Review - WHITE COLLAR 5.5: 'Master Plan'

With my new massive Weekly Spew column taking up the majority of my time, expect shorter and shorter 'White Collar' reviews.

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Eli's Weekly Spew: November 3-8, 2013

Welcome back to my horrendously long and time-wasting weekly column where I display to the whole world how much of a Hermit I am. I mean, seriously, how lame do you have to be to watch all this TV, write about all of it, and not get paid a dime?

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 5.4: 'Controlling Interest'

Normally I don't let anything slide. I criticize, nitpick and critique, lamenting that the episode in question was either terrible or good -- just not as good as it should have been.

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 5.3: 'One Last Stakeout'

As much as I absolutely love Neal and Mozzie working together on a con or to steal something, it's starting to get a bit old.

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 5.1: 'At What Price'

Things going through my head during the first 12 minutes of the Season 5 premiere of WHITE COLLAR...

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.15: 'The Original'

Coupled with last week's absolute clunker, this has quite possibly been the worst two-episode stretch in four years of 'White Collar'. This week's installment wasn't horrifically bad or anything, but for a few moments there I was in danger of falling asleep out of pure boredom.

At least it gave me 40 minutes to catch up on Twitter, so that was a plus.

Wow, a case involving Neal producing a forgery to catch the bad guy!? We've never seen that before! Except for the other five or six times that we have, that is.

Wow, Neal lying and being deceptive to Peter about something on the side!? Who could've seen that coming?

 Wow, Neal being caught by his mark, but still figuring out a way to get the evidence they needed to close the case!? Shocking!

Instead of writing all this, I should have just saved some time and picked a random review I wrote a few months back and copied and pasted it. I hardly doubt anyone would have noticed.

As for the new boss, Amanda Calloway, it was abundantly clear from the beginning she was going to be in Senator Pratt's pocket. It was Pratt who got Hughes fired in the first place, OF COURSE he had a hand in who replaced him. How Neal and Peter didn't assume this is beyond me.

Even though it's never been this show's strong-suit, I've somehow always cared about the season-long arcs. I'd get excited when we'd get little bits and pieces of new info each week, but at this point I don't give a crap about his dad or what's in that damn evidence box. Whatever.

The only thing that saved this episode from being another disaster was Mozzie's always delightful presence and the good scenes between Neal and Sam.

Somehow I had NO IDEA that this was the season's penultimate episode until I saw next week's preview. That makes this week's episode even worse.

Please don't suck, season finale.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--NEAL: "Mozzie has a permit."
--PETER: "I'm sure."

--PETER: "I guess that answers the age-old question of nature vs. nurture."

--NEAL: "Little pinky-swear action?"

--SAM: "Mozzie calls it mint chocolate tracking chip."

--NEAL: "He's been more of a father to me than you ever were."

--NEAL: "You asked me why I don't have original art. I've had three different names and a dozen different aliases because of you. And to be an artist, you have to know who you are."
--SAM: "You're my son, and I'm very proud of that."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--When nude models are around, Neal causes them to smile and Peter trips over furniture. Appropriate.

--If you want to learn more about Chicken-Sexing (and I don't know how you WOULDN'T), check it out on Wikipedia.

THE GRADE: D+

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.14: 'Shoot the Moon'

That episode was so bad, that it has inspired me to resort to a life of crime. Who wants to be my Bonnie?

Since I'm a scrawny little bitch, a complete coward and possess no useful skills whatsoever, I should probably reconsider that new career path. While I do so, let's count the ways/reasons why that episode sucked more than your lame-ass version of the Harlem Shake on YouTube.

1. Practically everyone on this show has already been kidnapped. Peter was. Elizabeth was. I didn't need to see it again. It was a bit different with them being captured together, but still. Hell, even the characters themselves even joked about this in the episode. This is only Season 4, let's enter some different terrain and not re-hash the same old tropes.

2. Could that Bonnie and Clyde duo have been any more incompetent? It took all of two minutes for Bonnie to spill past transgressions to Elizabeth. They let both Peter and Liz out of their handcuffs and GAVE ELIZABETH A KNIFE. I understand that they weren't supposed to be experienced criminals or anything, but c'mon.

3. Peter and Liz screwed up too. Mr. Burke was sloppy as hell when fumbling for the gun and getting himself caught. And they just left his badge out in the open. And Mrs. Burke, you are an idiot for putting the gun down on the table and racing after Bonnie. KEEP THE GUN! Call me crazy, but when I steal a gun from the person holding me hostage, I typically don't just set it down on the table and give someone a chance to kill me. But that's just me.

