ALCATRAZ 1.04: 'Cal Sweeney'

After last week's episode received the lowest score I have ever given an episode of anything, this week's was bound to at least do one point better. It is safe to say that it does.

It opens up with a bank robbery by time-traveling Sweeney, who injects some sleepy-time shit into the girl he is apparently having sexual relations with (been there, done that) and then murders some tosser who happens to walk in on the crime scene before Sweeney Todd can bail.

We are then treated to the predictable flashback to Sweeney's time in Alcatraz. Followed by a return to the current timeline where Hurley and blondie try to solve the crime.

Sweeney goes around as some insurance investigator talking to the hapless victim from whom he stole. Then tortures the tits off him, followed by another flashback that maybe has some significance. Hurley and cop chick find the dead dude and investigate some more. Sweeney has another flashback, this time we get to see some familiar faces and get more background information. Seems like there may have been some memory replacement research going on at Alcatraz. Maybe we'll find out in 10 episodes.

Sweeney goes to rob another bank vault but this time he messes with a redhead who fights back and hits the shit-we-be-robbed alarm. The Sweenster takes the entire bank hostage. Back in his flashback world, he gets stabbed by a pen to the leg.

In present-day world, boobies goes crawling through the ventilation shaft and drops into the bank where she tells Sweeney that she's there to break him out. Riveting.

Bangbang. SWAT. Oldest trick in the book. Cop-in-panties and bad guy escape in a cop car with Hurley and shitty-American-accent dude tailing.

Flashback to one of those interesting LOST type moments where I forget for a few minutes that I am watching a fuckin' boring show. It involves an empty box and a double-cross and it is actually kind of compelling. Flash to present and we're kind of getting a feel for some worthwhile pieces of a puzzle being introduced, as our escapee seems to reveal he is stealing without knowing exactly why. Cop-face then pulls an Ellie Bartowski and crashes the car, knocking out her kidnapper.

Badabing badaboom they put Sweeney away. We get a scene of what is going on behind the scenes of this FBI investigation and my interest level elevates. Then we get a closing scene that reveals a bit more about what was going on at Alcatraz and I'm definitely curious.

If I had to rate this one, and I really don't, I'd give it:

82 out of 100

Well, it was better than last week's but I think maybe the previous episode turned me off a bit to the show. Though, the suggestion that the writers may actually have a point to all this does somewhat intrigue me enough to maybe keep watching. Perhaps if the show gets more interesting, I will make more of an effort reviewing it. What did you think?

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ALCATRAZ 1.03: 'Kit Nelson'

You know what's a good way to make me not want to watch a show?

Do a story about a dude who likes to kill kids.

I don't even like watching LAW & ORDER: SVU because I find sex crimes story lines to be super creepy. But killing kids ranks even higher on the list of things I don't find entertaining. I'm weird like that.

So, this show decided to do one of those child murderer story lines because the sick fucks who watch CBS or DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES or DANCING WITH THE STARS or whateverthefuck is popular these days, love this shit. Because you are all sick fucks who should be in prison.

Anyway, so Hurley is in it. And the cute blond along with her tucked away ample bosom (prominently on display last week). And Sam Wise's shitty American accent. And some bullshit plotting where Hurley ends up in a diner with the kidnapper and his victim... and the blond doesn't even call SWAT. Oh and there is a flashback sequence between Kit and his father that is more overacted than a Spanish channel soap opera. Actually, the whole episode is full of overacting and horrendous writing. Which means it should get several Golden Globe nominations.

When this show is cancelled, "Kit Nelson" should replace the phrase "jumped the shark."

If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:

-15 out of 100

Hurley. Blond. Everything else was a pointless waste of my fuckin' time.

Remember when I said I would stick with this show? I am rethinking that. Unless the writers decide to do a will-they-won-they between Hurley and blond chick. Not that I give a shit if they end up together, I just think it would be insanely cool to make her fall for a big cute fat dude.

