So CHUCK returned last night for its 5th and final season, and based on the horrendous ratings it got (1.0 in the all important 18-49 demo), the first of the LAST THIRTEEN EPISODES EVER!
But you are not here to read what I think about its future prospects (the show is done), but instead what I thought of the episode (seriously, it is over, enjoy the next 12 because there is no chance in hell there will be more). Oh and if you are not an adult, or a cool kid, don't read past this point because I am going to use language that will make Baby Jesus cry.
Let's start off with what I didn't think worked:
1. Morgan's opening fight sequence. The fuckin' stunt man is like 12 fuckyfeet taller than Josh Gomez! Plus, his profile is... thinner, or something. Oh, and the hair wasn't even correct. Whattheshit? Perhaps they should have just put the camera on the rest of Team B and toss in some noises of Morgan fighting, then turn the camera back to him to show that he had defeated his opponents. Because that would have worked better. It would have still been dumb as pudding-pie, but an improvement over what was delivered.
2. Morgan and Sarah's dance. Oh yes, it was funny because of the height difference but the scene wasn't played for direct laughs, instead it was used to showcase some incestuous feeling (after all, Morgan should always treat Sarah like his deadly assassin sister) cool-dance by the Intersect. But Morgan as the Intersect should be played for laughs, or tragedy (ruhroh), not for cool. The writers should have looked at what Morgan was like without the Intersect (crazy, suicidal brave) and added abilities. BUT HE SHOULD STILL BE A MASSIVE GOOF.
3. The near-ending scene with Chuck and Sarah and the house... while the discussion between them was only BURN NOTICE level cheesy (holy shit that show is fuckin' cheesy), the setup was ridiculous. So, if Chuck had only bought this dream house 20-seconds sooner! But now they are out of money so he has to make enough to buy it for her! You see, the dream house will still be there months from now because no one wants that piece of shit, plus it is on the Warner Brothers lot so that works out perfectly for Chuck.... for when he can finally buy it for his dearest love. Awwwwwww. Lame.
4. Decker. Still stupid. After months off, the writers didn't make this interesting in the least. Everything he says feels like the writers are trying to figure out what it will all mean in 4 or 10 episodes. His dialogue reminds me of when someone is making up a lie in front of you and struggling through it. It feels unnatural. You know something is wrong. But they keep talking even as you look at them cross-eyed and then STAB THEM IN THE FUCKIN' FACE!
What did I like? Pretty much everything else.
1. Usually season openers have actors trying to find their character again but everyone felt natural.
2. Character interactions in one-on-one scenes were actually really solid. Chuck and Morgan? Great. Chuck and Sarah? Very good. Chuck and Ellie? Best scene of the episode.
3. The Buy More, though not in much of the episode, was very lively and fun. Jeff and Lester up to their silly tricks and Chuck, the secret owner, and Morgan having to stop the madness. I realize some assholes who should die don't like the Buy More, but they are assholes and should die.
4. While the T.I.T.S. acronym thing was much funnier initially, before we saw it written out, Sarah's reaction to seeing it was killer. I love when she is annoyed, especially by Morgan. And that is part of the problem with the dancing scene between her and Morgan... they work best when he is intimidated by her, not when he is impressing her.
5. Chuck not having the Intersect 2.0 abilities was AWESOME! Sure, him being able to kick ass and shit was fun for two seasons, but the show has so much more personality when he is a danger to himself. Plus, it was a nice touch to have him lose the gun because his hands were slippery, as opposed to him just being incapable of handling a gun... you know, since he was very handy with a tranq gun PRIOR to the Intersect 2.0.
6. Chuck the man with the master plan is a big part of what made season 2 so great. And they utilized that well in this episode. From him briefing the team, to him recording the escape plan in the van, to him actually escaping... I loved it all.
7. Morgan coming to save the day in the opening sequence was very funny... up until his fight sequence.
8. Casey's handling of the client early in the episode. Classic pre-feelings Casey. Baldwin may have even pulled out a little Jayne in one of the scenes. I had FIREFLY flashbacks.
9. Morgan and Sarah had the spy high-five last season... this season, a spy whateverthatis. Made me laugh.
10. And finally, some fun dialogue:
Casey isn't happy about the client, dismissing him as an "ambulance chaser" but Sarah tries to sway him that the target is worth going after.
Sarah: Casey, Bale is worth infiltrating anyway, looks like he's stolen money from teacher's unions, families.
Casey is dismissive and unimpressed.
Client: He stole $2 million from Rush Limbaugh.
Casey's entire demeanor changes as he spins around.
Casey: Tell me EVERYTHING you know about this ANIMAL!
Ellie: The computer didn't make you a hero. It just gave you the opportunity to become one.
When Chuck tells the team he is going to play squash with the mark, everyone looks worried.
Chuck: Whaaat? What what what? What's the problem? What's up?
Casey: You're gonna play? Do you actually play any non-video game sports?
When Morgan meets the mark he introduces himself, still using his ridiculous cover name.
Morgan: I'm Michael Carmichael, of Michael Carmichael Industries, subsidiary of Michael.
Bale: That sounds like big money.
Morgan: Mmmmm, you have no idea. You know, if I was standing on my wallet, I'd be tall.
Sarah suspects Chuck is keeping a secret and confronts him about it in Castle. Chuck is evasive and refuses to give anything up.
Sarah: Casey and I are going to scout Bale's corporate headquarters so we'll talk about this later.
Chuck: Can't this be that one-time conversation? (deadly look from Sarah)
Morgan and Chuck see Jeff rolling around in a wheelchair looking crippled. Lester tells them how it happened.
Lester: He was trampled by a stampede of middle-aged secretaries for the midnight release of the talking Justin Bieber doll. His legs were crushed. He may never walk again.
As Chuck and Morgan observe Jeff scamming money for his disability out of unsuspecting customers, they are convinced something is afoot. Jeff rolls up to a customer.
Jeff: Please, help. I'm on Buy More insurance right now.
Chuck and Morgan are hunched over watching from a distance.
Chuck: The audacity! As the secret owner of this establishment I happen to know we have excellent insurance.
When Jeff idiotically exposes his own fraud, Lester comes over to see his friend standing up, looking fine, with Chuck and Morgan nearby.
Lester: It's a miracle! This is because of your donations!
This moment was a particular favorite since it reminded me of all the bullshitting that fans do, patting themselves on the back for "saving" shows by doing some useless thing they think important, that no network decision maker ever actually notices, or if they do, thinks remotely important.
So, you guys made the show walk, with your tweets! (that's sarcasm, mind you)
If I were to rate this episode, I would give it:
89 out of 100
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