26 July, 2011

Boba Fett: Overrated Loser?

Writer: Greek Geek

Boba Fett, the most “notorious” bounty hunter in the Star Wars universe and fan favorite is an overrated fraud. Sorry BFFs (Boba Fett fanboys) but before any of you get your braided wookie scalps all tangled up in a fuzzball, take a deep breath and really think about it.

No hate, just cold hard objectivity. Boba looks the part, but he certainly doesn’t act it. Sure, he looks all mysterious and badass with the armor, weapons and gadgets, but when it comes time for him to back it up… HE DOESN”T ACTUALLY DO MUCH OF ANYTHING.

A quick breakdown of Boba’s onscreen* “accomplishments” should provide more than enough proof:

Episode II
All Baby Boba does is: scowl; pack his things; fire Slave 1’s cannons at Obi Wan…and miss (0 for 1); and watch daddy bite it.

Episode IV (Special Edition)
So Lucas decides to insert him in the Special Edition and what super badass cool thing does Boba do? He stands around Docking Bay 94 doing…nothing.

Episode V
Arguably the only two “major” accomplishments Boba has are in this film. He plays follow the Falcon to Cloud City and delivers a gift wrapped frozen Han to Jabba. In fact, we never actually see Fett deliver Han do we? Hmmmm…

Other than that he: stands next to Vader a lot; gets warned to not disintegrate anyone; watches Han get tortured, frozen and loaded into the cargo hold of Slave 1; oh, he also fires at Luke… and misses (0 for 2).

Episode VI
Boba picks up where he left off in Empire, this time he: draws but doesn’t fire; nods; flirts; blasts off; tries to shoot…but has his rifle cut in half (0 for 3); unsuccessfully tries to tie up Luke; falls down; gets up; flies; screams; and ends up as a 1000 year lunch.

Remember that 1979 prototype Fett figure with the firing rocket pack that wasn't mass produced because of safety concerns? That freaking piece of plastic was more dangerous to small children than Boba was to any of his targets in the films.


Screw that, I'm gonna REALLY go there - Jar Jar Binks, the most reviled character in the Star Wars universe, the polar opposite of Boba is a deadlier warrior than Fett. In fact, his actions are more significant to the entire Star Wars universe.


Blasphemy?! Nope. Truth.

Episode I
Jar Jar leads the Gungan army against the Trade Federation battle droids and...wins! In the process he ends up destroying a whole mess of them with those deadly blue Gungan volleyballs.

Episode II
Jar Jar gives a Senate speech that turns the tide in favor of granting Chancellor Palpatine emergency powers. Freaking Jar Jar opens the door to Palpy becoming Emperor! His actions essentially bring about the rise of the Empire! Mesa tinkin datsa pretty significant.

So for all you BFFs who are getting ready to flame me below, just accept the fact that your hero Boba Fett is actually Boba Kitty.
*The films are canon. So no expanded universe, video game, or comic book crap.