27 October, 2011

COMMUNITY 3.05: Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps

The episode following one of the greatest COMMUNITY episodes in the history of history was finally unleashed upon the world and I have a fuck or two to say about it.

Every season, fans anticipate the Halloween episode because this show knocks them out of the park every fuckin' time (Season 1: Introduction to Statistics; Season 2: Epidemiology). But is this the season where they shit all over their previous success and bomb badly?

Yup. And when I say yup, I mean hell the shit no.

See what I did there? Holy hell I am crafty.

Anyway, if you want a review of the episode go the fuck to a site that reviews fuckin' COMMUNITY episodes. But here is my quick take on it. Last week's episode dealt with what would happen were one character missing from a situation. In this one, each character creates the story. I know that these episodes weren't originally intended to run back-to-back but it actually works well like this.

All the stories have their own level of awesomeness, with Annie's story taking the cake for me. Now, let's dive into some of my favorite quotable moments:

Annie looking through Britta's laptop.
Annie: There's nothing in your playlist but Spooky Party, the Beetlejuice soundtrack, and NPR podcasts.
Britta: (excitedly) Oooh we could listen to one of those! I have Michele Norris interviewing Errol Morris. Don't worry, they address it!

Upon seeing Jeff, Annie laughs at his costume.
Jeff: What? I'm one of the "Fast and Furious" guys.
Abed: Which one?
Jeff: Oh I don't know. I don't watch that shallow crap. I just pick a costume girls will like.

Discussing some personality tests given to the group, or something.
Britta: Look! One of the tests came back with 70 out of 75 red flags for an extreme personality disorder. EXTREME, Jeff!
Jeff: Like a Dorito?!
Britta: A sociopathic Dorito. A cool ranch lunatic! Only instead of zest, Jeff, one member of our study group has... homicidal tendencies!

Britta's Story - Jeff and Britta make out in a car out in some spooky far-off woods, an announcer on the radio alerts them.
Announcer: In the news tonight, top story, an escaped convict from the asylum has escaped and he's mental and he's on the loose and stuff.
Britta: Oh my god! That sounds dangerous.
Jeff: Oh, I'm sure it's no biggy. But I am a horny man. I'm only half present.
Announcer: He was last seen in the woods and has a thingy for a hand. A hook thing where his hand should be, you know what I mean.

Abed's Story - Abed and Britta arrive in a quaint log cabin.
Abed: (speaking very quickly) Here we are. The log cabin I rented so we could be intimate in safety. Because it's not the '50s so we don't have to park a car and neck at Inspiration Point.
Britta: That makes sense. I'm turned on by how logical you are.
Abed: I'm comforted by your shiny hair and facial symmetry. Well, I just brushed my teeth so this would be the optimal time to kiss. (they kiss) Enjoyable. Soft lips. Just the right level of moisture.
Britta: Would you like to do it again?
Abed: No. We should listen to the news on this radio. I brought it as a cautionary measure because this cabin is within walking distance of the local insane asylum.
Britta: Oh, is that why you were able to rent this at such a reasonable rate?
Abed: Yes.
Britta: I hope you are as fertile as I am tonight.
Abed: More (turns on the radio).

Annie's Story - Jeff pulls Britta out of a closet revealing her to be his slutwhore, or something.
Britta: Do not judge me for my weakness.
Jeff: Stifle your slackened maw you drained and tainted bitch dog (sucks her blood).
Britta: I'm fine with this.
Annie starts to run out in horror.
Jeff: (dropping Britta on the floor) Wait! (Annie stops and turns around) Teach me to read!
Annie: Awwww!

Troy's Story - Troy carries Abed into a cabin, meeting a mad-doctor looking Pierce.
Troy: Oh thank god, an old doctor. Me and my partner are Top Gun fighter pilots, the best of the best.
Abed: (weakly whispering) Pewpewpew.
Troy: Our F-15 went down in the woods.
Pierce: I thought I heard something awesome out there. Please, come in for first aid and what have you.

Later, after Troy and Abed turn the tables on evil Pierce...
Abed: We sewed your butt to your chest!
Pierce: Noooo! Wait! Hah, you fools! By sewing my butt to my chest you've given me boobs I can touch all day.

Pierce's Story - Britta, Annie, and Shirley are the sex goddesses to Pierce's Hugh Hefner. Troy and Abed barge into the cabin looking racistly gangsta.
Troy: (pointing a gun at Pierce) Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! Whats we gots heres?!
Abed: This a home invasion you jive mutha!

This story is short but the best part is when Pierce whips his elephant size cock out and knocks Troy out with it.

Shirley's Story - The gang, minus Pierce and Shirley, partying in the cabin doing weed and whatever crazy kids do when they get hammered. Britta walks out, then walks back in covered in blood.
Britta: Uh, it's like New York out there.
The radio comes to life.
Announcer: We interrupt your death metal to bring you some heavy news. All the good Christians got Raptured up to heaven so if you're hearing this the good news is, you're the coolest people in the world.
Gang: (happily) Yes!
Announcer: The bad news is, the world is over.

After the Devil Dean shows up and assaults the gang, Angel Shirley shows up all sparkly in white.
Jeff: Woah, look! It's our friend we used to pick on for being Christian!

After Shirley blows Devil Dean away.
Britta: Thank you for saving us, Shirley! I mean, your name's not Shirley. This is a story about strangers. Anywho! Can you take us to heaven now, please?
Angel Shirley: Ooh, I cannot. I just came to say goodbye on my way to Abraham's bosom. Bye! I forgive yoooouuuu.
Devil Dean: (breaking into the cabin with a chainsaw) Hahahaha! Gay marriage!

Back in the real world.
Shirley: And he chainsawed them to bits! Then he put them back together. And then he chainsawed them again! Forever.

At the end of the episode we find out that Britta Britta'd the results and that there isn't one sociopath in the group, but one sane person. The group decides not to find out who that is... but we are told it is Abed. This was the only moment in the episode I didn't think was necessary. Especially since we already knew that! Feels like something the network asked for, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, if last week's episode was a 98 out of 100, this one deserves...

96 out of 100!


  1. Amazing episode! This show always does spectacular things for Halloween...

  2. re: Stifle your slackened maul (?) you drained and tainted bitch dog (sucks her blood)

    it is maw, not maul, as in (from dictionary.com)-

    maw   [maw]
    the mouth, throat, or gullet of an animal, especially a carnivorous mammal.
    the crop or craw of a fowl.
    the stomach, especially that of an animal.
    a cavernous opening that resembles the open jaws of an animal: the gaping maw of hell.
    the symbolic or theoretical center of a voracious hunger or appetite of any kind: the ravenous maw of Death.

  3. Get out nerd! This is a geek site!

  4. Your screencap at the top probably became one of my favorite Community moments ever: "Give us all your expensive brandy and hubcaps!" -and Troy with Coolio dreds!

  5. Loved that shit... I am getting so spoiled with these awesome COMMUNITY episodes.

  6. The way you write is both upsetting and unintelligible. But if you're trying to say that Community is the greatest show to ever grace a television set, the I whole-heartedly agree.

  7. "The way you write is both upsetting and unintelligible."

    Poor thing... does baby need a pony?

  8. can PLEASE anybody tell me where can i find the song that is playing before the opening credits. entitled spooky party. i cant find anything related to spooky party! PLEASE!