31 May, 2011

Smallville series finale: A heartfelt review

I started watching Smallville about 10 years ago, along with another few million people. I sat through all 200 some episodes. The long LONG journey (too long) of Clark Kent going from boy to superhero was filled with many ups and downs (mostly downs). The legacy this show has left behind for me is the permanent imprint of my palm in the middle of my forehead.

The series finale opens with a scene from the future, apparently the writers wanted to use a frame story to encapsulate the episode. This is not good, because it means they can't finish the story of Superman becoming Superman without showing him years in the future...so apparently whatever he does to destroy Darkseid and save the day in present time isn't a very compelling ending. Awesome! At least this shows that the writers are aware of one simple fact, that the original Superman story is way more interesting than the story of Clark (very slowly) becoming that hero. Most Superman tales skip the teenage years for good reason. I was going to compare this to the story of Jesus, who you read about as a baby then the writers all fast forward to when he's actually doing things, and skip the growing up part, but Smallville already has way to many religious terms and dumb indirect Jesus comparisons in it (thanks a lot for starting that crap Bryan Singer).

This finale was meant to tie up certain storylines. First, it was meant to finish the bad guy arc of the season. Darkseid is rising and Clark has to stop him, but how? The answer is of course simple, and it takes Clark way to long to figure it out, again of course. This is Smallville canon. Clark can't think for himself, can't be quick and solving issues, and can't make any decisions before being swayed by both sides of the argument first. He's more annoying than heroic. So how does Clark defeat Darkseid? He gets his head out of his ass and learns how to fly, Jor-El RANDOMLY shows up to give him a confidence boost and there you have it! He flies right through the body of Lionseid, saves a plane with Lois in it, and shoves the planet from The 5th Element back into space. I mean shoves Apokolips back into space. By the way, saving a Lois-laden nosediving aircraft is always Superman's first save, and I did appreciate that moment. This all brings up a very big question for me: if all of Clark's difficulties were part of his trials and training, did Jor-El plan all this crap? I hope so, I hope Clark's dead ice palace daddy brought motherfugging Darkseid to Earth, just to teach his son to fugging fly already. Because that's what it felt like, and that's ridiculous.

The second story arc the show had to conclude is another season long B-story. Oliver fighting off the darkness inside himself...or something cheesy like that. Once he did, he killed Darkseid's minions...who are the easiest villains to destroy ever. Boy that was anti-climactic.

The third story arc is the story of Lois and Clark's relationship. Now, I know a lot of Superman fanboys, who may or may not watch this show, get way more excited hearing about the Legion or Hawkman showing up, and couldn't care less if Lois was around. Hell these fans don't even need her in the movie! You can tell a Superman story without Lois! Well, to me you can't. Lois is the only other character to appear in Action Comics #1 besides Clark/Supes, and she is a very important person in Clark's story outside of being his love interest. Lois represents everything about humanity that makes it worth saving, both the good and the bad. She's damn important, and up until this last season Smallville did a good job in writing her for the most part. She was funny when the rest of the show was too serious. She was independent when everyone else was fawning over Clark. This season though, she slowly got her balls chopped off. What was the point the relationship plot in this episode? Lois dumps Clark. Lois wants Clark back. Clark things Lois might be right. They almost get married. Flash forward 7 years and they still aren't married. Um ok, that really wrapped that sh*t up, writers. The whole thing was idiotic. Not to mention them reading each others vows aloud, then 10 minutes later they tell us their vows again at the wedding. Whose idea was that? And to have them STILL not married at the end? And on top of that you have the happy couple in the future acting like they are getting married on the down low. None of it made sense.

The final story arc that needed closure in this episode was the story of Clark pre-Superman. A culmination of 10 years of learning! Mostly culmination of 10 years of tantrums, depression, and stupidity, but I'm being generous. How many times does Clark have to figure out that he can't be ALL human or ALL Kryptonian before it sticks? Many, I guess. The worst part about the way this wrapped up was when that final shot came, of him ripping his shirt to reveal the \S/ (7 years later) with the Williams score in the background, I felt close to nothing. Honestly, nothing.

I will say the Luthors were the best part of this ending. Lionel, Tess, and Lex in a bald cap. I was never a huge Lex fan back in the day when he was a regular, because he liked to talk a lot and use tons of random analogies, and he never really felt like a full-on villain. He just didn't seem badass. In this episode, though, he was a total badass. And I think Lex murdering Tess was the perfect way for her story to end, and I was happy those two actors got to work together. And writing all this stuff about Lex now makes me sad Breaking In got canceled. I just started to really like that show.


In all, this episode was boring, and I haven't even mentioned #ZombieJohnathan. By the way, this show's cemetery scenes have sucked since the pilot. A lot of monologues were given and a lot of standing around was done, and then some villains were very easily dealt with. This show started off with promise, tumbled into awfulness, tried to scramble its way back to decent, and ended up just being on TV way too long.

Favorite lines:
“Why are you here?” - Tess asking the same question I asked Lana for years
“Is this about dad? I know it's been tough since he died, being the one left behind.” - Clark, sounding like a gentleman
“I'm such an idiot.” - Lois was an idiot, as is whoever came up with her storyline here
“What if Lois is right?” - Clark proving for the billionth time that he can't just make up his damn mind
“What killed me is that you didn't even want it” - Lex telling the truth
“Semantics” - Lex being awesome
“Paved with difficult trials”- Jor-El making me facepalm
“Always hold on to Smallville” - #ZombieJohnathan trying to stop me from selling my dvds. Too late!

The only good parts in the 2 hour finale:
Clark flying
Lex killing Tess
Jimmy and Perry White cameos...why does #FutureLois look so matronly?


  1. I only watched seasons 1 and 10 but I am pretty much in agreement with Multipass. I found that the most interesting character was Lois and I essentially only watched for her. So, naturally, in the finale, they made Lois a chump.

    Brilliant job, writers. You should be proud of all the crap you created.

  2. ouch! harsh! the finale was perfect how can you be so mean? your not a real fan!

  3. What is a "real fan"? Someone who pretends everything is fine when it isn't? Fine. She isn't a real fan. She just has taste.

  4. Anonymous, it's ok if you like the finale, but you should at least be smart enough to know it sucked. And I don't have to be a smallville fan anymore, the show is OVAH!

  5. Smallville was the biggest waste of time. I watched five seasons and quit. Tuned in for the final two episodes and have never been happier not wasting five more years watching shit. Thats what it was. Big pile of shit.

  6. "it's ok if you like the finale, but you should at least be smart enough to know it sucked"

    I am so stealing that for future use! Brilliant!

  7. I don't feel 10 years of my life were wasted but I also don't understand the praise fans gave this season. I gave the finale a C+.

  8. I almost quit the show 3 times & looking back I think I should have.

  9. Totally agree.