4. That was a really good speech by Peter, he should be a hostage negotiator. I'm serious. But that doesn't change the fact that that scene was incredibly lame. This episode was an abomination.

5. All Bonnie got for those crimes was PROBATION!? Are you kidding. Armed robbery. Kidnapping a fed. And probation. What. A. Joke.

The only things saving this episode from an F- was Mozzie making me laugh and Liz telling Peter that she forced Neal to lie. I'm glad that Peter knows that now.

I, however, am not glad I watched that episode.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--NEAL: "No need, I'll use the one under the fake rock in your flower bed."

--MOZZIE: "Seriously, boxed wine? We gotta get out of here."

--MOZZIE: "You know, it's not too late to hide that micro-cam."

--JONES: "Didn't you respond with a form letter?"
--NEAL: "Only after the carpel tunnel."

--SARA: "It's not like I'm running away to an island or something."

--NEAL: "I may have exaggerated a little bit, it would have turned into dust in another billion years."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--I demand more Alex Hunter. Where are you, Gloria Votsis?

--Shouldn't Bonnie and Clyde have googled Peter and Elizabeth? I know they couldn't have imagined one of them was a Fed, but still. Every time I kidnap someone, I immediately check their IDs and google it. Actually, that's not true. I use Bing.

--Holy crap, Diana's hair is crazy.

--I don't use Bing.

THE GRADE: D-

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.13: 'Empire City'

We were all bored by that episode of 'White Collar', so I won't further bore you with an in-depth review of it.

Forget the fact that "Empire City" featured quite possibly the worst case-of-the-week in the show's 59-episode history, the real crime of this episode was that any momentum the show had after last week's installment was taken away just like Baltimore's was after the blackout in the Super Bowl.

I was under the impression that this week would be centered around the mystery surrounding the key, featuring a competition for information between Peter and Neal -- with both of them doing so behind each others backs. Instead, all we got was a crappy case involving cabs and Peter simply tracking Neal's anklet. Boring.

With just a few episodes remaining in the season, 'White Collar' can't afford another boring clunker.


Luckily there was one positive from this episode: Diahann Carroll. It's always nice to see June given more screen time and it was a delight to hear her sing, showing off one of her many talents that has made her a star since she was 18. Amazingly, she's still got it 69 years later!

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--NEAL: "Moz, I'm not paying you for the ride."
--MOZZIE: "Oh, you are if we're going to Brooklyn."

--NEAL: "Can you at least turn off the meter?"

--NEAL: "Stop trying to make that a saying."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--OF COURSE Mozzie scams for information as a cabbie.

--Hal Hoover!

--Three in the hand is better than none in the bush.

--DJ Mozzie Jeff?

--Elizabeth Burke looked great in that dress at the club. Peter Burke outkicked his coverage.

--One last Tiffani Thiessen note: C'mon, Tiff, don't be such a party pooper!

THE GRADE: D

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.12: 'Brass Tacks'

Just because an episode introduces a promising villain and points the show in a seemingly-good and entertaining direction, doesn't mean I'm about to sing the praises of "Brass Tacks".

The back-half of Season 4 needed both a good antagonist and a clear goal to wrap up this storyline in order to learn more about Neal's father and his past. With Titus Welliver's character of Senator Pratt, it seems as though this episode of 'White Collar' is the precursor to doing just that.

While all this makes me encouraged moving forward, I didn't exactly love how we got to this point.

ONCE AGAIN it appears as though Peter and Neal may be at odds, because Peter knows he was lied to and won't be able to trust him. (Stop me if you've seen this storyline before) I do love the idea of both of them working and competing against each other regarding the key-map without Neal's knowledge, but I'm just sick and tired of that tired charade.

Damn you, Elizabeth, for not telling Peter the truth. You could have prevented this from happening again. My anger at Mrs. Suit aside, nice work from Tiffani Thiessen as usual. Great scene with her and Matt Bomer -- she always sells the emotional moments well.

No one loves Neal Caffrey as a character more than me. You guys must know by now that I'm a sucker for all episodes that involve Neal going undercover, doing something shady and channeling his con-man abilities -- but this episode is the exception. I know Neal is the master at infiltrating anything, but his turn as a master architect might have been the most ridiculous and far-fetched one this show has ever done. And that's saying something.

And yes, I liked Senator Pratt, and he looks like a good villain, but what does having Hughes removed from the bureau-- and not Peter or Neal -- really accomplish here? Stupid. A real villain knows that maneuver will only fire up and motivate his enemies even more. Plus, Hughes was never a threat to Pratt, anyway. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

This installment leaves me excited for the upcoming ones, but also irks me in the meantime.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--ELIZABETH: "If you have to lie to his face to keep him safe, you damn well lie to his face."

