14 August, 2013

The Plopper Reviews - COVERT AFFAIRS 4.05: 'Here Comes Your Man'

Random fact: My husband loves “Here Comes Your Man” by the Pixies so much that he was careful to ensure it was played at our wedding reception.  The DJ played the song and people on the dance floor kind of halfway froze in a state of awkward confusion as to exactly what to do with it, but we were happy.  We and like, the 4 or 5 other people who knew what the hell the song was.  I wasn’t entirely sure what this title would mean for tonight’s ep of Covert Affairs, especially since the preview made it clear that our heroes A&A would be purposely separated during this episode.

  Turns out, it didn’t refer to our boy Auggie at all, but to my sweet, sweet illegitimate baby puma cub Teo.  Puuuurrrrr.  Well o.k., to be fair, I guess it referred to both of them since Auggie sent Teo there to begin with.  I mean whatever, fine Auggie, I’ll give you a LITTLE credit.

I kid, I kid.  I love Auggie as much as the next red-blooded gal of the dude-loving persuasion, but I’ve always been an equal opportunity appreciator of the fine male characters on this show.  And this storyline went down pretty much exactly like “Rock ‘n Roll Suicide,” didn’t it?  With Eyal?  Oh god how I LOVED THAT rescue scene, despite having to flinch and groan my way through Annie’s hair being down, then up in a bun, then down, then up in a bun again.  In a Russian prison, where she would have been very worried about the state of her hairdo.  Whoops, I digress.  Anyway I’ve seen this show take a lot of shit on the internets in the past from people who claim that Annie is a terrible spy because she always has to be saved by Auggie et al. (sidenote: I just had to google “et al.” to make sure I was using it properly here).  But I would claim that first off, this is not factually accurate.  Auggie HELPS Annie because he’s her handler, but she does just fine on her own in plenty of other instances as well.  I’m ok with the fact that she occasionally needs to be saved, because that’s how it would happen in REAL LIFE.  IF real life were this amazing, of course.  But point being, this mission was way too risky thanks to DPD Head Calder McJerkOff, so it went bad.  Was it convenient that Teo swooped in JUST at the right moment to rescue Annie?  Well yes, but I’m willing to accept some of the unrealistic stuff if they at least make an effort to make other aspects a bit more real.

OH!!  Record scratch sound!  Speaking of Calder McJerkWad, can we please go back to the first scene of the ep again for a second here?  The flash forward.  Can I get a WTF????  We’re in the elevator again, and I just have to ask, is it just going to be a theme on this show now that EVERY season involves Annie getting shot nearly dead by her boss??   Remember on ‘Chuck’ when Casey used to get shot practically more often than we saw Big Mike eating a donut??  I seem to recall him getting shot three separate times & getting thrown off a building once.  But at least those were all shots to the leg and foot.  Annie apparently is going to be taking KILLshots in every season now, I guess.  Of COURSE there are many things we don’t know yet about that scene, so we’re probably just being misled to think that’s what’s happening, when it’s really something else.  Still, my reaction to it was to physically pause the TV and yell, “Haha WHAT the F#$%!?” when I saw it (response from my husband from the back room: dead silence).  Hell, at least Annie made progress in this one by actually shooting BACK??  Maybe NEXT season she’ll actually win the gunfight.  Baby steps.

HAHA sidenote #2: Just now as I was finishing the above paragraph, my cousin Katie texted me, “Oh WTF. Annie gets shot AGAIN AND she’s wearing booties!!??”  Then we wasted several minutes trying to recall if she was also wearing booties when she got capped by Lena.  I don’t have time to check.  Someone’s gotta remember.

