Top 10 Geek Furious of HOT!

Writer: Head Geek Furious

Simple. 10 HOTTEST people in geek furious culture, ever. I made a list, I checked it twice and I made sure they were very naughty and not too nice. There was no intention of making this the top 5 men and top 5 women list. It just grew organically. Don't like it? Then tell me what you would change or who you would add.  Hotness here is the sum of a character's physical beauty, sexiness, attitude, and strength (in all its levels).

10. Lois Lane - SMALLVILLE

I can't... stop... staring.

Do I like this show? Hell no. Do I see any reason why someone should waste ten seasons on this ridiculous mess of a joke? No way. But do I see why someone watched at least one season just to follow the hotness that is this badass chick? OH YES.

I watched the first and last seasons of what I came to call LOISVILLE and only stuck with it for that last season because of this Canadian goddess. She is like sexy sex on a sticky stick (why do I want to make that into a hip hop song or punch myself in the face for writing it at all?). I don't understand why the writers didn't just put her in every scene, or have her take more showers. After all, she lives in the big city and on a farm. Doesn't she feel dirty? Isn't it bath time?

9. Captain Mal Reynolds - FIREFLY/SERENITY

Unlike a leaf on the wind, Mal kills sexy.

The man who aims to misbehave is the same guy who stole the hearts of both the ladies and the lads with his badassness and general cool. Creator Joss Whedon's pretty obvious homage to Han Solo has the man doing the things fans of Solo think he has done all along: shoot first and not bother with asking questions later.

He has the looks and all the badass, deadly, rogue, and nerf herder anyone needs while also being a charmer. He is just so damn cool when being a jerk and so shy and awkward when dealing with his feelings, that it makes him the guy you want to have by your side, whether he's trying to kill for you or kiss you.

8. Dean Winchester - SUPERNATURAL

Get him a burger, douche!

Oh Dean, you angry, murdering, fatty cheeseburger eating, binge drinking, sex crazed slut you. How do I say this without offending the little children or some SUPERNATURAL fans?

Your brother is a pretty boy pussy.

I feel better. Yeah, yeah. Sam is handsomerest and fan fic writers probably spent endless masturbatory hours fantasizing about him, but Dean is hotter. No doubt. In every badass mandly way, hotter.

7. Leeloo aka Leeloo Dallas - THE FIFTH ELEMENT

Touch my nipsies and die.

Heavenly creature of perfection, why doth thou looketh at me with those eyes of need and strength? I fear and want to possess you, my orange haired obsession.

Oh, uh, what happened?

Leeloo is gorgeous. Smoking hot. Badass. And also a frakin' planet destroying weapon. How much more badass and hot can a woman get? Well, apparently a little hotter since she is 7th on the list. But as much as I love this movie, I don't rewatch it over and over because I love Bruce Willis or that dude from the RUSH HOUR movies (though they are great). I watch it for Leeloo and her multipass (sexual metaphor).

6. Han Solo - STAR WARS (original trilogy)

I make everything look good.

There is probably a generational gap that has some people not understand why Han Solo is such a beloved character. But I think those who didn't grow up with him, or weren't around when he first appeared on movie screens, should consider what the world was like before Han Solo was in it. There just weren't that many good guys who were bad but saved the day while being super cool about it and got the girl and kicked ass and took names. Or perhaps there weren't any before Han Solo. He was the mold for Mal Reynolds, James Sawyer, and that new guy on FALLING SKIES.

Should he have been higher on the list? Sure. But I have new obsessions that bumped him down a bit.

5. James 'Sawyer' Ford - LOST

I exist to look pretty and deal out death.

Another Han Solo wannabe, Sawyer has some things that Solo never had. Other than great writing and just more material to work with, Sawyer also got a real arc that gave his character a more fitting end than the ballznipped Han Solo in "Return of the Jedi." But what makes him hotter than Han is those pretty blue eyes. They are blue, right? Yeah. I am sure of it. Right? Green? Whatever.  Killing is his business and business is pretty damn good for a while.

4. Six - BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

Baltar is one lucky sod.

