Curb Your Enthusiasm, 8.10, Michael J. Fucked Up

This is it guys, the last episode of the season. Or should I say "la saison", since Larry and Leon have found their way to Paris. I wonder who Larry is going to run into in the city of lights that is going to ask him to make an appearance at a fundraiser or some do-goody event, that he'll lie to, saying that he has to be out of town that day, that will ultimately lead him to a new city. Marion Cotillard? Vincent Cassel? Charlotte Gainsbourg? (I'm naming French people that most of you have probably heard of. If I had to name the French equivalent to LD it would have to be Fabrice Luchini but you all would be like WHO THE FUCK?) Anyway, here it goes...the last review for Curb Your Enthusiasm by Babydoll. It's been a mother fucking pleasure.

1. "Larry Vs. Micheal J. Fox" starts off with Larry in Jennifer's (Ana "Schweddy Balls" Gasteyer) apartment. While waiting for her, he meets Greg, her highly effeminate, highly gay, 7 year old son. Thus proving to us all that gayness can begin in the early stages of life, even before you're aware that you want to touch another boy's penis. Greg is FAAAAABULOUSSSSSS. He watches Project Runway, loves FASHION, and he totally gets the esthetic of swastikas. So much so that he wants to bring them back. He loves the way that the lines go up, then down, then straight, it's like, really couture. If ever he decided to go on Project Runway (and with his pillow sham, I'm sure he'd stand a chance), I'm not sure Heidi Klum would go for his Aryan Nation look. Sorry Greg, but unless you change that swastika to stripes, I'm going to have to say "auf wiedersehen". Nevertheless, Larry embraces the little Carson Kressley wannabe and decides to buy him a sowing machine for his birthday. Of course, Jennifer freaks out, accusing Larry of trying to "turn her son gay", but as Larry puts it "it's not like I can get him a football or a baseball". It's Larry's ill-fated destiny: he has the right intentions but they are constantly misconstrued due to their implications, especially if they are (and they mostly are) taboos.

2. Speaking of taboos, Michael J. Fox (or should I say Michael J. FOXY) appears in this episode, and after watching it for the first time, I really wanted to count how many times the word "Parkinson's" was uttered. But I'm lazy, so, I abandoned that endeavor pretty quickly. Foxy plays LD's upstairs neighbor and the two run into each other at Jennifer's bar where she is a background music piano player. If only Sinatra could have heard her play "New York, New York", he would have shushed everyone in the audience as well. LD, wishing to hear her play (and get laid) shushes MJF, leading him to shake his head at Larry as he walks out of the bar. But is it a Parkinson's shake or a pissed off shake? That is the question. And there begins the whole David/Fox face-off. LD believes that Fox's attitude towards him (the soda shake, the stomping on the floor) is all in Fox's plan to piss him off but disguised as being part of his Parkinson's. As he rightly puts it, Fox can't have carte blanche for being an asshole JUST BECAUSE he has Parkinson's. The Parkinson's Pity Party shouldn't keep people from treating him like a normal human being, someone that could ACTUALLY be an asshole. However, the rest of New York doesn't see it like Larry does and at Fox's get together for his foundation, Bloomberg, in a very Trump-esque way, tells LD, le new-yorker, to peace the fuck out of the city (well he didn't say it exactly that way but humor me). Again in LD's defense, the only reason he mimicked a violin player was because he really got Greg a violin. But such is LD's fate. He's misunderstood, even in the city that raised him. It's as if the New York that created Larry isn't that same New York anymore. The times of the politically incorrect David and Allen's of this world might be long and gone. Now, that's just my interpretation, and it is up for debate.

3. Larry however doesn't leave NY because Bloomberg tells him to (like many New Yorkers during Hurricane Irene). He leaves because he doesn't want to help out the sick kids at the hospital with Fox and his wife. Playing put put golf with kids, exposing himself to sickness? Fuck that shit. LD tells Fox that he'll be out of town that day, for two months, in Paris. Thus, leading us to the end of the season: Larry et Leon walking along the streets of a fake Paris, only to end up where it all really began: Larry getting angry with a man for parking in between the lines. But this time, he yells at him in French (le pig parker, or as he should have said le cochon qui ne sait pas se garer...but I won't make an issue out of it). It's LD's calling to call shit out at he sees it, no matter what language it's in, and that is what makes him so FABULOUS.

Babydoll's by the way...
-Greg, aka baby Carson, would totally have won Project Runway if it was "Project Runway: The Third Reich".
-I realized only during this episode that I would fucking KILL to live with Leon Black. No joke. Like, couldn't you just picture it? Not being able to sleep, being totally hungry, and making pasta with pesto at 2 in the morning with Leon talking about dicks? If J.B. Smoove was on a reality show like "Flavor of Love" I'd be the first white bitch to try to get a clock, or in this case, a doo-rag.
-How funny was that doorman when he confronted Larry? He was totally acting like a mob man's bodyguard. Only in New York.
-What is it with every show ending with a mention or a shot in the city of lights? Entourage (SPOILER ALERT), Friends, Sex and the City... Is Paris "IT"? What about London or Rome? I'm not complaining, cos hell, it's flattering to me, but I can't help but wonder why Paris?
-In Jennifer's defense, her son could just as well be European (but he's probably gay).
-Did anyone else think back to Seinfeld's purse episode watching the Greg storyline? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnKRbEPbItE).
-Thanks for bringing in Aasif Mandvi from Jon Stewart to play the pissed off guy in the elevator. Though, I am upset he didn't sound THAT british. I wanted more English prick attitude out of him.

