Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.05 - Pink Berry

Start spreading the news! I'm leaving today! Wait, no I'm leaving Saturday - actually, scrap that - I'm leaving in a couple of weeks for 6 weeks. Yep, it's here folks, the moment we've all been waiting for : WE FINALLY KNOW HOW/WHY LARRY IS GOING TO NEW YORK CITY! Now, here's to hoping that he sends for Leon or that Leon miraculously appears at his apartment bearing chinese food and a large soda.

So, let's get to it: what really happened with Larry this week?

1. The title of this week's episode is "The Vow of Silence" because - SHOCKER - someone (Vance) decided to take a vow of silence after recommendation from his spiritual advisor. First the Funk Man now this dude? What is it with all the spiritual awakening in Larry's entourage? Are they sad middle-aged women who only swear by Oprah and The Secret? Anyway, Vance ends up the catalyst in every storyline: he sees Larry eating the Pink Berry destined for Oscar, Susie's dead dog (RIP Oscar). He "mouthes" the truth to her - only to be threatened/lectured by Larry on tattling. Finally, he lets it all out when Larry leaves him a NSFW message on his car due to his "two-line" parking job. It wouldn't be Curb if LD didn't piss someone off thus propelling the domino effect.

2. Jeff and Susie are moving to NYC because Sammy has been accepted to the Julliard Summer Program (where all kids f**ked up by their psycho-smothering mothers go). They throw a party for their own going away (of course they do). LD spends the whole party trying to avoid Tessler (what up David St. Hubbins?) who wants to sign him up to do something for his do-good association that has something to do with the children? Anyway, Larry wants to get out of it and says he'll be in NYC when the event is held. Like any upstanding citizen, he lied. Too bad his lie backfired and ended up really sending him to New York.

3. The Chat and Cut - thank you LD for putting a name on an all too common tendency with people all over. Waiting in line sucks, everyone knows it. You've got to stay within the line - whether you're at Pink Berry or on a parking lot with your vehicle.

Babydoll's by the way...
-Susie's first outfit? The leopard print and the gold flower croissage? If Susie ever needs a job, she should just work on every single 80s remake Hollywood decides to revamp. Romy and Michele's 2nd High School Reunion anybody? She and Michael McKean could talk about making a feature film about Journey.

-Sightings: Hello Rich Sommer from Mad Men! Oh Harry Crane how I've missed you! If you weren't on Funny or Die talking about Sexual Positions or on my The Office reruns, the return for Mad Men would be harder than it actually is (fyi: impossible, I feel like crying). Oh and HEY Brett Gelman from The Other Guys fame and Funny Or Die (Mr. Celebrity). The Curb casting agents sure love their Mad Men and Funny or Die shorts!

-How much would you pay to go see Eat, Pray, Love? Stop advertizing the f**king film. Seriously, talking about how much you hate the idea of it is still talking about it. I haven't seen it - but talking about hating it doesn't make you more of a man. It just makes you look like a douche who talks about chick flicks.

-How MUCH do vets make? Are there different rates per animal? Size? Operation? Do they have their own union? Why aren't there TV shows about their sex lives?

-A shiva for a dog? OK, I'll go with it - but how long is it supposed to last? Until the next full moon?

-LD not being able to decide what he wants for lunch - only someone who really loves food can relate. I would have gone with mexican though. Just sayin'.

-Tessler once did a Silver Spoons in less than 48 hours? WHY WOULD YOU EVER OVER WORK A BABY RICK SCHRODER!!!??? AND A BABY JASON BATEMAN??

Curb your political correctness...
-"Like a married relationship?"
-"Korean holiday! Tet day" - Great Larry, except it's Vietnamese. But would Susie know that? Eh, probably not.
-"What do you mean you went on a helicopter ride?" LOL Jeff, LOL.

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Curb 8.04 I'm sorry your dad died :)

Writer: Babydoll

Last week's masterpiece was followed up by this week's "meh" episode- by that I mean that there were no true ROFLOLMAO moments, nor were there lines that will go down in the history of television. There was on the other hand, a slew of LDisms (annoyance with smiley faces, the sorry window) and Harry Hamlin starring in a role other than Mr. Lisa Rinna (aka duck lips).

So let's see what went down this week on Curb Your Enthusiasm, shall we?


