CHUCK Vs. the Frosted Tips - 5.03: the Intersect Problem

First of all, right click on this link and SAVE! We recorded a podcast about the last two episodes plus Chuckfest3. You should check it out when you have time... but download it now. Don't hesitate! Even if you have no plans to listen. It's not that big of a file and you will thank me later. Or curse me out. Maybe somewhere in-between.

So the third episode in the season that starts with the number five was a full-blast character funathon that reminded me why I still love this show so much. We got fun Casey and Sarah interaction; Casey and Morgan; Casey and Gertrude; Casey and Alex; pretty much Casey getting a lot to do and Adam Baldwin had a lot of fun with it.

When we last left our bunch of elite spies, we the audience had just discovered that Morgan was a traitor, having sold himself, the Intersect, to the competition. As the episode opens, we see that Sarah and Casey are on a mission of some sort and it involves Gertrude. There is some fun back and forth between Casey and Sarah, especially as Sarah tries to direct him in how to ask his mark out.

Let me just declare that Carrie-Anne Moss is great on the show. She has totally blown me away. I have never been a particular fan of anything she has done (though, that may be more about the characters than her, I don't know) but she has grabbed a hold of this part and made it her own. I totally buy into her character and how she fits into this world. Plus, Baldwin and Moss have great chemistry and I can't wait for more scenes between them.

Meanwhile, Chuck and Morgan have a secret meeting in a garage and it turns out to be General Beckman! Here we get some hilarity as Morgan greets her from the car.

General Beckman: I'm outsourcing to your team to circumvent the leak. My only condition is that no one breathes my name in relation to the mission.
Morgan: (beeping the horn and yelling) Yo, Becky! What up, baby girl?
General Beckman: (to Chuck) I told you to come alone!
Morgan: You're doing pilates, huh? You are. Don't say you're not. You are.
General Beckman: What the hell is wrong with him?!
Chuck: So many things.

The next scene has Chuck running into Alex, Morgan's once dearest love and the daughter of the man who could have snapped the bearded one in half just three episodes ago. She is upset because Morgan is no longer being the awesome boyfriend he once was and asks for Chuck's help. Mekenna Melvin is kind of adorable in this scene and I am totally falling in love. Granted, that may just be the residual Chuckfest3 splash-over where she was super adorable and I totally fell in love. Whatever the case, I'm in love and Morgan's a dick. More Mekenna, please!

Back to the spy world where Casey, having placed a hidden camera on Verbanksi, along with Chuck and Sarah spy on Gertrude's meeting where they discover that Morgan is a traitor! And when he is confronted about it, he doesn't show much remorse.

Morgan: You had the greatest weapon on the planet and you chose not to use me! That's on you!
Sarah: So you went and told Verbanski about the Intersect?
Chuck: Morgan we were just trying to protect you, that's all. Don't do this.
Morgan: It's already done. Okay, Chuck? It's too late.

When Casey tries to stop him, Morgan subtly threatens him. Casey responds by telling him that he won't let his daughter date a traitor. Morgan responds dickishly.

Morgan: Right, right, right. Your daughter. Your daughter. Sure, excuse me. Let me take care of that right now. (pulls out his cell phone) Sweet little Ali.
Casey: Alex!
Morgan: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, whatever. There you go. (Morgan holds up his cell phone) A'ight?
Casey: You text message break-up with my little girl?
Morgan: Yeah. Well, I can do better.

There is also a side story in here about Captain Awesome taking care of the cutest baby actor ever! Well, it is actually about how bored he is taking care of his kid. The guy who needs constant action can't just chill with the cutest baby ever! Just want to eat her up! Numnumnumnumnumnum!

But I digress.

Chuck starts to try to figure out what is going on with Morgan and comes to the conclusion that what he needs is for something embarrassing to happen to him to snap him out of his douchery, recalling a story of a behavioral change when they were kids when Morgan first grew a mustache. There is some fun bit of dialogue here that you should probably experience while watching the episode. But the team discovers that Morgan has stolen something from them and they decide to get it back while also pulling Morgan's pants down. It's actually a great plan.

