In this show's mid-season finale, Cartman has decided to let a special someone know exactly how he feels.
Plot
When a new girl, Nicole, arrives at the school and joins the cheerleading squad, the boys are all very excited. And being that she is black, Cartman is especially excited since this means he can torment Token with suggestions of a love tryst since, in his racist mind, their shared race is an automatic match.
During one early sequence, as Cartman annoys Token, we hear Mr. Garrison giving the kids a history lesson that is mostly a discussion of the complexities of GAME OF THRONES. This made me chuckle at first but then I became really worried he was going to spoil something this season, or in later books. Thankfully, that didn't happen but it reminds us that this nutjob is a horrible teacher who is allowed to shape the minds of impressionable children.
Cartman decides to instigate the relationship himself by telling some of the girls that Token has a crush on Nicole. But when Nicole admits she has a crush on Kyle, Cartman is (geek?) furious. So he does the most logical thing and tells Nicole that Kyle and him are lovers. He then orchestrates a plan that puts Nicole and Token together just as Kyle reveals his interest in her.
We then get a musical montage about love as performed by Cartman and his imaginary love angel, Cupid Cartman. It is kind of strange to see the little fat dude so interested in a romantic pairing. You'd almost think he, dare I say, cares about them. But only the uninitiated could possibly believe in such nonsense. Cartman is at best pure evil.
When Kyle confronts Cartman about his lies and his racist ways, we also discover that Cartman has done this before. This sicko is pairing people together by race like some tiny whale Hitler! And at dinner, Nicole's father worries about her dating the one black kid in the school and suggests should expand her options, an interesting bit of bigotry in its own right... err, wrong.
When Nicole discovers a disturbing message on the collar of a stuffed animal Token has seemingly given her ("To My Boo, 'Cuz Blacks Belong Together"), she ends things with him. When Cartman finds out, he's an emotional wreck, and beats Cupid Cartman with a baseball bat. But he soon revives his other half when he's inspired to reignite the fire in his racist-formed relationship. By that point, Kyle has already asked Nicole out and the two go to a NBA game, one that Token is also attending.
Cartman interrupts the game on the big megatron to give a message of love and hope and is so hellbent on putting Nicole and Token back together that he asks a horrified and angry Kyle to go back out with him. As the arena crowd cheers them on, Kyle tells Nicole the truth. She and Token then discuss their racist ways and decide to stay together even though everyone will think they are together because they are black.
Cartman is in racist heaven having masterminded this pairing, until Cupid Cartman reveals who he thinks is Cartman's perfect match: the fattest most gross looking girl in the history of mankind.
Quotables
Mr. Garrison: Token, is there a problem?
Cartman: Ahh, he's just a little sick, Mr. Garrison. He's got boneritis.
Cartman: The thing is, me and Kyle are kind of, you know, together.
Nicole: Ohhh.
Cartman: Yeah, he's my man.
Cartman: Just stay away from my man, bitch.
Cartman: Love is like taking a dump, Butters. Sometimes it works itself out. But sometimes (pause) you gotta give it a nice hard slimy push.
Kyle: Just because two people are the same race doesn't mean they belong together, you fat racist piece of shit!
Kyle: You are going to tell everyone that you lied and that we aren't a couple!
Cartman: Why, Kyle? So you can try to ruin things for Token and Nicole? Look at how happy they are! (pause for a shot of the happy couple together) Is it that you want to ruin that, or are you just homophobic?
Kyle: God dammit!
Nicole's Mother: Here, have some more turkey.
Nicole's Father: Yeah, just try the white meat. I know it's a little dry, but there's a lot more of it.
Cartman: (beating Cupid Cartman) Take your sunshine and fuckin' die!
Kyle: That fat turd up there is the one who set up you and Token 'cuz he thinks blacks belong together!
Rating
If I had to rate this episode, and Cartman's future lovechild says I do, then I'd give it:
84 out of 100
Philosophical about the notion of racism, bigotry, perception, and whether a deed brought on by evil can still have beneficial results. I don't know if Trey Parker and Matt Stone intended for this to be a commentary on eugenics experiments, but one could definitely read such things into this episode. Or am I injecting more genius into this one than intended? That's always possible. It could just be an episode about Cartman putting the two right people together.... via racism.
That's a mindfuck!
I enjoyed the episode but didn't feel like it went above and beyond the expectations of the small minded fuckbag types who likely hated last week's counterculture episode. So, I am sure the average viewer will love the shit out of this one, hence why I must lower its overall grade. Fuckin' poseurs.
Sadly, there were no references to Stan jacking it in San Diego, so this review will not receive as many hits as the last two.