Not only beautiful, sexy, and an incredibly well written and acted character, Six (in her many different glories) is easily one of the hottest characters in the geek universe. Or any universe for that matter.

She wears skimpy outfits. She has lots and lots and lots of sexy sex. She looks stunning most of the time. Oh and she can kick ass, take names, take more names while kicking ass, and then call your family to warn them that she is going to kill all of them while taking down more names of people you may know from childhood while doing it.

The reason she isn't higher on the list is simply because she had less and less sex and didn't do enough strip teasing or killing as the series went on. She could have been #1 if they had just utilized her hotness more.

3. Slavegirl Leia - STAR WARS, EPISODE VI, RETURN OF THE JEDI

I need a minute alone, please. 30 seconds?

You youngins can't possibly understand this... but this image is still one of the hottest things in the universe. Hell, this could easily be #1 but I felt it was unfair to give the highest position to a character that is only in a portion of one of the movies in a series of movies. But that is how hot and how life affecting her hotness was in this virtually short sequence in the series.

Men and women around the planet of Earth have based entire fantasies, relationships, and even life decisions on this character/costume. That is how powerful the imagery of Leia in this metal bikini was on us kiddies back in 1983. It was like having a mind probe inject hotness into our brainz while sucking out our innocence at the same time.

But not only was metal bikini clad Leia a bonfire of epic proportions but she was also pretty deadly in it, taking out the biggest organized crime kingpin in the history of film.  Literally.  The biggest.  And she didn't do it nice and clean either, she choked a bitch! All these things should have put her at #1 if not for...

2. Pacey Poof 'Peter' Bishop - FRINGE

What have you done to me, Pacey Poof?

Peter makes me wish I was a girl, or a fancy boy. It shouldn't be wrong that a heterosexual male finds himself crazily attracted to another heterosexual male. I mean, what is it about Olivia anyway that I don't have? Other than lady parts. Huh? Answer me, Pacey!

To understand the hotness of Mr. Bishop, you will just need to watch the show but he has a confidence, a simmer, a manliness about him that transcends genders or sexuality.  Plus, he is happy to ninja kill shape shifters.  I want to be in his arms while he whispers sweet sexy, like a meow meow (TM, 1998) to me.


And the Top Geek Furious of Hot is... (at least until I find a new obsession and change the list):

1. Sarah Walker - CHUCK

Mama told me I'd fall for a gun wielding belt bound girl some day.

Come on, this was a no-brainer. There is no one hotter. Let's just first talk about the gorgeousness. She is a stunner. And sure, some would say she has imperfections but that is what makes her so frakin' attractive. She is like the most amazing looking girl next door who would never live next door to you because some billionaire would have swept her off her feet and married her the second he caught wind of her on Facebook.

And how about her sexy? She has it in spades. In shovels. In Millennium Falcons even. And the show utilizes her physical assets every chance it gets. Hell, not enough. Every episode should be an excuse for Sarah Walker to try on a new hot outfit or to undress for no apparent reason whatsoever. Why hold back, writers? Hotness doesn't grow on trees.

Slavegirl Sarah? Yes!

And I didn't even talk about how much fun it is to watch her character. Whether it is her tough exterior or sweet and tender inner workings, the woman is a sometimes complex mess of emotions brought on by a tough upbringing.

But while her badassy ways are pretty great and definitely a worthy part of the hotness title, it is the sweet turmoil of kindness within her that has made many CHUCK fans fall in love with her. Sure, she is a tough chick and she can certainly kick some big time ass (unless her opponent is a woman, because then she will likely get her ass kicked a little bit) but it is her romantic compass forcing her head away from brute force (unless you kidnap her man, that is) and into considering less deadly ways to resolve things that makes her so memorable.

Geek love calmed the hot savage beast. And that deserves the number one position on this list.

Tipsy southern belle Sarah may be the hottest thing ever.