Meanwhile dos, Captain Awesome discovers that Jeff has been freebasing carbon monoxide for a very, very, very, very, very, veryveryvery long time. He corrects the problem. If you don't know, Devon is actually my favorite character so I will take any scene with him. He was a bunch of fun last episode and continues his awesome ways here. In the end, he tells Jeff to stop sleeping in his van. This should do away with my need to write about it further.

Onto the Carmichael squad, as they infiltrate Verbanski's deepest, darkest layer, in daylight. We get Casey being badass, Chuck being a hacker, and more Morgan being a dick when he discovers that his assistant hasn't gotten his coffee right.

Morgan: (spitting up his coffee) Scotty, what is this?
Scotty: A tall soy latte with two Splendas.
Morgan: Soy? Who said anything about soy? What do you want me to do, start lactating for you?!
Scotty: I'm not sure what you mean?
Morgan: I asked for almond milk! Al-mond milk!
Chuck: (watching from a remote feed) You megalomaniacal bastard.
Morgan: Okay? Please fix it!
Scotty: Yes, sir!
Morgan: (to Gertrude) This is the best that Harvard has to offer?

When Morgan is called to train a class in martial arts, Gertrude is left alone in her office, with Casey hiding inside. This leads to a pretty great sequence where Morgan beats down one Verbanski trainee after another until only a incognito Chuck is left. This is hands down the best Morgan as the Intersect scene we will ever see. I love it. This is intercut with Casey and Gertrude having a sexy little fight in her office. Meow. These two kitties sure have chemistry.

The whole sequence culminates in the confrontation between Chuck and Morgan where Bartowski actually handles himself well, at least defensively, against Morgan's Intersect. The two then have an argument where they circle each other like two caged pit-bulls. There's even a "Lord of the Rings" reference tossed in the mix. What can I say, I love this scene too. And when Morgan is ordered to stop his former team, we get some extra bit of confrontation/fun tossed into this tasty omelet.

Let's fast forward! Somewhere in there the gang decides Morgan just needs to get in touch with his inner self to break what is most likely a Decker control in the Intersect. There is a confrontation between the Verbanksi and Carmichael groups during a mission that leads into a shoot-out and a fight, then an exploding helicopter, Casey and Gertrude kissing, and Morgan returning back to what appears to be normal. This is the only thing that bothers me about the episode, the easy with which Morgan breaks the spell he has been under. I don't know why these writers feel the need to make resolutions so simple/easy. It is almost as if they think the collective IQ of the viewers is 80.

As the episode ends, Jeff arrives at the Buy More having slept without the carbon monoxide poisoning for one night, totally clear headed and looking frighteningly normal. What does this mean for poor Lester? Casey kicks Morgan out of his apartment and the bearded bandit has to stay with Chuck and Sarah. And we are told that since Morgan announced to everyone who would listen that he was the Intersect, that there is a kill order out on him. Ruhroh! Someone wants the little guy dead! Tune in next week for more!

If I had to rate this episode, I would give it:

93 out of 100.

So, what did you think?

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CHUCK Vs. the Bearded Bandit - 5.02: Kung Fu Chaos

The 80th new showing of a CHUCK episode was achieved tonight and you want to know what I thought of it. Why else would you be here?

First, let me just say that reaching 80 episodes is impressive for any show. It is especially impressive for a show that was nearly cancelled after 13, then 35, then 54, then 78 episodes. So, congratulations to everyone involved. And by everyone involved I mean the people who make the show and those who negotiated for the show's return. Not the delusional fans who think they saved it via the Internet.

Now, onto the review!

The episode opens up with Chuck, Sarah, and Casey doing a presentation at some spy conference, for Carmichael Industries. It doesn't go well. Then the competition shows up and looks like a bunch of super duper kick-ass spies! The leader of the group is Neo's girlfriend, Gertrude. She is also a former antagonist of Casey's.

Chuck: Go ahead, who is she?
Casey: One of the KGB's most ruthless spies, 'til the fall of the Soviet Union (spits). Then she went into the private security game.
Sarah: And how do you know her?
Casey: Minsk, 1995. I was being a patriot. She was being whatever she was paid to be.
Chuck: (amused) Wow, 1995. I was still in middle school. (realizes Casey is not amused)
Casey: Anyway, we had an altercation. I ended up with a Roswell blade in my shoulder. It made a nasty scar right over one of my favorite scars.

