How I Met Your Mother 7.19 -- The Broath

While 'How I Met Your Mother' is a beloved and popular show, it's also a show that even its biggest fans get furious about.

The obvious being that the creators of the show are sadists who want to torture us by never telling us who the mother is. Whatever. I'm starting to get over this. I swear.

But we overlook that because there are so many other things about this show we love, like...

--The Bro Code
--The Intervention banner (cue Marshall clearing his throat and me saying "Quintervention")
--Barney's fake history flashbacks
--The classic HIMYM storytelling structure
--Slaps and high-fives (it wasn't part of the slap bet, but still awesome)
--"Legen-wait-for-it-DARY!"
--The occasional, but powerful emotional moments (in this case, Barney getting emotional and then getting slapped before the fake break-up and when Robin told Ted she missed his friendship)
--The tease of a future story, which is sometimes a good thing (Ted telling his future kids that him and Robin wouldn't see each other for a long time. Looking forward to seeing how/why that plays out.)
--Jokes repeating throughout the episode (adding Quinn as a prefix and the Marshall/Lily storyline. The latter I thought got annoying.)

...And what do you know? "The Broath" featured all of those in my favorite 22 minutes of the season.


NOTABLE QUOTABLES:

MARSHALL: "Lily, you snooped through her stuff?"
LILY: "No, it's like the first thing you see when you jimmy-open her desk drawer with the letter opener her grandfather left her according to her diary."

LILY: "Don't say that whore's name in front of our baby."

BARNEY: "Are you aware that breaking a broath can have deadly, even fatal repercussions. Have you studied history, Ted?"
TED: "Extensively. But I'm a little shaky on fake history, so..."

BARNEY: "And then he banged like 100 chicks and invented a salad. True story."

BARNEY: "And now to seal this sacred vow, the two ladies will kiss."

RANDOM COLLEGE DUDES: "I think you're stories are way too long. I feel bad for his future kids."


RANDOM OBSERVATIONS:

--I wonder how much money Ted's two kids make to just sit on the couch and look annoyed. What a gig.

--I'm disappointed that Barney didn't say "Brobe Up!" when he asked Ted to put the "brobe" on.

--Where did he get three extra brobes on such short notice?

--There have been suggestions here and there for a long time that Lily wanted to kiss Robin. We now have evidence that this was precisely the case.

--If the bride isn't Quinn at Barney's wedding at the end of the season, I'm going to be insanely furious. I don't know what I'm going to do, but the repercussions will be deadly, even fatal.

THE SCORE: 92 out of 100

One thing people tend to hate about this show is all the deception and misdirection. For example, the episode earlier this season when Robin was talking to her future kids that we find out at the end didn't really exist.

But this episode was so good, that the misdirection in it (the break-up that turned out to be fake) was actually a positive that made the episode even better.

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Wonder Woman Pilot: Tit Marketing

Writer: Multipass

Wonder Woman gets upset when you don't ask permission to market her tits!

I got my hands on the "Wonder Woman" unaired pilot episode last week. The show was planning on being picked up by NBC in the fall, and they supposedly spent millions and millions of dollars on it. They even shut down the massively busy intersection at Hollywood and Highland in downtown Hollywood to shoot an action sequence. But despite all that, NBC definitely made the right decision not to pick this show up for the fall season.

The entire episode has this strange feeling to it. The only way to describe it is that I felt like I had taken two benadryl before I watched it. And I didn't understand most of the decisions that were made concerning the structure of the story. Wonder Woman is the public superhero persona of Diana Greeklastname. Diana Greeksomething is basically a poor man's Tony Stark. She has maybe half his charisma and almost none of his sense of humor. Like Stark/Ironman, she is a bazillionaire who owns a corporation, and everyone knows she is Wonder Woman. But the writers also give Diana GreekyGreek another alias, as Diana Prince, a lonely boring girl with no friends only a cat, who wears glasses and her hair in a ponytail. This ENTIRE alter ego is to show us that she is secretly sad and lonely.