1. Larry starts dating the head hostess of a restaurant he enjoys going to. Jeff warns him to not shit where he eats - which leads the men to engage in grammatical bantar based on the word "shit". The premise is a bit weak - considering the fact that Larry doesn't see his relationship with this woman going anywhere. If he had gone to Leon before mackin' and yappin' with this broad, he'd still be eating at "Fraîche". Although, who wants to eat at a restaurant that just takes the word fresh and translates it into French? You're better off at Al Abbas Chicken, LD. You're better off.

2. Harry Hamlin shows up as the new guy in the building - he goes by the name "Dog" (of course he does) and does a show about sharks (of course he does...isn't Shark Week starting this week?). Dog asks for a cabinet and ends up taking hold of the entire kitchen, leaving LD's Kashi homeless. Sad times.

3. LD spends the whole episode complaining about smiley faces and how pointless they are. He's not buying the whole emoticon fad - finding it absurd, just like having to say sorry 2 years after someone's loved one has passed away. As per usual Larry has his own take on what social customs are indispensable and which ones are just pointless. LD's lack of "tact" on the whole death issue comes back to bite him though, as he finds himself stuck with a smiley face sun burn on his forehead at his assistant's fathers' funeral. The whole scenario is comical due to the irony of it all, but in a greek comedy kind of way. In my opinion, LD's "WTF this is hilarious!" moment in this whole episode wasn't revealed through his words but his actions. His face at the funeral when he sees Richard and Dr. Sorkin talking and his "swift moves" to exit the church? Insert Benny Hill theme here, please.

4. LD is lost without his assistant and finds her father's lack of responsiveness to a quick and efficient death to be quite annoying. Of course he does.

Babydoll's by the ways...

-Hamlin's appearance is douchie yet charming - the salt and pepper hair makes him look less soap-opera-y and more Entourage-y. On another note, his name is Dog and he handles Shark docu-shows. Were the writers going on an A&E and Discovery binge? A "reality show" binge?
-Speaking of Dog : never trust someone who laminates everything. Those people who spend hours at Staples looking at laminators? Psycho-anal retentives. Get the f**k away from those people as quick as possible because they will go through your shit in the fridge and laminate your milk with your name on it while you sleep.
-Susie's entrance at the end of the episode? Did she just come from a Whitesnake concert?
-That married couple that want LD and Jeff to come to dinner? The dude is from Mad Men and the chick plays a witch on True Blood. Didn't even need to IMDB the episode for that. Yes, I'm that good.
-LD eats Kashi? I don't know how I feel about that. It is a sad excuse for cereal but at that age it is important to stay healthy, so I guess it's a wash.

Curb your political correctness...

-"I have to masturbate before I come, it's a whole to-do"
-"NYT headlines : Unemployment drops :)"

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.03 - Palestinian Chicken

So...you would think I'd be totally bummed out watching an episode of Curb where there wasn't at least one scene with Leon walking around sportin' a doo-rag and swearing like a mother-f'in trucker. However, this episode was so rich in every single way imaginable that I didn't even realize that I had gone a full episode without hearing "you know what I'm sayin'?"

This week Curb was a doozy. Not only did it give us a quick picture of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict but it also delved deep into the Jewish identity - what does it really mean to be Jewish? Can you still consider yourself Jewish if your last orgasm can be traced back to a Palestinian shiksha? Don't ask me, cos I'm French Catholic, but according to Larry, or should I say, Leib son of Nat, the answer is yes.

Ok, with all of that out of the way, what really went down this week on The Jewish Shore ("Palestinian Chicken") ?

1. Larry and his friends have a golf tournament. The Funk hasn't been showing up to practice due to the fact that he went through a midife crisis and decided to rededicate his life to judaism, leading Larry to ask him "are you for real...when are you gonna come back down to earth?" Larry throughout the episode responds to Funk's rededication with a sort of scoff - his derision is not scornful but you can't help but notice he finds the whole transformation absurd. The moment when the Funk decides to say prayer before they eat is priceless, especially when he starts to bless the wine - LD decides to drink it before the prayer is spoken. It's one thing to make someone wait to eat his dinner, but it's another thing to make him wait before he starts hitting the liquor. In Larry's mind, not praying doesn't make you less Jewish, but praying does make your potatoes go cold.