Meanwhile the Buy More, the only real source of income for Carmichael Industries, is down to tumbleweeds, literally, and Morgan just wants to out his super powers to the world like Troy would on COMMUNITY were he Superman. Suddenly, because this happens all the time in the realzies world, some dude named Karl walks into the BM and Morgan flashes, err, zooms on him. Fearing he is coming to kill them, Morgan attacks like a psychotic ninja and knocks the dude out. Soon after, they realize the "bad guy" is a client. Dundundun!

When the client produces a box as evidence of a kidnapping, no one seems eager to open it.
Chuck: We gonna draw straws to see who opens it?
Sarah finally does and reveals a severed finger.
Sarah: Oh!
Chuck: Oh my god. Oh my g.. that's not even on ice. I don't, that's probably not going to be able to be reattached.

The mission: Karl's brother was kidnapped, finger cut off to prove it, and the team must save him.
The value: $200,000 up front, and another $200,000 upon delivery of said brother.
The problem: Morgan is a loose cannon and needs a handler.
The solution: Chuck, the former Intersect, becomes Morgan's handler.

While Chuck and Morgan are having their discussion about the whole handler issue, Big Mike barges in, having just arrived from his honeymoon.
Big Mike: (pointing at Morgan) Hello, stepchild! Like my new threads? I just got back from four weeks of sexual experimentation (Morgan recoils in horror) and snorkeling with my new wife in Hawaii. Whatcha boys been up to? The Buy More seems.. empty. We observing International Pancake Day?

Secondary mission: The Buy More needs to increase business.
The solution: Record a new commercial.

Meanwhile, Verbanski Corp thumbs its nose at Carmichael Industries, pissing off Sarah.

Gertrude calls Sarah and asks her to meet with her. Upon arrival, Sarah is offered a job along with an explanation of the massiveness of the competition. Sarah acts unimpressed.
Gertrude: And what does Carmichael Industries have other than a former colonel and a CEO with skinny arms?

As their conversation ends and Sarah leaves, she pauses, looks at Gertrude's collected trophies and makes a declaration.
Sarah: Oh, by the way, when this whole thing ends, don't expect me to mount anything of yours in my office. It's just tacky.

Meanwhile take two, Chuck and Morgan just happen to be inside a convenience store while it is getting robbed. Holy chances of that happening, Batman! Morgan goes all bearded-bandit crazy, with mask, gruff voice, badass attitude and all.

When Morgan's attempt to disarm the bad guy is only partly successful, Chuck has to save the day. I had to rewind this sequence, if only for the hilarity of Chuck trying to rub the fingerprints off the shotgun. Actually, I really liked this sequence and for the first time liked Morgan as the enthusiastic Intersect trying to be handled by Chuck (that's what she said?).

When the convenience store issue becomes public, the team decides Morgan has to be put on the bench for a bit. Morgan isn't happy about it but Chuck emphasizes his need to protect him. I am a sucker for these type of scenes. It is part of why I fell in love with the show. The shift from hilarious comedy, to family drama, back to comedy, and then action. I'm in love!

Meanwhile triple time, the BM crew tries to create a commercial for the store but things just aren't going well.... until Captain Awesome walks in, exaggerated slow motion hair blast and all. And Big Mike has an idea!

Meanwhile part four, Carmichael Industries climb the side of a mountain or something to get into the compound of the bad guys. Hey, why am I typing all this stuff? You watched the episode right? I mean, why would you be reading a review for an episode you DIDN'T watch?

To sum up: Morgan is pissy about being in the van. Decides not to stay in the van. Saves the day. I am shocked yet again to actually enjoy Morgan as the Intersect in this sequence. By not showing him try to kick the asses of half a dozen trained security guards, and by injecting some humor into it, the whole thing works. I am getting worried. Am I starting to like Morgan as the Intersect? OH NO!