--HUGHES: "And I bet you always wanted to be an architect, right Caffrey?

--HUGHES: "You're a real son of a bitch, Neal. But you're the best damn son of a bitch I've ever seen."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--Mozzie-related things that I enjoyed: He apparently doesn't play well with others and he calls Jones "Quantico", "Suit Jones" and "Wingtips."

--Gee, what a shock, Neal peddled his own agenda in the intial interview with Senator Pratt -- forcing Peter to kick him out of it.

--One thing about this show that should get more credit: the Burke's have one of the best marriages on TV.

--Enjoyed Mozzie improvising on the phone with Pratt, but I could have done without the ridiculous phone-swapping shenanigans.

--Damn you, Jones. I hate when the suits are competent when dealing with Mozzie.

--That car accident didn't even look that bad. I would have walked out of that crash without a scratch.

--Riddles are awesome, as are keys that are really maps.

--Neal/Mozzie vs. Peter/Suits ... who ya got?

--I miss Alex Hunter. Gloria Votsis, when are you returning, dammit!?

THE GRADE: C-

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.11: 'Family Business'

Seemingly everyone talks about how glorious it is when Walter White and Jesse Pinkman cook crystal meth on 'Breaking Bad' -- hell, practically 10 minutes of each episode consists of a montage of those two cooking -- but as incredible as that show is, give me Neal Caffrey and Mozzie up to no good over those two drug kingpins any time.

No, I'm not saying 'White Collar is the better show. Far from it. NOT EVEN CLOSE. But, I don't watch 'Breaking Bad' for the meth-cooking scenes, I watch for the incredible drama and character growth.

'White Collar', on the other hand, I watch because I love seeing Neal and Mozzie doing shady things and getting into trouble. So when season 4 finally returned with those two making counterfeit whiskey, I was pumped -- especially when the first half of the season ended so well.

Unfortunately, I wasn't so pumped about the rest of what happened in "Family Business."

I'm a bit annoyed because I know the rest of this season is going be hung up on a storyline I'm not too sure I care about at this point. It's nice to learn more about Neal's family history and have his father around and all, but the whole crooked cop/framed for something he didn't do storyline is a trope that I wish this show didn't explore. It's not necessarily that it's terrible or anything, I was just hoping for something a bit better and more original.

And I couldn't help but roll my eyes when Peter told Neal he was going to have Jones infiltrate Flynn's counterfeit business. It was the classic TV scenario in cases like these:

--Person 1: "You're benched because you're too close/too emotional/too involved and invested in this case."
--Person 2: "No, no, you have to let me do this! I know this case better than anyone and it has to be me to do this and right this wrong!"
--Person 1: "...Fine! Just be careful and promise you won't let your emotions get in the way of this case. And I'm going to trust you, even though you always go behind my back and do what you want to do instead of what I tell you to do."
--Person 2: "You won't regret this!"

Who could have ever envisioned that something could go wrong here!? Espeically on a show like 'White Collar', where Neal pulls a stunt like this in EVERY EPISODE! Just completely shocked it turned out this way.

Sarcasm aside, this wasn't a terrible return or anything, just not what I was hoping for. Would love to know what you guys thought about the episode and where the season-long arc is heading. Do you guys like this arc or no?

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--NONE (although I enjoyed Mozzie convincing Neal not to squander the opportunity to talk with his father)

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--Speaking of 'Breaking Bad', kind of a blatant rip-off with the bad guys recording Neal and Mozzie  to learn the process of making the fake whiskey and making those two expendable.

--If you're a cop and going to steal some money from a bust, make sure NO ONE IS AROUND for crying out loud.

--High-stakes Candyland? Make it Stratego and I'm in.

--Whenever people talk about wine tasting or whatnot, it's like a foreign language to me. To me, alcohol either tastes good or it doesn't. Yeah, my pallet isn't very sophisticated.

--I also didn't think Neal getting a hangover was possible.

--So cute, Neal went from calling him "James" throughout the episode to "My father". A real breakthrough!

--Glad it wasn't Mozzie who lost his eyebrows because of that oven.

THE GRADE: C-

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.10: 'Vested Interest'

If the goal for a mid-season finale is to shock the viewers and leave them itching for the show to return, then mission accomplished.

I expect big things in finales, and 'White Collar' delivered with the Season 4 mid-season conclusion.

Finally, we got an answer (sorta) on who Sam is. And boy, maybe I should have seen that as a possibility, but that completely blindsided me. It was one of those TV moments where you hear it, and you're speechless for a few seconds and all you can say afterwards is "WOW", "DAMN" or "SHIT!"