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ALCATRAZ - Why I'll Keep Watching

FOX premiered this brand new show by putting out two full episodes on Monday night. Since CHUCK was pulled from Mondays, there has been little to look forward to on that night. Sure, I still check in with HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, and I DVR CASTLE and the History Channel shows, but none of it is appointment television.

In fact, other than CHUCK, I haven't had anything around I would consider "appointment television" since LOST and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA ended.

Well, now there is ALCATRAZ and it may end up as my new obsession even though the first two episodes aren't perfect.

I am not going to write a point by point review, just give my reasons for continuing to watch.

1. Jorge Garcia is in it. I love him. I will watch anything he is in.

2. The blond chick who plays the cop is cute. I don't need much more than that. IMDB says her name is Sarah Jones. It also says her character's name is Rebecca Madsen. I didn't really notice her name. I was lost in her purty blue eyes. She's also the kind of cute that I think I could get. Not in a wildly delusional way either. I could totally get that girl to date me... I mean, if I was better looking, in better shape, and had a lot more money.

3. It's got that music they used on LOST in it. It's like when a girl you just met is wearing the same perfume as another girl you were crazy about at some point used to (like pancake or beer scent) but she either broke up with you or she moved away. All I need is the sound or smell of something I loved and I'm hooked.

4. It's like a mystery! Oooh! What's happening? Why are these dudes coming back? What do the numbers mean and what's the smoke monster?!

Story wise, I'm not really sure how good it is compared to something like LOST. I didn't start with LOST from episode 1 of season 1 and I can't even imagine what it was like to experience that show from that first night. It is possible some people were hooked immediately while others took some time to get into it. Granted, these first two episodes don't feel like they are in any way, shape, or form on the same level as the first two of LOST. But they don't need to be and the show can certainly grow into some epic monster down the line.

Well, those are the positives. Here are some negatives.

1. Sam Neill is in it. More specifically, his horrendous marble-mouthed American accent. It is in the top 10 of the worst American accents currently being utilized on television. When an American says the number 19 he says nine-teen. Both words are sounded out in full. Even when using the heaviest souther drawl, you will still hear the T sound. But when Neill says it, it sounds like there is a D there. Why? No clue. No one says it like he says it. "Ny-deen". What the fuck language is that?

2. A cop is shot in the chest and blood spurts out of him as if a) he's not wearing the bullet proof vest all cops are required to wear and b) as if blood spurts out of people like that when they are shot. But then the second point is more of an issue with Hollywood in general. When someone is shot, the bullet pushes material IN not OUT. Just make it puffs of smoke. Stop being stupid!

3. The episode is full of continuity errors. I'd list them all but that would be an article in itself. Most people won't notice them.

4. The plot lines up too conveniently, especially in the first episode.

Otherwise, I'm hooked in even if not blown away. How about you?

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Watch or Skip? Next Season in Geek Pilots

Writer: MediaSavant

It took me a while, but I’ve seen most of the geek-oriented pilots for the next broadcast season. When it comes to watching shows in the sci-fi or fantasy genres, I usually try to give them all a chance. Unless it really turns me off, I also try to watch more than one episode because sometimes these kinds of shows don’t their real legs until halfway through the first season.

But, those are best intentions. Limited time and competition from returning series favorites often leads me to having to prioritize and not get around to watching everything.

I’m not a reviewer and I can only give my general reactions to the pilots I’ve seen. I decided to estimate the probability I’ll actually watch the 2nd episode of any of these shows.

Awake (NBC mid-season)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—100%

Very different. It’s about a guy who survived a car accident and is living in two realities. In one, his wife died, but his son survived. In the other, his son died, but his wife survived. This is very psychological, but I found myself very intrigued by the dilemma he’s in.

Alcatraz (Fox mid-season)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—100%

Cast includes Lost’s Jorge Garcia and comes from the JJ Abrams company. It isn’t perfect, but I’m interested in the mystery they’ve set up regarding why a group of prisoners disappeared from Alcatraz and why they are coming back.