The team discovers Karl wants to kill his brother. They decide to turn the tables on him and protect the finger-missing bro. Casey and the Intersect clash.

Captain Awesome gets a job offer from Big Mike to do a commercial for the store (I thought Chuck was the secret owner of the BM, so why does Big Mike know?).

Captain Awesome: Sure I did some modeling for Abercrombie & Fitch back in college, but I hung up those cargo pants a long time ago.
Big Mike: Hold on, son! I'm not talking about doing some teenage porno here!

Morgan and Chuck discuss who is handling what or whom. Then Morgan makes an executive decision to take on the bad guys with Chuck. Chuck tries to reason with him, explaining he understands how the Intersect makes you feel like you can do anything.

Morgan: Here's the thing though, Chuck. You don't need the Intersect to feel that way, OK? With or without it, you are a hero! So don't call them! Alright? We can handle this, together. Just come with me. I need you.

Before going to their doom, Chuck calls on Sarah and Casey to help.

Yep, I am a sucker all over again because I love this stuff.

AND THEN THEY HAVE MORGAN FIGHT without any cute tricks and I am right back to the first episode where he looked RIDICULOUS! Arrghhh! There is that stuntman that looks nothing like Josh Gomez again. Yay!

Meanwhile five, we find out Casey and Gertrude have had sexy time before. Also, Chuck and Morgan get to kick ass together. It is actually fun watching Chuck kick ass WITHOUT the Intersect.

But when Morgan takes out a bad guy using an iconic Indiana Jones move, and Chuck calls attention to it, Morgan doesn't seem to have any clue what he is talking about... RUH ROH! Something is wrong! And after an argument, they get captured (obviously, why else would Casey and Sarah be on the way?).

But who saves the day? The Verbanski Corp! Yay! I am digging this Gertrude chick.

Gertrude: You know, some might say it's tacky hiring your competition to help you, but I, I think it takes balls. Oh and I'll have someone from our Burbank office drop off your bill. We don't have a payment plan.

Meanwhile sexy, Captain Awesome has delivered a superb performance for the Buy More commercial. But Carmichael Industries is still hurting financially.

Meanwhile seven, Chuck and Morgan have a classic end-of-episode CHUCK talk about the future of Morgan as the Intersect. But something else is wrong... he doesn't seem to care about Star Wars!

FINAL MEANWHILE, Chuck is actually exercising! Chuck and Sarah share a lame kiss. Casey works up the nerve to ask Gertrude out. Morgan sells himself as the Intersect to Verbanski... TRAITOR!!!!

Other quotables!

Chuck tells his brother-in-law that the presentation didn't go well.
Captain Awesome: What do you mean it didn't go well?! Did you give equal eye contact to all four quadrants of the audience?!
Chuck: It was, it was great. All of your advice was great.
Captain Awesome: Of course it was. It was the same tactics I used to woo your hot sister.

After Morgan ninja knocks out the client.
Morgan: Someone just found out that the zoom is mightier than the sword, my friend!

While trying to shoot the Buy More commercial, Lester attempts to sing.
Big Mike: Man, I am so over this whole Jeffster thing.
Lester: Me too.

When Morgan is relegated to the van while on a mission, he isn't happy and has a private conversation with himself about it, mockingly speaking for the others.
Morgan: Wait in the van, Morgan. Yeah, wait in the van. Oh, oh in the van, moron! Huh! Grunt, grunt!

Casey explains his attraction to Gertrude.
Casey: You ever have sex with someone who just tried to kill ya?
Sarah: (whispering) Oh god.
Casey: It's incredible.
Sarah: OK, I think we should focus on the mission now.

If I had to rate this episode, I would have to give it:

92 out of 100.

While some people are already whining like little babies about how annoying Morgan was (and he certainly was), I felt it served the story well and set up the next episode perfectly. Something is going on with the bearded guy and it isn't just his usual idiocy. The production values were very good, again, and we got a decent amount of Buy More with a dash of Captain Awesome. Also, the introduction of Gertrude was handled and performed well. I am excited to see where they take her character (it is always nice to see a real actor play the antagonist female role).  It loses a point for the creators of the show not realizing how ridiculous it looks every time Morgan's action sequence is performed by Josh's stuntman.