I love those types of moments. They don't happen often and they leave you surprised and excited for what's to come. That's what a good finale is all about.

This whole storyline had me confused from the beginning. During 'Vested Interest', all I could think about was Ellen telling Neal: "Trust Sam." Why would she tell Neal to trust a dude that was dead? Despite being in witness protection, how could she NOT know that Sam wasn't alive? And if she knew that Neal's father was going to pretend to be Sam, why not just tell Neal about all this in the first place? I suppose maybe she was about to before she was killed. We went from trusting Sam, to not trusting Sam, to thinking he was alive, to thinking he was dead, to thinking he was a crooked cop to knowing he's Neal's father.

Awesome.

But bigger questions remain, like: What is he up to? ... What does he want? ... What is his end-game? ... Was he really crooked? ... Why didn't he just tell Neal? ... Did he have anything to do with Ellen's death? ... Wasn't he supposed to be in witness protection? Is he in danger? And so many other questions that we'll have to wait until at least January to have answered.

As for the case-of-the-week, it wasn't bad and it did include Neal being shady and sneaking around, so that's always cool with me. And there were some nice moments of banter between Peter and Neal as an added bonus.

BUT. Neal and Peter are back to being buddy-buddy again, just one episode after Neal tells Peter (twice, mind you): "We're DONE!" Considering the circumstances of this episode, I kind of get how they got back to that point. But that doesn't change the fact that this show constantly pulls this sort of crap. As solid as this episode was, you can't deny that this is getting to be a bit annoying.


QUOTES OF NOTE:

--NEAL (to Peter): "Are you sure? Cause I have a great joke that starts with you and a priest walking into a bar."

--NEAL (to Peter): "I'd still be in jail and your arrest rate would still be in the high-70s."
--PETER (to Neal): "Low-80s."


RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--"Well, Diana doesn't like bulges." CREEPIEST line of dialogue in history.

--It took Peter all of two seconds to deduce the rat was a distraction for Neal to slip in the document.

--That shooting scene was embarrassing. First off, those bad guys would have eventually just left and given up. It was clear they were either going to get arrested or killed. Second, wow, they were terrible shots. For every 200 shots that hit a car or a wall, one actually hit a person. That was like an 'Archer' shooting scene where everyone misses despite being so close. In that show, those scenes are hilarious in a good way, in this one, it was hilarious in a bad way.

--This week's installment of 'Eli is a Creep': There were no hot chicks in this episode, so I'm taking one point off of the final score.

THE SCORE: 86 out of 100

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.09: 'Gloves Off'

Neal and Peter are fighting. We still haven't learned anything substantial regarding Neal's father or Ellen's murder. The case-of-the-week was lame, pointless and basically ripped off from a Season 1 episode (1.8 "Hard Sell") that did it much better.

In other words: Season 4 in a nutshell!

Contrary to popular belief, I don't want to complain each week about this show and the others that I write about. But this season of White Collar, leaves me no choice. This season is markedly down from Season 3 and 'Gloves Off' is no exception.

As always, there were a few highlights. Watching Neal get enraged before the fight and taking it out on Peter was fun to see. Their confrontation at the end was intense, but I temper my excitement for that emotional scene and apparent falling-out between the two, because I don't expect that to last for long. The show would be better and get a necessary shot-in-the-arm if those two remain on the outs personally, but 'White Collar' has given us no reason to believe that the we won't just go back to the status-quo in a week or two.

This "falling-out" should have happened a long time ago. Why do Peter and Neal start each episode trusting the other person, when by the end of every episode one or both of them have betrayed the other? If Neal truly believes that Peter is in some way responsible for Ellen's death, they better be at war for the majority of rest of this season.

I'll tell you what, though, I'm not holding my breath on that and next week's mid-season finale better be a doozie and leave me excited for the second-half of Season 4. Because right now, I'm really itching for the fall season of TV to come back and save us all from this summer crap.


QUOTES OF NOTE:

--NEAL (to group) : "I just think it's more realistic if I win."

--NEAL (to Peter): "They found them because of you. They found Ellen because of YOU. I may be a ward of the state, and I will do my job for the FBI -- but as far as my personal life goes: We are done. We're DONE."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--Stupid Neal jumping to conclusions that his father was just saving himself. Because he said that, I'd be willing to bet that the truth is the complete opposite of that.

 --Ah, who hasn't had an argument about the rules, regulations and ethics regarding calling shotgun?

--Nice car, Mrs. Suit.

--OF COURSE Mozzie has experience cornering fights.

--I know stock brokers/traders are crazy people, but a fight club? Come on.

--This Week's Installment of 'Eli is a Creep': There is no installment this week. I am reformed.

