28 June, 2011

Top 10 Geek Furious of HOT!



Writer: Head Geek Furious

Simple. 10 HOTTEST people in geek furious culture, ever. I made a list, I checked it twice and I made sure they were very naughty and not too nice. There was no intention of making this the top 5 men and top 5 women list. It just grew organically. Don't like it? Then tell me what you would change or who you would add.  Hotness here is the sum of a character's physical beauty, sexiness, attitude, and strength (in all its levels).

10. Lois Lane - SMALLVILLE
I can't... stop... staring.
Do I like this show? Hell no. Do I see any reason why someone should waste ten seasons on this ridiculous mess of a joke? No way. But do I see why someone watched at least one season just to follow the hotness that is this badass chick? OH YES.

I watched the first and last seasons of what I came to call LOISVILLE and only stuck with it for that last season because of this Canadian goddess. She is like sexy sex on a sticky stick (why do I want to make that into a hip hop song or punch myself in the face for writing it at all?). I don't understand why the writers didn't just put her in every scene, or have her take more showers. After all, she lives in the big city and on a farm. Doesn't she feel dirty? Isn't it bath time?


9. Captain Mal Reynolds - FIREFLY/SERENITY
Unlike a leaf on the wind, Mal kills sexy.
The man who aims to misbehave is the same guy who stole the hearts of both the ladies and the lads with his badassness and general cool. Creator Joss Whedon's pretty obvious homage to Han Solo has the man doing the things fans of Solo think he has done all along: shoot first and not bother with asking questions later.

He has the looks and all the badass, deadly, rogue, and nerf herder anyone needs while also being a charmer. He is just so damn cool when being a jerk and so shy and awkward when dealing with his feelings, that it makes him the guy you want to have by your side, whether he's trying to kill for you or kiss you.

8. Dean Winchester - SUPERNATURAL
Get him a burger, douche!
Oh Dean, you angry, murdering, fatty cheeseburger eating, binge drinking, sex crazed slut you. How do I say this without offending the little children or some SUPERNATURAL fans?

Your brother is a pretty boy pussy.

I feel better. Yeah, yeah. Sam is handsomerest and fan fic writers probably spent endless masturbatory hours fantasizing about him, but Dean is hotter. No doubt. In every badass mandly way, hotter.

7. Leeloo aka Leeloo Dallas - THE FIFTH ELEMENT
Touch my nipsies and die.
Heavenly creature of perfection, why doth thou looketh at me with those eyes of need and strength? I fear and want to possess you, my orange haired obsession.

Oh, uh, what happened?

Leeloo is gorgeous. Smoking hot. Badass. And also a frakin' planet destroying weapon. How much more badass and hot can a woman get? Well, apparently a little hotter since she is 7th on the list. But as much as I love this movie, I don't rewatch it over and over because I love Bruce Willis or that dude from the RUSH HOUR movies (though they are great). I watch it for Leeloo and her multipass (sexual metaphor).

6. Han Solo - STAR WARS (original trilogy)
I make everything look good.
There is probably a generational gap that has some people not understand why Han Solo is such a beloved character. But I think those who didn't grow up with him, or weren't around when he first appeared on movie screens, should consider what the world was like before Han Solo was in it. There just weren't that many good guys who were bad but saved the day while being super cool about it and got the girl and kicked ass and took names. Or perhaps there weren't any before Han Solo. He was the mold for Mal Reynolds, James Sawyer, and that new guy on FALLING SKIES.

Should he have been higher on the list? Sure. But I have new obsessions that bumped him down a bit.

5. James 'Sawyer' Ford - LOST
I exist to look pretty and deal out death.
Another Han Solo wannabe, Sawyer has some things that Solo never had. Other than great writing and just more material to work with, Sawyer also got a real arc that gave his character a more fitting end than the ballznipped Han Solo in "Return of the Jedi." But what makes him hotter than Han is those pretty blue eyes. They are blue, right? Yeah. I am sure of it. Right? Green? Whatever.  Killing is his business and business is pretty damn good for a while.