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CHUCK Season 5: Make it Geek Pr0n

Writer: Head Geek Furious

WARNING: This article is most certainly not safe for unsophisticated kids.

Let's not beat around the bush any longer. CHUCK (the lovely show on NBC and the #4 show on the Geek Furious best of all time list) is not a family show. Despite what some fans suggest and what people who work on the show may restate over and over, Nielsen data totally contradicts this idea. In truth, not even 10% of the total viewers of the show are not old enough to have experienced the ton of fun that is puberty.

Wait, not even 5% are old enough to have experienced the joy of shaving! What does that tell us? That a vast majority of the CHUCK viewers are adults who do not watch the show with their kids (yes, I know YOU do but that means you represent the 4% or whatever it is). So let's dispense with the "this is a family show" crap and go right for the jugular.

I am pleading with the CHUCK show runners to make this show what it should have always been. Total, unadulterated GEEK porn!  Well, as much as one can do on network TV.

Now that I have your attention, this is what I mean:

• Morgan has to break up with Alex, or she has to break up with him.  This way Morgan can get super hot sex action in every episode.  You could even make it so she sticks around to judge him for his slutty ways.
• Sarah (#1 top 10 hot in geek) has to feel unclean in every episode and have to take a shower or bath or just relax in a hot tub or something.  What is the point of having a hot chick on a show if she never showers?  Seems like a no-brainer.
• Casey must get a girlfriend and she should be the smokingest hottest sluttiest slut ever.  She should be all over him all the time trying to get her freak on because she finds him irresistibly hawt.  Casey should be horrified by this but be unable to stop her because he is a male and we are powerless against super hot chicks who are sluts.  Oh and without a doubt this chick needs to have some very safe and boring job like ninja librarian, kung fu secretary, or an 89D (explosive ordnance disposal specialist).
• Ellie should be in heat the entire season and need to claw at and violate her husband's autonomy whenever he is around.  
• Captain Awesome should be perpetually shirtless (I'm looking out for the lady geeks).
• Sarah should demand the Buy More staff more ladies.  Due to the fact that the main crew is on a mission, Jeff and Lester are put in charge and hire strippers.  Yes, this has kind of been done (with super models) but this time the strippers stick around for the whole season.  They try really hard to do their jobs but find that keeping their clothes off is a very difficult thing to do.  Sarah is not happy about this but the stripper girl squad ends up being so successful at selling, and the team is so in need of money after losing about a billion of it in a lawsuit, that she begrudgingly keeps them on.
• Cole must return and walk around in a towel for an episode.  Also, he should sex up at least 5 of the Buy More stripper chicas (hablo español?).
• Alex, in a jealous rage after finding out that Morgan is banging hard bodied skanks, should hook up with her father's agent and military buddies.  Then go find a homeless guy and kill him to get the darkness out of her system.  Let's face it, sex with multiple partners only goes so far in suppressing the demons.
• Chuck and Sarah have to end up at one of those sex parties Sarah talked about in season 4.  This time she isn't kidding and they are both hopped up on some kind of super slut drug that drives people into wild orgies.
• Anna Wu must return.  She was a freak so I don't need to paint a picture of the potential.
• Hannah should return to join the nerd herd crew again.  She and Anna could fight for Morgan's attention.  Eventually they would end up in a hot lesbo scene.
• The show needs to have more wet t-shirt contests in the BM.  What is that?  They have never had wet t-shirt contests on the show?  BINGO.  No wonder the ratings are low.
• Two words: suicide girls.  It's not a new teenage fad.  It's inky and pasty.  OK, so that is kind of a new teenage fad but minus the vampires, and men between the ages of 18-34 really seem to dig it.
• Have Chuck get wet more often (I am looking out for the geek ladies again) and assaulted by smokin' short-skirt wearing, big jubs owning girlies who want his geek hotness.

If anyone else has any geek porn ideas for the final season, toss them in here.  You know the writers will read it.

The 13 episodes of season 5, beginning October 21st as first reported here a month before NBC confirmed it, will be the last for the show.

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