THE SCORE: 53 out of 100

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Review -- WHITE COLLAR 4.07: 'Compromising Positions'

I regretfully announce to all those who watched 'Compromising Positions' that this was not the worst episode of 'White Collar' this season. Just seven episodes into Season 4, this clunker should represent the low-point of the early going.

But sadly that is not the case, because what happened in last week's installment wasn't a horrible nightmare -- it actually happened. 


To be fair, this episode wasn't all that horrendous. It did give us a few goodies: the return of Sarah and the crazy-awkward-amusing-humorous fake sex scene with Peter, Neal up to his usual shenanigans behind Peter's back and Neal enjoying himself as a witness in a trial.

After last week's debacle, I was at least hoping for a good case-of-the-week. While it was a bit different and entertaining at times, it ultimately failed. This chick, the fixer, knows everyone and everything about everybody, but didn't know about the existence of Neal Caffrey? Not buying it. While she didn't fall for the compromising pictures trick, she did fall for Peter/Mozzie's plan which she seemed way too smart for. Another thing that enraged me: the defendant at trial reacting to Neal being an FBI informant. He was looking nervous and talking loudly to his attorney, basically admitting his guilt to the jury. Totally ridiculous. All bad guys know to sit still and not react -- that jury is watching your every move.

And how many damn times do we need to see a new character introduced warn Peter about Neal eventually getting Peter into trouble with his antics?

The key the upcoming episodes, and essentially the rest of this season, is where the season-long arc goes. Who killed Ellen? can we trust Sam? What are we going to discover about Neal's father and who can and can't we trust within the FBI? I dont know how this will all play out, but all this crap reminds me of the 'Castle' arcs. It's just cliche to have corrupt cops/FBI agents and conspiracies involved in a show like this.

I would say this show can do better, but Season 4 so far has given me no reason to think it can.

I'm worried.


QUOTES OF NOTE:

--NEAL (to Mozzie): "Before you go assassinating apples in Aruba, I need you to help me."

--PETER: "Which gives us creative license to make those photos real."
--ELIZABETH: "What?"
--PETER: "No, I mean, not real. Look real. Real-looking. And you can completely be there."
--ELIZABETH: "In the photos?"
--PETER: "No, No, I mean you can watch."
--SARAH: "Yeah, because that won't be awkward."

--NEAL: "Romance-novel cover right there."

--NEAL: "OK, I think we got it. That's a wrap."

PETER (to Mozzie): "Where did you come from?"
MOZZIE (to Peter): "Forty-five years ago, an enigma gave a paradox a very special hug."


RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--I'm surprised it took this long for the show to put Neal into a courtroom again. It was fun seeing him as a witness.

--Question: Do people want to see Neal and Sarah back together? Or do we want to see him involved with different chicks on a regular basis, a la 'Seinfeld'? I most enjoy when he's single and often gets linked to the guest stars in the episode.

--This week's installment of 'Eli is a creep': I would love to see him with Alex, who will be returning to the show soon. Not only is she stunningly breathtaking, but her character is fun, they have lots of history and she is basically the female version of him. Fun all-around.

THE SCORE: 57 out of 100

The case was iffy and we didn't learn anything new whatsoever. The only thing giving it this high of a score is that scene with Peter and Sarah.

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.06: 'Identity Crisis'

I love treasure-hunt episodes. I mean, secret codes, spies AND invisible ink? Jackpot. (Not to mention a Mozzie-centric installment of 'White Collar'!)

But somehow, with all of those goodies, 'Identity Crisis' managed to fuck everything up. I don't think I've ever had to swear in any of my reviews, but this piece of garbage necessitated that I do.

Holy shitsnacks, that was terrible. I love the type of episode that they went for, but that was a bigger miss than Roger Clemens' upcoming comeback tour in the Independent League.

That was the worst bad guy in TV history. So bad, in fact, that not only can I not remember his name (and I JUST finished the episode), but he's not even listed on being in the episode on the IMDb page for it.
Not only did he not even kill Mozzie and Tempest, when he could have just gotten the box himself, but he HELPED Mozzie back up from the ditch! He made a stupid comment about Mozzie being the rat and then somehow completely misfired several shots at two people close to him.

The whole story was ridiculous and stupid, Neal did practically nothing in the episode and I could go on and on about how much of a waste of time that episode was -- but I'm not going to further my torture by dedicating any more time to it.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--PETER (to Mozzie): "You're the last person who should be quoting common sense."

--NEAL (to Peter): "This spy thing means more to him then he lets on." (Umm, I think it was pretty obvious to everyone how much it did. Such embarrassingly bad dialogue in this episode.)