The River (ABC mid-season)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—95%

This one comes from the same team that did Paranormal Activity. It uses a documentary filming technique and is scary at times. It concerns a group of filmmakers and a family looking for a missing explorer somewhere in South America. I wonder if is sustainable as a series. But, I’ll probably watch the next few episodes.

Grimm (NBC)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—50%

At this point, my interest in the new series drops. The premise of this series is that all the Grimm Fairy Tales were real and a modern cop discovers his legacy is to battle various baddies. The pilot was merely okay. It struck me as something the Syfy Channel might do. It will be up against Fringe. The casting of the lead isn’t that great.

Person of Interest (CBS)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—40%

This is the other JJ Abrams' show with a former Lost actor (Michael Emerson). The reason this one lost my interest is that it also stars Jim Caviezel, who I find very low on charisma. The fancy set-up about a machine that spies on everyone and spits out social security numbers of people who may be in trouble only leads us to what will be really another CBS procedural.

Ringer (CW)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—37%

The only reason I’ve listed this here is that it stars Sarah Michele Gellar and is generating some interest for their panel at San Diego Comic-con. It’s not really science fiction or fantasy. SMG plays twins. One twin takes over the other twin’s life after that twin's death so that she can run away from the mob (or something). SMG is miscast in both roles. I found the techniques used to get them in the same scenes together distracting. I only MAY watch the 2nd episode just to see if it gets any better.

Once Upon a Time (ABC)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—35%

What’s with the fascination with Fairy Tales this year? It’s similar to Grimm in that the main character is also in law enforcement (loosely) and discovers they are someone they didn’t know they were. I just didn’t get into it much.

The Secret Circle (CW)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—0%

Teenage witches based on books by the same author as Vampire Diaries. If you watch Vampire Diaries, you may like this. I don’t watch Vampire Diaries.

A Gifted Man
Chance of watching 2nd episode—0%

A gifted man played by an actor who specializes in playing good-looking bland people (Patrick Wilson). I got very distracted watching it. It’s on at 8PM ET Friday. Watch Chuck instead.

Terra Nova (Fox)
Chance of watching 2nd episode—TBD

The only genre pilot I didn’t receive. They are showing it at Comic-con. I’ll try to see it there.

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Ad Agencies Predict next season's ratings

Writer: MediaSavant

The June 27th, 2011 issue of Advertising Age had a chart of predictions of Household ratings for next season on the major broadcast networks.

The predictions reflect C3 ratings and were averaged from submissions by media agencies—these are agencies that plan and buy media campaigns for advertisers. A “C3” rating is the rating that programs get during commercial minutes within three days of airing. C3 ratings are the currency on which advertising costs are based. They are most similar in size to Live + SD ratings, but rarely exactly the same.

You might be interested in how several geek shows fared in these predictions.

Person of Interest: 7.09
Castle: 5.55
Glee: 4.39 (included because they are at SDCC next week)
Terra Nova: 4.11
A Gifted Man: 3.83
Alcatraz: 3.75
Family Guy: 3.73
The River (mid-season): 3.30
Grimm: 2.30
Awake (mid-season): 2.2
Fringe: 2.16
Community: 1.97
Chuck: 1.97
Vampire Diaries: 1.27
Supernatural: 1.11
The Secret Circle: 1.05
Nikita: 1.01
Ringer 0.76 (included because its Sarah Michele Gellar and at SDCC)

It should be noted that because these are household ratings, shows that tend to have older audiences usually do very well.

Chuck fans may wonder how the predicted 1.97 for Friday at 8PM compares to Monday last season. It’s quite a drop. Chuck’s season 4 finale episode scored a 2.6 Live + SD household rating. Chuck’s replacement on Monday—The Sing-Off—is predicted to get a 3.4, which is higher than Chuck got last 4th quarter (3.2 average).

The “Person of Interest” prediction appears to be quite high to me. I’ve seen that pilot and wasn’t that enamored with it. I’m just not a Jim Caviezel fan. But, CBS claims it “tested well” and it gets CSI’s old timeslot. Everything else in the timeslot skews younger. So, maybe it will do well with the older folk.

If there are any other questions about what’s listed here, please comment below.

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