorrect and socially inept as ever. If you’re like me and you’ve watched seasons 1 through 7, none of Larry’s behavior in this episode will make you say “what the fuuhhh?” and force yourself to wonder what show you’ve been watching for the past odd some years (I’m pointing my finger at you Weeds).

Last season ended with Larry and Cheryl watching the Seinfeld reunion and it seemed as if they too would be having their own reunion as the episode ended. Cut to Sunday night’s premiere entitled “The Divorce”. We start off where we left off: Cheryl wants to give Larry a second chance, showing her affection by leaning in for a kiss, which Larry is more than happy to engage in – until he sees the ring stain left by the Mocha Joe’s on the table. It’s a great callback to continuity due to the fact that in last season’s finale, a rift between Larry and Mocha Joe was an important subplot. Larry, being Larry, fixates and can’t let the ring stain go – especially since such a stain caused him to get into a fight with Julia (another callback to the season 7 finale). One minute into the new season and LD goes directly into what he does best – making a mountain out of a molehill. Cheryl tells him “it’s no big deal” and yet Larry can’t let it go and goes so far as to calling Julia so that Cheryl can tell her that she was the one that left the ring stain on her antique table. As the scene develops Cheryl loses her patience and regrets her decision. “Why would I come here? This is ridiculous, I’m not talking to Julia!” she says before leaving Larry’s. The yin-yang relationship that we’ve come to know, the divorce is on.

Only “Curb” could take the fragile and complicated subject of divorce and turn it into a farce on the ludicrous stereotypes society has adopted throughout the years. Larry hires his divorce lawyer on the sole basis that he has to be Jewish – because obviously you can’t handle a deferred compensation package or alimony if you didn’t have a bat/bar mitzvah or touch your mezuzah before you leave your home or office. Incidentally, his lawyer, whose last name is “Burg”, is not Jewish. Instead, he comes from the land of sauna’s and IKEA. When Larry finds out Burg is Swedish he erupts by saying “I GOT A SWEDE LAWYER? SHE’S GONNA GET EVERYTHING!” Oh Larry, you started the episode off by using the N word and now you’re offending the Scandinavian-Americans. You are nothing if not persistent in your inclusiveness. Thanks LD for adding the Scandinavians to the list of people we can hate!

After firing Burg, Larry gets himself a Jewish lawyer named Hiram Katz. LD is relieved – his divorce will be well handled due to the fact that his attorney knows what a shofar stands for (before this episode, I was like WTF is that horn besides something I’ve seen in LOTR?). He recommends this lawyer to the owner of the Dodgers, Joe O’Donnell, (WHAT UP GARY COLE?!) who was also “sweded” by Burg for his own divorce. Unfortunately, although Katz is kosher, he’s a total schmuck when it comes to his profession and loses the Dodgers for O’Donnell and the house for Larry (much to Leon’s dismay), breaking the stereotype that a Jew could do better than a non-Jew. Thank you Larry, because if I ever get divorced, I’ll know not to judge a lawyer by the Torah. SHALOM!

Larry and Joe’s divorces also leads to Marty “The funk” Funkhouser to seek a divorce from his wife. Divorce in this episode is regarded as the latest fad (and with a 50% divorce rate today, why shouldn’t it be?). The Funk is excited about his divorce, acting like me when I know I’m going to be eating McDonalds (NUGGETS! NUM NUM NUM!). Jeff, on the other hand, is bummed out – like he’s not part of the exclusive club. “Everyone’s getting a divorce except me,” he says. And considering what Susie said to him if he ever mentioned the “D” word to her (“I’m taking your balls and I’m thumb tacking them to the wall, you’ll get nothing out of it”), he better get used to the fact he won’t be a VIP in the “D” club.

Just as embarrassing as having your balls thumb tacked to the wall is having your first period in a stranger’s house - which brings me to the subplot: Larry David is the MAN when you’ve got your period and you don’t know what to do. Keira, O’Donnell’s daughter, comes to the David house to sell Larry cookies so that in return he can get Dodgers tickets. Unfortunately for young Keira, she gets her first period just as she’s about to make the sale. The whole scene that follows should be shown in health classes around the nation to add a little humor and de-dramatize the whole “getting your period” thing, which, as Larry points out “that’s no problem!” But the best of all is this gem of a line right here: “You had it in the right place, I’ve got this! I’ve got this!” Larry is albeit overly enthusiastic about helping out this young girl but at the same time, if there was any way to react, I believe Larry’s was the way to go: treating a first period like it’s your kid scoring a homerun at his little league game. Obviously, O’Donnell was less amused and refused to give Larry tickets. Larry, incapable of accepting that he’d done anything wrong, then refuses to buy the cookies, which brings me to my last point: Girl Scouts are ruthless, crazy bitches who will do anything to get their money. They’re the young, innocent, and suburban version of a pimp. I couldn’t help but think back to that great 1980s film Troop Beverly Hills starring Shelley Long.

