17 October, 2012

Review - SOUTH PARK 16.11: 'Going Native'

Comedy Central says: "When Butters starts acting out at school, his parents realize it’s time to tell him why he's not like all of the other kids. He must travel to a foreign place to learn the ways of his people. It will be a difficult trip for a young boy to make alone so Butters chooses Kenny to travel with him to the distant and secluded island of Hawaii."

Due to your complaints about my last two reviews, the boss has placed me on a short leash. Therefor, I promise to write a proper breakdown of the episode and stick to established formulas for detailing for you, the viewer, who should have already watched the episode and not need a fuckin' recap, what happened. And in the retelling of what you pieces of monkey shit watched, because you are incapable of retaining even a second of memory, I will be sure to miss NOTHING! Going as far as to quote every single piece of the episode like some fucktarded stenographer whose rapid and accurate skills are on loan from God herself!

Butters goes batshit crazy and starts telling people off. His parents reveal that he is Hawaiian and that he must return to his birth-place to take a walk-about of introspective self realization. Kenny, in an attempt to help is bestest bud in the whole wide world get through his personal journey, accompanies him to the island for the native "ceremony."

Upon arriving, Butters and Kenny are met by locals who take them on a tour of the surrounding area, revealing the beauty and intricacies of the region as well as the importance of being a native, like 20% discounts via the Mahalo points card.

But when the natives learn that the Mahalo points card is to be discontinued, all hell breaks loose and they attack a cruise ship with golf balls. An errant strike by Butters leads to a titanic event that leads to the death of all on board

As the repercussions of the cruise ship sinking materialize, the natives begin to distrust Kenny and demand he perform a canoe trial of courage or some shit. He fails. That bastard. Shit happens.

Butters then gives a rousing speech about what douchebags haole's are (note: a haole is a derogatory term for a white person, especially a non-native to Hawaii). Though he inspires the natives, the sudden realization that port closings means no new vodka shipments which in turn means no more chi-chi consumption quickly deflates the masses.

Meanwhile, as Kenny is revealed to still be among the living, the US Coast Guard arrives and is met with a hail of golf balls. They in turn overreact just a tad by shelling the beach, blowing locals into bloody pieces of guts and American glory. The natives attempt to fight back but without chi-chis what chance do they have?

Fortunately, when Kenny finds Elvis' ghost, the day is saved as the Rock 'N Roll king leads the indestructible one to a cache of vodka. And after Butters gives a speech about Ben Affleck, Kenny arrives with vodka for the chi-chis, ending the war.

Butters and Kenny are both made natives and receive their Mahalo points cards and Butters finds out that Ben Affleck is only with Jennifer Garner, not Lopez. So everything is right with the world.

Butters: But what does being Hawaiian have to do with me acting like an emo-chick on her period?

Butters: Well, if you ask me, the only good haole is a dead haole! With a, with a stick right up his butt-hole, and ah, and his wiener cut off!

Butters: You shouldn't be able to be good looking and be with Jennifer Lopez and be a good director! Alright, alright fine! ARGO is a good movie! There, I admitted it! I told people it didn't hold up but it holds up god darn it! Ben Affleck has everything! Raaaaah!

If I had to rate this episode, and Butters' island smoke monster says I do, then I'd give it:

78 out of 100

Jennifer Garner is so much hotter than Jennifer Lopez.

What did you think?


  1. This is not a review. It's a summary of the episode. I guess this means that you're fired.

    1. You mean I wrote a recap instead of a review?


      Wait, wait... but I scored it AND I introduced the opinion that Garner is hotter than Lopez. That does qualify it as a review! JOB SAVED!

      You scared me.

    2. So you summarized the whole episode and think that your couple of sentences and score make it a review? You know, based on your last response, I'm thinking you're a kid, so I'll let it slide because I thought I was writing to an adult.

    3. It is amazing how dense some people are.

  2. it's MAHALO, not Mohalu, dumb haole.

  3. The question is was Jennifer Lopez hotter when Affleck was with her than Jennifer Garner.

    1. Lopez's arse wins over Garner's but that's it for me.

  4. Your review/summary never brought up the fact that the 'natives' or 'locals' were all hauole. That is a major component of the story, South Park is big on irony.

    1. Good point. One I definitely meant to make but got sidetracked by porn.


  5. Tip for next time you want to keep your job, don't insult your audience before you even start your review which as stated earlier was pretty much a recap with 1 or 2 sentences of actual review.

    Oh and in all likeliness it's all of us the pieces of monkey shit and not you who has no clue how to act in even a remotely professional manner... Oh and I apologize ahead of time for pointing out that you don't know how to write a review before you throw another hissy fit.

    1. I am deeply sorry if I offended you.

      Where I come from, pieces of monkey shit is a compliment.


    2. Haha! Pussy!

      Bet you can't fight!

    3. Not like I can prove that one way or the other here.

  6. Hello, looking for a "true review" of this episode... Just joking !

    This episode is about foreigners that go to Hawaï for a few days then think they're natives and claim rights on "their land" but can't live with their mind occupations, that means alcohol.

    There is also something to do with Barrack Obama (some says he's not born in the USA ; according to his birthplace certificate he's born in Hawaii).
    Maybe the point of this episode is "you can't rely on Obama's birthplace certificate because people who live there for 3 days are "natives""

    There is certainly something to do with colonialism, wiping out native's culture and replacing secular rites with golf, vodka, fast food, hawaiian shirts and bonus cards. Even replacing acient spirits with Elvis ghost.

    1. You put way more effort into this comment than I did in the review.

      I think what I'm trying to say is reviews are dumb.