Curb Your Political Correctness...
-"Is it pissed off or Parkinson's?"
-"Michael J. Fox is going to be Michael J. Fucked up"
-"That shit don't go down in black neighborhoods"
-"Ok, he's pre-gay".
-The best of Greg: "What's a Hitler? A bad man? Oh my god!" - "GET A LIFE JEWS!". It reminds me of the kid in Schindler's list that says "GOODBYE JEWS!" (See Louis C.K. he does a great rendition). Props to the Curb casting director to have found such a great kid actor. I wonder if they had to tell him to "act gay", would he know what that means at such a young age? Or did they just find the gayest looking kid they knew? I wonder, I wonder.

Finally, I'd like to take a second and just say how much this season of Curb made me forget how pissed I was at waiting for a new season to come back. If the writing is always this good, then I don't mind waiting more than a year for new episodes. That being said, I'd like to see a bit more flashbacks. Why is Larry the way he is?

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Curb Your Enthusiasm, 8.09, Heckling and Vibrating

I’d first like to take a second here and tell you that watching this week’s episode “Mr. Softee” taught me more about baseball than any other given moment of my life, and I AM from Boston, so what does that tell you? Right, I know. It’s muy pathetico, but what ya gonna do?

Now, without further adieu, let’s take a look at what happened to LD’s life this week in the Big Apple.

1. The story starts out with our hero eating fish in a restaurant with his date, Jennifer, played by the talented and hilarious Ana Gasteyer from SNL. Ok, she’s not Rachel Dratch “Debbie Downer” funny but you should check out her Celine Dion impression. It’s a knee slapper, kids, a knee slapper. Anywho, Susie and Jeff are also there, which makes me think that the only place these two don’t follow Larry is the toilet, the doctor’s (only for a rectal exam), and his bedroom IF he’s having sex. Jeff and LD fight over the fact that they both ordered different meals so that they could share and when the food arrives, Jeff retracts his offer to share. This is an ethical issue for the ages. It can't be taken lightly.

2. We finally meet Larry’s shrink in New York. And by finally, I mean we all assumed that he was seeing one, so there’s really no surprise there. Dr. Thurgood (played by Fred Melamed that you might remember from A Serious Man by the Coen brothers) is what you’d expect LD’s shrink to look like: balding, four-eyed, sporting tweed and need I say it? Jewish. Is it just me or is a shrink supposed to remind you of a well-respected Ivy league university professor? LD shares with Thurgood his childhood trauma. Way back when, Leib son of Nat, played strip poker with the daughter of a Mr. Softee ice cream truck driver in said truck. Leib, clearly an inexperienced poker player, lost the game, therefore forfeiting his underpants to the little pervy girl. Unfortunately for him, her father walked in and kicked his little white ass out of the truck, where all the people in the street humiliated him. Now, every time Larry hears the Mr. Softee jingle, his mind goes straight back to that memory. Thank god there’s no pavlovian reflex because imagine if hearing that jingle made him take off his clothes? Yeesh, that shit would be wack. Instead, hearing the jingle made him go “softee” in the sack and cost him the baseball (or was it softball? Who the fuck knows?) game for Yari’s automatics.

3. LEON IS BACK IN THE MOTHER FUCKIN’ HOUSE Y’ALL – AND BOY IS SPORTIN’ GLASSES. Why you ask? Because according to Larry David and clearly the creator of Family Matters, black men wearing glasses get more respect and are treated better (“White people revere black people in glasses, they go out of their way to do shit for them”) – and the proof is there! Thanks to the glasses, Leon was allowed back into the building, he was able to get LD and him in line for Baseballcon, AND he got Thurgood to tear up Larry’s bill for the free session at the convention.

4. Now, my least favorite part of the whole episode, which is talking about baseball. To be honest, the only parts I enjoyed were when Bill Buckner went to the Shiva and got ousted by a Red Sox fan and Jerry Adler (aka Hesh from The Sopranos) and when he saved the baby from the burning building. I felt bad for the dude being heckled everywhere he went. It’s like, are you a major league baseball player? You aren't? Then shut the fuck up ass hole. You know what I mean? But then again, I’m not a baseball fan so… maybe I should shut the fuck up. In other baseball news, LD got for Jeff a Mookie Wilson autographed baseball – that Buckner lost by missing a catch – but that Leon got back by stealing it from Thurgood’s office. Curb has come full circle – or full diamond if you will. Padum pssshh (that’s my drum/cymbal bad joke onomatopoeia).

5. FINALLY, the moment we’ve (I’ve) been waiting for. LD’s car seat that gives women insta-gasms. Like Leon said, “this chair is a fuck machine”, it’s a “moving dildo”. Imagine if that seat was the driver’s seat? Bitches, we would be in trou-bleeeeeee. Now, I laughed seeing Ana Gasteyer have an orgasm on the vagitator, but nothing compares to seeing my girl Susie let one out. Bitch sounded like two hippos having sex. No wonder Jeff sleeps around. He probably doesn’t know whether he’s pleasuring her or suffocating her. Poor Larry, he probably won’t be able to go to the zoo anymore without getting horrible flashbacks. He should see Dr. Thurgood about that.

Babydoll’s by the way…
-Black guys wearing glasses make them more reliable and smarter? I take offense, because when blondes wear glasses no one takes us seriously, they just think of us as dirty librarians or secretaries that “fanny around with press releases”.
-Car Periscope? Car seat vibrator! That shit needs to go on sale at Brookstone’s stat! Of course, security measures would have to be worked out but at least with this invention we’d stop being backseat drivers.
-Only Larry would go on for more than 30 seconds on whether or not he feels comfortable putting his feet up on his shrink’s coffee table.
-YES, so now we know why LD says "pretty pretty good". If only we knew more how LD became LD. Those in favor for flashbacks say "AYE"!

Curb your political correctness…
-“She was coming downstairs”.
-“You like a mixed nut? You like a chip and a dip? I’m completely dipless”.
-“I have overcome GOD DAMNIT!”
-And…the best line of all time: “AND WE WILL FUCK THEIR SISTERS IN THE CUNT!” You can be sure that I will start using this proficiently.

