01 July, 2011

Why Justin Timberlake's MySpace Will Kill Facebook



Writer: Head Geek Furious

If you haven't been keeping track of the world of tech news, News Corp recently sold off their ownership in the former social networking giant MySpace. Reportedly purchased by News Corp for nearly $600 MILLION, the disgrace of a site was bought by Specific Media for $35 million, with musician/actor Justin Timberlake as a major player in the acquisition.

While pundits everywhere are blasting Timberlake for his investment in the often seen dying (or dead) MySpace, they are missing out on something far more important than trends, popularity, and account use/activity. Name recognition and overall brand equity.

I AM JUST KIDDING. Holy poopholes Batman, I bet I had you all going there for a second. This is an idiotic move by Timberlake and his looney venture capitalists. Why would anyone spend any amount of money to try to revive a brand that is a generational joke? This is like acquiring the Octomom's poonhole to make the next generation of super soldiers.

That sh*t is worn the f**k out! No one is sticking their hard earned membership into this diseased garbage dispenser again. It isn't the site, nor the technology, nor the available fun social networking adventures we might discover, it is the name.

MySpace.

Talk to us in 20-years when the kids being born now want to be whisked away into the nostalgia of yesteryear when mom and dad were dealing out mad free-love hookups via the site and freebasing antibiotics to rid themselves of syphilis.

We are done with it. You don't go from slut to princess to slut again. And you don't go back to fu**in' MySpace.

But if anyone has any great ideas for how to kill the whore machine that is Facebook, let me know. We haven't had a good superpower to take down since the Soviets. But that death dealing weapon is not going to be Timberlake's misguided effort. That sack of clownshoes needs to remember he is an ACTOR (who played in that social networking movie by a name I can't remember) and sometimes a musician, not actually the cocaine sniffing blowhard he played in that movie.

You know what sounds better than $35 million? $35 BILLION! Call me, Timby. I got an idea for bringing back Napster.

13 comments:

  1. You make some cool looking graphics. I have that Killing Pablo book and I did a double take.

    The article like everything you seem to write is both funny and insightful. Your Octomom analogy is spot on. MySpace is the worn out vagina of social networks.

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  2. Dude, you are on fire.

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  3. Haha, love this article! Loving this site so far, and especially loving the personality put into these posts. It shows a lot of dedication for what your presenting to you're readers, and that's awesome!

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  4. No bullshit, this is the best article about this I read. I never reread shit but I am on my third read. Who are you?

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  5. "Haha, love this article! Loving this site so far, and especially loving the personality put into these posts. It shows a lot of dedication for what your presenting to you're readers, and that's awesome!"

    QFT!

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  6. Thanks, Ryan. By the way, I totally agree with your assessment of WHITE COLLAR. I was going to write about it but I think you said it all. It is an amazingly well cast show with fun characters but I have to make myself watch it or I can easily skip it.

    Anyway, I am hijacking my own article.

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  7. I think about writing my own blog and then I read something like this realize I don't possess the creative skills to put together a sentence like 'when the kids being born now want to be whisked away into the nostalgia of yesteryear when mom and dad were dealing out mad free-love hookups via the site and freebasing antibiotics to rid themselves of syphilis.'

    Well done, sir. Well done.

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  8. Wow, thanks for checking out my blog! I've just gotten started, but I'm hoping some people will take notice of it. I linked both your sites as recommendations! Continue the great work...

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  9. I'm picturing an ad campaign with the jingle, "I'm Bringing MySpace Back," sung to the obvious tune. Wow, so that's what it's like to almost throw up in your mouth.

    $35 billion for Napster? Nah. Now Friendster, that's a whole other kettle of fish. I mean, it would make Sarah Walker happy, right?

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  10. Friendster? Why didn't I think of that?

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