4. Six - BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Baltar is one lucky sod.
Not only beautiful, sexy, and an incredibly well written and acted character, Six (in her many different glories) is easily one of the hottest characters in the geek universe. Or any universe for that matter.

She wears skimpy outfits. She has lots and lots and lots of sexy sex. She looks stunning most of the time. Oh and she can kick ass, take names, take more names while kicking ass, and then call your family to warn them that she is going to kill all of them while taking down more names of people you may know from childhood while doing it.

The reason she isn't higher on the list is simply because she had less and less sex and didn't do enough strip teasing or killing as the series went on. She could have been #1 if they had just utilized her hotness more.

3. Slavegirl Leia - STAR WARS, EPISODE VI, RETURN OF THE JEDI
I need a minute alone, please. 30 seconds?
You youngins can't possibly understand this... but this image is still one of the hottest things in the universe. Hell, this could easily be #1 but I felt it was unfair to give the highest position to a character that is only in a portion of one of the movies in a series of movies. But that is how hot and how life affecting her hotness was in this virtually short sequence in the series.

Men and women around the planet of Earth have based entire fantasies, relationships, and even life decisions on this character/costume. That is how powerful the imagery of Leia in this metal bikini was on us kiddies back in 1983. It was like having a mind probe inject hotness into our brainz while sucking out our innocence at the same time.

But not only was metal bikini clad Leia a bonfire of epic proportions but she was also pretty deadly in it, taking out the biggest organized crime kingpin in the history of film.  Literally.  The biggest.  And she didn't do it nice and clean either, she choked a bitch! All these things should have put her at #1 if not for...

2. Pacey Poof 'Peter' Bishop - FRINGE
What have you done to me, Pacey Poof?
Peter makes me wish I was a girl, or a fancy boy. It shouldn't be wrong that a heterosexual male finds himself crazily attracted to another heterosexual male. I mean, what is it about Olivia anyway that I don't have? Other than lady parts. Huh? Answer me, Pacey!

To understand the hotness of Mr. Bishop, you will just need to watch the show but he has a confidence, a simmer, a manliness about him that transcends genders or sexuality.  Plus, he is happy to ninja kill shape shifters.  I want to be in his arms while he whispers sweet sexy, like a meow meow (TM, 1998) to me.


And the Top Geek Furious of Hot is... (at least until I find a new obsession and change the list):

1. Sarah Walker - CHUCK
Mama told me I'd fall for a gun wielding belt bound girl some day.
Come on, this was a no-brainer. There is no one hotter. Let's just first talk about the gorgeousness. She is a stunner. And sure, some would say she has imperfections but that is what makes her so frakin' attractive. She is like the most amazing looking girl next door who would never live next door to you because some billionaire would have swept her off her feet and married her the second he caught wind of her on Facebook.

And how about her sexy? She has it in spades. In shovels. In Millennium Falcons even. And the show utilizes her physical assets every chance it gets. Hell, not enough. Every episode should be an excuse for Sarah Walker to try on a new hot outfit or to undress for no apparent reason whatsoever. Why hold back, writers? Hotness doesn't grow on trees.

Slavegirl Sarah? Yes!
And I didn't even talk about how much fun it is to watch her character. Whether it is her tough exterior or sweet and tender inner workings, the woman is a sometimes complex mess of emotions brought on by a tough upbringing.

But while her badassy ways are pretty great and definitely a worthy part of the hotness title, it is the sweet turmoil of kindness within her that has made many CHUCK fans fall in love with her. Sure, she is a tough chick and she can certainly kick some big time ass (unless her opponent is a woman, because then she will likely get her ass kicked a little bit) but it is her romantic compass forcing her head away from brute force (unless you kidnap her man, that is) and into considering less deadly ways to resolve things that makes her so memorable.

Geek love calmed the hot savage beast. And that deserves the number one position on this list.