2. Larry, son of Nat, has discovered his true vocation - as Jeff puts it, he's a "social assassin". If we've learned anything about LD over the last 8 seasons is that the man has moxy. If the man has something to say - he'll say it. So, his friend asks him to tell his wife to stop saying LOL (God Janice, even on another TV show you are capabe of annoying the crap out of people), and Sammy asks him to tell her mom to stop making that "starts off with a kiss that leads into a gasp" sound when she drinks. LD, "social assasin" handles these requests and as expected, the shit hits the fan. Sure, no one likes to be told they have an annoying habit, but what's funny is that the women both think that their husbands are behind the complaints. It's like THEY KNOW that someone is out to get them - and that someone usually shares a bed with them.

3. Finally, the best storyline in my opinion - El Abbas chicken. Larry and Jeff go try out this palestinian place that serves the best chicken ever, apparently. This chicken place becomes problematic when it decides to open another wing ('wing' - get it? Oh my, I am so funny!) right next door to Goldblatt's delicatessen. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is coming head to head - or more like parking lot to adjacent parking lot. Larry is unphased by the rooted rivalry for two reasons: one, the chicken is OUT OF THIS WORLD and two, there's a hot palestinian chick. Chicken and women - lethal combo. What will he choose? Move over Sophie, Larry has his choice to make.

Babydoll's "by the way"...
-Is it me or do all men after they've reached a certain age/career status gravitate towards khakis, polos, and freshly cut grass? What is it about golf, seriously? There's no women around (hardly), you can't drink while you play, and you have to walk A LOT. What's the fun in that?
-Maggie Wheeler, the woman we refer to as Janice ("Oh...my....god!") actually has a normal voice. I'm kind of disappointed. I used to imagine her as being legit nasal like Fran Drescher. I feel kind of cheated.
-Larry Miller is back after 10 Things I Hate About You (the movie AND the TV show, talk about pulling a "Cluless" am I right?). I strongly suggest that LD call up Wallace Shawn next.
-People NEED TO STOP SAYING "LOL". ROFLcopter is still acceptable.

Curb your political correctness
-"This would be a fantastic place for jews that are cheating on their spouses to come to"
-"Not only does this somebody not want you... doesn't even acknowledge your right to exist... wants your destruction... that's a turn on"
"I'm living under a mitzvahs... you have none of that"
-"I'm already committed to the rally on the other side of Goldblatt's at the german place"
-"What's not to like?" "Ehh..you're a jew" "EH!"
-"I look like I've got a kitty and we're making evil plans!"
- THE BOUQUET FINAL: "Fu** me you fu**ing jew... you zionist pig... you occupying fu**... I'm going to fu** the jew out of you... you want to fu** me like Israel fu**ed my country? Fu** me you jew bastard! You circumsized fu**!"
-"The penis doesn't care about race, creed, color...the penis wants to get to its' homeland...it wants to go home!"

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.02 - Always a Victim

Writer: Babydoll

This week on "Curb Your Enthusiasm", we learn that black people all look alike to white people until one moves into your home and starts eating your food and spending your money. We also learn that breast reduction is no laughing matter and that it possibly might be worse than the Tet Offensive. Finally, we learn that battered women are surprisingly sensitive and have developed some sort of "victimized" persona - who woulda thunk it, eh?

So in a nutshell, on this week's episode entitled "The Safe House", a couple of things go down:

1. Larry realizes that the women that he's pestered are battered women living in a safe house next to his. Being the generous guy that he is, he lets them use his washing machine even though some of them clearly didn't deserve it. One of these ladies is a bit "hefty" and Larry wonders how in god's name is it possible to bring her down? Seriously, chica looks like Rosie O'Donnell. No one messes with Rosie and gets away with it : ask Elizabeth Hasselbeck or Donald Trump.

2. Larry is asked to keep an eye on this guy's macbook while he goes outside for a minute. Larry, tired of waiting, asks a black guy to keep an eye on it. Madness ensues: the computer is taken by the black guy, Larry sees a black dude on a Macbook and assumes it's the same guy until he gets a closer look ("Computers all look the same!" he says to the guy... great save, Larry "the burlesque dermatologist"). Finally, the computer is returned to Larry so that it can go to it's rightful owner. Too bad for black guy number one who gets mistaken for Leon who is wrongfully accused of domestically abusing Larry by punching him in the face.