Babydoll’s “by the way…”:
-What was this, a Best Week Ever reunion? Paul F. Tompkins AND Jennifer St. Clair? Being on “Curb” is a far cry away from Vh1 specials kids, well done.
-You never realize how much you miss a daily dose of Leon in your life until Leon comes back and hit you with one of his truth bombs or should I say ass bombs? This week: “You ran that ass in the ground and you movin’ on” and the ever so lovely, “get out there and get some new ass”.
-Katz “lawyering” the maître-d at the restaurant. When in doubt, always have a lawyer with you. Now I know that I can share my buffet with someone else – although, who would want to share their buffet? Ludicrous!
-The Good Wife, True Blood, Chuck…Gary Cole is popping up everywhere and I LOVE IT. He’s the television actor version of whack-a-mole, if whack-a-mole was about prairie dogs just popping up and not “whacking” their heads because they were so awesome.
-“Sweded” is a term that will go into my urban dictionary as the definition for “being fucked over by a gentile”

Curb your political correctness:
-When Larry opens the door for the Girl Scouts: “First of all, I commend you on the demographics – a black, and an Asian, and are you a Jew perchance?”
-Larry: “Guy turns up to me on a motorcycle guess who it turns out to be?” Jeff: “Portia De Rossi”. I would have gone with Ellen due to the fact she wouldn’t really have as much of a problem with helmet hair as Portia.
-Larry: “What is a Jew doing on a motorcycle?” – Jeff: “I don’t recall ever seeing a Jew on a motorcycle”. I now have a new road game to play called “Spot the Jew on the motorcycle”.

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Ad Agencies Predict next season's ratings

Writer: MediaSavant

The June 27th, 2011 issue of Advertising Age had a chart of predictions of Household ratings for next season on the major broadcast networks.

The predictions reflect C3 ratings and were averaged from submissions by media agencies—these are agencies that plan and buy media campaigns for advertisers. A “C3” rating is the rating that programs get during commercial minutes within three days of airing. C3 ratings are the currency on which advertising costs are based. They are most similar in size to Live + SD ratings, but rarely exactly the same.

You might be interested in how several geek shows fared in these predictions.

Person of Interest: 7.09
Castle: 5.55
Glee: 4.39 (included because they are at SDCC next week)
Terra Nova: 4.11
A Gifted Man: 3.83
Alcatraz: 3.75
Family Guy: 3.73
The River (mid-season): 3.30
Grimm: 2.30
Awake (mid-season): 2.2
Fringe: 2.16
Community: 1.97
Chuck: 1.97
Vampire Diaries: 1.27
Supernatural: 1.11
The Secret Circle: 1.05
Nikita: 1.01
Ringer 0.76 (included because its Sarah Michele Gellar and at SDCC)

It should be noted that because these are household ratings, shows that tend to have older audiences usually do very well.

Chuck fans may wonder how the predicted 1.97 for Friday at 8PM compares to Monday last season. It’s quite a drop. Chuck’s season 4 finale episode scored a 2.6 Live + SD household rating. Chuck’s replacement on Monday—The Sing-Off—is predicted to get a 3.4, which is higher than Chuck got last 4th quarter (3.2 average).

The “Person of Interest” prediction appears to be quite high to me. I’ve seen that pilot and wasn’t that enamored with it. I’m just not a Jim Caviezel fan. But, CBS claims it “tested well” and it gets CSI’s old timeslot. Everything else in the timeslot skews younger. So, maybe it will do well with the older folk.

If there are any other questions about what’s listed here, please comment below.

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Bear McCreary's Prelude to War on Piano REMIX

I did this one because I wanted to hear the orchestral version along with his piano playing. I thought it would sound cool. I had to edit it a bit differently than I intended due to his departures from the original work but I think it sounds cool. Check it out. Share it with 10,000 of your friends or enemies.



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Why Justin Timberlake's MySpace Will Kill Facebook

Writer: Head Geek Furious

If you haven't been keeping track of the world of tech news, News Corp recently sold off their ownership in the former social networking giant MySpace. Reportedly purchased by News Corp for nearly $600 MILLION, the disgrace of a site was bought by Specific Media for $35 million, with musician/actor Justin Timberlake as a major player in the acquisition.

While pundits everywhere are blasting Timberlake for his investment in the often seen dying (or dead) MySpace, they are missing out on something far more important than trends, popularity, and account use/activity. Name recognition and overall brand equity.

I AM JUST KIDDING. Holy poopholes Batman, I bet I had you all going there for a second. This is an idiotic move by Timberlake and his looney venture capitalists. Why would anyone spend any amount of money to try to revive a brand that is a generational joke? This is like acquiring the Octomom's poonhole to make the next generation of super soldiers.

That sh*t is worn the f**k out! No one is sticking their hard earned membership into this diseased garbage dispenser again. It isn't the site, nor the technology, nor the available fun social networking adventures we might discover, it is the name.

MySpace.

Talk to us in 20-years when the kids being born now want to be whisked away into the nostalgia of yesteryear when mom and dad were dealing out mad free-love hookups via the site and freebasing antibiotics to rid themselves of syphilis.

We are done with it. You don't go from slut to princess to slut again. And you don't go back to fu**in' MySpace.

But if anyone has any great ideas for how to kill the whore machine that is Facebook, let me know. We haven't had a good superpower to take down since the Soviets. But that death dealing weapon is not going to be Timberlake's misguided effort. That sack of clownshoes needs to remember he is an ACTOR (who played in that social networking movie by a name I can't remember) and sometimes a musician, not actually the cocaine sniffing blowhard he played in that movie.

You know what sounds better than $35 million? $35 BILLION! Call me, Timby. I got an idea for bringing back Napster.
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