--MOZZIE (to Bad Guy): "Come with me if you want to live." ( I rest my case)

--ME (to you): "That sucked."


RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--'Read between the lines' was a phrase coined by George Washington? Cool.

--'722' looked just like Mozzie.

--Mozzie's puppet show FTW! Seriously, how great was his little figure of himself?

--I'm not a gun guy, but I love the sound a weapon makes when it is holstered.

--This week's installment of 'Eli is a creep': Mircea Monroe looked hotter on 'Chuck' then she did here. But a nerdy spy is pretty hot, too.

THE SCORE: .723 OUT OF 100 (see what I did there?)

I don't have a strong memory, so I could be forgetting an episode or something, but I think that was the worst episode in the history of the series. If you liked it, you are a sick and twisted individual.

While I was trying to be funny about the score, that's no joke. It was less than a 1/10.

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.05: 'Honor Among Thieves'

Neal Caffrey's heist at the art gallery > Walt and Jesse's train heist on Breaking Bad' this week.


Now that I've grabbed you attention and sparked your outrage, I don't really believe that. 'White Collar' and BB are vastly different shows, but that doesn't mean this week's episode of the former wasn't compelling in its own way.

'Collar' is at its best when Caffrey is on his worst behavior. Looking back through the first three seasons, all the best episodes consist of Neal (and Mozzie) stealing things, deceiving Peter, working an angle and generally getting themselves into trouble.

In 'Honor Among Thieves', Neal was at his best Neal self. He tried to get the information he needed regarding Ellen's murder using Peter's methods, but once that failed he turned to other means. Using Mozzie's awesome toys and the motivation that Rebecca Mader's character blackmailed him into, Caffrey's heist of the mobile was smooth and fun to watch.

Peter, on the other hand, wasn't as impressed when he figured out that Neal did the heist...

"I'm tired of this. I've covered for him, I've fought for him and I almost lost my job because of him."

Peter was fired up and gung-ho about busting Neal, but lo and behold, it only took a few minutes and one phone call from Caffrey to soften him up once again. (I'm shocked that Peter relented!) Not only did he relent on arresting Neal, he immediately changed his demeanor and became genuinely giddy about giving Caffrey the flash drive.


So beautifully played by Neal, who got exactly what he wanted by lying, deceiving, stealing and pretending to do the right thing afterwards. And THAT is what's so great about watching that character do his thing and why this show can be so much fun.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

--PETER (to Jones): "Who would stop in the middle of a museum robbery to get a date? .... Don't say it."

--NEAL (to Jones about Diana): "She plays with her hair when she's nervous."

--PETER (to Jones and Diana): "I'm tired of this. I've covered for him, I've fought for him and I almost lost my job because of him."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--That cemetery at the beginning of the episode looks exactly like the one in the movie 'Double Jeopardy'.

--The "Headless Conman." Greatest. Invention. Ever.

--Ah, I knew it! If I knew she was doing something shady with his hair, how could Neal not?

-- I say this every week and I know it's getting old, but I have to say it again: Mozzie is the best.

--I love shady women. Especially when they are hot. Rebecca Mader's character was fun.

--Tiffani Thiessen (a.k.a. Elizabeth Burke) looks fantastic this season. And this week's installment of Eli's creepiness is complete.

THE SCORE: 87 out of 100

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Review -- WHITE COLLAR 4.04: 'Parting Shots'

Before we get into Tuesday's episode, I would like to take a brief moment to brag about being right regarding what was going to happen to Helen. AND about how long it would take Peter to get his job back. (check the evidence if you don't believe me).

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming...

With that bragging out of the way, there's no need for me to once again complain about the show being a tad predictable. At the very least, 'Parting Shots' was a massive improvement over last-week's episode that was a complete snooze-fest.

It had some of the things we love most about this show: Neal at his charming, con-manning best. We got to see the hat trick. We got to see a beautiful woman. We got to see a beautiful woman doing the hat trick! And anytime Neal is fully involved in the action by utilizing his skill sets to help solve a crime is fine by me.

As for the season-arc involving Neal's (possibly) corrupt police officer of a father, that storyline moves forward with the possible murder of Helen. If someone wants her dead, obviously she knew too much already or was on the path of doing so. I hope this story turns out to be more interesting than a simple: he wasn't really a crooked cop, he was just framed! We've all seen that one on a million different shows already.

If the show ends up misfiring on that arc, that will be a problem. Hopefully they continue to give us fun cases with hot guest stars. It would also be nice if Mozzie were to get more involved. I need him scheming with Neal on some big score or something.

QUOTES OF NOTE:

NEAL: "Well, you can add theft to that list -- she stole my hat!"

MOZZIE: "You came in with a suit-induced frown -- can I help?"