And yet there is one more thing that earns her the title. And that is her comedy. Who knew that Sarah Walker was so funny? Well, for the most part, we didn't until the middle of season 3 when in arguably the best episode of the series (3.14, Chuck Vs. The Honeymooners), Sarah (or Yvonne) revealed her comedic side. From that point on, super dramatic Sarah Walker took a step back and still dramatic but having a lot more fun Sarah 'Don't call me Sam' Walker appeared. And the world is better off for it.

This ruined my chance of getting married. No human woman can measure up! Thanks Schwedak!

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Is Sci-Fi TV on Friday Good or Bad?

Geek TV fandom seems to have split opinions when it comes to their shows running on Fridays. On the one hand, the phrase “Friday death slot” gets thrown around. There are not-so-fond memories of shows such as Firefly, Sarah Connor Chronicles, and Dollhouse being put on Friday and not exactly thriving.

On the other hand, there’s the opinion demonstrated by Gateworld.net’s Darren Sumner. Darren wrote a piece in early May called “How wrestling is Killing Science Fiction”.

Original series such as Farscape, the first two Stargates, and Battlestar Galactica once dominated Syfy’s Friday schedule and did pretty well for themselves—by the network’s standards at the time, anyway. Then, Syfy acquired the rights to WWE Smackdown with its own large Friday night fanbase. Putting said wrestling on Friday cut into the network’s use of the night for original scripted shows.

Darren’s argument was that wrestling is so strong that it can survive on other nights, but science fiction shows need Friday. His request was for Syfy to move wrestling to another night and give the night back to science fiction shows.

So, is Friday a “death slot” or a safe haven?

There’s no doubt that one of the reasons that genre shows got put on Fridays over the years is the theory that geeks don’t go out on Friday. I don’t know if that is or isn’t true. I know I go out. Over the years, I’ve relied on my VCR and DVR to allow me to have a social life and see Friday shows later.

For the population at large, Adult 18-49 live TV usage is much lower on Friday. As I was contemplating the ratings impact of Chuck’s move to Friday this Fall, I found that Live TV viewing at 8PM is 17% lower on Friday than Mondays. It’s 15% lower at 9PM and 10% lower at 10PM.

So, right off the bat, you are dealing with fewer available viewers than on other nights. The counter-balancing element is that there is less competition on Friday. Networks do not put their strongest shows on Friday. When they do get a high-rated show on Friday, they move it pretty quickly. Many people don’t remember that juggernaut CSI began on Friday, was a hit, and got moved to Thursday pretty quickly.

My focus is on live viewing because the most important thing people need to know about ratings now is that the only rating that matters is the “C3” rating. “C3” is the rating that the average commercial minute gets in a program within three days of it airing. A few years ago, advertisers got their decades-old wish to pay for the ad time based on an estimate of who watches the commercials rather than who watches the show. They have a point. If you were an advertiser, you wouldn’t want to pay more than you have to either.

While genre fans love the DVR, I think part of the ratings problem genre shows have began when Nielsen started to include it in the ratings. It’s popular for the “commonfolk” to bitch about Nielsen, but it was Nielsen’s development of new technology to measure DVR viewing that added a new challenge for genre shows. Their technological advancement in developing the “C3” rating added more to the problem. When the VCR was the dominant time-shifting tool, the technology only existed to measure what people recorded, but not what they played back. So, the industry did something that was ultimately very good for science fiction shows. They counted anything that was recorded on a VCR as being played back. Science fiction shows and soap operas had what was called a high “VCR contribution” in their rating. So, in essence, they were probably over-counting the genre audience. Surely, not everyone played shows back and-- if they did-- they didn’t play them back in the timeframe advertisers want. They were also skipping commercials like crazy. But, no one was measuring it then.

So, I believe Friday nights were probably better for genre shows with that old Nielsen technology than what it is now that Nielsen is closer to giving advertisers what they want. C3’s aren’t normally published, but they are closest to the Live + Same Day rating these days. So, part of our memories of the “old days” when Scifi shows succeeded on Fridays are tinged by the fact that those rating were “pre-DVR” and “pre-C3”.