Um okay, not sure why she needs this alter ego, considering she has friends and had a relationship as Diana Greekopolis, and her ex knew and knows she is a hero...so what is the issue? Oh right, the issue with them is she is afraid that he will get hurt by being close to her. She and Smallville should have a mopey idiot contest. (He would win)

Our first introduction to Wonder Woman is pretty lame. The chase wasn't that exciting, she looks like a girl in a costume running down Hollywood Blvd. After she catches the baddie, we find out Wonder Woman apparently works kind of with the government and police, but not really, or something. I really wasn't clear about how that dynamic worked, but they seemed to refer to it a lot. I also didn't understand why Wonder Woman was running around breaking people's arms, syringing them in the neck, and killing them. I mean...Wonder Woman isn't some dark tortured hero...she's a Justice League member! I really don't think Superman and the gang would be cool with this, and I'm not either. Basically she gets away with murder as long as everything works out. That's not very superhero-y.

I had a few doubts about the casting. The actress who played Wonder Woman/Diana Greekanakis/Diana Prince seems to have some SERIOUS trouble looking angry. But she did look wonderful in the starry underoos, which work SO MUCH BETTER than those dumb pants. I did enjoy seeing Cary Elwes because...well who doesn't? I also thought Elizabeth Hurley did a wonderful job with a very weak villain. The villain story wasn't very compelling, but she really chewed up the scenery and was really the only actor who seemed to be enjoying herself.

I think what NBC should have pushed for, right from the beginning, was a lot more tongue and cheek humor, a lot more ass kicking, and a much clearer story. The pilot just didn't feel like the show was going anywhere new. Too bad WB shelved their potential Wonder Woman feature for this project, and now have nothing to show us of one of DC Comics' most recognizable heroes.

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Falling Skies - Free-fallin' with Episodes 3, 4, 5, and 6

Ever since I watched the premiere night (consisting of two episodes) this show has been collecting dust on my DVR. I had intended on watching the episodes sooner but just didn't feel all that motivated. I finally decided to dive into it again and here are some impressions:

• Episode 3 is mostly full of dumb 
• From how the rebel fighters are initially discovered on the roof (blondie carelessly knocks over a brick)
• To the pathetic writing and acting that has a guy freak out and risk everyone's life to get his son (nothing believable about that moment)
• To virtually every conversation in the episode 
• It isn't even worth talking about beyond pointing out how it feels like it was written, directed, and acted by amateurs

• Episode 4, continuing where we left off, has the captured Han Sawyer, who was made into the rebellion cook in the previous episode, now join our lame heroes on some mission to do something
• At least Han Sawyer gets a half decent line when he is told he won't be allowed to go on the mission armed, "Unarmed? What am I Canadian?"
• Two-bag blond has some conversation with annoying captain about not being trusted. On BSG this could have been a powerful moment. On this show, it is 12 levels below BSG but 47 levels above the writing and acting on V so...
•  There is a strange audio anomaly when Dr. Carter says "If I wanted any parenting advice from an ex con..." that makes him sound like one of the aliens from the original V miniseries
• I am mostly bored and consider deleting the show from my DVR but stick with it since Han Sawyer has to have something funny to say that will make all of this lameness worth it
• A Harry Potter joke from Han Sawyer that is actually kind of funny "So what were you? Blood? Crips? Slytherin?"
• Dr. Carter's kid has a hair style that gets under my skin for some reason
• I just figured out why. . . I had that style 20 years ago
• This captured alien subplot makes me want to punch a baby
• "Guess what? I just made you the communications officer." I really like this actor and character (cool voice guy)
• The sleeping alien orgy scene has to be one of the funniest things I have seen all week, and I watched a lot of comedies this week
• Cute praying chick is a babe and should take over for now disappeared blond chick
• "It's Dai, right? What do they call you for short?" Oh Han Sawyer you rascal
• The interrogation scene between daddy dumb-dumb and the alien has some actual tension for like 10 seconds and then goes SVU creepy and goofy when he puts a gun in the aliens mouth
• It's super smart to leave the kid, the mind controlling device, and the alien in the same room
• The Children of the Corn are terrible shots, so they must be future stormtroopers
• A whole discussion about Harry Potter? What demographic are they aiming at here?
  
