Yes! I am finally covering this show on this site! I really should have started earlier but here we go.
Episode 3.04, which is really more like 3.01 but FX put out three episodes that essentially closed out the storyline from the end of season 2. Yeah, it's fuckin' weird shit but cable does weird shit like this sometimes and the audience is just conditioned to deal with it so we do.
The story in any ARCHER episode is rarely very compelling but sometimes worth discussing. Usually, I would just treat this show in the same way I did WILFRED, mostly just briefly touching on the plot and then going directly into the most quotable moments of the episode.
In this case, I do have to talk about the special guest star, Burt Reynolds. The story goes that Burt is seeing Archer's mother, which of course is something Archer can't deal with since he has really twisted issues about his mother getting plowed by any man. Things are made worse by Burt being one of Archer's biggest heroes. Still, Archer's mother issues are bigger than his love for the mustached bandit, so he knocks him out and kidnaps him.
The rest of the story is about a Cuban hit squad sent out to assassinate Archer. He thinks it is all bullshit but the ISIS team is sent out to save his stupid ass anyway. When he realizes the hit squad is real, he has to get Burt Reynolds to help him save his friends, who he likes to pretend he doesn't care about but actually does.
Alright! Now to...
QUOTABLES
Archer is smooth talking some girl at a bar about taking her back to his place for some hot tub action.
Girl: Well, I have to wait until my friend comes back from the powder room.
Archer: Well, yeah. Obviously we're gonna wait for her. She's the hot one.
Pam and Cheryl are checking the Internet for Burt Reynolds.
Cheryl: Deliverence. Gator. And this is him in Cosssmoooooo. How totally hot is he?!
Pam: I swear to god you could drown a toddler in my panties right now! I mean, not that you would.
Archer kidnaps Burt Reynolds and ties him up near the hot-tub in his apartment. The two discuss the issue at hand.
Archer: What's odd is you wanting to date my mother.
Burt: Why is that odd?
Archer: Because you're you and she's..
Burt: Beautiful. Smart. Funny. Successful.
Archer: Like one of those. Tops.
Burt: Not to mention drop-dead-sexy.
Woodhouse: Oh dear god, yes!
Archer: Woodhouse!
Woodhouse: I shall fetch a cucumber.
Archer and Burt, armed to the teeth, make their way down to the garage together in the slowest elevator ever made.
Burt: You should get a bat-pole.
Archer: Nine thousand bucks.
Burt: What?
Archer: Lowest quote I got.
Burt: Well, that's ridiculous.
Archer: Basically, just putting a poll where the garbage chute already is but the co-op board was like [in a whiny voice] 'But what do we do with the garbage?'
Burt: Yeah, but you can still throw it down the, whatever, the same shaft.
Archer: I know!
Burt: And then you'll have some garbage to land on.
Archer: If you're coming in hot, I know. It's a win-win.
Burt: And you were going to pay for it yourself.
Archer: Yup.
Burt: No assessment or anything.
Archer: Yup.
Burt: [pause] Ridiculous.
Archer: Preaching to the choir, buddy.
After Burt saves the day, he takes Archer's mother out with the team left behind to bask in the wake of his glory.
Cheryl: Ohhhh Burt Reynolds is so freakin' awesome!
Archer: Yeah, he actually kind of is.
Pam: And I, for one, am gonna go watch 'Hooper' and masturbate 'til my fingers bleed.
Cheryl: Just tape 'em up!
If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:
85 out of 100
Good stuff but they have done better episodes.
