22 February, 2012

NEW GIRL 1.14 - 'Bully'

This week's episode is going to be one of the easiest to review because I found it to be mostly a massive, stinky, spoiled batch of tuna fish salad!

Fuck me! Now I want a tuna melt!

I think every time I curse, I lose a reader. Or an angel gets her wings. Fly free little angel! You fuckin' whore.

Ding! Another angel gets her wings!

Alright, enough digressing.

So there is a bully in Jess' class and she tries to make things better with a song but instead makes things worse. It eventually ends with another song. And with that, I'm done with recapping that story line!

Winston was once a bully who had a catchphrase, "Brown lightning!" And now I'm done with recapping that story line!

Nick and Julia break up because I guess one of those actors had to go do another project. This show will likely continue doing this for the next five years so get used to it. Lots of characters will enter the picture as someone's significant other, only to suddenly break up with them for some reason that makes little sense.

However, Schmidt and Cece's romance continues because it is pretty funny. And kind of cute as well.

Cece is confused by her attraction to Schmidt and the inescapable draw he has on her that keeps bringing her back to give him sexy time. Schmidt just wants to be able to tell someone they are having sex and by the end of the episode he gets that chance, as the two go out together in public, for breakfast, to a place where no one could possibly know them, and she allows him to express the nature of their relationship to the diners.

This is one of those TV relationships that makes no sense and probably wouldn't happen in the really realz world, but somehow works in a fictional setting and actually makes the audience root for them. I like them together. Schmidt is a goofy kid who wants to be a cool big boy. But even he knows he shouldn't be able to get this girl and yet he has and so he needs to validate it because he can't believe his luck. And Cece finds it all kinds of adorable to be so appreciated. Because though she may be a model who is likely constantly told how beautiful she is, she's never met anyone who so annoys and attracts her. Yet she is totally aware of how unnatural their courtship is and so she wants to hide it. That makes it fun to watch.

For now.

Maybe they can sustain it for a while but I'm sure the writers will split them up and bring them back together 20-times in the next seven seasons. It works so it has to be fucked with.

Angel wings!

Did I forget anything? I think there was a point to the whole bully thing. But I'm not interested enough to remember it or analyze it so we'll leave it there.


Schmidt and Cece have just finished having sex, again, and he is excitedly happy while she is horrified by her need for him.
Schmidt: It was like a river. Did you feel that? Did you feel me sweeping you along with the current of my body? You were like a canoe on my body river. [laughs] Like you'd ever be sea-worthy with those breasts. Boobies.
Cece: I wish there was a word that meant complete satisfaction and complete self-loathing.
Schmidt: I've never seen a woman bite her own shoulder before.
Cece: [getting out of bed] That was the last time!
Schmidt: You said that twice last night. You'll be back. I'm like your black-tar heroin. Just need that sweet taste in your veins. Schmidtle. 'And the Damage Done.' Neil Young, yo.

Later, Cece can't get enough of the Schmidtle and calls him down to her car where they argue over where to have their next sexy-time session.
Cece: What about just a little good old-fashion car sex?
Schmidt: I can't do any of my moves in there. I like to improvise with my body. I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.
Cece: Okay! Are we gonna do this or not? 'Cause I kinda need this to happen right now! Okay? I mean, isn't there like a Starbucks bathroom around here or something we could use?
Schmidt: What do I like like? A gypsy courtesan?

If I had to rate this episode, I'd give it:

75 out of 100

The Cece and Schmidt stuff saved it from a worse fate. I really couldn't give two shits about the rest of the downer plot. Winston really needs something more important to do, or just KILL HIM OFF!


  1. Hahaha, yeah this was not a great episode. Agree with you that the Cece/Schmidt plot was by far the best part. And even that storyline kind of grated on me ever so slightly, but I mostly enjoyed it. Jess's bully storyline had maybe like ... 2 funny parts? But that was it. The story as a whole was not played out well. As an IDEA for a storyline, I think it actually had potential, but the execution of it was not good. The YouTube video that the creepy girl made was not that funny either, just kinda dumb.

    And yeah the storyline with Nick's chick breaking up with him was TOTALLY out of nowhere. Just last week, she thought he was great, and now this week, she dumps him. There were a couple times while he was crying and feeling sorry for himself that I laughed, but that was about it.

    One thing I'll say for this show is that even in the crappy episodes, it still gives me at least 3 or so moments where I LOL in the living room by myself. This episode did give me a few of those moments, despite its not-so-goodness. So I do appreciate that, at least.

  2. Loved the Schmidt and Cece stuff but the rest was either dumb or depressing. Nick and Julia breaking up came out of nowhere. The writers obviously don't take their viewers seriously.

  3. When you get the chance to review archer you can add the great news that it has been renewed for a 4th season. Also FX has made a deal with Adam Reed and his company so at could potentially be multiple archer seasons. All together now...Danger Zone!!!!!!!