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Curb Your Enthusiasm, 8.08, The Implementation

First and foremost, I’d like to apologize to all of you for the lateness on these reviews. I was on holiday [editor's note: what we in the US call "vacation"] in the middle of the Atlantic (The Queen Mary II, it’s kind of like the Love Boat except there’s no Doc, Isaac or Gopher. BUT, there are a handful of Caribbean steel drum players, so you know, it’s all good).

Secondly, I would like to warn you that this review might not be as pinpoint as my last ones due to the incalculable amount of gin I’ve amassed in my system, each drop of it like a bullet to my nervous system.

Now that that’s out of the way, on to the David shenanigans, shall we?

This episode was a doozy, and it hurts my head just thinking of everything that happened, although, that could still be the gin residue; I’m not quite sure.

1. Larry and Jeff meet up with an inventor (unfortunately, it’s not the Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Imporium type), who has come up with the idea of installing a periscope into a car. Insert submarine type jokes here. The boys are lukewarm about the whole idea until they meet Ira’s (Mr. Inventor) dearly beloved. Let’s just say that Shorty wouldn’t win America’s Next Top Model or America’s Next Slightly Below Average Model either. A relatively handsome man married to a curly-haired over-weight urchin? That man MUST have integrity! LD and Jeff are sold! As for the periscope, the boys take it out for a “test run” around the streets of New York and find the whole endeavor to be ingenious. Even Susie thinks it’s a good idea. Larry and Susie agreeing on something? And we thought stranger things couldn’t happen. The whole scene where Larry and Jeff chase the one-armed man? I got a little “flash” into Chuck and Morgan’s future if they were spies sans the intersect. See what I did there? Flash? God, I need a day job.

2. Oh hey, is that 30 Rock’s Cheyenne Jackson playing Larry’s trainer? I think it is! Hello Cheyenne! What? Wanda Sykes pays you more than LD? He can’t be your 2 o’clock anymore? Good to know what you’ve been up to during summer hiatus! Bye!

3. LD goes to a dinner party at Henry’s, whose father is Judge Carter Horn from a courtroom TV show. Larry decides to go pay judge Horn a visit in his room, because it’s better to act on nice things than to just think of them. In his boudoir, the Judge is playing Scrabble with a one-armed man (the more I type this, the more I feel like I’m recounting a fable or a riddle). After an awkward, socially insensitive conversation about “wishing to have one arm when cuddling with a woman”, the one-armed man leaves Larry to play Scrabble with the old man. Not even two minutes in, the judge starts spewing out racial slurs. Who knew that Scrabble brought out racism in the elderly? Judge Carter Horn makes Archie Bunker look like Michael Stivic. Henry then walks in and sees that the Scrabble scores are completely impartial and blames LD of taking advantage of his dementia-ridden father. LD blames it on the one-armed man but to Henry, it’s like crying wolf – if the wolf was missing one paw.

4. In the end, LD, instead of spilling his popcorn in the bathroom, ends up spilling the beans about why he chose to invest with Ira. His wife, rightfully, then beats his shit up, thus turning Larry into a one-armed man due to the fact he has to wear a cast. In it’s usual Curb way, the last five minutes bring the adjacent storylines together to come full circle (like a compass, you see?) and LD is brought face to face with the one-armed Scrabble deserter who bumps into Judge Horn in order to get a taxi, leaving Horn on the ground saying the “one-armed man did it!” and Henry seeing Larry standing there, one-armed and all.

Babydoll’s by the way…
-How can you see Sting 2 and not see Sting? It’s like seeing American Graffiti 2 and not seeing American Graffiti? I’m fucking upset now y’all.

-The inventor Ira is Scott Cohen, you might remember him as hottie professor Max from Gilmore Girls or Detective Chris Ravell from Law & Order: Trial by Jury. Ok, ok, I IMDB’d him for Law & Order. I don’t want you to start feeling bad because I’ve got more TV knowledge than you and your friends put together.

-Skis that come in two parts that are put together like pool cubes? I’m a skier and I never thought of that. Then again, I’ve never had a death wish either, so…

-Susie’s outfit at the dinner party – Foxwoods in August had a sale and Susie just had to get herself a pair of the circus pants that were 50% off.

Curb your political correctness…
-“I don’t like being told what to do” – “So that’s why you married Susie?” BURN!

-“This looks like an 8th grade science experiment”.

-“I always think of nice things but I never act on them”.

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.07 - Hardball

In this week's Curb, we learn that NYC women are easy and that their relationships can be summed up with baseball metaphors. We also learn that there is a bow index (no relation to the BMI) and that Rosie O'Donnell can still hit a home run (remember A League Of Their Own?). But most importantly, Leon is back, and he's managed to fuck up the Prius, but it's OK, because "8 mother fuckers" can totally fit in there - hear that, Toyota?

1. We first run into LD at an art gallery opening (sooooooooo NY). However, instead of running into a Real Housewives of New York City cast member, he meets a charming woman named Jane Cohen (she's jewish, yay!) whom he hits it off with right away, meaning sarcasm and banter are involved. All seems to be honkey dory until he runs into Rosie O'Donnell who tells him she's met an amazing woman that made her feel things in places she thought had been dried up for years (that's what vaseline and sex toys are for babe). Slowly, LD and Rosie come to realize that they are talking about the same woman. What could have been a great opportunity for a ménage à trois just got complicated. Jane is a bisexual, and as Rosie so aptly puts it, "half the population isn't enough for them?" The two then dual for her affection and if you're me you can't help but think, OK they are famous and intelligent in their own right, but who the fuck would want to be in a position having to choose between Larry David and Rosie O'Donnell? It's like choosing between urining in a cup or having a tetanus shot. There are clearly hotter single comical celebrities to choose from.