Whew ok so ... Lord I can’t touch on even half of what happened in this ep because it was DENSE.  Almost more so than last week, AND with more action.  My Twitter friend Shelby usually sums up the ep for me in a non-spoilery few words after she sees it on East Coast time.  Tonight she was 15 mins late, and as I was ALL CAPS yelling at her on DM to give me her reaction, she *finally* responded with, “Hang on, eating a Payday.  Trying to gather my thoughts.”  Uhhhh, yeah.  I did the same thing for about 15 mins after watching it.  I had to pause this ep every 5 seconds to re-listen to lines because SO much information was being dumped on us at once.  If there’s one major thing I take issue with in this ep, it’s the back-and-forth between Annie and Stavros.  She charms him in the beginning and that’s fun, but then it gets weird.  We go from a deal being made for his art collection, to Stavros calling Annie a fraud and coming within an inch of killing her by the river, to him suddenly trusting her enough to find him a buyer for 25 MISSILE LAUNCHERS.  I suppose that’s simply because he’s so desperate to find a buyer and get his Paul Klee back that he's willing to try anything at that point?  I just watched it again; I guueessss I can buy it because I suppose, what does he have to lose at that point?  He might as well give her a day or so to see what she can work up.  HAHA the location of those white vans with the missile launchers at the end though, just in the middle of the ... shopping area or something??  With all the people around, pretty ridiculous.

I’m going to sum up my overall take on this ep after my random thoughts:

  • So Senator Pierson is in cahoots with Henry, eh?  I guess that explains all the mustache-twirling in ep 403.
  • “Amy Jacobs is an LD on the Intelligence Committee for Senator Pierson.”  What the heck is an LD?  Lame Duck?  Lady Doctor?  Living Dead?  Legal District?
  • HAHA Barber.  “I’m angry.  And SAD!!  And you know what??  I’m slightly annoyed, too ...”
  • Seriously though, Calder Michaels is THE WORST, right!!??  He can’t even manage to charm Auggie properly with the promise of approving Project Hummingbird, which should have been SO EASY.  He has to completely f*ck it up 5 seconds later with his threat about Auggie’s call to Annie!!  He just oozes “dickhead” from every pore.
  • Is it bad that I’m attributing a good 10 points of my score for this ep to the look and feel of the Vienna scenes alone??  I love the music they used on those too.  On point.
  • In my ep 401 review, I made a crack about Annie being CA’s version of Claire Bennet, due to her uncanny ability to get shot twice in the chest & have no physical aftereffects or even scars from that.  I later watched 401 in HD (rather than the shitty low-def hotel TV I first watched it on) and realized I was wrong about the scars.  They were much more clear in the hotel scene here too, so I have to give the CA peeps their due credit for attention to detail and continuity.  Still no surgery scar though.  ;-)
  • My my, Annie managed to take her habit of disregarding Auggie’s advice to new levels in this ep, didn’t she?  That Tarel Birkin conversation was intense.  Glad Auggie really gave it to Crapper McDoucheFace after that.
  • “What I don’t understand, is how you got to Vienna so fast!?”  Hahah yeah, good question.  Spy shows are constantly guilty of these crazy globetrotting feats; it’s kinda funny that the writers called themselves out on this one.  It doesn’t necessarily forgive the contrivance of it, but at least they’re admitting it.
  • “Welcome to my home, Annie.”  “Hello, Dion.”  Bwahaha oh Annie, you are becoming quite the lil’ sassafras these days, and I approve wholeheartedly.
  • You don’t bring the Bionic Woman onto this show as a guest star simply to waste her on what we’ve seen so far.  That had to have been her trailing Henry at the end, right?  She’d BETTER NOT BE HELEN back from the dead!!  Grr.

So, If I’m looking at the big picture right now, the Powerful Big Bad Henry storyline needs to fully play out before I can really form a valid opinion on it.  And the Calder stuff in this ep was obviously contrived to create hurdles for our characters, especially his mandate that Annie cut off ALL contact with Auggie.  But, I’m willing to buy it for now to see where it all leads.  I’ll tell you what I appreciated about this ep though – It’s one of the things I’ve always liked about this show – When things go wrong on missions, they’re not always things you expect to go wrong, and the REASONS they go wrong tend to be quite logical.  You’re not always going to be able to make the deal with your target without hitting some major bumps.  You have to bring in another agent at the last second to deal with those bumps, you might get someone who’s green.  You get someone who’s green, you might run into issues with them not being 100% on their cover.  You trust someone like Puma Cub to save your ass, and shit may go sideways later when he suddenly decides he’s going to kill your assets & smash your only method of communication with him.  You kill someone and dump their body in the Potomac, that shit is going to wash up somewhere eventually.  And thank GOD they made Seth really for real dead.  Having him turn up alive would’ve been too hokey for this show.

I’d say I liked this ep better than the last couple.  None of them have been a total knock out of the park for me like 402 yet, but I liked this one.