PETER: "I think we found our widow of opportunity. Get it? Without the 'N'"

AGENT HUGHES: "So your plan is to put $50 million into the personal bank account of a con-man who recently fled to a remote island with no extradition?"

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--One week off of the White Collar Division and Peter is rusty. Neal Armstrong!?

--I'm sorry, Neal, but: When Sophie does the hat trick > When Neal does the hat trick

--Prediction: Neal tracks down Sarah's lost sister to get back into her good graces. 

--I petition the Screen Actors Guild, showrunners, writers and anyone else that will listen to ban the phrase: "Was any of it real?" So cliche. So lame. So god damn unoriginal.
 

THE SCORE: 79 out of 100

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Review -- WHITE COLLAR 4.03: 'Diminishing Returns'

Who doesn't love a good bank heist?

Well in the particular instance of White Collar 4.03 ('Diminishing Returns'), that would be me.

Tough crowd, you say? Well in my defense, THERE WASN'T EVEN A BANK HEIST in the episode about a BANK HEIST.

Neat trick, 'White Collar'. Sure, Neal and Peter showed up at the bank -- but they were 20 minutes late. That's some riveting TV, let me tell you.

Sticking with the riveting theme, I never would have guessed that Neal and Peter would work together on a case, even though Peter doesn't work for the White Collar division anymore! Who saw that coming? Clever writers they have over there.

OK, I'll stop being a dick now. Not sure about you, but I was somewhat excited about a bank robbery episode that the beginning of the episode teased it would be, but that's not what we got. We didn't really get much that episode, either. The case was boring and otherwise un-noteworthy (is that a word?), save for seeing Peter play squash and Neal teach him how to subtly influence your mark.

This episode's only real purpose was to quickly put Peter back on track to re-join White Collar soon and fully introduce the season-long arc of Neal looking for answers about his father. A wonderful added bonus: Mozzie is back in town. Alhough we all knew that was coming. This show needs him.

Although I feel like I shouldn't really care about the Neal's father storyline, this show does a good job of sucking me into investing in the season-long arcs that really aren't special or original. I hope it turns out to be interesting and isn't dragged out too long.

I also hope next week has a better case, more memorable lines, more shady Neal activity and more Mozzie. I want those two crazy kids to get into some trouble. That is undoubtedly when this show is at its best.

NOTABLE QUOTABLES:

--NEAL: "Ring shopping's not really my thing."

--NEAL: "You're clean shaven ... you've retired from retirement."

--NEAL: "At least you have your yard now."
--PETER: "We call it a picnic area."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--The first eight minutes of this episode were unbearable. Nothing happened. So. Damn. Boring.

--I admire each and every one of Neal's shady skills. Pretty bad-ass job of getting into that truck. "Since when do I need keys?"

--OK, this might just be my man-crush on Neal Caffrey showing, but that trick of making Peter pick the blue diamond was so slick and awesome. I want to be a con-man so desperately. But I lack talent, charisma, balls and a whole host of other necessary skills.

--As such, I feel like only Neal should have been capable of pulling that off, but OK.

--Mozzie! I want to personally thank you for finishing the cell phones for The Suit.

--Crap! My video cut off while Neal and Helen were talking. What happened at the end of the conversation? Help me, people!

THE SCORE: 58 out of 100

It wasn't funny. It wasn't original. It wasn't interesting. It wasn't witty. I could probably do this for a while...

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Review - WHITE COLLAR 4.02: 'Most Wanted'

So, Peter was re-assigned out of the White Collar division. Oh no! The humanity!

This begs the $64,000 question: in which episode will everything be completely back to normal? I'm setting the over/under at Episode 4. I'll take the under.

Heck, it's hard enough to believe that the show got a whole 84 minutes or so out of what last season's finale set up with Neal on the run. This was all so predictable and I called it in last week's review of the season premier. I hate being right. (No I don't)

It only took 13 minutes of 'Most Wanted' to know precisely how this episode would play out. Not only that, but the way it played out was a little ridiculous, wasn't it? I don't think I have the time to get into how many problems I had with that insane plan. Well, I probably do have the time. But you don't need me to tell them to you.

It was fun to see Neal shot, it was fun to see more of Mia Maestro and who doesn't like seeing "The Suit" working in concert with Mozzie, but all that doesn't takeremove my overall annoyance of how quickly everything went back to normal. Live a little, "White Collar"!

Oh well. Still enjoy watching this show and will as always look forward to next week's installment. But I'm not fooled by the teaser of Peter being pulled out of the division at the end of the episode.

Should I even bother reviewing this show at this point? Give me some encouragement and your thoughts on the episode and where things are going, people!