2. LEON IS BACK IN THE MOTHER FUCKING PLACE, wife beater and doo-rag intact. There's not much more to say really except that he may have solved the war of the sexes by a baseball metaphor.

3. LD orders takeout from a japanese place for his date with Jane and the miso soup spills in the bag. It's no Fukushima, but Larry is annoyed and decides to go back to the restaurant to tell them about the mishap. Takeout places have two jobs to do according to Larry: get the order right and secure the food. The maître d' - flippant and dismissive, apologizes by saying "sorry" and bowing slowly and slightly. LD further learns that that bow is not an actual apology but a "shit bow" because a real bow is at a 90 degree angle in japanese culture (thank you japanese tourist in central park who speaks english fluently). LD goes back to the restaurant to tell the maître d' what the tourist had told him and tells him that he'll go online to see what the REAL apologetic bow is. Wikipedia has this to say : bows of apology tend to be deeper and last longer than other types of bow. They tend to occur with frequency during the apology, generally at about 45 degrees with the head lowered and lasting for at least the count of three, sometimes longer. The depth, frequency and duration of the bow increases with the sincerity of the apology and the severity of the offense. Well Larry, now you also have to be worried about frequency and duration. Thanks Curb for teaching me something I never really wanted to know.

4. LD runs into an acquaintance at the japanese place called Duckstein. The story is pretty simple: Duck wants to have lunch with Larry. Larry doesn't see the point because they aren't friends. Duck wants to be friends. Larry doesn't. This whole subplot wouldn't really have been all that interesting if it didn't solidify one of the "Curb" staples, which is LD taking an every day custom or social behavior and scrutinizing it for the total ludicracy of it.

5. LD wins over Jane by taking viagra and blowing her mind with his sexual prowess (take that Tony!). Jane then decides to dump Rosie (too bad RoRo, the gay cruise will be for the next chick). Jane takes LD to Cooperstown because straight women can also be into baseball, and asks him to bow when he steps on her shoe. LD, wishing to show off his newfound skills in the art of bowing, executes, dropping his little blue pill at the same time. LD, embarrassed, tells Jane : "everybody does it...I was just leveling out the playing field". I guess Rosie can start planning that cruise afterall .

Babydoll's by the way...
-Duckstein? Should we be looking into a jewish remake of Pretty in Pink?
-You can't compete against the Tony's? What about the Emmy's? The Oscars? I bet Jane also watches Glee and probably has a crush on both Sue Sylvester and Will Schuester.
- LD walking down Washington Square searching for viagra reminds me that men will fucking do anything to get laid.
- If only Susie had been in this episode so I can critique her outfit. Sigh.

Curb your political correctness...
-LD: "I was offended that I was invited".
-"Who the fuck is Tony?" (The Tiger? Hahahaha, OK that was fucking pathetic).
- Leon: "Bats and balls rule the fucking world. Gloves don't catch gloves".
- BEST LINE OF ALL TIME, RESERVED FOR PURE MOTHER FUCKING G'S : "I just had a croissant filled with mother fuckin' champagne'".

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.06 - Heroic Laces

Pink Berry should consider giving Larry David unlimited free soft-serve for his infallible skills in product placement. This week's episode picked up where we left off : Larry, a Pink Berry, and the pleasure that it clearly entails.

But enough about PB, what's going down in NYC?

1. Up in the air, LD is seated next to a beautiful woman (played by Samantha Mathis of "American Psycho" fame) and is trying to engage conversation. He even goes so far as pulling out the term 'encroachment - (leave it to LD to establish judicial jargon as a flirting mechanism). Unfortunately for him, she doesn't seem to be falling for his Ally McBealed attempt, and he decides to go use the bathroom. Always being one to take advantage of situational comedy, Larry is brought into action by his long shoelaces that he earlier remarked were too long. Tripping on them, he falls on a drunk passenger harassing the stewardess. Thus, the Curb domino begins. The whole plane believes him to be a hero, including Donna, the beautiful woman seated beside him. Susie however is not fooled - LD is no "hero", he's just a dude with really long shoelaces.

2. In NY, Larry and Jeff have lunch (different city, same dealio) and some douche bag waitor with super-sonic hearing capabilities (think dolphin) overhears the two men talking about getting Gervais a bottle of wine. Doucheboy gets Gervais a $300 of vino and doesn't bother to bring over their food. "You're my hero" Jeff says to LD if he goes up to the kitchen counter to get the food. LD, hero to all customers who have been stood up by douchie waitors, goes up to get their meals.

3. LD and Gervais finally meet at a dinner hosted by Susie and Jeff. LD is there with Donna but is seated with Chris Parnell at the end of the table, with whom he is clearly bored (he would have enjoyed it better if it had been Dr. Spaceman). LD, fed up with the whole "cool table" vibe going on at the other end makes a scene. Parnell trips and pours wine all over Gervais' "frenchy-intellectual" scarf that costs $500.

4. The next day - Larry, Susie, and Jeff go to Gervais' show, Mr. Simmington. Larry arriving at the box office gets the unpleasant surprise of having to pay for the ticket, assuming that it would be a gift from Ricky. During the whole show, he and Susie bicker over the seating, bothering Gervais' performance.

5. Thanks to doucheboy waitor, Gervais discovers that it was Larry and Jeff talking throughout his play, ruining all of Jeff's chances of signing Gervais. LD is equally p'd off when he learns that Gervais has been seeing Donna. LD however gets the last laugh when he follow them on the train and sees them being harassed and mugged by a thug. LD, king of situational comedy, takes the same stale baguette he brought to Susie's dinner to beat the thug down - only to get his shoelace stuck in the sliding doors of the train. Ya win some, ya lose some, whatcha gonna do, eh?