• Episode 5 starts with the acquisition of the drugs mentioned at some point in the previous episode and the continued babbling on and on about getting Dr. Carter's son, Obi-Wan, back
• It is kind of cool that the "best man" for figuring out an early warning system for the aliens is a little kid and that I almost believe it to be possible
• 80s hair seems to have gotten over the cute blond quickly and already getting shooting advice from two-bag blond . . . what a guy
• Any idiot could have seen that the alien was going to grab a hold of that dude from WINGS and yet a genius lets himself get brain raped?
• Thankfully cute praying chick is in a scene so I don't delete the show from my DVR just yet
• 80s hair comes up with the Shuttle Tydirium infiltration plan
• Good looking for an old woman doctor murders an alien . . . and then acting talent
• 80s hair has to act all stiff like as he fakes his way into a hospital; this must be the actor's Emmy submission episode
• Mama ET can't help but stroke his 80s hair as she sleeps, revealing that these aliens are both stupid and have no taste
• Once they save all the kids and do some stuff, one kid dies and I don't care but at least the cute praying chick is there so it almost makes it worth watching
• The writers try for emotional character moments at the end to make us care more and ignore the fact that the episode plot was terrible and it works on some level, especially if you are a major sucker for drawn out (cheesy) drama
  
• Episode 6 and I am still watching because I recorded it and I like to finish what I start
• So they saved Obi-Wan and some other kids from the mind controlling alien stuff
• Cute praying chick is briefly in the opening of the episode which is good
• Run away family dad drops his weapon on the ground and no one picks it up? Who in this reality would leave a perfectly good weapon behind?
• Some new military leader type shows up after losing his unit and has a new battle order regarding an imminent attack from the aliens
• The scene between Obi-Wan and the little radio expert is sweet and introduces an interesting detail about how the aliens were like family to their brainwashed human children
• Two-bag blond and good looking old chick shooting is a scene in this episode
• Did I mention already that this show is better than V?
• I didn't think much of V
• I do like this scene where the kid and the dude in the bus get attacked by the mech and the subsequent fight inside the school
• If only the show did more things like showing how kids, who should be playing video games or skateboarding, have to become warriors, I would probably become more invested
• The actor who plays Obi-Wan has a weird American accent . . . he sounds like he is from Ontario and it is ruining my suspension of disbelief
• The end of the episode has a buildup that makes one want to tune in to see what happens next but will I?

My ratings:

Episode 3 - D+

Episode 4 - C-

Episode 5 - C+

Episode 6 - B

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Curb Your Enthusiasm 8.01 - Divorce Is Cool

Writer: Babydoll

LD is back and politically incorrect and socially inept as ever. If you’re like me and you’ve watched seasons 1 through 7, none of Larry’s behavior in this episode will make you say “what the fuuhhh?” and force yourself to wonder what show you’ve been watching for the past odd some years (I’m pointing my finger at you Weeds).

Last season ended with Larry and Cheryl watching the Seinfeld reunion and it seemed as if they too would be having their own reunion as the episode ended. Cut to Sunday night’s premiere entitled “The Divorce”. We start off where we left off: Cheryl wants to give Larry a second chance, showing her affection by leaning in for a kiss, which Larry is more than happy to engage in – until he sees the ring stain left by the Mocha Joe’s on the table. It’s a great callback to continuity due to the fact that in last season’s finale, a rift between Larry and Mocha Joe was an important subplot. Larry, being Larry, fixates and can’t let the ring stain go – especially since such a stain caused him to get into a fight with Julia (another callback to the season 7 finale). One minute into the new season and LD goes directly into what he does best – making a mountain out of a molehill. Cheryl tells him “it’s no big deal” and yet Larry can’t let it go and goes so far as to calling Julia so that Cheryl can tell her that she was the one that left the ring stain on her antique table. As the scene develops Cheryl loses her patience and regrets her decision. “Why would I come here? This is ridiculous, I’m not talking to Julia!” she says before leaving Larry’s. The yin-yang relationship that we’ve come to know, the divorce is on.

Only “Curb” could take the fragile and complicated subject of divorce and turn it into a farce on the ludicrous stereotypes society has adopted throughout the years. Larry hires his divorce lawyer on the sole basis that he has to be Jewish – because obviously you can’t handle a deferred compensation package or alimony if you didn’t have a bat/bar mitzvah or touch your mezuzah before you leave your home or office. Incidentally, his lawyer, whose last name is “Burg”, is not Jewish. Instead, he comes from the land of sauna’s and IKEA. When Larry finds out Burg is Swedish he erupts by saying “I GOT A SWEDE LAWYER? SHE’S GONNA GET EVERYTHING!” Oh Larry, you started the episode off by using the N word and now you’re offending the Scandinavian-Americans. You are nothing if not persistent in your inclusiveness. Thanks LD for adding the Scandinavians to the list of people we can hate!