3. Richard's "aussie yet living in America too long that the accent's softened" burlesque dancer girlfriend decides to get her boobs reduced after having them checked out by a doctor because Larry said that he spotted a mole on one of them. Not a fantastic storyline but it's always nice to be reminded how much men really do love breasts.

Babydoll's "by the way":
-I can't put the name on the actor who's computer was stolen but I never realized just HOW MUCH dude looks like a chubby Michael Sheen.
-That battered lady who's dog shits on Larry's lawn is always on Funny or Die. She's a sketch-comedy actress I want to say? Speaking of that woman, she's a good actress cos I literally wanted to punch her lights out.
-That breast-cancer free burlesque dancer wouldn't have been as charming if she had been American. Oh, and Larry David should put on his calling-card "Breast Whisperer".
-On breast reduction: unless the pain is excrutiating and you're one bad bra away from looking like the hunchback of Notredame, think twice before downsizing from a super-sized meal to a happy meal, because people will get hurt, and your chances of getting laid will plummet faster than the greek economy.
-Pink Slipper Burlesque is a really shnazzy looking joint - the woman behind Larry and the boys looked like she had just come from Whole Foods after dropping her kids off at ballet and tap.
-My swearing capacity triples after every episode of Curb thanks to Leon.
-Leon comes in at the end of the episode with Chinese...which is exactly what he walked in with, a couple of seasons ago, as a sign that he was staying when the Black's moved out. BITCH KNOWS HER CURB... and is extremely attentive to detail.

Curb Your Political Correctness:
-"YOU GAVE IT TO A BLACK GUY? Why wouldn't you give it to a black person?"
-Leon: "I feel f***ing bad now, you trust that black mother f***er. I could have stolen from ya mother f***er now but I didn't...All that shit I f***in' know...your mom's maiden name, RATNER!"
-"Who turns f***ing blue? Black's don't f***ing blush!"

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.01 - Divorce Is Cool

Writer: Babydoll

LD is back and politically incorrect and socially inept as ever. If you’re like me and you’ve watched seasons 1 through 7, none of Larry’s behavior in this episode will make you say “what the fuuhhh?” and force yourself to wonder what show you’ve been watching for the past odd some years (I’m pointing my finger at you Weeds).

Last season ended with Larry and Cheryl watching the Seinfeld reunion and it seemed as if they too would be having their own reunion as the episode ended. Cut to Sunday night’s premiere entitled “The Divorce”. We start off where we left off: Cheryl wants to give Larry a second chance, showing her affection by leaning in for a kiss, which Larry is more than happy to engage in – until he sees the ring stain left by the Mocha Joe’s on the table. It’s a great callback to continuity due to the fact that in last season’s finale, a rift between Larry and Mocha Joe was an important subplot. Larry, being Larry, fixates and can’t let the ring stain go – especially since such a stain caused him to get into a fight with Julia (another callback to the season 7 finale). One minute into the new season and LD goes directly into what he does best – making a mountain out of a molehill. Cheryl tells him “it’s no big deal” and yet Larry can’t let it go and goes so far as to calling Julia so that Cheryl can tell her that she was the one that left the ring stain on her antique table. As the scene develops Cheryl loses her patience and regrets her decision. “Why would I come here? This is ridiculous, I’m not talking to Julia!” she says before leaving Larry’s. The yin-yang relationship that we’ve come to know, the divorce is on.

Only “Curb” could take the fragile and complicated subject of divorce and turn it into a farce on the ludicrous stereotypes society has adopted throughout the years. Larry hires his divorce lawyer on the sole basis that he has to be Jewish – because obviously you can’t handle a deferred compensation package or alimony if you didn’t have a bat/bar mitzvah or touch your mezuzah before you leave your home or office. Incidentally, his lawyer, whose last name is “Burg”, is not Jewish. Instead, he comes from the land of sauna’s and IKEA. When Larry finds out Burg is Swedish he erupts by saying “I GOT A SWEDE LAWYER? SHE’S GONNA GET EVERYTHING!” Oh Larry, you started the episode off by using the N word and now you’re offending the Scandinavian-Americans. You are nothing if not persistent in your inclusiveness. Thanks LD for adding the Scandinavians to the list of people we can hate!