Babydoll's "by the way"...
-Let's just say what we've all been thinking since the end of this episode : Susie's upgrade to full-time cast member was clearly the right decision. If I can't get any Leon for the next few episodes, I'm going to need an increase on the Susie - if only for the pure creative pleasure of reviewing her outfits. Her tunic at the dinner party? Looks like something Bette Midler would wear in her dressing room during the filming of Beaches. Her fannypack and turquoise get-up at the theater? Carrie Bradshaw wishes she had worn it on her trip to Atlantic City.

-Ricky Gervais : honestly, dude, are you Johnny Cash? If not, then there is no reason for you to only wear black. Oh you're English, so you can? Sorry buddy, but I think Simon Cowell would beg to differ. And the scarf? Wear a turtleneck. You're English, you're not supposed to try to look French. Oh and Mr. Simmington? Could you BE in anything that sounds more British? Sorry, I needed to have a Chandler Bing moment.

-Glad to see that LD and RG are back together again.

-LD is to Sully Sullenberger what Dane Cook is to Louis C.K.

Curb your political correctness...
-Woman on plane: "First Class so you get to do whatever you want to do. You're not acting 'coachy but first classy". This schism is quite a socio-economical dilemma, I agree.

-"I don't really know how to write cursive anymore".

-"I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk".

-Gervais on Oklahoma : "frivolous nonesense for the moronic classes". Sounds to me like how the English describe everything the Americans love ;)

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.05 - Pink Berry

Start spreading the news! I'm leaving today! Wait, no I'm leaving Saturday - actually, scrap that - I'm leaving in a couple of weeks for 6 weeks. Yep, it's here folks, the moment we've all been waiting for : WE FINALLY KNOW HOW/WHY LARRY IS GOING TO NEW YORK CITY! Now, here's to hoping that he sends for Leon or that Leon miraculously appears at his apartment bearing chinese food and a large soda.

So, let's get to it: what really happened with Larry this week?

1. The title of this week's episode is "The Vow of Silence" because - SHOCKER - someone (Vance) decided to take a vow of silence after recommendation from his spiritual advisor. First the Funk Man now this dude? What is it with all the spiritual awakening in Larry's entourage? Are they sad middle-aged women who only swear by Oprah and The Secret? Anyway, Vance ends up the catalyst in every storyline: he sees Larry eating the Pink Berry destined for Oscar, Susie's dead dog (RIP Oscar). He "mouthes" the truth to her - only to be threatened/lectured by Larry on tattling. Finally, he lets it all out when Larry leaves him a NSFW message on his car due to his "two-line" parking job. It wouldn't be Curb if LD didn't piss someone off thus propelling the domino effect.

2. Jeff and Susie are moving to NYC because Sammy has been accepted to the Julliard Summer Program (where all kids f**ked up by their psycho-smothering mothers go). They throw a party for their own going away (of course they do). LD spends the whole party trying to avoid Tessler (what up David St. Hubbins?) who wants to sign him up to do something for his do-good association that has something to do with the children? Anyway, Larry wants to get out of it and says he'll be in NYC when the event is held. Like any upstanding citizen, he lied. Too bad his lie backfired and ended up really sending him to New York.

3. The Chat and Cut - thank you LD for putting a name on an all too common tendency with people all over. Waiting in line sucks, everyone knows it. You've got to stay within the line - whether you're at Pink Berry or on a parking lot with your vehicle.

Babydoll's by the way...
-Susie's first outfit? The leopard print and the gold flower croissage? If Susie ever needs a job, she should just work on every single 80s remake Hollywood decides to revamp. Romy and Michele's 2nd High School Reunion anybody? She and Michael McKean could talk about making a feature film about Journey.

-Sightings: Hello Rich Sommer from Mad Men! Oh Harry Crane how I've missed you! If you weren't on Funny or Die talking about Sexual Positions or on my The Office reruns, the return for Mad Men would be harder than it actually is (fyi: impossible, I feel like crying). Oh and HEY Brett Gelman from The Other Guys fame and Funny Or Die (Mr. Celebrity). The Curb casting agents sure love their Mad Men and Funny or Die shorts!

-How much would you pay to go see Eat, Pray, Love? Stop advertizing the f**king film. Seriously, talking about how much you hate the idea of it is still talking about it. I haven't seen it - but talking about hating it doesn't make you more of a man. It just makes you look like a douche who talks about chick flicks.

-How MUCH do vets make? Are there different rates per animal? Size? Operation? Do they have their own union? Why aren't there TV shows about their sex lives?

-A shiva for a dog? OK, I'll go with it - but how long is it supposed to last? Until the next full moon?

-LD not being able to decide what he wants for lunch - only someone who really loves food can relate. I would have gone with mexican though. Just sayin'.

-Tessler once did a Silver Spoons in less than 48 hours? WHY WOULD YOU EVER OVER WORK A BABY RICK SCHRODER!!!??? AND A BABY JASON BATEMAN??

Curb your political correctness...
-"Like a married relationship?"
-"Korean holiday! Tet day" - Great Larry, except it's Vietnamese. But would Susie know that? Eh, probably not.
-"What do you mean you went on a helicopter ride?" LOL Jeff, LOL.

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Curb 8.04 I'm sorry your dad died :)

Writer: Babydoll

Last week's masterpiece was followed up by this week's "meh" episode- by that I mean that there were no true ROFLOLMAO moments, nor were there lines that will go down in the history of television. There was on the other hand, a slew of LDisms (annoyance with smiley faces, the sorry window) and Harry Hamlin starring in a role other than Mr. Lisa Rinna (aka duck lips).

So let's see what went down this week on Curb Your Enthusiasm, shall we?


1. Larry starts dating the head hostess of a restaurant he enjoys going to. Jeff warns him to not shit where he eats - which leads the men to engage in grammatical bantar based on the word "shit". The premise is a bit weak - considering the fact that Larry doesn't see his relationship with this woman going anywhere. If he had gone to Leon before mackin' and yappin' with this broad, he'd still be eating at "Fraîche". Although, who wants to eat at a restaurant that just takes the word fresh and translates it into French? You're better off at Al Abbas Chicken, LD. You're better off.