Tipsy southern belle Sarah may be the hottest thing ever.
And yet there is one more thing that earns her the title. And that is her comedy. Who knew that Sarah Walker was so funny? Well, for the most part, we didn't until the middle of season 3 when in arguably the best episode of the series (3.14, Chuck Vs. The Honeymooners), Sarah (or Yvonne) revealed her comedic side. From that point on, super dramatic Sarah Walker took a step back and still dramatic but having a lot more fun Sarah 'Don't call me Sam' Walker appeared. And the world is better off for it.
This ruined my chance of getting married. No human woman can measure up! Thanks Schwedak!

57 comments:

  1. Sarah Walker for the win!!!!

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  2. Lois should have been #1! I dont even know who Sarah Walker is!

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  3. Pacey Poof???? LOL! I love you.

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  4. Im confused. Do I click geek or furious as my reaction? Which one is good and which is bad? Does it mean it is geeky choice or is the person furious?

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  5. Right...You konw SmallVille but you don't know Chuck? Do the names Zachary Levi or Yvonne Strahovski mean something to you?
    Now, for the author: Nice job! ;) I completely agree with your list! Thanks for keeping me amused during my favorite shows hiatus! :)

    Cláudia

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  6. YOU DONT KNOW WHO SARAH WALKER IS??? GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!

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  7. You can click either Geek or Furious. It means what you want it to mean. Personally, I consider both qualities in this article. They are on geek shows and that makes them hot. They are furious and that makes them hot. So, you can't go wrong with clicking either reaction box.

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  8. I would have put Seven of Nine on there but I know you consider Star Trek a nerd show.

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  9. I wrestled with that one. Seven of Nine is very hot, indeed. Maybe if I had done a top 20 list.

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  10. How did I know Sarah Walker would be number one before I even clicked the link? ;)

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  11. Hey now, it was close! It was between Pacey Poof and Sam Lisa!

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  12. I think it's a pretty good list overall and i agree Sarah Walker is both hot & entertaining
    The only thing missing in your list is Zachary Levi (Chuck) he might not be a classic`hot`guy but he sure has his moments and he has to have a lil` bit of charm & hotness since he`s the one who your #1option married
    so a mention to him would have made your list even better :)

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  13. If I was making the cutest, sweetest, adorablest, nicest, most charming geek characters I would definitely have put Chuck Bartowski on the list. But he just isn't FURIOUS enough. :)

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  14. Slave girl Sarah...sigh.

    And that picture of Lois...impressive...most impressive.

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  15. Ms. NBC UniverseJune 28, 2011 at 5:39 PM

    I approve of this list.

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  16. Lois? Check. Mal? Check. Dean. CHECK! Six? Double check. Sarah? Check mate.

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  17. I kind of see your point with Chuck (yet i still think he's hot enough for this list seeing your other choices)
    but if you where going for furious`beefcakes then why is Peter from Fringe on #2 spot ? from my point of view he shouldn't even be on the list nevertheless in front of characters like Dean Winchester or Sawyer from LOST

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  18. Sarah as #1 is the only correct answer. Any other answer is foolishness of the highest order. Now if it were my list, Aeryn Sun would also be on there, but you can't have everything.

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  19. How dare you speak that way of my Pacey Poof?!?!?!

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  20. This is not a top ten list, actually is a top 19 list!
    SArah Walker makes the top ten all by herself! Belly dancing Sarah, Southern belle Sarah, white waitress Sarah, Giant Blond She-Male, Darth Walker, Wienerlicious Sarah... Shall I continue? :)

    And I am one of those who is still shocked by Princess Leia in a metal bikini, after 25+ years...

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  21. If your side popular articles thing is counting most popular articles of the week then this one just jumped to third with 20+ comments in an hour. Well done, sir.

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  22. Yep, it is based on most read of the week. It should be #2 soon.

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  23. Someone linked this on Ausiello. You made the big time. Btw I love your #1.

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  24. I was wondering why I suddenly got a bunch of TV Line hits.

