NEW GIRL 1.10 - 'The Story of the 50'

NEW GIRL is back and Schmidt has his 29th birthday! And it's an adventure.

I really think this show just needs to do party episodes because those seem to be the most fun. Wedding, Thanksgiving, and birthday have all been really good to great.

"The Story of the 50" starts with the roommates talking about Schmidt putting $50 in the "douchebag jar" for which he seems to be the main, if not the only, donator. Schmidt is such a douchebag that we are shown several of his indiscretions. The roommates even discuss how he speaks a different language where he shortens common words down to some douchebag colloquialism.

We also see that Nick has a lawyer significant other who seems really cool, even as Nick tries to hide his friends from her. Though, she has her own secret that we discover later in the episode.

Meanwhile, Jess is trying to put together a special surprise party-bus birthday for Schmidt involving friends, Nick's bro juice, a stripper, and extra special douchebags. Things go well until Schmidt's super douchie douchebag friend, Benjamin, tries to hit on Jess and then shit talks the party-bus. When the boys confront him, Nick's lawyer-girl steps in to break the ruckus up, only to go all kung-fu crazy and start punching! The bus crashes and the party ends.

Later, as Jess and Schmidt chill like two bros talking about the party, Schmidt tries to sneak a kiss to Jess' uncomfortable horror. And that earns the douchebag jar $50. And while this write-up sure sounds boring as shit, the episode rules.

Fuck this noise and let's get to a couple of QUOTABLES!

Schmidt tries to explain his relationship with Benjamin to Jess.
Schmidt: Look, we have a very weird girl-style friendship where we kind of hate each other. We're bronemies. He's my friemesis.

When Jess decides to throw Schmidt a surprise birthday party, Nick doesn't think it is such a good idea.
Nick: Jess, Schmidt's world is different than ours. They speak a different language. They shorten every word to one syllable. Okay, he once called an oven an 'ovs.' He calls an airport 'airp.'
Winston: He called ketchup 'ketch.'
Nick: Last month he went to a party called 'Bros Before Hos on the Moon.' What does that even mean? And the dress code was yacht flair.

If I had to rate this one, I'd give it:

90 out of 100

Fun characters and dialogue. Nick's girly girl is cute and I want to see more of her. Seeing college Schmidt's flashback, when he was a fatty, was fun but I would have liked to have seen even more of it. Plus, it's just nice to have the show back doing new episodes.

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ALCATRAZ - Why I'll Keep Watching

FOX premiered this brand new show by putting out two full episodes on Monday night. Since CHUCK was pulled from Mondays, there has been little to look forward to on that night. Sure, I still check in with HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, and I DVR CASTLE and the History Channel shows, but none of it is appointment television.

In fact, other than CHUCK, I haven't had anything around I would consider "appointment television" since LOST and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA ended.

Well, now there is ALCATRAZ and it may end up as my new obsession even though the first two episodes aren't perfect.

I am not going to write a point by point review, just give my reasons for continuing to watch.

1. Jorge Garcia is in it. I love him. I will watch anything he is in.

2. The blond chick who plays the cop is cute. I don't need much more than that. IMDB says her name is Sarah Jones. It also says her character's name is Rebecca Madsen. I didn't really notice her name. I was lost in her purty blue eyes. She's also the kind of cute that I think I could get. Not in a wildly delusional way either. I could totally get that girl to date me... I mean, if I was better looking, in better shape, and had a lot more money.

3. It's got that music they used on LOST in it. It's like when a girl you just met is wearing the same perfume as another girl you were crazy about at some point used to (like pancake or beer scent) but she either broke up with you or she moved away. All I need is the sound or smell of something I loved and I'm hooked.

4. It's like a mystery! Oooh! What's happening? Why are these dudes coming back? What do the numbers mean and what's the smoke monster?!

Story wise, I'm not really sure how good it is compared to something like LOST. I didn't start with LOST from episode 1 of season 1 and I can't even imagine what it was like to experience that show from that first night. It is possible some people were hooked immediately while others took some time to get into it. Granted, these first two episodes don't feel like they are in any way, shape, or form on the same level as the first two of LOST. But they don't need to be and the show can certainly grow into some epic monster down the line.

Well, those are the positives. Here are some negatives.

1. Sam Neill is in it. More specifically, his horrendous marble-mouthed American accent. It is in the top 10 of the worst American accents currently being utilized on television. When an American says the number 19 he says nine-teen. Both words are sounded out in full. Even when using the heaviest souther drawl, you will still hear the T sound. But when Neill says it, it sounds like there is a D there. Why? No clue. No one says it like he says it. "Ny-deen". What the fuck language is that?

2. A cop is shot in the chest and blood spurts out of him as if a) he's not wearing the bullet proof vest all cops are required to wear and b) as if blood spurts out of people like that when they are shot. But then the second point is more of an issue with Hollywood in general. When someone is shot, the bullet pushes material IN not OUT. Just make it puffs of smoke. Stop being stupid!