2. Harry Hamlin shows up as the new guy in the building - he goes by the name "Dog" (of course he does) and does a show about sharks (of course he does...isn't Shark Week starting this week?). Dog asks for a cabinet and ends up taking hold of the entire kitchen, leaving LD's Kashi homeless. Sad times.

3. LD spends the whole episode complaining about smiley faces and how pointless they are. He's not buying the whole emoticon fad - finding it absurd, just like having to say sorry 2 years after someone's loved one has passed away. As per usual Larry has his own take on what social customs are indispensable and which ones are just pointless. LD's lack of "tact" on the whole death issue comes back to bite him though, as he finds himself stuck with a smiley face sun burn on his forehead at his assistant's fathers' funeral. The whole scenario is comical due to the irony of it all, but in a greek comedy kind of way. In my opinion, LD's "WTF this is hilarious!" moment in this whole episode wasn't revealed through his words but his actions. His face at the funeral when he sees Richard and Dr. Sorkin talking and his "swift moves" to exit the church? Insert Benny Hill theme here, please.

4. LD is lost without his assistant and finds her father's lack of responsiveness to a quick and efficient death to be quite annoying. Of course he does.

Babydoll's by the ways...

-Hamlin's appearance is douchie yet charming - the salt and pepper hair makes him look less soap-opera-y and more Entourage-y. On another note, his name is Dog and he handles Shark docu-shows. Were the writers going on an A&E and Discovery binge? A "reality show" binge?
-Speaking of Dog : never trust someone who laminates everything. Those people who spend hours at Staples looking at laminators? Psycho-anal retentives. Get the f**k away from those people as quick as possible because they will go through your shit in the fridge and laminate your milk with your name on it while you sleep.
-Susie's entrance at the end of the episode? Did she just come from a Whitesnake concert?
-That married couple that want LD and Jeff to come to dinner? The dude is from Mad Men and the chick plays a witch on True Blood. Didn't even need to IMDB the episode for that. Yes, I'm that good.
-LD eats Kashi? I don't know how I feel about that. It is a sad excuse for cereal but at that age it is important to stay healthy, so I guess it's a wash.

Curb your political correctness...

-"I have to masturbate before I come, it's a whole to-do"
-"NYT headlines : Unemployment drops :)"

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Geek Furious Podcast #2 - EXCLUSIVE!

In this episode of our epic podcast, Siskj and the Head Geek Furious talk about Chuck, Fringe, Falling Skies, Alphas, Harry Potter, Captain America, X-Men, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and much, much more. Also, some super duper insider exclusives are discussed including some Chuck and Fringe spoilers. We also talk about things we probably shouldn't have talked about relating to dangerously insidery info we have on your favorite actors.

We also discuss NerdHQ's superiority over SDCC and some of the issues related to that.

You can listen to the podcast by clicking on the player here (ADULT LANGUAGE):

Music used:

Sepultura - Desperate Cry

Fear Factory - Descent

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.03 - Palestinian Chicken

So...you would think I'd be totally bummed out watching an episode of Curb where there wasn't at least one scene with Leon walking around sportin' a doo-rag and swearing like a mother-f'in trucker. However, this episode was so rich in every single way imaginable that I didn't even realize that I had gone a full episode without hearing "you know what I'm sayin'?"

This week Curb was a doozy. Not only did it give us a quick picture of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict but it also delved deep into the Jewish identity - what does it really mean to be Jewish? Can you still consider yourself Jewish if your last orgasm can be traced back to a Palestinian shiksha? Don't ask me, cos I'm French Catholic, but according to Larry, or should I say, Leib son of Nat, the answer is yes.

Ok, with all of that out of the way, what really went down this week on The Jewish Shore ("Palestinian Chicken") ?

1. Larry and his friends have a golf tournament. The Funk hasn't been showing up to practice due to the fact that he went through a midife crisis and decided to rededicate his life to judaism, leading Larry to ask him "are you for real...when are you gonna come back down to earth?" Larry throughout the episode responds to Funk's rededication with a sort of scoff - his derision is not scornful but you can't help but notice he finds the whole transformation absurd. The moment when the Funk decides to say prayer before they eat is priceless, especially when he starts to bless the wine - LD decides to drink it before the prayer is spoken. It's one thing to make someone wait to eat his dinner, but it's another thing to make him wait before he starts hitting the liquor. In Larry's mind, not praying doesn't make you less Jewish, but praying does make your potatoes go cold.

2. Larry, son of Nat, has discovered his true vocation - as Jeff puts it, he's a "social assassin". If we've learned anything about LD over the last 8 seasons is that the man has moxy. If the man has something to say - he'll say it. So, his friend asks him to tell his wife to stop saying LOL (God Janice, even on another TV show you are capabe of annoying the crap out of people), and Sammy asks him to tell her mom to stop making that "starts off with a kiss that leads into a gasp" sound when she drinks. LD, "social assasin" handles these requests and as expected, the shit hits the fan. Sure, no one likes to be told they have an annoying habit, but what's funny is that the women both think that their husbands are behind the complaints. It's like THEY KNOW that someone is out to get them - and that someone usually shares a bed with them.

3. Finally, the best storyline in my opinion - El Abbas chicken. Larry and Jeff go try out this palestinian place that serves the best chicken ever, apparently. This chicken place becomes problematic when it decides to open another wing ('wing' - get it? Oh my, I am so funny!) right next door to Goldblatt's delicatessen. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is coming head to head - or more like parking lot to adjacent parking lot. Larry is unphased by the rooted rivalry for two reasons: one, the chicken is OUT OF THIS WORLD and two, there's a hot palestinian chick. Chicken and women - lethal combo. What will he choose? Move over Sophie, Larry has his choice to make.