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  25. A pretty comprehensive list and I love your inclusion of Pacey Poof!!! And I agree that while I love Chuck, he is not quite FURIOUS! enough for this list. But that's part of what makes him so loveable :)

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  26. "Heavenly creature of perfection, why doth thou looketh at me with those eyes of need and strength? I fear and want to possess you, my orange haired obsession."

    omg did you write a poem to leeloo? that was amazing! seriously amazing.

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  27. It was my throw away poem, I suppose. If I had been trying, I think it would have been better.

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  28. Sarah Walker as #1? I approve. I have a huge girl crush on her. Not only is she sexy but she's talented too.

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  29. What about buffy :)

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  30. What about Buffy? (said like Jacob to Ben in the LOST season 5 finale)

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  31. Sarah Walker is the hotest!
    Why don't you have twitter?

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  32. I don't have Twitter? @GeekFurious :)

    I just don't advertise it on this site since I figure a majority of people got here from Twitter.

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  33. Vader's My Little Pony PillowJune 29, 2011 at 7:24 AM

    Dammit HGF, you have a talent for keeping my interest. What is your next top 10? You do have one in mind right? If I haven't said it before, I love the site and the whole look.

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  34. I have several in mind but I haven't decided which one goes first. There is one I was just thinking about this morning that should be something pretty unique. I don't like doing what everyone else is doing, or in the way everyone else is doing it. And as long as people keep digging it, I will keep doing it my way. Actually, I will probably keep doing it my way whether they like it or not.

    And thank you for digging the site. :)

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  35. I probably would put John Crichton in leather (Farscape) on that list. But, I'm a different demo.

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  36. Should it not be Sarah Bartowski or Sarah Walker Bartowski or Sarah Lisa Walker Bartowski or Sarah Lisa Bartowski? I wonder if she actually took the Chucks last name.....interesting to find out.

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  37. It is not like Sarah Walker is her birth name anyway, so does it matter what we call her? We know who she is. :)

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  38. Bartowski is a funny name thinking about it, lol. Maybe Chuck should have taken sarah's name since walker is an awesome name and because chuck is the girl in the relationship it would be only fitting. Muwahaha!

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  39. How about Sarah Sam/Samantha Lisa Walker Bartowski....nice ring to it.

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  40. The prenuptial said Sarah Lisa Walker. So, her name is either Sarah Lisa Walker Bartowski or Sarah Lisa Bartowski.

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  41. Yeah!!! :D

    Sarah Walker ftw!!

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  42. I was going to post this yesterday but forgot. Because of this article I found some episodes of chuck on the warner brothers site and checked it out. I feel like a fool!! I FREAKIN LOVE IT!! thank you so much for introducing me to chuck!!

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  43. I am your hero!

    WB should probably be paying me for this. ;)

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  44. yes!!! sarah walker is amazing! and the show Chuck itself is great, everybody (though everybody here has probably already seen it) should watch it! :D

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  45. Ive never seen Chuck but I believe that is the girl who played Miranda in Mass Effect. Lois should be higher on the list she is so amazing! I wouldve put Dean #1 and Sam #2. I dont think Mal is hot. He has a weird jaw.

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  46. Two things! You call him Pacey Poof??? lololololool!! and poppymouth should be cut for saying that about MAL!

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  47. Sigh.... Pacey Poof.

    And no violence should come Poppymouth's way, but those are fighting words, indeed.

    P.S.

    Sam sucks.

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  48. Man you have great taste! ;D

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  49. "Mama told me I'd fall for a gun wielding belt bound girl some day."

    My favorite caption. The sentence is delicious.

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  50. Without doubt sarah walker is the hottest. No one even comes close
    i agree she wins hands down
    her character is what draws audiences to Chuck
    unfortunately the series is ending.
    where will i find my sarah walker fix?

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  51. #1 and #2, UNNFFFF!! Is it wrong of me to want those two together as leads on another cool TV show? If that's wrong of me, I don't want to be right!

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  52. I like it only because you manged to squeeze in "sexy like a meow meow." LMAO!

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