The other thing that nags me about Mr. Sumner’s argument is that he is essentially saying that science fiction shows need the cushiest timeslot possible in order to succeed. They can only get decent ratings if they have virtually no competition. I believe the impetus of his POV was how two shows—Stargate: Universe and Sanctuary—got moved from Friday and saw significant drops in their audiences.

Personally, I see that as a sign that people weren’t all that devoted to those shows in the first place. When CSI got moved from Friday, it didn’t lose audience, it gained it.

I think people are making excuses for shows that just aren’t working. Take SGU. It’s first ten episodes ON FRIDAY NIGHT IN THE FALL, averaged 1.5 million PURE LIVE viewers. It added another million time-shifters. The next Spring, in the same timeslot, it was down to 1.1 million Live viewers. But, time-shifters had dropped by about 200,000 too. The subsequent move to Tuesdays didn’t help. 300,000 live viewers dropped the show, but so did another 100,000 time-shifters.

How much does it say about a show when people will drop it so easily?

I don’t mean to pick on this particular show. I actually liked it more than quite a few old-school Stargate fans did. But, one thing lost in the issue of the loss of viewers when it moved was that it really didn’t have a sustainable number of viewers for its cost when it last aired on Friday. The last Friday Adult 18-49 Live + Same Day rating it got was a 0.5. There’s no way that is a profitable rating for a show that looks that expensive.

CW shuttled Smallville to Friday and it did fine and lasted a few more years. Supernatural has survived on Friday as well. We’ll see what happens to Chuck in the Fall. Its fans have been complaining about its heavy Monday competition for years.

Fringe defies the “Friday is great” theory when it moved to Friday and saw a Live + Same Day ratings drop of 24%*. The percentage of 18-49 LIVE viewing declined also. The Friday Fringe had the lowest percentage of live viewing for that demo of all Primetime Broadcast shows for last season.

I don’t think I’ve really answered the question of whether Fridays are good or bad for science fiction TV. If anything, I think the answer is that “it’s complicated.” It may be okay for shows with built-in fanbases to move there and last another season or more. But, Friday’s ability for launching an unproven series may be over. The only new show going into the Friday battle this Fall is Grimm. We’ll see how that does. All the other Friday genre shows are established.

I don’t see Syfy backtracking on its decision about wrestling on Friday. Unless a scripted science fiction show is really cheap, I can’t see one generating a high enough C3 audience on Fridays to be sustainable anymore. And, if it can’t pull an audience on another night, it probably won't work at all.

* Average of all episodes from start of season through week of 5/15.

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Smallville series finale: A heartfelt review

I started watching Smallville about 10 years ago, along with another few million people. I sat through all 200 some episodes. The long LONG journey (too long) of Clark Kent going from boy to superhero was filled with many ups and downs (mostly downs). The legacy this show has left behind for me is the permanent imprint of my palm in the middle of my forehead.

The series finale opens with a scene from the future, apparently the writers wanted to use a frame story to encapsulate the episode. This is not good, because it means they can't finish the story of Superman becoming Superman without showing him years in the future...so apparently whatever he does to destroy Darkseid and save the day in present time isn't a very compelling ending. Awesome! At least this shows that the writers are aware of one simple fact, that the original Superman story is way more interesting than the story of Clark (very slowly) becoming that hero. Most Superman tales skip the teenage years for good reason. I was going to compare this to the story of Jesus, who you read about as a baby then the writers all fast forward to when he's actually doing things, and skip the growing up part, but Smallville already has way to many religious terms and dumb indirect Jesus comparisons in it (thanks a lot for starting that crap Bryan Singer).

This finale was meant to tie up certain storylines. First, it was meant to finish the bad guy arc of the season. Darkseid is rising and Clark has to stop him, but how? The answer is of course simple, and it takes Clark way to long to figure it out, again of course. This is Smallville canon. Clark can't think for himself, can't be quick and solving issues, and can't make any decisions before being swayed by both sides of the argument first. He's more annoying than heroic. So how does Clark defeat Darkseid? He gets his head out of his ass and learns how to fly, Jor-El RANDOMLY shows up to give him a confidence boost and there you have it! He flies right through the body of Lionseid, saves a plane with Lois in it, and shoves the planet from The 5th Element back into space. I mean shoves Apokolips back into space. By the way, saving a Lois-laden nosediving aircraft is always Superman's first save, and I did appreciate that moment. This all brings up a very big question for me: if all of Clark's difficulties were part of his trials and training, did Jor-El plan all this crap? I hope so, I hope Clark's dead ice palace daddy brought motherfugging Darkseid to Earth, just to teach his son to fugging fly already. Because that's what it felt like, and that's ridiculous.