Babydoll's "by the way"...
-Is it me or do all men after they've reached a certain age/career status gravitate towards khakis, polos, and freshly cut grass? What is it about golf, seriously? There's no women around (hardly), you can't drink while you play, and you have to walk A LOT. What's the fun in that?
-Maggie Wheeler, the woman we refer to as Janice ("Oh...my....god!") actually has a normal voice. I'm kind of disappointed. I used to imagine her as being legit nasal like Fran Drescher. I feel kind of cheated.
-Larry Miller is back after 10 Things I Hate About You (the movie AND the TV show, talk about pulling a "Cluless" am I right?). I strongly suggest that LD call up Wallace Shawn next.
-People NEED TO STOP SAYING "LOL". ROFLcopter is still acceptable.

Curb your political correctness
-"This would be a fantastic place for jews that are cheating on their spouses to come to"
-"Not only does this somebody not want you... doesn't even acknowledge your right to exist... wants your destruction... that's a turn on"
"I'm living under a mitzvahs... you have none of that"
-"I'm already committed to the rally on the other side of Goldblatt's at the german place"
-"What's not to like?" "Ehh..you're a jew" "EH!"
-"I look like I've got a kitty and we're making evil plans!"
- THE BOUQUET FINAL: "Fu** me you fu**ing jew... you zionist pig... you occupying fu**... I'm going to fu** the jew out of you... you want to fu** me like Israel fu**ed my country? Fu** me you jew bastard! You circumsized fu**!"
-"The penis doesn't care about race, creed, color...the penis wants to get to its' homeland...it wants to go home!"

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.02 - Always a Victim

Writer: Babydoll

This week on "Curb Your Enthusiasm", we learn that black people all look alike to white people until one moves into your home and starts eating your food and spending your money. We also learn that breast reduction is no laughing matter and that it possibly might be worse than the Tet Offensive. Finally, we learn that battered women are surprisingly sensitive and have developed some sort of "victimized" persona - who woulda thunk it, eh?

So in a nutshell, on this week's episode entitled "The Safe House", a couple of things go down:

1. Larry realizes that the women that he's pestered are battered women living in a safe house next to his. Being the generous guy that he is, he lets them use his washing machine even though some of them clearly didn't deserve it. One of these ladies is a bit "hefty" and Larry wonders how in god's name is it possible to bring her down? Seriously, chica looks like Rosie O'Donnell. No one messes with Rosie and gets away with it : ask Elizabeth Hasselbeck or Donald Trump.

2. Larry is asked to keep an eye on this guy's macbook while he goes outside for a minute. Larry, tired of waiting, asks a black guy to keep an eye on it. Madness ensues: the computer is taken by the black guy, Larry sees a black dude on a Macbook and assumes it's the same guy until he gets a closer look ("Computers all look the same!" he says to the guy... great save, Larry "the burlesque dermatologist"). Finally, the computer is returned to Larry so that it can go to it's rightful owner. Too bad for black guy number one who gets mistaken for Leon who is wrongfully accused of domestically abusing Larry by punching him in the face.

3. Richard's "aussie yet living in America too long that the accent's softened" burlesque dancer girlfriend decides to get her boobs reduced after having them checked out by a doctor because Larry said that he spotted a mole on one of them. Not a fantastic storyline but it's always nice to be reminded how much men really do love breasts.

Babydoll's "by the way":
-I can't put the name on the actor who's computer was stolen but I never realized just HOW MUCH dude looks like a chubby Michael Sheen.
-That battered lady who's dog shits on Larry's lawn is always on Funny or Die. She's a sketch-comedy actress I want to say? Speaking of that woman, she's a good actress cos I literally wanted to punch her lights out.
-That breast-cancer free burlesque dancer wouldn't have been as charming if she had been American. Oh, and Larry David should put on his calling-card "Breast Whisperer".
-On breast reduction: unless the pain is excrutiating and you're one bad bra away from looking like the hunchback of Notredame, think twice before downsizing from a super-sized meal to a happy meal, because people will get hurt, and your chances of getting laid will plummet faster than the greek economy.
-Pink Slipper Burlesque is a really shnazzy looking joint - the woman behind Larry and the boys looked like she had just come from Whole Foods after dropping her kids off at ballet and tap.
-My swearing capacity triples after every episode of Curb thanks to Leon.
-Leon comes in at the end of the episode with Chinese...which is exactly what he walked in with, a couple of seasons ago, as a sign that he was staying when the Black's moved out. BITCH KNOWS HER CURB... and is extremely attentive to detail.

Curb Your Political Correctness:
-"YOU GAVE IT TO A BLACK GUY? Why wouldn't you give it to a black person?"
-Leon: "I feel f***ing bad now, you trust that black mother f***er. I could have stolen from ya mother f***er now but I didn't...All that shit I f***in' know...your mom's maiden name, RATNER!"
-"Who turns f***ing blue? Black's don't f***ing blush!"

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.01 - Divorce Is Cool

Writer: Babydoll

LD is back and politically incorrect and socially inept as ever. If you’re like me and you’ve watched seasons 1 through 7, none of Larry’s behavior in this episode will make you say “what the fuuhhh?” and force yourself to wonder what show you’ve been watching for the past odd some years (I’m pointing my finger at you Weeds).