Depending on what happens later with Calder and Henry I may decide I graded this one too high, but based on what I know now, I enjoyed it overall.  What do you guys think?  Am I being too hard on Calder?  Did I grade this too high or low?  Tell me I suck in the comments.

The Plopper


  1. OMG LOL ...YOU ARE A F'N RIOT!! another great review!! love reading your reviews..So entertaining!!

  2. Plopper, as always another excellent review! And with this one I feel like I got some clarification or a little better understanding on some of the stuff I just couldn't wrap my brain around last night.

    Seriously, I feel kind of like I'm still eating that PayDay from last night trying to figure out WTF just happened. Seriously, WTF just happened?

    The "flash forward". That's gotta be a setup right? Right? No way Annie could take another couple bullets to the chest. At this point the doctors wouldn't even waste time cracking her chest open b/c it'd have to be a straight up mess up in there. So surely it's like fake shooting faked death kind of thing, but Auggie does seem awfully distraught on the phone, so are we to believe (as he's trying to make his way around his torn up apartment) that he's been left out of the loop on this one? I always thought the line "it's too late for heart to hearts" was secret AA code speak and now I think I know what it means, "I'm faking my own death. Sorry I didn't tell you, but could you please scream my name dramatically at the end of this phone call b/c I know your place is still bugged!" YAY! Mystery solved.

    What else? Stavros. Shiny egg thingie. Missiles. Hey, do deals like that really go down in broad daylight like that? Do people really tote around titanium cases filled with half a million dollars and make cool trades in the middle of the day? I need to pay more attention to my surroundings I guess, but then again, maybe that's just a Vienna thing. *shrugs shoulders*

    Calder vs. Auggie. By now, this is getting pretty damn funny to me. All this posturing and jaw-jacking back and forth. Do they really want us to hate Calder THIS much? Because it's just getting annoying to me. I get it. We're not supposed to trust him. He might be a mole. Must he be a jackass and rearrange the furniture and throw up "phone sex" too?

    Why didn't Auggie just whip up 2 untraceable cellphones for him and Annie to have phone sex....err...I mean discuss the mission on? It's madness, I tell you. Madness.

    If it's one thing I've learned by watching this show it's that Auggie is one smart cookie. He used his one untraceable prototype phone to call on our favorite angsty Baby Puma to save the day and wreck Calder's mission. WIN WIN! If you're keeping score....

    Auggie 2 - Calder 0

    UMBRA 1079! UMBRA 1079! Baby Puma just annihilated everyone in the room. And did some of his magic Puma disappearing....again.

    Speaking of disappearing....

    Missiles. Anyone seen those 5 missing missiles?

    I think I said this a couple of weeks ago with the "sexy jazz" scene in Auggie's apartment but the one from last night, well....let's just say that Auggie gives a whole new meaning to the term "jazz hands"! Ooooohh yeah....oooh....

    Henry Wilcox. You, cock-blocker, YOU! I swear on the blood of our beloved Baby Puma that I'm gonna reach through that phone and karate chop you in the throat if you keep this up.

    And come on....Henry's always being followed. He's just gotta expect it, right? Helen....err...I mean Theresa...might wanna work on that.

    So....here's what I'm left a wonderin? Was Baby Puma the one who Umbra1079'd the Chens? He does seem to bring the fists of death with him when he shows up in a city, so ummm.....

    "We have different missions" Teo to Annie. Err...ummm ok.

    It might be easier to name all the people who do NOT work for Henry Wilcox.

    And how long before Auggie and Calder duke it out in a fistfight and make up and become BFF's?

    Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn.....

    1. "Why didn't Auggie just whip up 2 untraceable cellphones for him and Annie to have phone sex....err...I mean discuss the mission on?"

      HAHAH OH YEAH WTF I didn't even think about that!!!! Maybe they just didn't give a f*ck about ridiculous Calder at the beginning and didn't take him that seriously w/the radio silence thing ... until he caught them and threatened them and then they realized, oh shit I guess we better cover our tracks. That's a great point though haahhaah. I'll comment on the rest later when I get a sec!!

    2. Hahaha ok something just reminded me of this right now so it's a good time for me to comment on it:

      "No way Annie could take another couple bullets to the chest. At this point the doctors wouldn't even waste time cracking her chest open b/c it'd have to be a straight up mess up in there."