The second story arc the show had to conclude is another season long B-story. Oliver fighting off the darkness inside himself...or something cheesy like that. Once he did, he killed Darkseid's minions...who are the easiest villains to destroy ever. Boy that was anti-climactic.

The third story arc is the story of Lois and Clark's relationship. Now, I know a lot of Superman fanboys, who may or may not watch this show, get way more excited hearing about the Legion or Hawkman showing up, and couldn't care less if Lois was around. Hell these fans don't even need her in the movie! You can tell a Superman story without Lois! Well, to me you can't. Lois is the only other character to appear in Action Comics #1 besides Clark/Supes, and she is a very important person in Clark's story outside of being his love interest. Lois represents everything about humanity that makes it worth saving, both the good and the bad. She's damn important, and up until this last season Smallville did a good job in writing her for the most part. She was funny when the rest of the show was too serious. She was independent when everyone else was fawning over Clark. This season though, she slowly got her balls chopped off. What was the point the relationship plot in this episode? Lois dumps Clark. Lois wants Clark back. Clark things Lois might be right. They almost get married. Flash forward 7 years and they still aren't married. Um ok, that really wrapped that sh*t up, writers. The whole thing was idiotic. Not to mention them reading each others vows aloud, then 10 minutes later they tell us their vows again at the wedding. Whose idea was that? And to have them STILL not married at the end? And on top of that you have the happy couple in the future acting like they are getting married on the down low. None of it made sense.

The final story arc that needed closure in this episode was the story of Clark pre-Superman. A culmination of 10 years of learning! Mostly culmination of 10 years of tantrums, depression, and stupidity, but I'm being generous. How many times does Clark have to figure out that he can't be ALL human or ALL Kryptonian before it sticks? Many, I guess. The worst part about the way this wrapped up was when that final shot came, of him ripping his shirt to reveal the \S/ (7 years later) with the Williams score in the background, I felt close to nothing. Honestly, nothing.

I will say the Luthors were the best part of this ending. Lionel, Tess, and Lex in a bald cap. I was never a huge Lex fan back in the day when he was a regular, because he liked to talk a lot and use tons of random analogies, and he never really felt like a full-on villain. He just didn't seem badass. In this episode, though, he was a total badass. And I think Lex murdering Tess was the perfect way for her story to end, and I was happy those two actors got to work together. And writing all this stuff about Lex now makes me sad Breaking In got canceled. I just started to really like that show.


In all, this episode was boring, and I haven't even mentioned #ZombieJohnathan. By the way, this show's cemetery scenes have sucked since the pilot. A lot of monologues were given and a lot of standing around was done, and then some villains were very easily dealt with. This show started off with promise, tumbled into awfulness, tried to scramble its way back to decent, and ended up just being on TV way too long.

Favorite lines:
“Why are you here?” - Tess asking the same question I asked Lana for years
“Is this about dad? I know it's been tough since he died, being the one left behind.” - Clark, sounding like a gentleman
“I'm such an idiot.” - Lois was an idiot, as is whoever came up with her storyline here
“What if Lois is right?” - Clark proving for the billionth time that he can't just make up his damn mind
“What killed me is that you didn't even want it” - Lex telling the truth
“Semantics” - Lex being awesome
“Paved with difficult trials”- Jor-El making me facepalm
“Always hold on to Smallville” - #ZombieJohnathan trying to stop me from selling my dvds. Too late!

The only good parts in the 2 hour finale:
Clark flying
Lex killing Tess
Jimmy and Perry White cameos...why does #FutureLois look so matronly?

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