31 January, 2012

ALCATRAZ 1.04: 'Cal Sweeney'

After last week's episode received the lowest score I have ever given an episode of anything, this week's was bound to at least do one point better. It is safe to say that it does.

It opens up with a bank robbery by time-traveling Sweeney, who injects some sleepy-time shit into the girl he is apparently having sexual relations with (been there, done that) and then murders some tosser who happens to walk in on the crime scene before Sweeney Todd can bail.

We are then treated to the predictable flashback to Sweeney's time in Alcatraz. Followed by a return to the current timeline where Hurley and blondie try to solve the crime.

Sweeney goes around as some insurance investigator talking to the hapless victim from whom he stole. Then tortures the tits off him, followed by another flashback that maybe has some significance. Hurley and cop chick find the dead dude and investigate some more. Sweeney has another flashback, this time we get to see some familiar faces and get more background information. Seems like there may have been some memory replacement research going on at Alcatraz. Maybe we'll find out in 10 episodes.

Sweeney goes to rob another bank vault but this time he messes with a redhead who fights back and hits the shit-we-be-robbed alarm. The Sweenster takes the entire bank hostage. Back in his flashback world, he gets stabbed by a pen to the leg.

In present-day world, boobies goes crawling through the ventilation shaft and drops into the bank where she tells Sweeney that she's there to break him out. Riveting.

Bangbang. SWAT. Oldest trick in the book. Cop-in-panties and bad guy escape in a cop car with Hurley and shitty-American-accent dude tailing.

Flashback to one of those interesting LOST type moments where I forget for a few minutes that I am watching a fuckin' boring show. It involves an empty box and a double-cross and it is actually kind of compelling. Flash to present and we're kind of getting a feel for some worthwhile pieces of a puzzle being introduced, as our escapee seems to reveal he is stealing without knowing exactly why. Cop-face then pulls an Ellie Bartowski and crashes the car, knocking out her kidnapper.

Badabing badaboom they put Sweeney away. We get a scene of what is going on behind the scenes of this FBI investigation and my interest level elevates. Then we get a closing scene that reveals a bit more about what was going on at Alcatraz and I'm definitely curious.

If I had to rate this one, and I really don't, I'd give it:

82 out of 100

Well, it was better than last week's but I think maybe the previous episode turned me off a bit to the show. Though, the suggestion that the writers may actually have a point to all this does somewhat intrigue me enough to maybe keep watching. Perhaps if the show gets more interesting, I will make more of an effort reviewing it. What did you think?


  1. Thanks for the review.

    Watched the two first episodes. The show didn't really catch me. Reading your reviews doesn't make it sound like it got any better.

    If it does improve I may try watching it again. For now I think I pass on this show.

    1. There is an actual story within the story here but the procedural element of the show is holding it back. I get the feeling that they are giving us pieces slowly here to see if they grab a hold of an audience before giving us a more serialized plot. Unfortunately, the procedural element just isn't that interesting (unlike PERSON OF INTEREST which is done much better).

  2. as a person who became interested in the first episode/pilot/premier and was, like you, slightly turned off by last week's episode, and who still hasn't watched last nights episode I will say this, the basic storyline intrigues me. It is an interesting story and I hope they do indeed go somewhere with it. make it more like The Event rather than V. (I liked The Event, did not like V; yes, even though it had Morena Baccarin.) I will now watch the episode and will probably agree with you.

    1. I essentially watched V for Morena Baccarin... but she is now on a show 10,000,000 times better in HOMELAND.

    2. I loved Morena as Inara in Firefly. I'm glad she's on a show like Homeland.

      The show is being advertised as "coming soon" to Australia (don't know why they are even bothering to show it as it's the type of show to get cacelled in Aus after like 2 weeks, plus the channel it's on is full of Two and a Half Men, BBT, CSI repeats and reality shows) so I'm still waiting for the eps (but still readinfg your reviews).

      Is the cop chick really that bland?

    3. The cop chick is okay. I just don't care about her character yet so I can't be bothered to type out her name.