      EXACTLY. But the more I think about this, the more it pisses me off in general. Because I feel like there's NO way they can play it out at this point that's going to make me feel satisfied. Let's look at the possible scenarios:

      Scenario #1: She really does get shot. AGAIN. I don't even need to explain this one because you already did. Physically, it is insane. Then again maybe she really IS Claire Bennet and that's why this all works hahahaah.

      Scenario #2: She's staging her death and going deep undercover to hide from Henry. Like you said, if she's staging it, then she's faking her death to AUGGIE too, since he's freaking out on the phone. I don't even have a problem with that part though. What I have a problem with is, a) Will I just feel cheaply teased by the freakin' flashforward scenes if it turns out to all be a set-up?? Like "OH wow guys look at THIS horrible thing!!" and then, "PSYCH!! Jk jk." That will annoy me, unless they give us a GREAT lead-up into how that happens and the actual real way it plays out is VERY compelling. And b) Let's say she's wearing a bullet-proof vest and bloodpacks. Come ON. Calder would HAVE TO CHECK her goddamn BODY to make sure he really killed her!! It just doesn't seem believable to me. Unless Calder is ALSO in on it, in which case, why is she also shooting at him??

      Scenario #3: I haven't thought of one yet. Hahahah.

    3. Yeah, maybe we need to see one more episode before we can get our brains around what these folks are cooking up. Right now they are so pushing us in the "hate Calder, he's Henry's mole, he's gonna break-up Walkerson" that we can't even focus on WTF that flash-forward scene is all about. I'm with you tho...either scenario and I'm irritated. If she's shot, that's gonna piss me off. If they are faking her death and Auggie is NOT in on it (and this Helen chick that Auggie thinks is dead also turns out to be alive) well, then, that's just some seriously messed up stuff to do to someone...TWICE. So hopefully there's still a big chunk of story that we still don't know and all this will end up making some sort of sense.

  3. I feel that though my thoughts are based on nothing they are spoilry
    so be aware.
    Obviously Helen is the one who have been trailing Henry .. and handling baby puma, and taking orders from Arthur. Hmm what else?! I bet the elevator shooting is staged, similar to what happens with Helen perhaps?

  4. Teo has the missiles, obviously.
    I can't get over the fact that Auggie and Annie are assuming that, even though Annie is doing it herself, EVERYBODY else that has any association with Henry is a bad guy. I think their relationship does degrade their decision making capabilities (and that it has since long before it was sexual).
    Hah. I just had a thought. What if Calder had come to the DPD before their relationship had moved to "This" stage? And he saw their love so clearly and called them on it? That would have been great. Because they really haven't changed *that* much.
    Um... I had other thoughts - not entirely glowy headboard related.

    Totally Theresa/Helen following Henry. Don't see why that's even a discussion point. Arthur said he was going on the offensive, and he is.

    1. "Because they really haven't changed *that* much." Not at all!! I was thinking the exact same thing while watching it, they've always acted just as flirty and googley-eyed as they do now, the only thing missing before was the overt sex talk hahaha.

      And yes it's Theresa following Henry. I have no clue why anyone would think it was anyone else. Like I said, you don't bring Bionic Woman in as a guest star simply to waste her on what we've seen so far, which is barely anything.

  5. I think, er, know that Calder has a crush on Annie. He seems to have an unhealthy fixation on talking with Auggie about sexual relations with Annie. That phone sex comment, in my opinion, was Calder's projecting his own desires onto Auggie. What's creepy is that Calder probably imagines Auggie and Annie going at it while he sits at home in his sweats and weeps through yet another pint of Ben and Jerry's.
    I am glad that Shelby recommended that I read this blog. This has been a great show and an even greater experience. Piper faved one of my tweets last night!
    Keep up the good work, Ms. Ploppins!

    1. HAHAH good point about Calder ... YIKES I wanted to call out how CREEPY his comments were about A&A's "SEXUAL relations" and such and I didn't have time to get to it!! I'm glad you pointed it out cause that was skeevy as HELL. "...he sits at home in his sweats and weeps through yet another pint of Ben and Jerry's." Bwahahaha.