After firing Burg, Larry gets himself a Jewish lawyer named Hiram Katz. LD is relieved – his divorce will be well handled due to the fact that his attorney knows what a shofar stands for (before this episode, I was like WTF is that horn besides something I’ve seen in LOTR?). He recommends this lawyer to the owner of the Dodgers, Joe O’Donnell, (WHAT UP GARY COLE?!) who was also “sweded” by Burg for his own divorce. Unfortunately, although Katz is kosher, he’s a total schmuck when it comes to his profession and loses the Dodgers for O’Donnell and the house for Larry (much to Leon’s dismay), breaking the stereotype that a Jew could do better than a non-Jew. Thank you Larry, because if I ever get divorced, I’ll know not to judge a lawyer by the Torah. SHALOM!

Larry and Joe’s divorces also leads to Marty “The funk” Funkhouser to seek a divorce from his wife. Divorce in this episode is regarded as the latest fad (and with a 50% divorce rate today, why shouldn’t it be?). The Funk is excited about his divorce, acting like me when I know I’m going to be eating McDonalds (NUGGETS! NUM NUM NUM!). Jeff, on the other hand, is bummed out – like he’s not part of the exclusive club. “Everyone’s getting a divorce except me,” he says. And considering what Susie said to him if he ever mentioned the “D” word to her (“I’m taking your balls and I’m thumb tacking them to the wall, you’ll get nothing out of it”), he better get used to the fact he won’t be a VIP in the “D” club.

Just as embarrassing as having your balls thumb tacked to the wall is having your first period in a stranger’s house - which brings me to the subplot: Larry David is the MAN when you’ve got your period and you don’t know what to do. Keira, O’Donnell’s daughter, comes to the David house to sell Larry cookies so that in return he can get Dodgers tickets. Unfortunately for young Keira, she gets her first period just as she’s about to make the sale. The whole scene that follows should be shown in health classes around the nation to add a little humor and de-dramatize the whole “getting your period” thing, which, as Larry points out “that’s no problem!” But the best of all is this gem of a line right here: “You had it in the right place, I’ve got this! I’ve got this!” Larry is albeit overly enthusiastic about helping out this young girl but at the same time, if there was any way to react, I believe Larry’s was the way to go: treating a first period like it’s your kid scoring a homerun at his little league game. Obviously, O’Donnell was less amused and refused to give Larry tickets. Larry, incapable of accepting that he’d done anything wrong, then refuses to buy the cookies, which brings me to my last point: Girl Scouts are ruthless, crazy bitches who will do anything to get their money. They’re the young, innocent, and suburban version of a pimp. I couldn’t help but think back to that great 1980s film Troop Beverly Hills starring Shelley Long.

Babydoll’s “by the way…”:
-What was this, a Best Week Ever reunion? Paul F. Tompkins AND Jennifer St. Clair? Being on “Curb” is a far cry away from Vh1 specials kids, well done.
-You never realize how much you miss a daily dose of Leon in your life until Leon comes back and hit you with one of his truth bombs or should I say ass bombs? This week: “You ran that ass in the ground and you movin’ on” and the ever so lovely, “get out there and get some new ass”.
-Katz “lawyering” the maître-d at the restaurant. When in doubt, always have a lawyer with you. Now I know that I can share my buffet with someone else – although, who would want to share their buffet? Ludicrous!
-The Good Wife, True Blood, Chuck…Gary Cole is popping up everywhere and I LOVE IT. He’s the television actor version of whack-a-mole, if whack-a-mole was about prairie dogs just popping up and not “whacking” their heads because they were so awesome.
-“Sweded” is a term that will go into my urban dictionary as the definition for “being fucked over by a gentile”

Curb your political correctness:
-When Larry opens the door for the Girl Scouts: “First of all, I commend you on the demographics – a black, and an Asian, and are you a Jew perchance?”
-Larry: “Guy turns up to me on a motorcycle guess who it turns out to be?” Jeff: “Portia De Rossi”. I would have gone with Ellen due to the fact she wouldn’t really have as much of a problem with helmet hair as Portia.
-Larry: “What is a Jew doing on a motorcycle?” – Jeff: “I don’t recall ever seeing a Jew on a motorcycle”. I now have a new road game to play called “Spot the Jew on the motorcycle”.

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