NEW GIRL 1.05: Cece Crashes

The 5th episode of my new favorite show... on FOX... on Tuesdays, had another adorable skip and hop to dorkyland and I'm here to tell you aboot it. I did that aboot for the Canadian readers who otherwise have to live in a cold, empty land with free health care and Tim Hortons. That's what we call a shoot-oot.

Goddamn lame Canadian jokes! Is this what the site has become? This is almost as bad as doing a weekly SUPERNATURAL article... which will start this coming weekend! Alright, let me get to the episode.

Cece gets into an argument with her DJ significant other at a club and she is super upset about it.

Cece: I really felt Gavin was different. Didn't you feel like he was different?
Jess: Yeah. I mean he seemed like a really nice European DJ with a face tattoo.

Jess thinks she would be better off staying with her and the dudes, because what a hot super model type needs is horny above average guys who think they deserve a girl of her caliber to rub up against all night like a pack of wolves.

Back at the apartment, Schmidt has decided to wear a kimono for relaxing purposes. Winston is a bit disturbed and mockingly rips his pants off in protest and adorns himself with tissue paper.

Schmidt: You are laughing in the face of thousands of years of Samurai culture and it's an affront, Winston! It's an affront!

When the girls arrive at the apartment, Jess gathers the guys up for a little talk about her friend, totally unaware that she is giving the boys carte blanche (ooh, fancy words!) to try to get sexy like a meow meow with her besty.

Jess: Cece's really vulnerable right now and when she's drunk, she has no boundaries. So she's really grabby, really physical. She's really loose with her body. So I just wanna apologize in advance for anything she might do.
Schmidt: (trying really hard to act cool) Good to know.
Winston: Yeah, thanks for telling us.

When Jess next sees her friends, the boys have totally taken advantage of Cece's looseness (have I ever mentioned that drunk sluts are like the best thing ever? No? Should I not have just mentioned that?) and are having some kind of dance party with her. Well, except for Nick who is grumpily watching it all unfold. When Cece tries to drag him onto the makeshift dance floor, he protests.

Nick: No, I don't dance. I'm from the town in FOOTLOOSE.

When Cece gets a bit too physical and tries to rip Nick's shirt off, he suggests it may be time for her to do the sleepy time. Schmidt then sheep-dog dance-herds her drunken sexy ass into the bedroom. I have never done this... and feel deprived.

Schmidt, having herded Cece into his bed, runs out into the living-room to declare his success..

Schmidt: Yes! She is sleeping on my sheets right now. Not yours, bro! Mine!
Schmidt then proceeds to run up the wall, then tumble around the floor mumbling to himself.
Schmidt: Parkour!
Winston: (to Nick) You know what? I think I might actually have a chance with her. I just have to be cooler than that guy.
Schmidt: Parkour! (jumping up) A wise man once foretold of a magical night where I would engage in non-sexual foreplay with a model, my friends. And tonight...
Nick: Don't say...
Schmidt: (together) ...is that night!

The next morning, as Cece showers off the drunk and man-sweat from her sweet, delicate, soft like a pillow-made-of-angels body, the boys gather in the gym sized bathroom that exists only in the land of TV. Cece sticks out her head from the shower and asks if the water gets any hotter.

Winston: (flustered) Guhhh, dudud do you want me uhhh... I mean I I could, if you, if you...
Nick: I can... I'm good at fixing... yeah, I'm good at fixing, also.

Jess comes in to rescue poor defenseless babe-in-the-woods Cece from the rape monsters. When Nick puts himself in a position to be touched by Cece, Jess is not happy.

Jess: I'm disappointed with all if you, especially you!
Nick: It was a bad moment...
Jess: (whispering) I thought you were better than that.
Nick: I know, I am, sometimes.
Jess leaves, allowing the real guy talk, that all the ladies miss in the real world when they leave the room, to commence.
Schmidt: Did you see that cleavage? I just wanna get my arm stuck down there. Like 127 HOURS style. And then, and then (makes a sawing motion on his arm) sssss, sssss, sssss. I'll just cut if for days. I don't care, I'll cut through the bone and nerve (makes a breaking sound).
Winston: Schmidt!

Meanwhile, Cece thinks Nick has a thing for Jess and implants the thought into Jess' brainz that he wants to make nekkid-time with her. This freaks Jess out and causes some hilarious overreaction from her anytime Nick does anything remotely nice, caring, or just not douchie. There is a pretty funny bit in a store where Jess is trying to get Nick to stop pointing his feet at her, since Cece explained it means he wants her.

Now back at the homestead, where the air makes you choke, and people don't know you, and trust is a joke, Cece is sunbathing on the roof and Winston decides to call into question Schmidt's ability to "close." Schmidt is frightened by the roof because of a cat that roams the area.

Winston: You mean to tell me you'll let a cat stop you from all that?
Schmidt: It's a bird cat, man. It's very dangerous. Look it up, double-rabies.

Eventually Nick does one too many almost nice things for Jess and she escapes his car and runs home alone, the wrong way, frightened that he wants to butt-sex-rape her or something. Who knows, really, since Jess' brain is a tad screwy in the cabeza. When she finally arrives home, she is disturbed by the amount of hotness exuding from her body.

Jess: His feet were pointed directly at me the whole time! Did I do this? Am I dressing too provocatively? Do I need to get thicker pajamas? Maybe it's my posture. I have really sexy posture.