      Glad to have you on board the crazy train with us now John!! :-D

    2. Calder smirks and stomps around a lot and acts like since he figured out that Annie and Auggie are banging (which last I checked was NO big super spy SEEKRUT) that he deserves a cookie or something. Oh Calder, you will NEVER be as smart as Auggie.

  6. THANKS Magnus/HGF for fixing my egregious Paul Clay/Paul Klee error. Shows how much I paid attention in Art History class in college hahaha.

    I just asked my cousin if she caught the error and she said, "OH I didn't even notice. I'm familiar w/Paul Klee but I thought Paul Clay must be some other artist I didn't know about. When I read it, all I kept thinking about was Paul Frank, and how hysterical it would be if this whole thing was over an original Paul Frank print." Hahahahaha. That WOULD be pretty amazing.

  7. girl lol i gotta say that i loved this ep too because i jus think it was well written . i loved the scene where annie went to that opera house and stepped out the car wit bling on her feet lol but anyway , i do get the feeling that calder is being two faced and i hate that . at he beginning of the ep , i almost cried when he killed annie and jus left her there like she wasnt ish :( im not gonna grill mr hill for that cuz he jus doin his job of course lol and he's doin it well . i still dont agree wit da whole A&A relationship . i jus think its dangerous to have . especially if they undercover spies . and annie a.k.a ms P is still drivin that ol beat up volkswagon that been through all kinda hell . that thing bout damn near lost its face !! lmao really . they need to make that thing more bulletproof like 50 cent . lol and Teo , LAWD HAVE MERCY !! , that dude there jus confuses me . first he saves annie and acts like he some guardian angel n then shots 2 guys n breaks a cell phone which i think belonged to annie ? correct if im wrong . he breaks the phone n has the nerve to stand there talkin bout "sorry annie" then walks off like he doesnt give a damn about how much money that phone was lol lemme stop :-P i really wanna believe that calder is the good guy here cuz hes comin off to me as some kinda traitor . that right there had me feeling un easy . if he turns out to b some kinda fox , all hell is gonna break loose up in dis bitch ! i hate sneaky ass ppl . but lemme calm down . its jus a tv show . give piper her props cuz she produced this very well . and p.s (whisper) u suck . jk jk great review ploppins :-)

  8. I was kind of frustrated with the beginning of the episode because now they are making it look like annie is dead so at first it was I was pissed because I thought for a split second don't tell me this is the last season but it doesn't make any sense because it's a great show. So then I thought what if at some point between the episode that just happen and when Annie gets shot by Calder Michaels becomes friends and he is on Auggie's and Annie's side and that is all a ploy to get Henry out so they can arrest him. Which now makes me want to see if what I think is going to come true. But I am also wondering what is going to happen with Arthurs son will he die at some point or will he become one of the good guys and work for the CIA since he knows people that work there or will he just end up in jail. What do you guys think?

  9. I think the 90 you gave is partly because of the "action" in this ep. You're right. The action has been lacking since season 4 premiered. I think we were all thirsty for some action! This ep is, by far, the best ep so far in the season, but it's still early. I have to admit that the flashback scene had me on the edge of my seat. Thank goodness for DVRs, I was able to pause for potty breaks and skip through the ads! How did Teo get to where Annie was in the alley to rescue her unless Teo was spying on her? If "McJerkoff" ( I love the names you've come up for Calder, BTW.) was really monitoring Annie & Auggie's phone calls to each other, why didn't he intercept the call Auggie supposedly made to Teo to help Annie in Vienna? Teo didn't lay a finger on the guy who was beating up our Annie. All he said was, "Excuse me." Really? Teo also said he has a different mission than Annie's, but if Teo was in Vienna to help Annie, why did he kill Stavros and left the scene? He did say, "Sorry, Annie." while Annie was upstairs looking for evidence. Is he working for Henry to get back at Arthur?
    I'm glad Annie & Auggie are finally together, but it will be a difficult relationship if they can't even talk to each other at work or on the phone. They are spies. They will be monitored. Oh! Remember the episode where Seth went after Annie with a baseball bat because Annie broke in to Seth's house and Annie's car was totaled from their fight? The next episode after that showed her car scratch less! I wonder how many of those cars they have in stock for the show? I know the last part has nothing to do with anything, but I had to squeeze in there somehow...