17 January, 2013

The 'Archer' Drinking Game!

With the fourth season of 'Archer' [redacted by site owner for sake of the future] on January 17th -- I figured what better way to celebrate [redacted] than another drinking game!
If you thought the 'Chuck' drinking game was too much to handle, you ain't seen nothin' yet, folks.

On to the rules, you alcoholics:

--DRINK if you hear any of the following common 'Archer' catchphrases: "Daaaaanger Zone", "Classic Mother", "Phrasing", "Sploosh", "Hoorayyyyy", "Obviously the Core Concept", "Wah, Wah", "Nooooope", "Yuuuuup", "Right?", "Shut Up", "Sterling Mallory Archer", "Bionic Barry", "Jeezey Pete's", "Yeah, Use That Tone".

--There are three more catchphrases that require you to drink, but they have stipulations: "Holy Shit-Snacks" (drink twice if it's followed up by "And Crackers"), "Dukes" (drink twice if it's "Double Dukes" or three times for "Triple Dukes"), and "Lana! ... Lana! ... Lana!!!!!!!! (drink twice if it's done using someone else's name instead of Lana).

--When any of the following make an appearance: Krieger's hologram girlfriend, Krieger's sketchy van, Pam's dolphin puppet, Archer's "Seamus" tattoo, a ping-pong paddle and Babboo the Ocelot (Drink twice if it pisses everywhere).

--Pam-related drinking rules: DRINK if Pam has sex with someone OR if she watches someone else have sex OR if she burps OR whenever she tries to see how many pool balls she can fit in her mouth (4 pool balls = 4 drinks).

--Archer-related drinking rules: DRINK if Archer is holding a drink OR if he mentions his time playing lacrosse OR if he talks about turtlenecks (Drink twice if he mentions "Tactleneck")  OR if he mentions his erection (Drink twice if someone else points it out) OR if he gets caught/discovered by the enemy because he was talking too loudly OR if he talks about his "situational awareness".

--Any reference to Mallory's rival, Trudy Beekman.

--Whenever someone makes fun of the size of Lana's hands ("Truck-a-saurus", "Yeti Hands", etc.).

--If someone falls for one of Archer's classic voicemail pranks.

--Anytime Mallory throws herself at someone sexually (Drink twice if it's a Duke).

--A shoot-out scene that results in everyone missing and no one getting shot.

-- Anytime Barry injures himself because of something Sterling does (Pre-Bionic version).

--When "Guest" is used as a password for something.

--Every time money from the ISIS bank accounts/401Ks is stolen or transferred.

--If Carol/Cheryl/Cristal changes her name within the same episode.

--Whenever Brett gets shot (Drink twice if somehow you don't laugh when this happens).

--Every instance that Archer and Lana argue about their past relationship.

--Anytime a character is double-fisting guns.

--Every time Cyril has sex with someone other than Lana.

--Whenever Cheryl is aroused by being dominated or physically abused.

If you're still sober-enough to comment after you try this drinking game out, I'd love to know what you all think. And if you have any fun rules that you wish to add to the list, share with the rest of the class.

Happy "Archer" watching, Happy drinking. [redacted]


  1. The redacted portions of that posting were Eli trying to get you all to wish him a Happy 35th Birthday!

    So everyone, wish him a happy one and get drunk tonight!

    1. 27th damnit! Mary Ploppins can attest to this!

    2. No one's buying it, bro. No one's buying it.

  2. "KGB" is mentioned.
    Any time Pam is holding or eating food.

  3. how about "I had something for this"
    love the list though!

  4. Drink whenever "goddammit archer" is said... happens more then you think

  5. My drinking game is much simpler. Take a drink every time
    1) Someone is holding a drink
    2) Mallory says something bitchy
    3) a) Pam says or does soemthing sexually inapprpriate
    b) Cheryl says/does something stupid
    c) Krieger says/does something creepy and weird

  6. Drink every time Archer drinks is the only rule you need. Anything more is asking for alcohol poisoning.