23 October, 2011

The Top 10 Most Insignificant Deaths in the Star Wars Saga

In every war, there are heroes, villans, unnamed soldiers and whole lotta canon fodder. We have heard stories of valor and evil, courage and ineptitude. But we hardly ever hear the stories of the flies on the windshield of war. You know those insignificant deaths that did nothing to alter the course of a battle, or turn the tide of war. The Star Wars Saga is no different. It is littered with countless insignificant demises from Imperials to Rebels, droids to aliens. Instead of ignoring them, let us regale them.

Here's the top ten most insignificant deaths in the Star Wars Saga.

#10. Ratts Tyerell (Phantom Menace) - Met his fiery fate during the pod race when his engines were too large to fit the confines of Laguna Cave and he crashed.

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme AAGH!

#9. Snowtroopers attacking the Falcon (Empire) - Cool looking outfits. Check. Impressive weapons. Check. Set up big-ass canon that looks like it can do serious damage. Check. Die seconds later before getting a chance to use it. Check. Poseurs.

We look sooo cool... crap, we're dead.

#8. Old Rebel Fleet Trooper (New Hope) One of the first Rebels we are "introduced" to. First shows up on the screen at around 3:30 minutes, anxiously awaiting the Imperials to breach the ship. The camera focus in on him a number of times. He must be someone important right. Nope. 25 seconds later he's dead.

I'm wearing a red shirt underneath.

#7. Imperial Officer on Level 5 Detention Block AA23 - (New Hope) - This bigot had the audacity to call Chewie a thing. Little did this racist knobjob know he'd be dead shortly thereafter. So much for not being notified of a prisoner transfer.

Had a fam who loved him.

#6. The Younglings (Revenge of the Sith) - Yes, they are Jedi kids. Yes, it is a horrible way to go. But, what did they actually do... except gasp and die? Don't tell me they found Kamino. THAT was a different Youngling class.

My, what a big blue blade you have.

#5. Gold Squadron (New Hope) - They tried to stay on target, but got taken from behind.

Never heard of the Top Gun brake maneuver.

#4. Dack Ralter (Empire) - Told Luke he felt like he could take on the whole Empire. I guess his idea of taking on the whole Empire was to lie unconscious in the back of snowspeeder waiting to get crushed by an AT-AT.

At least he had dialogue...

#3. The crew of the Executor (Jedi) - The flagship of the Imperial fleet. A crew of 300,000. 12 times the size of a regular Star Destroyer. Armed to the teeth. Essentially gets taken out by a kamikaze A-Wing to the bridge. Then proceeds to spectacularly crash into the second Death Star causing no damage. What it lacked in significance at least it made up in style.

Sir, we are arriving at deep penetration.

#2. All occupants of both Death Stars (New Hope and Jedi) - For all the nameless souls who died in vain. You will be forgotten. Not to mention it happened twice in three movies. Some Empires never learn.

Military contractors are not innocent!

#1. Lt. Jek Porkins (New Hope) - Didn't want to eject. Thought he could hold it... and the pickles on his Whopper. Dead.

How did he even fit in the cockpit?

Are there more insignificant deaths? Sure. I could point out tons of stormtroopers. battle droids, rebel troopers and pilots who met useless ends but these 10 are some of the more entertaining demises in the saga.

Give your opinion in the comments below. Anonymous posting IS enabled.


10 comments:

  1. Yes!!! Lol. The Executer. RIP. And Porkins. Dude. I knew it when you mentioned it on the phone. There can be no other.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I audibly laughed outloud seven times. The comment followed by the caption underneath the picture, a perfect one-two punch. Great stuff Greek Geek!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks AirFarce but I have to give credit to HGF for the picture captions. Glad you laughed outloud.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I AM THE TABLE!

    Oh, sorry... wrong article.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ooh.. Gold Squadron. why would you let the slow guys go first?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So that the faster guys could do the job of escorts (which apparently they failed at)?

      Delete
  6. Uh, Leia also called Chewie a "thing"... Why did they not kill her as well? :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Porkins and the old rebel geezer in the beginning in New Hope are the greatest

    ReplyDelete