In this week's Curb, we learn that NYC women are easy and that their relationships can be summed up with baseball metaphors. We also learn that there is a bow index (no relation to the BMI) and that Rosie O'Donnell can still hit a home run (remember A League Of Their Own?). But most importantly, Leon is back, and he's managed to fuck up the Prius, but it's OK, because "8 mother fuckers" can totally fit in there - hear that, Toyota?
1. We first run into LD at an art gallery opening (sooooooooo NY). However, instead of running into a Real Housewives of New York City cast member, he meets a charming woman named Jane Cohen (she's jewish, yay!) whom he hits it off with right away, meaning sarcasm and banter are involved. All seems to be honkey dory until he runs into Rosie O'Donnell who tells him she's met an amazing woman that made her feel things in places she thought had been dried up for years (that's what vaseline and sex toys are for babe). Slowly, LD and Rosie come to realize that they are talking about the same woman. What could have been a great opportunity for a ménage à trois just got complicated. Jane is a bisexual, and as Rosie so aptly puts it, "half the population isn't enough for them?" The two then dual for her affection and if you're me you can't help but think, OK they are famous and intelligent in their own right, but who the fuck would want to be in a position having to choose between Larry David and Rosie O'Donnell? It's like choosing between urining in a cup or having a tetanus shot. There are clearly hotter single comical celebrities to choose from.
2. LEON IS BACK IN THE MOTHER FUCKING PLACE, wife beater and doo-rag intact. There's not much more to say really except that he may have solved the war of the sexes by a baseball metaphor.
3. LD orders takeout from a japanese place for his date with Jane and the miso soup spills in the bag. It's no Fukushima, but Larry is annoyed and decides to go back to the restaurant to tell them about the mishap. Takeout places have two jobs to do according to Larry: get the order right and secure the food. The maître d' - flippant and dismissive, apologizes by saying "sorry" and bowing slowly and slightly. LD further learns that that bow is not an actual apology but a "shit bow" because a real bow is at a 90 degree angle in japanese culture (thank you japanese tourist in central park who speaks english fluently). LD goes back to the restaurant to tell the maître d' what the tourist had told him and tells him that he'll go online to see what the REAL apologetic bow is. Wikipedia has this to say : bows of apology tend to be deeper and last longer than other types of bow. They tend to occur with frequency during the apology, generally at about 45 degrees with the head lowered and lasting for at least the count of three, sometimes longer. The depth, frequency and duration of the bow increases with the sincerity of the apology and the severity of the offense. Well Larry, now you also have to be worried about frequency and duration. Thanks Curb for teaching me something I never really wanted to know.
4. LD runs into an acquaintance at the japanese place called Duckstein. The story is pretty simple: Duck wants to have lunch with Larry. Larry doesn't see the point because they aren't friends. Duck wants to be friends. Larry doesn't. This whole subplot wouldn't really have been all that interesting if it didn't solidify one of the "Curb" staples, which is LD taking an every day custom or social behavior and scrutinizing it for the total ludicracy of it.
5. LD wins over Jane by taking viagra and blowing her mind with his sexual prowess (take that Tony!). Jane then decides to dump Rosie (too bad RoRo, the gay cruise will be for the next chick). Jane takes LD to Cooperstown because straight women can also be into baseball, and asks him to bow when he steps on her shoe. LD, wishing to show off his newfound skills in the art of bowing, executes, dropping his little blue pill at the same time. LD, embarrassed, tells Jane : "everybody does it...I was just leveling out the playing field". I guess Rosie can start planning that cruise afterall .
Babydoll's by the way...
-Duckstein? Should we be looking into a jewish remake of Pretty in Pink?
-You can't compete against the Tony's? What about the Emmy's? The Oscars? I bet Jane also watches Glee and probably has a crush on both Sue Sylvester and Will Schuester.
- LD walking down Washington Square searching for viagra reminds me that men will fucking do anything to get laid.
- If only Susie had been in this episode so I can critique her outfit. Sigh.
Curb your political correctness...
-LD: "I was offended that I was invited".
-"Who the fuck is Tony?" (The Tiger? Hahahaha, OK that was fucking pathetic).
- Leon: "Bats and balls rule the fucking world. Gloves don't catch gloves".
- BEST LINE OF ALL TIME, RESERVED FOR PURE MOTHER FUCKING G'S : "I just had a croissant filled with mother fuckin' champagne'".