12 August, 2013

TOP 10 Stupid Things TV and Film Makers Do


Not necessarily in any order. Though, it’s in a specific order so I'm lying.

10. People just hang up when a phone conversation ends. No one ever says “bye” and no one ever calls up the other person asking them “What the fuck, Bob?! You just hung up on me!”

9. Lovers call each other by their first names instead of “baby” or “honey” or “titty sprinkles”.

8. Characters constantly refer to each other by name as if they're trying to remember it, because that's how we all do it, right?

Bob? Right, Bob? Hey, Bob. What's up, Bob? Bob? Let's go do that thing, Bob.

7. A discussion that starts at one location will continue to its next logical step in a follow-up scene in a completely different location, even though the characters would have taken minutes to hours to arrive there and would have finished the conversation already.

Obviously this is based on those times when you're like "Hey, Bob, how about we finish this conversation when we arrive where the cameras are filming the next scene? Okay, Bob?"

6. I supposed this started with BATTLESTAR GALACTICA but it has caught on with writers all over the place: Military and police personnel referring to female superiors as “sir”. NOPE. INACCURATE. It’s still “ma’am”. Don’t believe me? Try calling a female officer “sir” and see what happens.

Seriously, don't fuckin' do that.

5. Arm and leg bullet wounds are shrugged off even though they can be extremely painful, result in broken bones, and cause severe blood-loss that can kill just as easily as any other wound.

4. People dial phone numbers from memory. No one is ever like "Fuuuuuck! I should have put that number in my phone!"

3. Characters don’t say “ummm” or “ahhh” or “uhhh” like real people do. They are all expert public speakers that never lean on auxiliaries.

2. No one can see what is happening within anything greater than a 5 degree field of view. They’re always really surprised by someone not directly 2 feet in front of them. People just pop up on them like ninjas.

1. Characters speak at a normal conversation level in a non-secure location where anyone can hear them say something super important that should be kept secret.


13 comments:

  1. Most of these are from Chuck, lol.

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    1. I mean most of these applied to CHUCK. The funniest being how when Sarah called Chuck Sweetie, it was always done kind of with a tinge of sarcasm.

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  2. hahahahahaha so true especially 7. that shit happens all the tome on bones

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  3. You forgot, "Write finales that render their entire series pointless".

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    1. That's more of a story/talent problem. This is just a stupidity problem.

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  4. Why the hell do writers do #6 for.

    I remember seeing an episode of Castle where Beckett called the new Captain ma'am and then was specifically told by Captain Gates to instead call her sir.

    I know television shows aren't entirely realistic but you'd think they'd want to get something like that right.

    I can understand exaggerating or making certain things up to give the show more action and more drama but not something like that.

    I thought television writers researched these things while doing a show.

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    1. Maybe it's some liberal WGA conspiracy to blur the line between male and female superiors. ;)

      It makes no sense for present day shows.

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  5. Only one I disagree with is 9, mostly because I hate being called baby, ugh. Was watching Fringe last night and it's seriously adorable the way Peter calls Olivia Liv, as opposed to other people who call her Olive. Individual couple nicknames are way better than the generic 'baby'. Though I will add that basically anything Peter does is the best.

    7 kills me every time. I ALWAYS think about it and don't understand why writers do this. Or even when something huge has happened and we open on a different location where they begin to address it even though it's obvious they had a long car ride to get there. Was the whole trip just silent? Another Fringe example (I have been watching a lot of Fringe lately), when Olivia saves Peter in S4 by essentially taking over his body and fighting for him at the docks. They must have gone all the way to a hospital to get Peter's arm fixed and then driven to the lab and only then do they discuss what happened. It's actually pretty funny because Peter starts off like 'Are we gonna discuss it?' and Olivia's like 'What?' and I was thinking YEAH SHE REALLY HAS FORGOTTEN WHAT EVEN HAPPENED BECAUSE IT'S BEEN HOURS.

    Sorry for the long comment but I've been waiting a long time for someone to write an article like this.

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    1. #9 is about pet names by lovers. Which "Liv" would be.

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  6. HAHA crap I just read this, meant to earlier. #10 has always driven me insane. Another part of that: When characters make plans to meet up or go on a date, they rarely specify all the required details. Like they might say location but not time, or vice versa ... or "hey do you need directions??" And then of course they just hang up without saying "bye."

    #5 has always cracked me up too. Medical stuff is never right. I mean I'm no doctor, but it certainly rarely SEEMS right to me. Unless it's on a show ABOUT doctors.

    Anyway these are all good though. #3 is another one I've always noticed.

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  7. Characters don’t say “ummm” or “ahhh” or “uhhh” like real people do.

    I'm not a real people.

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