After firing Burg, Larry gets himself a Jewish lawyer named Hiram Katz. LD is relieved – his divorce will be well handled due to the fact that his attorney knows what a shofar stands for (before this episode, I was like WTF is that horn besides something I’ve seen in LOTR?). He recommends this lawyer to the owner of the Dodgers, Joe O’Donnell, (WHAT UP GARY COLE?!) who was also “sweded” by Burg for his own divorce. Unfortunately, although Katz is kosher, he’s a total schmuck when it comes to his profession and loses the Dodgers for O’Donnell and the house for Larry (much to Leon’s dismay), breaking the stereotype that a Jew could do better than a non-Jew. Thank you Larry, because if I ever get divorced, I’ll know not to judge a lawyer by the Torah. SHALOM!

Larry and Joe’s divorces also leads to Marty “The funk” Funkhouser to seek a divorce from his wife. Divorce in this episode is regarded as the latest fad (and with a 50% divorce rate today, why shouldn’t it be?). The Funk is excited about his divorce, acting like me when I know I’m going to be eating McDonalds (NUGGETS! NUM NUM NUM!). Jeff, on the other hand, is bummed out – like he’s not part of the exclusive club. “Everyone’s getting a divorce except me,” he says. And considering what Susie said to him if he ever mentioned the “D” word to her (“I’m taking your balls and I’m thumb tacking them to the wall, you’ll get nothing out of it”), he better get used to the fact he won’t be a VIP in the “D” club.

Just as embarrassing as having your balls thumb tacked to the wall is having your first period in a stranger’s house - which brings me to the subplot: Larry David is the MAN when you’ve got your period and you don’t know what to do. Keira, O’Donnell’s daughter, comes to the David house to sell Larry cookies so that in return he can get Dodgers tickets. Unfortunately for young Keira, she gets her first period just as she’s about to make the sale. The whole scene that follows should be shown in health classes around the nation to add a little humor and de-dramatize the whole “getting your period” thing, which, as Larry points out “that’s no problem!” But the best of all is this gem of a line right here: “You had it in the right place, I’ve got this! I’ve got this!” Larry is albeit overly enthusiastic about helping out this young girl but at the same time, if there was any way to react, I believe Larry’s was the way to go: treating a first period like it’s your kid scoring a homerun at his little league game. Obviously, O’Donnell was less amused and refused to give Larry tickets. Larry, incapable of accepting that he’d done anything wrong, then refuses to buy the cookies, which brings me to my last point: Girl Scouts are ruthless, crazy bitches who will do anything to get their money. They’re the young, innocent, and suburban version of a pimp. I couldn’t help but think back to that great 1980s film Troop Beverly Hills starring Shelley Long.

Babydoll’s “by the way…”:
-What was this, a Best Week Ever reunion? Paul F. Tompkins AND Jennifer St. Clair? Being on “Curb” is a far cry away from Vh1 specials kids, well done.
-You never realize how much you miss a daily dose of Leon in your life until Leon comes back and hit you with one of his truth bombs or should I say ass bombs? This week: “You ran that ass in the ground and you movin’ on” and the ever so lovely, “get out there and get some new ass”.
-Katz “lawyering” the maître-d at the restaurant. When in doubt, always have a lawyer with you. Now I know that I can share my buffet with someone else – although, who would want to share their buffet? Ludicrous!
-The Good Wife, True Blood, Chuck…Gary Cole is popping up everywhere and I LOVE IT. He’s the television actor version of whack-a-mole, if whack-a-mole was about prairie dogs just popping up and not “whacking” their heads because they were so awesome.
-“Sweded” is a term that will go into my urban dictionary as the definition for “being fucked over by a gentile”

Curb your political correctness:
-When Larry opens the door for the Girl Scouts: “First of all, I commend you on the demographics – a black, and an Asian, and are you a Jew perchance?”
-Larry: “Guy turns up to me on a motorcycle guess who it turns out to be?” Jeff: “Portia De Rossi”. I would have gone with Ellen due to the fact she wouldn’t really have as much of a problem with helmet hair as Portia.
-Larry: “What is a Jew doing on a motorcycle?” – Jeff: “I don’t recall ever seeing a Jew on a motorcycle”. I now have a new road game to play called “Spot the Jew on the motorcycle”.

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