When Nick returns he is very upset that Jess escaped his rape-plan, or something about being concerned for her safety, whichever. Cece still interprets this as romantic feelings and tells Jess she will talk to Nick about it. Jess refuses to let Cece do any such thing and they wrestle, then talk. That wrestling bit should really have gone on longer and gotten a lot hotter. Just sayin'.

As the girls talk out their feelings, Jess let's Cece know just how different they are.

Jess: I like moving slow! I like being weird and taking my time. I'm not like you. I don't just jump in the potato-sack with the first potato that I meet with diabetes.
Cece: OK, what did you just say?
Jess: You heard me, bitch!

Why can't I meet a girl this adorkable? WHY?!

In the end, Schmidt finally gets to sleep in the bed with Cece and they hold hands and some other shit happens.

If I had to score this episode, I would give it:

85 out of 100.

It was very funny in spots and Jess was sometimes adorable while also having a good amount of weird-annoying in her that added to the quirkiness. This was more Schmidt's episode as he tried to score some physical contact with a model. Nick and Jess continue their subtle will-they-won't-they with some wacky moments. It loses some points for not being as memorable as previous episodes and falling a bit flat in the awesomely quotable category.

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THE HOBBIT - Production Video #4 by Peter Jackson

The latest production video from Peter Jackson's version of Tolkien's book THE HOBBIT is up. I am actually a few days late with this but if you haven't seen it, check it out. If you haven't seen the previous three, CLICK HERE and then come back here.

THE HOBBIT, Production Video #4 - Shooting in 3D

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Triumph Poops all over Wall Street

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog made his triumphant return on Conan last Thursday by invading Occupy Wall Street. This is some bull ball sniffing funny shit.

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FRINGE 4.05 - No Ovation

So this is the first REAL episode with Pacey Poof back and all totally reconstituted and looking dreamily handsome in the way only he can. Now the show can get back to being awesome! Yeah!

Maybe not. So. Fast.

As the great American counter-culture poet e.e. cummings (that's how the man liked it written) once wrote:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

And that is essentially how I view this back and forth relationship between Peter and Olivia. Once upon a time, Olivia was trapped in another universe whilst Peter sluttied it up with a version of her, who also fell for him but was different. And Olivia and Peter both agreed that he should have known the difference because love transcends time and space.

So now the writers have flipped the switch and it is Peter who is fully aware and Olivia who is clueless about her feelings. Shouldn't her love for him transcend time, space, realms, and reality too? Shouldn't her love for him be an immediate attraction, much like the two cylons in BSG (I will try not to spoil this for those who intend on watching some day) who could not be kept apart? Or the individuals in DOLLHOUSE who had an attraction to each other that trumped the technology, so that even when they weren't aware of it, they were simply drawn to each other as if perfectly tuned to magnetically attract.

If I am to be sold on this great love between Peter and Olivia, shouldn't there be a fuckin' electric charge going off inside both their naughty parts the second they see each other? Seriously, I don't need them to get together anytime soon. But give me a break here, writers. Don't try to sell me on Olivia, a trained and very intelligent field agent who sees very strange things all the time, NOT BEING IMMEDIATELY AWARE OF THE OBVIOUS! That she is Pacey Poof's dearest love, and he is hers.

Instead the writers are going to try to make us believe that Olivia has to discover this and then somehow fall in love with him again while (most likely) developing feelings for her partner and eventually falling for him.

Now, I am no shipper. In fact, I like to hunt shippers like they are demons and I am Dean Winchester. I like to kill them, then piss into their eye sockets, and then shit in their mouths while eating a burger and drinking beer. So this isn't about some shippery need for those two kids to be together. In fact, I would have done even worse things to keep them apart. I would have had her happily married when the 4th season started... with kids! Yeah, with fuckin' kids. And she would have thought her life was perfect and then... oh shit, she would take one look at Peter and her entire universe would cave the fuck in.

GO!

But no. That won't happen. Oh well.

As for the episode, it was good. The stuff between Pacey Poof and Walter was good. Walter's inability to allow himself to feel happiness is something I can buy. It is within character. Peter kind of having some fun with what he knows and how others don't know him, while also feeling the frustration of what that would be like, is believable. Though, there are definitely some logic problems with the way he is being treated, but I will let others dissect those.

I also liked the case-of-the-week, mostly because much of its weight was handed to a capable actor who was able to deal with the various emotions the character should go through. Granted, the end of the story was way too predictable and you would think these professionals would make sure that any survivor of an attack by a fuckin' shape-shifter would be secured by ten 250lbs super agents.

My major issue is the Peter and Olivia one and only because I think it could become even more lame than Jackson said he thought it was prior to the end of season 4. Sure, the writers may impress us down the line but I don't feel any great weight to the relationship right now.

My second biggest worry is that the Peter existing in this world issue will be swept under the rug for 10 episodes, or more, instead of dealing with it head-on and diving into a solid narrative for the whole season without the need for these cases-of-the-week.

If I had to rate this episode, I would give it:

88.44 out of 100.

The imprisoned Peter factor was enjoyable and the case-of-the-week was executed well. Walter's inability to allow himself to be happy was a nice touch. But the the Peter and Olivia issue wasn't as thrilling as it should have been and that brings the episode down for me. And yeah, since you know someone is going to comment on it, I know the name of the episode is "Novation." Figure it out on your own.

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