Green Lantern - 'Closetalking'

Writer: Multipass

I didn’t actually find the film as awful as I had expected based on the reviews. I was genuinely entertained by the Parallax, Sinestro, Green Lantern corps parts of the movie, but the other 50% of the plot is what killed it. Ryan Reynolds was ok, but I didn’t feel like he brought anything to the character that made him stand out as a superhero, and any time he was in Hal Jordan mode he was kind of a whiney little kid.

One major problem was the love story/dead father part of the plot. Blake Lively, who plays Carol Ferris, has about as much charisma as a dead fish, and she sounds kind of drunk when she talks. So I guess she has the charisma of a dead fish that died of alcohol poisoning. The only good moments she had were when she realizes Hal is a Green Lantern, and when she tells him she feels sorry for him. Otherwise she was a huge time waste. I think I’d have rather seen more of Hal’s scientist friend. And I am so tired of people fighting over a girl in these superhero movies, there has got to be a better reason to try to kill someone after you have been infected by Parallax than boring Carol Ferris. She and Hal had what seemed like 4 or 5 scenes of this:

Hal: Closetalking Closetalking
Carol: Closetalking Closetalking
Hal: Closetalking
Carol: “Something is wrong Hal, what happened?”
Hal: “I don’t wanna tell you!!!! WAAAH!! *stompstompstomp*”
Carol: Look of longing and/or curiosity

Yes, it was that riveting.

The whole bit about Hal being afraid of…dying like his father did? Not living up to his dad’s legacy? Whatever it was it was pretty lame and kind of melodramatic.

The other story issue I had was with the creation of the yellow ring. Now, I understand why this is important in terms of a sequel, but the way it was introduced was just non –sensical. The Guardians are billions of years old, and have always believed in the power of will as the strongest force in the world. Yet, for absolutely no reason, they decide to do basically nothing about Parallax themselves, and instead let Sinestro create a yellow ring, a ring that harnesses the power of fear, to “fight fear with fear”. Why the hell is that a good idea? They already know what happens to people who try to harness the power of fear, one of their own did it, and he turned into the evil blob Parallax. So why let Sinestro try? It’s almost like they WANT to create another villain…either that or after a billion years dementia is finally setting in.

All in all, the movie was just okay, the effects and CGI were wonderful and I’m glad I got to see all of that on a big screen. I also appreciated an appearance by Amanda Waller, though as soon as she called Abin Sur the first alien they’d ever found I thought “Bitch please you know all about Superman!"

At times the film was interesting, like when addressing the power of will or fear etc, and also really pretty. At other times it was kind of tedious and disjointed. I’d recommend everyone aside from massive Green Lantern fans to wait for this to hit dvd, which I'm sure most of you have decided to do already anyway.


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Stars and Stripes vs. Camping Gear: Summer Movie Predictions

Now that I've covered Thor, let's take a look at two other huge superhero movies coming out this summer: Captain America: The First Avenger vs. Green Lantern. I'm going to make some predictions about these movies and we'll see how true they are when the films come out. My predictions are only based on the trailers as I haven't done any research into what the plots will be.

1. Hayley Atwell is going to kick Blake Lively's butt in the “Who's the Awesomer Superhero Girlfriend” category. Why? Because she shoots sh*t up in the trailer, and she's Hayley Atwell. Watch “The Duchess” and/or “The Pillars of the Earth” and you'll understand.

2. The Captain America film will be more interesting to me in terms of the framework of the story, because it takes place in the 40s. I am just DYING for someone to make a Superman movie set in 1938. Fedoras, typewriters, printing presses, telephone booths that are not obsolete...it would just be so awesome. Like a longer more complex Max Fleischer cartoon, but I digress. Green Lantern, on the other hand, is very outer space centric. Which it has to be since the Lantern Corps is basically the police force of the universe. But I'm not a massive fan of superheros dealing in outer space, I'd rather leave that domain to Luke Skywalker, Captain Adama, Prosty and Mal, and of course Ruby Rhod.

