21 January, 2012

ARCHER 3.04: 'The Man From Jupiter'

Yes! I am finally covering this show on this site! I really should have started earlier but here we go.

Episode 3.04, which is really more like 3.01 but FX put out three episodes that essentially closed out the storyline from the end of season 2. Yeah, it's fuckin' weird shit but cable does weird shit like this sometimes and the audience is just conditioned to deal with it so we do.

The story in any ARCHER episode is rarely very compelling but sometimes worth discussing. Usually, I would just treat this show in the same way I did WILFRED, mostly just briefly touching on the plot and then going directly into the most quotable moments of the episode.

In this case, I do have to talk about the special guest star, Burt Reynolds. The story goes that Burt is seeing Archer's mother, which of course is something Archer can't deal with since he has really twisted issues about his mother getting plowed by any man. Things are made worse by Burt being one of Archer's biggest heroes. Still, Archer's mother issues are bigger than his love for the mustached bandit, so he knocks him out and kidnaps him.

The rest of the story is about a Cuban hit squad sent out to assassinate Archer. He thinks it is all bullshit but the ISIS team is sent out to save his stupid ass anyway. When he realizes the hit squad is real, he has to get Burt Reynolds to help him save his friends, who he likes to pretend he doesn't care about but actually does.

Alright! Now to...

Archer is smooth talking some girl at a bar about taking her back to his place for some hot tub action.
Girl: Well, I have to wait until my friend comes back from the powder room.
Archer: Well, yeah. Obviously we're gonna wait for her. She's the hot one.

Pam and Cheryl are checking the Internet for Burt Reynolds.
Cheryl: Deliverence. Gator. And this is him in Cosssmoooooo. How totally hot is he?!
Pam: I swear to god you could drown a toddler in my panties right now! I mean, not that you would.

Archer kidnaps Burt Reynolds and ties him up near the hot-tub in his apartment. The two discuss the issue at hand.
Archer: What's odd is you wanting to date my mother.
Burt: Why is that odd?
Archer: Because you're you and she's..
Burt: Beautiful. Smart. Funny. Successful.
Archer: Like one of those. Tops.
Burt: Not to mention drop-dead-sexy.
Woodhouse: Oh dear god, yes!
Archer: Woodhouse!
Woodhouse: I shall fetch a cucumber.

Archer and Burt, armed to the teeth, make their way down to the garage together in the slowest elevator ever made.
Burt: You should get a bat-pole.
Archer: Nine thousand bucks.
Burt: What?
Archer: Lowest quote I got.
Burt: Well, that's ridiculous.
Archer: Basically, just putting a poll where the garbage chute already is but the co-op board was like [in a whiny voice] 'But what do we do with the garbage?'
Burt: Yeah, but you can still throw it down the, whatever, the same shaft.
Archer: I know!
Burt: And then you'll have some garbage to land on.
Archer: If you're coming in hot, I know. It's a win-win.
Burt: And you were going to pay for it yourself.
Archer: Yup.
Burt: No assessment or anything.
Archer: Yup.
Burt: [pause] Ridiculous.
Archer: Preaching to the choir, buddy.

After Burt saves the day, he takes Archer's mother out with the team left behind to bask in the wake of his glory.
Cheryl: Ohhhh Burt Reynolds is so freakin' awesome!
Archer: Yeah, he actually kind of is.
Pam: And I, for one, am gonna go watch 'Hooper' and masturbate 'til my fingers bleed.
Cheryl: Just tape 'em up!

If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:

85 out of 100

Good stuff but they have done better episodes.


  1. My favorite part, besides the whole car chase and the Cubans thinking Gilette was Archer because of his blond gayness and Krieger's van with the handicap shit, was Burt Reynolds laugh.


  2. When Todd Van De Werffe previewed the show he said that one day he was standing in line at a fast food joint and danger zone came on...when it did 3 people started shouting Lana...Lana...LANA!!!!!!! True story hehe.

    As for the episode I would give it a 95 simply due to the most awesomest action sequence I have ever seen on animation and that takes into consideration just how low the budget for this show is. I liked how the show even referenced that they were using the footage twice, lol. Burt Reynolds was awesome and I loved his laugh but I kind of wished he did the smokey and the bandit laugh. I also loved Archer spouting off all of Burts movies and how he kept wetting his pants because he had a huge giant erection because he loved Burt so much.

    The line delevery was awesome and I rate it so highly because this week was very poor for other animation shows.

    My pants were wet because Archer is awesome!!!!!

    Quick question...was his pant wet because he pissed himself or he cummed? I assumed it was the latter!

  3. Awesome, I guessed that one but was not sure. Since that is the case then...97/100. Holy Shit! Burt Reynolds!

  4. 85/100 is good enough. There was no sex... and only episodes with lots of sex get above 95.

  5. I forgot that to mention how much I loved how in one scene when Archer shouts down that the Cuban hit squad had arrived he was in a suit then the next scene 10 seconds later he is in a turtle neck. Archer and his turtle neck and huge throbbing erections because he gets off of this shit is danger zone awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!