3. The episode is full of continuity errors. I'd list them all but that would be an article in itself. Most people won't notice them.

4. The plot lines up too conveniently, especially in the first episode.

Otherwise, I'm hooked in even if not blown away. How about you?

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21-Days of CHUCK! Day 12: The Beard Will Die for You

The bravest character on the show has to be Morgan Grimes.

Even before he joined the spy game, Morgan was known to do some ridiculously stupid things. He reacts, rarely ever planning anything out. His impulsive nature also means he doesn't think much about insulting the wrong person (how many times did Casey nearly kill him?), or putting his foot squarely in his mouth.

He has short-person's syndrome, where he overcompensates for his height by wanting to do big-boy things. So he tends to aim big, lose big. What girl does he fall in love with at a young age? The super hot, super smart, destined to marry someone awesome Ellie Bartowski. Morgan has no chance but it doesn't matter. He dreams large. In his delusional mind, he just needs the perfect hook to get the gorgeous girl. His size, looks, intellect, or disposition be damned. Given the perfect circumstance, Morgan Grimes is a super model athlete.

And that mentality was nearly fine when the greatest harm he could do was injure his thumbs playing Call of Duty, or a black eye from hiding underneath Ellie's bed. Once he entered the spy game, Morgan Grimes became a much greater danger to himself.

Even before he knew that his bestest pal in the world, Chuck, was a spy, the second Grimes was aware of a spy operation at the Buy More, he volunteered himself to put a stop to it. That's insane! What innate skills did he have to pull that off? None. What training? Outside of video games, none to speak of and yet he went into it without a second thought.

It makes sense, though. Morgan doesn't possess much of a filter for his limitations. So he made for a very brave, if perhaps incapable, spy. He would put his life in danger for his friends, or for his country, without much consideration for his life. Because Morgan cares more about impressing those he respects, or keeping those he loves safe, than about surviving the next three seconds.

Morgan Grimes will die for you. Even if you won't die for him. Were he taller, or stronger, or more capable, he would be a super soldier. And for a brief period of time, he is one. During the time he is the Intersect, Morgan is probably at his happiest. All of his dreams become reality and he is able to do all things and be all things his dreaming mind told him he was anyway. One could even argue that douchie Intersect Morgan, when his brain is corrupted by a virus, is what Morgan would be like if not for all of his limitations.

His brain is massive. His size is small. He'd probably turn evil, if he'd grown to be tall.

Lucky for Chuck, Casey, Sarah, and his loved ones, Morgan turned out little, loyal, brave, and the guy you want around when you need someone to do something totally stupid to save the day.

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21-Days of CHUCK! Day 11: Chuck's Functional Family

It may sound strange to call the Bartowski's a functional family, what with both Mama and Papa B running out on their kids, but there exists both a solid foundation and a heavy dose of love between Chuck, Ellie, and their parents. Not to mention their supportive secondary family members.

As we see in flashbacks, at some point Chuck and Ellie had healthy relationships with their parents. They were read stories by mom and dad seemed to have well meaning and thought provoking conversations with his kids. There was apparently pancake time that held some significance (both good and bad).

Problem for the kids was that mom and dad were secretly in the spy game. And eventually mom had to leave to go on an extended deep undercover mission (yes, it is ridiculous but at least it didn't violate canon). Dad stuck around for a bit until he too disappeared while on a pancake run (see? I told you it could go bad).

As we would find out later, both parents abandoned their children in order to protect them. At least they had each other. Ellie became more of a mother to Chuck and the two remained close until the end.

Morgan, with his own personal and perhaps family issues, latched onto Chuck when they were boys and they became fast friends. They two would become as close as brothers and either would give his life for the other.

Ellie would meet her future husband, Devon aka Captain Awesome, in a supply closet in med school and bang him so hard that he would never leave her side (until the writers needed a subplot where we found out they broke up or something at some point, like it matters).

Captain Awesome would become something of a big brother to Chuck, at least until he found out about his spy life, when the two would essentially flip roles.

Eventually, Chuck would find his dad, then his mom (after dad was killed by the evil Daniel Shaw) and find some kind of closure with respect to the wounds of his childhood. But even with the abandonment by his parents, Chuck always had a solid, functional family around him. It made him the man he would later become and defined how he utilized the powers he would eventually be given (or did he take them?).

In the previous article, I talked about how Sarah had a dysfunctional family and how that drove her into Chuck's world. Perhaps part of Chuck's attraction to her, outside of the fact the she is a smokin' hottie, is that he sensed her need for someone like him. Be it subconscious or something he was aware of, the two had a seemingly instant connection.

She needed his stability and dedication to family.

And he needed to be there for someone who needed him.

A perfect combination forged by the actions and sometimes misdeeds of those who loved them.

What say you, fans? Comment below or I shoot the penguin.

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