3. Ryan Reynolds is hotter than Chris Evans. Captain America has some Benjamin Button's Sh*t going on, and it freaks me out. Also, both men have played superheroes in other films, but Evans was a main character in TWO Fantastic Four movies...so he's a cheater.

4. Green Lantern's powers are way cool, and I can't wait to see them in use. I also can't wait to see Sinestro. Captain America? I don't know who his villains are aside from probably the Nazis.

In conclusion, I think Green Lantern might be a more commercial been-there-done-that superhero movie than Captain America, which has the potential to be really interesting considering the setting, but I'd still rather hang out with Hal Jordan.

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THOR! *smash*

Thor the comic book character isn't one I know a ton about, but I do like him as a hero. He was one of the last characters you could unlock in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 (don't ask me which system I played on because I don't remember) and when you did no one stood a chance. He's a GOD! And he may have an old school costume and a hammer, but man can he f*ck sh*t up. That was perfectly shown in the movie. Mjolnir (the hammer) allows him all kinds of cool abilities. Flying, thunder bolts, beating people's faces off, it was great! Of course, the hammer and Thor himself are from an actual myth. As I'm sure you know, Thor was worshiped as a Norse god way back in the day, and Thursday is named after him: Thor's Day. For better or for worse I think that made this film feel less like a superhero movie and more like a fantasy film. That didn't bother me, but it was unexpected.

Thor was a really fun movie, and was the perfect type of film to prepare everyone for the barrage of big blockbusters coming up this summer. The film did a great job making Asgard and the Bifrost and all the rest of it not seem cheesy. I thought Chris Hemsworth's portrayal of Thor was excellent, a LOT better than I thought it might be when I heard about his casting. Thor is portrayed here as a hero of extremes, either he's angry and in a fightin' mood, or he's jolly and in a fightin' mood. In both cases I thought he was really entertaining. In jolly mode he kind of makes me think of a young and buff Santa Claus. My only problem with Thor is that he waxes his chest...he looks amazing, but it doesn't really fit with his rough Viking persona OR his beard.

I only had a few issues with this film, but they are enough to mean I probably won't buy the DVD, except maybe as a gift for my dad. I thought the editing was not great. There were a ton of abrupt scene changes and odd transitions, usually when going from New Mexico to the Asgard storyline. I also thought the editing and/or writing was uneven in that the film began with a decent length intro, then a long sequence in Asgard, but as the film went on the story jumped back and forth between earth and Asgard a lot quicker. There were maybe two minutes in the car with Thor and Jane and then the film would jump back into space. They should have kept going with the longer segments, I think it would have made the love story better. I didn't dislike the love story, I liked Natalie's Jane and she and Thor were sweet, but I really didn't give two rat poos if they got together or not.

My other main issue with the film was the huge amount of supporting characters. Thor is an origin movie, and it had about 14 other characters, with names and lines and all the rest of it. This means that less time is actually spent with Thor, the main character, and that's no good. Look at Superman, Spiderman, and Batman Begins. All very good movies and all successful origin movies. They all have only about 8 characters you actually need to remember: hero, villain, love interest, and a few supporting characters. For some reason the writers of Thor wanted to include the Warrior's Three, plus Sif, plus Thor's mother, plus give Jane two assistants. (I'd actually be vehemently defending giving Jane two assistants had Darcy been played by Aubrey Plaza, and I like Skarsgard because he's the only Scandinavian in a movie dealing with Norse mythology.) Plus there were three villains: S.H.I.E.L.D, Loki, and the Jotunheim frost giants (In Norse mythology Jotunheim is also home to rock giants) It was just way too crowded for an origin story. I would have liked more Thor.

My request for the sequel, drop Thor into a huge metropolitan center, in his outfit WITH the helmet, and let him beat the crap out of stuff here on earth.

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