QUOTES OF NOTE:

PETER: "The girl always gives you away."

NEAL: "This isn't exactly how we planned our retirement."
MOZZIE: "The law on our tail, an ocean breeze, a precision heist from an island overlord ... it kinda is."

RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--Unlike Morgan Guillermo Grimes, Neal Caffrey doesn't have to break his thumbs to get out of handcuffs.

--Yes, Agent Collins would have taken his eyes off of Neal and helped put fruit in a box. It's not like he just saw that Neal escaped from handcuffs in the previous scene or anything.

--Hector would be a bad-ass protege to Neal.

--I have no talent and very little redeeming qualities, so I couldn't learn to be a decent bartender even with months of work and preperation.  But that doesn't mean a bad-ass FBI agent could learn how to be one in 30 minutes.

--Tuco! (If you know why I just wrote that, you're good in my book)

--Would Neal really be worth a $500,000 bounty?

--Anyone else get the inkling that Helen is going to die this season?

--If you have any doubt that Mozzie will find his way back to New York ASAP, you don't know this show or TV very well. Speaking of Mozzie, is it possible not to love that guy?

THE SCORE: 63 out of 100

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Review -- White Collar 4.01: "Wanted"

A Mona Lisa forgery, a sick bachelor pad, a fedora, and a hot chick -- sounds a lot like the Neal Caffrey from seasons 1-3 of 'White Collar', doesn't it?

And while the start of season 4, "Wanted", looked like a series shake-up, it appears that the old gang could be back in the New York office in no time.

Of course, I could be wrong about that. And I hope that I am, because even though the first three years of "cases of the week" and season-long arcs were a pleasure to watch, a little change would be nice. One episode in a different setting isn't enough. I think we could all use a little bit more Mia Maestro on a tropical island in our lives, no?

This episode did precisely what the episode had to do: have Neal establish himself somewhere, making it feel like a new home of sorts. Have a hot chick for him to charm. Have a "bad guy" chasing him. And have Peter reunite with Caffrey to help him at all costs. So this episode was predictable and nothing special. But what matters is what comes next.

But no matter where the next few episodes take place and no matter how long it takes to get back to "normal", it essentially doesn't matter. Neal, Mozzie, Peter and some hottie will grace our screen each week and that's precisely why we watch this show. After all, it's "characters welcome", and plot and storyline "eh, whatever."

The only thing I'm really anxious about is whether or not the show will introduce a season-long arc of some kind involving Neal. The long-term storylines have been hit-or-miss on this show, but I'm still one to get suckered into caring and investing in them anyway.

What are your thoughts about the premiere? Where do you think the next few episodes are heading? And what kinds of things do you all want to see this season?


QUOTES OF NOTE:

MOZZIE: "You run, I run. That's the deal." Best Bromance on TV?


RANDOM RAMBLINGS:

--Ah, how I've missed the bad-ass fedora and the slick hat trick.

--Enjoyed the conversation between Peter and Elizabeth in the car. My future wife (if anyone is stupid enough to marry me) better know the difference between being on deck and being at the plate, though.

--Hector is a P.I.M.P.

--Twenty questions and she doesn't ask what he did for a living in New York? She's bad at that game.

--What girl could possibly turn down the sexual advances of a shady person after seeing a sandcastle masterpiece like that?

THE SCORE: 77 out of 100

It's back and I'm really happy that it is. But this episode was fairly predictable heading in and what happens in next week's episode is far more important than what we saw in the premiere.

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Drive-By Review: WHITE COLLAR - 'Pulling Strings'

This site's first review of this show is a drive-by for two reasons. First, I don't really know if I want to write these (maybe someone will volunteer). Second, I don't feel I have all that much to say about the episode even though it was mostly enjoyable.

The story is that Peter is taking some time off to spend with his wife and his in-laws. There is a little side-story here about him getting her the perfect gift for her birthday and it eventually involves Mozzie, who it has been established is very fond of Mrs. Suit.

The rest of the episode involves Bryce and his ex, Sarah Walker, going on another mission to find a stolen Stradivarius. There is also a little touch of a plot about Diana getting engaged and about the FBI's investigation into Neal's commutation.

Most of this episode is a setup for Neal and Sara getting back together. The case is solved and they part as "friends" who can hang out or something. Peter, with Mozzie's help, gets his wife the perfect present, and Agent Kramer questions Diana about what Peter may be hiding with respect to Neal. OH NOS!

If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:

82 out of 100

They've made much more interesting episodes. Though, it was nice to see Neal and Sarah interact again. The actors/characters do have a nice bit of chemistry. Though, not as much as Bryce Larkin and Sarah Walker.

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