22 August, 2012

Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.06: 'Identity Crisis'

I love treasure-hunt episodes. I mean, secret codes, spies AND invisible ink? Jackpot. (Not to mention a Mozzie-centric installment of 'White Collar'!)

But somehow, with all of those goodies, 'Identity Crisis' managed to fuck everything up. I don't think I've ever had to swear in any of my reviews, but this piece of garbage necessitated that I do.

Holy shitsnacks, that was terrible. I love the type of episode that they went for, but that was a bigger miss than Roger Clemens' upcoming comeback tour in the Independent League.

That was the worst bad guy in TV history. So bad, in fact, that not only can I not remember his name (and I JUST finished the episode), but he's not even listed on being in the episode on the IMDb page for it.
Not only did he not even kill Mozzie and Tempest, when he could have just gotten the box himself, but he HELPED Mozzie back up from the ditch! He made a stupid comment about Mozzie being the rat and then somehow completely misfired several shots at two people close to him.

The whole story was ridiculous and stupid, Neal did practically nothing in the episode and I could go on and on about how much of a waste of time that episode was -- but I'm not going to further my torture by dedicating any more time to it.


--PETER (to Mozzie): "You're the last person who should be quoting common sense."

--NEAL (to Peter): "This spy thing means more to him then he lets on." (Umm, I think it was pretty obvious to everyone how much it did. Such embarrassingly bad dialogue in this episode.)

--MOZZIE (to Bad Guy): "Come with me if you want to live." ( I rest my case)

--ME (to you): "That sucked."


--'Read between the lines' was a phrase coined by George Washington? Cool.

--'722' looked just like Mozzie.

--Mozzie's puppet show FTW! Seriously, how great was his little figure of himself?

--I'm not a gun guy, but I love the sound a weapon makes when it is holstered.

--This week's installment of 'Eli is a creep': Mircea Monroe looked hotter on 'Chuck' then she did here. But a nerdy spy is pretty hot, too.

THE SCORE: .723 OUT OF 100 (see what I did there?)

I don't have a strong memory, so I could be forgetting an episode or something, but I think that was the worst episode in the history of the series. If you liked it, you are a sick and twisted individual.

While I was trying to be funny about the score, that's no joke. It was less than a 1/10.


  1. When I was younger one joke I remember being banded around my friends and myself was "What is the definition of impossible? Stappling Diahorea to the wall", lol. Well I think that the new punchline should be "Watching White Collar"....I would much rather staple diahorea to the wall than fucking watch this shit! What bullshit....what are they doing?

    It is like the showrunner and writers have given up, maybe last this season they had great ideas on how to push the show forward and chickened out or more likely the studio or network made them go back to the status quo.

    The same fucking thing happened with the Mentalist at the end of season 3, they did this crazy fucking awesome emotional finale and then come season 4 just pussied out.

    One thing I will say about a show like Chuck is that they always managed to evolve their show even though they had no fucking budget and had to make the show like a sitcom, they at least fucking tried to stir shit up....Network shows can do it so fucking hell White Collar get it together and fucking do it!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. I can't stress enough how bad that episode was. I'm glad SOMEONE commented on this. Thanks, Shawn.

    2. Catharsis.....you're welcome! I think I might ask HGF if I can review The Newsroom just so I can shit on that too because man is that a show that needs a hiding!

    3. It is a busy week for me so I haven't watched anything yet... but I can't wait to see how bad this episode is!

      As for writing about "The Newsroom" .... hell no! We are moving back toward writing about geek shows, dammit!

  2. Alright, just watched this episode... what the hell?

    I have officially quit BURN NOTICE.

    Is WHITE COLLAR next?