29 July, 2011

Wilfred - Conscience


Writer: Head Geek Furious

The greatest show of all time is on the little cable network FX (in the states). It is based on an Australian show of the same name, about a guy who sees a dog named Wilfred as a man in a dog suit. The Australian version is a bit different from the American version but the premise is very much the same and the dog is played by the same actor (writer and show creator Jason Gann). The lead in the American version is hotly played by Elijah Wood.

WILFRED is a show I have wanted to write about since it started a few weeks ago but wasn't inspired until episode 1.06. I don't like to write episode reviews so instead I am going to note my favorite lines of dialogue from the episode. If that doesn't get you to watch, nothing will. All quotes come from the character Wilfred:


"Oh I get it. Because I'm a dog, right? I can only imagine what you'd say if I was black."
"Your death... will be... my holiday."
"Back to back to back to back to back orgasms, that's what's wrong."
"Put your legs up. Put your legs up, please. Oh come on bear, work with me here. BAH. What's the use. You see what Drew does to me, Ryan? I'm so emasculated I can't even raise a fence post with stupid ol' bear."
"But Drew sex punching Jenna for hours on end? You're ok with that?"
"Alright, here's what I'm thinking. We wait until Drew is asleep and then we put his hand in warm water. Then, just when he starts to pee himself, we take a rock and crush his skull."
"So chemistry, baking, and ping-pong. I guess my only question is: How were you not blowjob'd to death by the entire cheerleading squad?"
"I thought you said you were good. I've seen more aggressive ball playing in an airport men's room. Get your head in the game."
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go tear a new asshole in the back of bear's neck."
"After everything I did to you... I will never understand humans. This is the reason why we will ultimately defeat you."
"Hell, maybe you're onto something with all this conscience stuff. Maybe started to think I should stop doing that god awful stuff to your mouth-guard."