Writer: Head Geek Furious
WARNING: This article is most certainly not safe for unsophisticated kids.
Let's not beat around the bush any longer. CHUCK (the lovely show on NBC and the #4 show on the Geek Furious best of all time list) is not a family show. Despite what some fans suggest and what people who work on the show may restate over and over, Nielsen data totally contradicts this idea. In truth, not even 10% of the total viewers of the show are not old enough to have experienced the ton of fun that is puberty.
Wait, not even 5% are old enough to have experienced the joy of shaving! What does that tell us? That a vast majority of the CHUCK viewers are adults who do not watch the show with their kids (yes, I know YOU do but that means you represent the 4% or whatever it is). So let's dispense with the "this is a family show" crap and go right for the jugular.
I am pleading with the CHUCK show runners to make this show what it should have always been. Total, unadulterated GEEK porn! Well, as much as one can do on network TV.
Now that I have your attention, this is what I mean:
- Morgan has to break up with Alex, or she has to break up with him. This way Morgan can get super hot sex action in every episode. You could even make it so she sticks around to judge him for his slutty ways.
- Sarah (#1 top 10 hot in geek) has to feel unclean in every episode and have to take a shower or bath or just relax in a hot tub or something. What is the point of having a hot chick on a show if she never showers? Seems like a no-brainer.
- Casey must get a girlfriend and she should be the smokingest hottest sluttiest slut ever. She should be all over him all the time trying to get her freak on because she finds him irresistibly hawt. Casey should be horrified by this but be unable to stop her because he is a male and we are powerless against super hot chicks who are sluts. Oh and without a doubt this chick needs to have some very safe and boring job like ninja librarian, kung fu secretary, or an 89D (explosive ordnance disposal specialist).
- Ellie should be in heat the entire season and need to claw at and violate her husband's autonomy whenever he is around.
- Captain Awesome should be perpetually shirtless (I'm looking out for the lady geeks).
- Sarah should demand the Buy More staff more ladies. Due to the fact that the main crew is on a mission, Jeff and Lester are put in charge and hire strippers. Yes, this has kind of been done (with super models) but this time the strippers stick around for the whole season. They try really hard to do their jobs but find that keeping their clothes off is a very difficult thing to do. Sarah is not happy about this but the stripper girl squad ends up being so successful at selling, and the team is so in need of money after losing about a billion of it in a lawsuit, that she begrudgingly keeps them on.
- Cole must return and walk around in a towel for an episode. Also, he should sex up at least 5 of the Buy More stripper chicas (hablo español?).
- Alex, in a jealous rage after finding out that Morgan is banging hard bodied skanks, should hook up with her father's agent and military buddies. Then go find a homeless guy and kill him to get the darkness out of her system. Let's face it, sex with multiple partners only goes so far in suppressing the demons.
- Chuck and Sarah have to end up at one of those sex parties Sarah talked about in season 4. This time she isn't kidding and they are both hopped up on some kind of super slut drug that drives people into wild orgies.
- Anna Wu must return. She was a freak so I don't need to paint a picture of the potential.
- Hannah should return to join the nerd herd crew again. She and Anna could fight for Morgan's attention. Eventually they would end up in a hot lesbo scene.
- The show needs to have more wet t-shirt contests in the BM. What is that? They have never had wet t-shirt contests on the show? BINGO. No wonder the ratings are low.
- Two words: suicide girls. It's not a new teenage fad. It's inky and pasty. OK, so that is kind of a new teenage fad but minus the vampires, and men between the ages of 18-34 really seem to dig it.
- Have Chuck get wet more often (I am looking out for the geek ladies again) and assaulted by smokin' short-skirt wearing, big jubs owning girlies who want his geek hotness.
The 13 episodes of season 5, beginning October 21st as first reported here a month before NBC confirmed it, will be the last for the show.