Last season ended with Larry and Cheryl watching the Seinfeld reunion and it seemed as if they too would be having their own reunion as the episode ended. Cut to Sunday night’s premiere entitled “The Divorce”. We start off where we left off: Cheryl wants to give Larry a second chance, showing her affection by leaning in for a kiss, which Larry is more than happy to engage in – until he sees the ring stain left by the Mocha Joe’s on the table. It’s a great callback to continuity due to the fact that in last season’s finale, a rift between Larry and Mocha Joe was an important subplot. Larry, being Larry, fixates and can’t let the ring stain go – especially since such a stain caused him to get into a fight with Julia (another callback to the season 7 finale). One minute into the new season and LD goes directly into what he does best – making a mountain out of a molehill. Cheryl tells him “it’s no big deal” and yet Larry can’t let it go and goes so far as to calling Julia so that Cheryl can tell her that she was the one that left the ring stain on her antique table. As the scene develops Cheryl loses her patience and regrets her decision. “Why would I come here? This is ridiculous, I’m not talking to Julia!” she says before leaving Larry’s. The yin-yang relationship that we’ve come to know, the divorce is on.

Only “Curb” could take the fragile and complicated subject of divorce and turn it into a farce on the ludicrous stereotypes society has adopted throughout the years. Larry hires his divorce lawyer on the sole basis that he has to be Jewish – because obviously you can’t handle a deferred compensation package or alimony if you didn’t have a bat/bar mitzvah or touch your mezuzah before you leave your home or office. Incidentally, his lawyer, whose last name is “Burg”, is not Jewish. Instead, he comes from the land of sauna’s and IKEA. When Larry finds out Burg is Swedish he erupts by saying “I GOT A SWEDE LAWYER? SHE’S GONNA GET EVERYTHING!” Oh Larry, you started the episode off by using the N word and now you’re offending the Scandinavian-Americans. You are nothing if not persistent in your inclusiveness. Thanks LD for adding the Scandinavians to the list of people we can hate!

After firing Burg, Larry gets himself a Jewish lawyer named Hiram Katz. LD is relieved – his divorce will be well handled due to the fact that his attorney knows what a shofar stands for (before this episode, I was like WTF is that horn besides something I’ve seen in LOTR?). He recommends this lawyer to the owner of the Dodgers, Joe O’Donnell, (WHAT UP GARY COLE?!) who was also “sweded” by Burg for his own divorce. Unfortunately, although Katz is kosher, he’s a total schmuck when it comes to his profession and loses the Dodgers for O’Donnell and the house for Larry (much to Leon’s dismay), breaking the stereotype that a Jew could do better than a non-Jew. Thank you Larry, because if I ever get divorced, I’ll know not to judge a lawyer by the Torah. SHALOM!

Larry and Joe’s divorces also leads to Marty “The funk” Funkhouser to seek a divorce from his wife. Divorce in this episode is regarded as the latest fad (and with a 50% divorce rate today, why shouldn’t it be?). The Funk is excited about his divorce, acting like me when I know I’m going to be eating McDonalds (NUGGETS! NUM NUM NUM!). Jeff, on the other hand, is bummed out – like he’s not part of the exclusive club. “Everyone’s getting a divorce except me,” he says. And considering what Susie said to him if he ever mentioned the “D” word to her (“I’m taking your balls and I’m thumb tacking them to the wall, you’ll get nothing out of it”), he better get used to the fact he won’t be a VIP in the “D” club.

Just as embarrassing as having your balls thumb tacked to the wall is having your first period in a stranger’s house - which brings me to the subplot: Larry David is the MAN when you’ve got your period and you don’t know what to do. Keira, O’Donnell’s daughter, comes to the David house to sell Larry cookies so that in return he can get Dodgers tickets. Unfortunately for young Keira, she gets her first period just as she’s about to make the sale. The whole scene that follows should be shown in health classes around the nation to add a little humor and de-dramatize the whole “getting your period” thing, which, as Larry points out “that’s no problem!” But the best of all is this gem of a line right here: “You had it in the right place, I’ve got this! I’ve got this!” Larry is albeit overly enthusiastic about helping out this young girl but at the same time, if there was any way to react, I believe Larry’s was the way to go: treating a first period like it’s your kid scoring a homerun at his little league game. Obviously, O’Donnell was less amused and refused to give Larry tickets. Larry, incapable of accepting that he’d done anything wrong, then refuses to buy the cookies, which brings me to my last point: Girl Scouts are ruthless, crazy bitches who will do anything to get their money. They’re the young, innocent, and suburban version of a pimp. I couldn’t help but think back to that great 1980s film Troop Beverly Hills starring Shelley Long.

Babydoll’s “by the way…”:
-What was this, a Best Week Ever reunion? Paul F. Tompkins AND Jennifer St. Clair? Being on “Curb” is a far cry away from Vh1 specials kids, well done.
-You never realize how much you miss a daily dose of Leon in your life until Leon comes back and hit you with one of his truth bombs or should I say ass bombs? This week: “You ran that ass in the ground and you movin’ on” and the ever so lovely, “get out there and get some new ass”.
-Katz “lawyering” the maître-d at the restaurant. When in doubt, always have a lawyer with you. Now I know that I can share my buffet with someone else – although, who would want to share their buffet? Ludicrous!
-The Good Wife, True Blood, Chuck…Gary Cole is popping up everywhere and I LOVE IT. He’s the television actor version of whack-a-mole, if whack-a-mole was about prairie dogs just popping up and not “whacking” their heads because they were so awesome.
-“Sweded” is a term that will go into my urban dictionary as the definition for “being fucked over by a gentile”

Curb your political correctness:
-When Larry opens the door for the Girl Scouts: “First of all, I commend you on the demographics – a black, and an Asian, and are you a Jew perchance?”
-Larry: “Guy turns up to me on a motorcycle guess who it turns out to be?” Jeff: “Portia De Rossi”. I would have gone with Ellen due to the fact she wouldn’t really have as much of a problem with helmet hair as Portia.
-Larry: “What is a Jew doing on a motorcycle?” – Jeff: “I don’t recall ever seeing a Jew on a motorcycle”. I now have a new road game to play called “Spot the Jew on the motorcycle”.

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